Easier for Brits to adjust?

[catrocks 0]

I always get people saying "oh you're from England.... it must be easy for you to adjust to life here then!"

I wonder if it's actually more difficult, partly due to those who feel this way?

I've not been here long, but some days I feel totally at home and other days I feel like I'm on another planet!

[Krikit 1,165]

I've only been posting for a few days myself, despite the join date. People are really nice and welcoming. I didn't know how to introduce myself so I just jumped straight in!

Oh really? Well then.... Welcome to VJ!!!

[Alex & Rachel 78]

I always get people saying "oh you're from England.... it must be easy for you to adjust to life here then!"

I wonder if it's actually more difficult, partly due to those who feel this way?

I've not been here long, but some days I feel totally at home and other days I feel like I'm on another planet!

LisaD summed it up best - sometimes it's easier to adjust to a completely different culture than to one where on a superficial level it is very similar, but that when you look closer there are all kinds of small, subtle differences waiting to trip you up.

Oh really? Well then.... Welcome to VJ!!!

Aw, thank you

[C and J 1]

On a side note: Anyone else have problems ordering water in the US? That's the only hurdle I've encountered on my visits. My requests for water were not understood in five separate restaurants - and one lady even asked if I'd said 'lemonade'. I have no problem ordering anything else, and my accent isn't that obtuse! (I have a Sussex/London accent).

I have always had that problem when visiting Josh. I'm sure it's the southern "A" that causes the problem and it seems to be a regular problem (as it's been mentioned quite a few times before on this forum). I say something like "wartah" or "wawter" and the people in Josh's area say something closer to "warda".

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Yup - there's a definite 'd' sound in the way I've heard water pronounced in California. I just can't bring myself to imitate it, though! I was just surprised because, well, even if I pronounce it a little differently, what else could I be saying? It's not as if 'water' sounds similar to any other kind of drink - and certainly not lemonade!

[helwardman 1]

On a side note: Anyone else have problems ordering water in the US? That's the only hurdle I've encountered on my visits. My requests for water were not understood in five separate restaurants - and one lady even asked if I'd said 'lemonade'. I have no problem ordering anything else, and my accent isn't that obtuse! (I have a Sussex/London accent).

I have always had that problem when visiting Josh. I'm sure it's the southern "A" that causes the problem and it seems to be a regular problem (as it's been mentioned quite a few times before on this forum). I say something like "wartah" or "wawter" and the people in Josh's area say something closer to "warda".

Asking for WATER in a restaurant is an ongoing problem for me (in Louisiana). In one resaurant I asked for WATER and the waiter thought I asked for VODKA. Another waitress must've thought I asked for some sort of wine, disappeared round the back to get the drinks then came back about 5 minutes later to ask me again what I wanted to drink 'cos she couldnt find what I was after!!

I cant bring myself to pronounce it WAR-DA like people do round here. I've often asked for DR PEPPER even when I want water just to avoid having to repeat myself.

[britty 1]

People have always said to me here in the US that it must be very easy for me as a Brit to settle here because I speak the same language, and because the UK and the US are very similar. Whilst I love being here in the US, it really isn't similar to Britain for me. Its very hard to explain how I feel when I visit a friend in the UK, and lie silently on their sofa watching tv, not feeling anything but completely comfortable. I notice here that when you visit friends, you are expected to converse, cook, entertain etc. There isn't the very easy relaxed atmosphere I am used to. Although I have made a few close friendships here, I am aware that I am still always conscious of what I say or how I behave. I do have two British friends here and its clear that I am more relaxed with them and can be completely myself. They have each been here 25 years and still find the differences noticeable.

I miss my local pub in the UK, and silly things like walking 10 mins to Greggs Bakers to get sausage rolls and a large white loaf (in the time I have been in the US, no bread can even remotely compare to UK bread). I agree with a posting earlier that mentioned the differences in the way day to day things are done. Everything here in the US seems a little harder in terms of effort (rightly or wrongly). Waiting at the DMV for your license, finding international bank transfers are not straight forward, remembering that the car needs an inspection every year, having to walk to a mail box instead of simply having the standard oblong hole in the front door, accepting realtor fees, filing an income tax return when I have never had to do one in the UK, having two weeks paid vacation as a standard.

I still compare things to the UK and I really shouldn't do that. The US is a completely different country with its own set of rules, standards and etiquettes - some I agree with - some I find strange at best.

I regularly receive comments about my accent but they have always been positive and I am quite happy to tell people where I am from and why I am here. I find people in general friendlier than in London and I certainly feel safer if out and about in the evening. I watch the BBC news nightly and hear all the problems in the UK, but still feel my heart strings pulled when I see something familiar.

I wouldn't be here if my husband wasn't an American. The fact that being with him outweighs everything else keeps me here happily. I could be the richest, most successful person on the planet, but without him I would be the loneliest and most miserable. He is my best friend. I really enjoy being here and have a very nice and comfortable life. The thing I miss most and will always long for, is the company of my family, especially my mum. These are the hardest things to come to terms with - being so far away from the ones you love. Thank god they visit regularly and that my husband is adored by them.

