Are there any successful LONGTERM marriages?

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

I am currently going thru this K-1 process with my fiance. He is Nigerian, I am American. I have many Nigerian friends here in the US and they all cautioned me when I told them that I met my fiance online. I actually saw his profile on a site that THEY were on at my house. I emailed him first and asked to get to know him better. I've been to Nigeria, stayed in the home with him and his very large family. They all seem very genuine and I feel like I know this man very well. We've been talking online/on the phone for a year and a half. We are very close to him getting his interview. I've been cautioned by all my friends, and read all the negative things about Nigerians online. Is it possible that not ALL of them are just seeking a Green Card? I'm fairly new to this site and I'm hoping it will have some answers for me. Is there ANYONE that could tell me a successful story of their marriage to a Nigerian?? (past the 2 year mark). Thanks.

[Divine Mercy 0]

I am currently going thru this K-1 process with my fiance. He is Nigerian, I am American. I have many Nigerian friends here in the US and they all cautioned me when I told them that I met my fiance online. I actually saw his profile on a site that THEY were on at my house. I emailed him first and asked to get to know him better. I've been to Nigeria, stayed in the home with him and his very large family. They all seem very genuine and I feel like I know this man very well. We've been talking online/on the phone for a year and a half. We are very close to him getting his interview. I've been cautioned by all my friends, and read all the negative things about Nigerians online. Is it possible that not ALL of them are just seeking a Green Card? I'm fairly new to this site and I'm hoping it will have some answers for me. Is there ANYONE that could tell me a successful story of their marriage to a Nigerian?? (past the 2 year mark). Thanks.

Of course we all (who are married/engaged to Nigerians) think its possible not ALL of them are after a green card or else none of us would be going through this.

Having 3rd parties involved in your relationship who plant the seeds of doubt isn't good for any marriage regardless of where you met or where you live. If you cast all doubts of others aside, what do YOU feel about him? Do you see big red flags?

We have all been cautioned and warned a thousand times. I'm married to my Nigerian husband and we have a son together yet people who I barely know still feel the need to enlighten me that it could be possible he is after a green card as if they are the first to tell me this. In the beginning those seeds of doubt caused me pause but I have long since overcome outside input and learned to trust him and us.

There are some in this group that have been burned by Nigerians so brace yourself to hear some horror stories as you read along in this forum. That does not mean your man is like this. You know him, we don't and that is the bottom line. Their experiences may be helpful if you are not the kind of person who is able to see the truth when it is staring you in the face but please remember that you are the one that knows him and your relationship.

Good bless and good luck in your journey. And welcome to VJ!

[NigerLA 1]

As a Nigerian man married to an American woman, I think I can speak on your behalf. Not all Nigerian men are in it for the green card, I can assure you of that. However that is not to say that there are no unscrupulous men out there. From what you say, his family sounds genuine and he sounds sincere. I am personally skeptical about internet relationships, but at the end of the day no one knows him better than you do.

If you love this man and you feel that he loves you then do what makes you happy. My wife was in Nigeria earlier this year and she loved it and did not want to come back, it was her first trip.

You might want to explain how things operate in the US before he gets here, let me know if there is any way that I can be of assistance. All best in your endeavors.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Having 3rd parties involved in your relationship who plant the seeds of doubt isn't good for any marriage regardless of where you met or where you live.

Ditto.

As with any relationship .... follow your heart, but be sure to use your head.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

As a Nigerian man married to an American woman, I think I can speak on your behalf. Not all Nigerian men are in it for the green card, I can assure you of that. However that is not to say that there are no unscrupulous men out there. From what you say, his family sounds genuine and he sounds sincere. I am personally skeptical about internet relationships, but at the end of the day no one knows him better than you do.

If you love this man and you feel that he loves you then do what makes you happy. My wife was in Nigeria earlier this year and she loved it and did not want to come back, it was her first trip.

You might want to explain how things operate in the US before he gets here, let me know if there is any way that I can be of assistance. All best in your endeavors.

