Are there any successful LONGTERM marriages?

[chinelo 0]

What part of Mississippi are you in? I traveled there for work last year. You are right that it is not the best place for people to get out and socialize. I wish you were in a place that was more populated with Africans. There usually tends to be a community based program or church that has a majority of Africans. Even in cold ars Maine.

Again, my post is directed at women here possibly are being targeted for the green card. There always is that fine line of adjustment and resentment for expenses. I would be having a totally different discussion if the SO was already here in America. I admire your commitment to your family.

You are in great hands on this website. Your opinion is appreciated and valued here.

you associate lagos with every part of the country which wont work because lagos is a commercial area where if you dont work, you starve. and ofcourse you also know that you are free to live with your parents until you get married though presently so many women are striving for independence. i lived in a small town in abia state where jobs are quite limited. but i was not totally idle, i was working with my dad until he passed away but the job i could do with my eyes closed so i still had a lot of time on my hands to go online. there are four ways you could get a good job in nigeria, sheer luck of been in the right place at the right time, been retained where you did your youth service, having connections in the right place and sleeping your way in. if your brother & sister in laws both have jobs ofcourse everyone of there friends would have jobs. did you see a job vacancy anywhere that was not filled. how many people did u see on the road selling recharge cards, (i think more than the people buying the cards) people want to work but there are no jobs. i see degree holders making $100 a month just so they can eat.i am going to assume you are not a nigerian or else you would not have asked me about my hobbies. as for circumstsnces not making a man, i suggest you try living in nigeria for one year before u CAN SAFELY MAKE THAT QUOTE.

i live in mississippi and they dont have a lot of africans here. my church activities is limited to sunday service. so i had no friends, finally God provided for me by giving me a son.my husband is anti-social, he told me that when we were chatting but i thought i could get him to hang out more but he is just not the type.

i came to the realization that we dont have much in common but i am here and i have to make the most of it.

there was a lot of adjustment for me, a whole lot but for him there was no adjustment he only made room for me in his bedroom. he still wanted to live like a bachelor so it took a lot of patience on both sides for us to start making the marriage to work. few more adjustments and i think we will be fine, but its not easy.my son finally brought peace for me. i tell myself if i was married to a nigeria guy in nigeria i would not run off just because things are not going my way.

but my story is nothing compared to others espeacially the nigerian guys married to americans.each marriage is different and the way u solve problems in ur marriage might not be used for same problem in another marriage, always put urself in the other spouses shoes and know how u will feel in a foreign country with no friends, no job, no company and no family. its hard and if you are not understanding can lead to a lot of problems. at one time our conversation will be like, {after everything i did for you, bringing you from nigeria to come and live here, do u know how much that cost. are you aware i spent up to $10,000 just for the process of bringing u here} and my reply will be [ if you keep throwing that at me that i better start making payments every month]

GAUTIER MISSISSIPPI. its really a quite place with few africans but there are black americans. and the whites are more friendly than them. my husband is white and he does not have any friend so i had no one to talk to or someone to come for dinner in my house. it was lonely

[Enlighten one :) 5]

GAUTIER MISSISSIPPI. its really a quite place with few africans but there are black americans. and the whites are more friendly than them. my husband is white and he does not have any friend so i had no one to talk to or someone to come for dinner in my house. it was lonely

I was in Hattiesberg MS. Is his family in he area? You need to get some pictures of that baby posted.

[chinelo 0]

GAUTIER MISSISSIPPI. its really a quite place with few africans but there are black americans. and the whites are more friendly than them. my husband is white and he does not have any friend so i had no one to talk to or someone to come for dinner in my house. it was lonely

I was in Hattiesberg MS. Is his family in he area? You need to get some pictures of that baby posted.

his family lives in mobile alabama, 45 minutes drive from here, we spent the holidays with them. and i have a picture of my baby on my profile. i dont know how to load it to show

[Kanyiri 0]

The discussion seems to have veered from the original question and I'm late to chiime in, but here are my 2 cents. I am married to a Ghanaian man and we have been married for just over two years now. We have an 8 month old son and are very happily married. We've had arguments but they are typical married couple things to argue about, nothing big.

Successful marriages do exist between Americans and Nigerians/Ghanaians, etc.

Here's my honest opinion that may get rocks thrown at me: If you start a relationship with someone online and continue it online you are missing half of what the relationship would be in person. It is hard to judge a person when you can't see their eyes and body language. To me, if you have been talking to someone online for two years and been in person with them for only two weeks, then your total quality time with them is a lot less than those two years. I would guess that the statistics for these relationships working are similar to the statistics of relationships where people have known eachother for a few months before they get married. It is VERY possible that they will work, but there are a lot more issues to work out during the marriage that others have worked out before the marriage.

Your pictures do look like both you and your SO are sincere and genuine. I think you have a superb chance of things working out. Don't let the failures of others discourage you from even trying. Let their experiences advise you, and then go with your gut. If you trust him and he has given you no reason to doubt him, then go into the relationship with everything that you have.

I wish you the best.