[snowfrostedlashes 0]

I wouldn't be here if my husband wasn't an American.

*nods* I think some American's find that hard to understand, probably because they are very proud of their country and culture. I actually got really upset with Mark's sister's husband over Christmas because we were all talking online and I was saying how much I love where I live now and he asked 'why are you so desperate to move to America then?' and seemed put out when I responded that I most certainly wasn't desperate to move there thank you very much, I am just willing to do so because I want to be with Mark and for various reasons it's a better option for me to move there than for him to move here.

That's not to say that I'm not looking forward to the challenge and interested in the move.. but it's not something I would ever have seriously considered doing had I not fallen in love with an American.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

I wouldn't be here if my husband wasn't an American.

*nods* I think some American's find that hard to understand, probably because they are very proud of their country and culture. I actually got really upset with Mark's sister's husband over Christmas because we were all talking online and I was saying how much I love where I live now and he asked 'why are you so desperate to move to America then?' and seemed put out when I responded that I most certainly wasn't desperate to move there thank you very much, I am just willing to do so because I want to be with Mark and for various reasons it's a better option for me to move there than for him to move here.

That's not to say that I'm not looking forward to the challenge and interested in the move.. but it's not something I would ever have seriously considered doing had I not fallen in love with an American.

Exactly how I feel, too.

[TracyTN 237]

I wouldn't be here if my husband wasn't an American.

I suppose my husband wouldn't be here, either, if it wasn't for me. He would have eventually emigrated somewhere else if he and I hadn't met. It had gotten to the point where he didn't like living in England at all.

[no name 1]

I can't believe how many people on VJ consistently say how America is so much better. IMO, it's not, it's just different.

So many friends of mine would move abroad in a second if they could legally.

I can't wait for J to get his citizenship & we will be back in the UK.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I suppose my husband wouldn't be here, either, if it wasn't for me. He would have eventually emigrated somewhere else if he and I hadn't met. It had gotten to the point where he didn't like living in England at all.

Same here, Tracy. Bruce had had it, and I was pretty fed up with living in the UK myself. As dev says, it's not a matter of one place being "better" than the other. It's just what suits you better. For us, America is a better fit than the UK. When I look back on the years I lived there, although I don't regret making the move there in the first place, I never really felt completely at ease. Unfortunately, I was away long enough that I'm also not really comfortable here in the States yet myself -- I developed my entire sense of adult self as an immigrant in the UK. And although Bruce finds it tough here sometimes, really infuriating to be honest, a lot of that is the situation we're in right now (living with my parents) than not being in the UK. He hardly ever talks about the UK, really only when he talks about having to travel to Scotland to defend his thesis next Friday, and how little he wants to make that journey back.

I know a lot, if not most, people on UK VJ have very fond and warm memories of life back there. For him, not really. It's a part of his life that to him has finished and not really worth discussing. It's not necessarily a better or worse attitude than missing the UK and wanting to return some day, just different. Chacun a son gout, eh?

[TracyTN 237]

I agree, maven. I'm not trying to say that the US is 'better' - Chas would have gone to another country if it had come to it (meaning the US isn't the end all/be all) - but he sure was tired of the UK. I know not everyone has that same sentiment.

Bottom line is I hope that everyone can live where ever is best for THEM.

[snowfrostedlashes 0]

I can see why someone might get tired of the UK. I live in the countryside by the sea and love the feeling of most people knowing me and my family (staying in my hometown with Mum while I go through this process) but I've lived several other places over the years and was never sorry to see the back of any of them when I've moved on.

Things are very different in the UK than they were when I was a child. I'm not going to comment on whether they are better or worse since that's a tough one to call. But I can certainly see why it wouldn't be for everyone the way things are at the moment.

The only real downside to where I live is the chronic lack of affordable housing coupled with below national average wages - which was one of several factors that made the decision to move to be with Mark rather than him coming here much more sensible.

If Mark had lived in Detroit or somewhere like that instead of Kansas we might have had to reach some sort of compromise - Kansas smells of grass, whereas Detroit smells worse than London. A girl has to have limits! *laughing*

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Yes - ours has been a practical decision, too (Alex needs to finish his education, there are better job prospects and higher wages in San Jose, there's a lack of affordable housing in both our cities but houses in California tend to be a little more spacious anyway, etc.) but now that we've made it, I'm quite looking forward to moving somewhere that's warmer, sunnier and a lot friendlier! ('Water' problems aside )

Although I get on well with all of my (large and extensive) family I've never felt a desire to live in close proximity to them. My mother understands this - it's actually my dad who's a bit upset at the prospect of me leaving. He's a definite homebody and lives very close to his parents. Still, I imagine I'll be visiting them on a regular basis, and while I'm in California I'll get to see a lot of Alex's family, who are equally large and extensive!