By 'explaining how things operate in the US'....I've tried to tell him all I can. I let him know that life here is not as easy as some foreigners believe it to be. We can't pick Nike's off the trees or go into a bank and withdraw money if there's nothing in your account. lol. Are there any KEY points that I should talk to him about that might make it more helpful for him?? You probably have a better idea since you've experienced it first hand. Thank you for your response.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

While my spouse is not from Nigeria, there are similar stories on visa scams in Ethiopia. I don't know how many times I've heard that she'll come here and then cut and run. Something (and someone - her best friend who knew her better than anyone at the time) told me that that wasn't going to be the case. When I first met Nani in person, I knew that our mutual friend was right and that I was right. Don't ask me how I could tell but I could tell.

Here we are 4+ years later and still married, very happily married. Had our first child last year and hope to have our second in 2008.

Could I have been wrong? Sure. There are no guarantees in life. Ever.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

While my spouse is not from Nigeria, there are similar stories on visa scams in Ethiopia. I don't know how many times I've heard that she'll come here and then cut and run. Something (and someone - her best friend who knew her better than anyone at the time) told me that that wasn't going to be the case. When I first met Nani in person, I knew that our mutual friend was right and that I was right. Don't ask me how I could tell but I could tell.

Here we are 4+ years later and still married, very happily married. Had our first child last year and hope to have our second in 2008.

Could I have been wrong? Sure. There are no guarantees in life. Ever.

Sure, I know there's no guarantees. I'm just so tired of hearing all the negative ####### about Nigerian's deceitful intentions. As well as I feel I know him, and as genuine as I believe he's being......I can't help but start to second guess myself when I hear all the horror stories. Thanks for sharing. Your baby is beautiful.

[chispas 0]

There are no guarantees at all.

1. Get to know other people who are not his family members.

2. Have him interact with other Nigerians here, their or on VJ ( they are good sources and some husbands in this forum have noses like blood hounds. Get to know them.

3. in the spirit of repeating what someone else already said, don't spend more than you can afford to lose.

4. Be conservative in you happiness of how fantastic life will be here.

5. Pray

6. If it doesn't work, don't take it personally and treat is just another break up.

If you love him by all means follow-through, but use both head, heart and not punany to make the decision.

If you hit a bump, we'll be here

If you have doubts we'll be here

If you cry someone will pm you

If you forgive and go back, no problem, we are here too.

You are loved, kind and brave for considering this journey. However, you are not alone and you will love your experiences either way. That's why this is a journey

[Donna A 4]

there are alot of us here who met and married someone from the internet. im sure we all have at least heard once...they are using u for a green card. so u will probably hear it alot. even my husband is not from nigeria and ive heard it many times.

i have a girlfriend who lived in nigeria for a really long time (20 years) and she herself would not trust any nigerian. maybe just her own insecurity but could mean nothing also.

it is ur decision who u meet and marry. u have to be comfortable with ur decision. if u r 100% convinced he is ok then im sure u r right. if there have been some red flags then just be careful.

oh yeah...dont forget to tell him its not like the movies here. alot of people imigine usa to be exactally like the movies they see.

good luck.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

There are no guarantees at all.

1. Get to know other people who are not his family members.

2. Have him interact with other Nigerians here, their or on VJ ( they are good sources and some husbands in this forum have noses like blood hounds. Get to know them.

3. in the spirit of repeating what someone else already said, don't spend more than you can afford to lose.

4. Be conservative in you happiness of how fantastic life will be here.

5. Pray

6. If it doesn't work, don't take it personally and treat is just another break up.

If you love him by all means follow-through, but use both head, heart and not punany to make the decision.

If you hit a bump, we'll be here

If you have doubts we'll be here

If you cry someone will pm you

If you forgive and go back, no problem, we are here too.

You are loved, kind and brave for considering this journey. However, you are not alone and you will love your experiences either way. That's why this is a journey

Thank you so much!!!!!

[chispas 0]

No problem.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

There are successful and regretful experiences here on VJ. Life is a risk! Meeting this gentleman on line is no risky then meeting someone in the USA. Does he have all the qualities you look for in a man? He work hard, value his friends, family, and community. He is respectful to you and people around him.

What if the benefit is the Green Card, what do you have to loose? Are you committed financially? The financial aspect is usually the difficult part to overcome, if you determine the situation was intentional. I spent two years in a relationship I knew was doomed after one month. I learned from the situation and grew emotionally and spiritually from the situation. Lie is a journey without any guaranteed outcome. As long as you are enjoying the journey and it is purpose driven stay on the ride.