[BESANGIN 0]

The discussion seems to have veered from the original question and I'm late to chiime in, but here are my 2 cents. I am married to a Ghanaian man and we have been married for just over two years now. We have an 8 month old son and are very happily married. We've had arguments but they are typical married couple things to argue about, nothing big.

Successful marriages do exist between Americans and Nigerians/Ghanaians, etc.

Here's my honest opinion that may get rocks thrown at me: If you start a relationship with someone online and continue it online you are missing half of what the relationship would be in person. It is hard to judge a person when you can't see their eyes and body language. To me, if you have been talking to someone online for two years and been in person with them for only two weeks, then your total quality time with them is a lot less than those two years. I would guess that the statistics for these relationships working are similar to the statistics of relationships where people have known eachother for a few months before they get married. It is VERY possible that they will work, but there are a lot more issues to work out during the marriage that others have worked out before the marriage.

Your pictures do look like both you and your SO are sincere and genuine. I think you have a superb chance of things working out. Don't let the failures of others discourage you from even trying. Let their experiences advise you, and then go with your gut. If you trust him and he has given you no reason to doubt him, then go into the relationship with everything that you have.

I wish you the best.

Hey Kanyiri!

No rocks thrown from here. I APPROVE that message!!!! Is Re, Jr. going to be heading off to college before we can see a picture?

[Imua 0]

My husband is not African but I can relate to so many of the issues posted here. According to the NY Times, Nepal is the poorest nation outside of Africa. There is 40% unemployment and there are frequent general strikes during which EVERYTHING shuts down, power cuts(my guy has not come on line for 2 days and he just informed me there are now sometimes 16 hour power cuts) , road blocks causing localized food shortages, and extremely undependable phone and mail service. There has been extreme government instability for over a decade since the Maoists have been trying to get power(often through kidnappings and terrorist tactics). When you go to Kathmandu you see signs on every corner for schools and centers helping Nepalis to study and work overseas. When I met my husband he was a student with no money of his own. His father has his own business as an astrologer/palm reader and that is the sole income for his family. His younger sister is also a student and his older sister is studying Hebrew in preparation to work in Israel(so it is not just the guys who emigrate). He never asked me for money until the Hindu holidays when a newlywed couple is expected to give a gift to their grandparents and his father needed the money I had already sent for that to take care of his(G's) sick grandfather. At the time he was unable to contact me for 10 days since he was in his family's village with no mobile service and cybercafes were closed for the holidays. In that time period I had 2 'well-meaning' strangers tell me he was 'only with me for a GC'. We did not even meet online so don't think it is only online relationships which get this treatment... He did not even have an active email account until we got married. I also had a previous Nepali ex who was a shameless freeloader so was on extra-sensitive 'scam alert' - once bitten etc. So all of these things together threw me into a crisis when I doubted our relationship- this is why I delayed filing our petition and am just now filing this week as soon as I get his documents which he sent me. Since that crisis time during which I wrote him some pretty crazy emails he has gotten a part time job with his computer repair teacher at his shop so I am very proud of him and know he is not lazy or a freeloader. Knowing his responsibilities to his family and what jobs pay over there I am not even asking what his wages are but he is paying for small things like express mail for packages etc which he was not able to do before. I know that I will be paying for his air ticket, the visa fees etc. b/c how can someone who is a student working part time lucky to be making maybe $100/month if that be expected to pay $355 for the I-130 fee or $1400 for a ticket KTM-NYC? I will also be supporting him until he can work. We will be struggling (more than most VJers I am willing to bet) and I have told him that - thank God lentils and rice are his national dish.... I am downright near-poor by NYC standards(which is still well enough to meet the AoS income requirements) and dont know how we will do it, we are going to be sharing a 1-bedroom with my roommate and sleeping on a hide-a-bed in the living room until he works but somehow God will pull us through it - luckily roomie is very understanding and has agreed to spend a lot of time at his parents' house while we are getting 'reaccquainted' since they will likely be in Florida at the time and it will be empty. If anything it will be a blessing since roomie has also been to Nepal and knows a lot about his culture and can help G learn the subway, etc. while I am at work. I too worry about G being lonely without family all around him - we think 'OMG how can that many ppl share such a small space' but his family worried about me being lonely in my hotel room until G and I were engaged and could officially stay together so his little sister came and stayed with me.

Ah,I am rambling but just wanted to know that these are not just African issues and you are not the only one who has had to deal with doubts. I broke the news of my marriage to my grandmother on Christmas and guess what was her reaction?? 'HE"S ONLY USING YOU FOR CITIZENSHIP!!!!' A couple of months ago I would have cried but now I just shrug and LOLOLOL... I was a little angry(I'm 40 and this is my first marriage - you'd think she'd say'congrats - it's about time!') but I have learned to deal with it.

Bottom line, only you know your fiance and your relationship, it is between the two of you and God.

If you have doubts then pray over it, analyze everything based on FACT and not your nghtmare-imaginings or the comments of people who don't know what they are talking about, and like someone said wait to file until you are 100% sure he is for real. Know that there are a whole bunch of us here going through the same thing and willing to be supportive - how did people get through this before the Internet,I can't imagine.

Good luck and keep us posted.