Easier for Brits to adjust?

[snowfrostedlashes 0]

We're just at the start of our journey through the seas of paperwork but looking ahead to a future that will hopefully contain approval so that we can be together.

I was wondering if British lads and lasses have found it easier to adjust to being stateside than perhaps other people do?

I'd be interested to hear about other people's experiences.

Thanks

~ Hannah

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I don't have any comparisons to make with immigrants from other countries, as we don't know anyone currently who is also adjusting (outside of VJ!), but here goes. Bruce loves living here, is thrilled he moved and never wants to move back to the UK, but... It is hard, harder than he thought. He is surprised at the levels of bureaucracy that exist at so many different places (particularly the DMV...have a number of horror stories already and we've only been here 4 months). The banking system has its own quirks as well that make him frustrated at times. Every day it seems like there's something a little different from what's he's grown up with, and sometimes he gets really fed up. Adding to the complication, I had been living in the UK pretty much my entire adult life, so I don't know how to navigate through the maze either and am consequently of very little help. (I had to call my mother the other day to ask how to figure out what my bank account number was off my checks, and yesterday I had to ask if there was any special way ofgetting a prescription filled. ) So we're like two greenhorns, navigating the seas together, clutching on to each other and the handrails to keep from drowning.

On the other hand, we love America and Americans -- it seems like at least once a week Bruce gets a "welcome to America!" and I get a "welcome home!" from complete strangers. We love New Haven, even if it's only a temporary stop on our way West, the slower pace, the beautiful countryside just 10 minutes from our home. There was a moment two weeks ago, when we went to go cut down a Christmas tree at a farm in Hamden, just 20 minutes up the road. We'd just had a big snowstorm, and we arrived at the farm in Bruce's beat-up and much-loved 1986 Jeep Comanche. We were bundled up tight, our faces cherry red in the dry cold, our breath billowing out in front of us. The guys at the farm shop gave us a saw and a sled to cart the tree back, and off we set to find a tree. We found a beautiful specimen fairly quickly, and Bruce said, "Take a picture of me! Take a picture of me cutting the tree!" He fumbled his phone to me with his thick gloves, and I got the camera going.

In that picture, he looks like a guy from New England who's cut down a Christmas tree. Like the other guys around him doing exactly the same thing. He's not the English guy, he's that guy from New Haven. And that's exactly what he wants so much -- to be integrated. It's not easy, it's true. Is it easier for him because he's British? We can't discount that he can already speak English, that many of the institutions are at least superficially similar. But every day brings new challenges neither of us anticipated. This journey doesn't end with the visa; nor do I think it will end, at least for Bruce, with naturalisation. It will be many years of acclimation and integration, but it's a journey we're excited to be on, especially with each other.

[MargotDarko 0]

What a lovely post, elm!!

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

What a lovely post, elm!!

Thanks! Just feeling wordy this morning, I guess!

[*julez* 124]

What a lovely post, elm!!

Thanks! Just feeling wordy this morning, I guess!

Nah, you always seem to have a nice way with words! I always enjoy reading your thoughtful posts!

[gwenneh 7]

Elm, a fantastic post and I think my husband would agree with everything you said.

I think the main difference is that instead of big differences - languages, cultures, etc. - there are lots of little differences which are *just enough* to remind you that yuo're in another country. I mean silly things, like mobile phone tarriffs and the way shopping trolleys don't have four multi-directional wheels, only two...

Those are the little things that get to him the most: the things that are almost, but not quite, familiar.

[Amby 490]

I agree with you both as well. It's not a huge difference but there's little things that annoy Neil as well. One of his biggest complaints is that where we live there aren't sidewalks.

[snowfrostedlashes 0]

Thanks for the replies! It's going to be something of an adventure, but at least it will be interesting - if the stress of getting to that point doesn't drive me round the bend first!

Cheers

~ Hannah

[*julez* 124]

If you like "real" bacon and a good curry, you will have a tougher time adjusting! They are in short supply here in the US.

[mustang-sally 8]

I think I'm going to find it hard to adjust to employee laws. Randy, who is a manager tells me things and I think that over here that would be totally illegal.

e.g. Wages - the waitresses rely on tips to make up their wages and work for less than the minimum wage because of this, also people seem to work all hours God sends, there is no 40 hour limit. He told me those that worked Christmas day were on no extra pay??? ####### I wouldn't work Christmas day for anything less than double pay, probably triple.

I intend on starting my own business there as a qualified dog groomer, the more I hear about employees lack of rights the more determined I am. I really don't think I could work for someone without kicking up a fuss, "In the UK, this wouldn't be allowed!!!!". Also they have two weeks per year vacation???? They should have at least 4, plus public holidays.

He can't believe the laws over here but I think they are right. I think that any employee I take on will be highly satisfied with how I treat them, to European standards.

Just my 2 cents worth!!!!

[gwenneh 7]

Oh, those all depend on where you work. I work for a reasonable company which provides me with a nearly European style compensation package.

But it does vary from place to place.

[TracyTN 237]

The only things Chas has really missed are kebabs (no lie! ) and Christmas pudding - and of course his best friend & his mum.

Beyond that, he doesn't miss England one bit. That said, he was probably more 'anti England' than a lot of others who are emigrating, so maybe that's why its been so easy on him.

People have been SO welcoming to him and I think that's helped, too. He says he'll never get tired of hearing 'I LOVE your accent' but I suspect it might wear thin after a few more years...

[gwenneh 7]

*does the happy dance*

We found a REAL kebab shop about half an hour from where we live! Between that, the local English food shop, and the Slingbox...what's there to miss?

[Fandango 1,440]

I think it might be harder in some aspects....after all, since it's our 'cousin' country, one would ignorantly assume things can't be too much different. I know I felt that way before I moved to the UK....'like how hard can it be?' I'd say to myself. Well, I dunno about any other temp ex-pat Americans, but I found out quickly that it wasn't nearly as easy as I thought, and that fact alone (I think) complicated my adjustment. It's not so much all the big things, but the little things that had me feeling completely alien for quite some time. I'd hate the big fuss ppl would make once they heard me speak. I'd hate having to repeat myself a zillion times. I hated having disjointed conversations....like one time, this guy at our local ordered a 'pint of Scotch' and I was like 'omG what an alcoholic!!! he wants a WHOLE.PINT.OF.SCOTCH.'

There are tons of things like that, but eventually I grew to love the place, and the adjustment issues subsided. I'm sure it's easier to adjust to a country where you at least speak the same idea of a language.

D hasn't made the move just yet, but I'm bracing myself for a possible difficult adjustment....truth be told, he'd be so much happier if I was going to him. But it is what it is, so I guess we'll just cross our fingers and see!

[snowfrostedlashes 0]

In terms of food... I will miss British cheeses! I know that some are available through the more specialist shops, but it's expensive and they don't carry the same range as I can get here just by walking into an average supermarket. I will also miss Cadburys chocolate and Sainsbury's mini-doughnuts. I don't know what they do to chocolate and doughnuts in the states that is different, but whatever it is seems to upset my stomach. I may actually LOSE weight by moving stateside!

Can anyone recommend good bread? I mostly buy wholemeal Hovis here, but think this will probably be more difficult to get in Kansas.

Edit: And it's weird when people can't understand a fairly mild English accent (Devonshire, but not broad), because I never have any problems understanding any of Mark's family but they often ask me to repeat things - maybe they don't listen as carefully as I do!

Edited December 29, 2007 by Mark and Hannah