Good bless you in your journey. pray for guidance it will be there.

I am currently going thru this K-1 process with my fiance. He is Nigerian, I am American. I have many Nigerian friends here in the US and they all cautioned me when I told them that I met my fiance online. I actually saw his profile on a site that THEY were on at my house. I emailed him first and asked to get to know him better. I've been to Nigeria, stayed in the home with him and his very large family. They all seem very genuine and I feel like I know this man very well. We've been talking online/on the phone for a year and a half. We are very close to him getting his interview. I've been cautioned by all my friends, and read all the negative things about Nigerians online. Is it possible that not ALL of them are just seeking a Green Card? I'm fairly new to this site and I'm hoping it will have some answers for me. Is there ANYONE that could tell me a successful story of their marriage to a Nigerian?? (past the 2 year mark). Thanks.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

While my spouse is not from Nigeria, there are similar stories on visa scams in Ethiopia. I don't know how many times I've heard that she'll come here and then cut and run. Something (and someone - her best friend who knew her better than anyone at the time) told me that that wasn't going to be the case. When I first met Nani in person, I knew that our mutual friend was right and that I was right. Don't ask me how I could tell but I could tell.

Here we are 4+ years later and still married, very happily married. Had our first child last year and hope to have our second in 2008.

Could I have been wrong? Sure. There are no guarantees in life. Ever.

Sure, I know there's no guarantees. I'm just so tired of hearing all the negative ####### about Nigerian's deceitful intentions. As well as I feel I know him, and as genuine as I believe he's being......I can't help but start to second guess myself when I hear all the horror stories. Thanks for sharing. Your baby is beautiful.

I'd have to say, that's one symptom I did not have. But then, when it comes to entirely personal decisions of mine, I don't usually give a rats patoot as to what others - as in folks outside my immediate family and very close and inner circle of friends - think. You know what they say about opinions: They're like arseholes. Everyone's got one.

My lovely wife and my sweet baby are coming back from Ethiopia today. I'm excited.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

There are successful and regretful experiences here on VJ. Life is a risk! Meeting this gentleman on line is no risky then meeting someone in the USA. Does he have all the qualities you look for in a man? He work hard, value his friends, family, and community. He is respectful to you and people around him.

What if the benefit is the Green Card, what do you have to loose? Are you committed financially? The financial aspect is usually the difficult part to overcome, if you determine the situation was intentional. I spent two years in a relationship I knew was doomed after one month. I learned from the situation and grew emotionally and spiritually from the situation. Lie is a journey without any guaranteed outcome. As long as you are enjoying the journey and it is purpose driven stay on the ride.

Good bless you in your journey. pray for guidance it will be there.

Thank you for your reply. He has all the qualities in a man that I've been looking for. He is not a lazy man, he's educated, his family and community praise him. Everything he told me about himself, I saw first hand when I went there. He does not work. He said that finding work is difficult. But in order to keep himself busy and as to not let his parents think he's lazy, he involved himself with Rugby several years ago. He is now the team manager. I was so proud when I went there and was able to watch him on the pitch at the stadium in Lagos. Because he does not work, I have become somewhat financially involved. Not that he's ever asked me to send money. Tho I have for birthdays, christmas, or just to help him along. But its only been $100 here and there. However, when I went there, it was at my own expense. I suffer the burden of the phone calls. I'm paying all the fees for the petition, etc. And most likely I will be the one who buys the ticket for him to come. He's very grateful and has always promised to make this all up to me. I could honestly say that I completely trust him. But it just scares me becuase I bet every one of those women that got fooled, probably at one time said the same thing.

[NigerLA 1]

You want to let him know that men contribute to the running of the house and do not expect women to do everything. It is difficult trying to get established and starting from the bottom is not necessarily a bad thing. I currently work in the financial services sector as a Senior Financial Analyst. I am one of the youngest occupying this position "not that I am necessarily young." I started working as a security officer years ago to support myself through college to get to where I am. It has not been easy but I am still here, you will also want to have a sincere talk with him about sending funds to his relatives, because that will be a cause of tension.

Hope this helps.