What Do You Think

[BESANGIN 0]

Yes you did!!!! I don't see him as evil and my conclusion also was that it was a bit of both. I try to at least be cordial with him because it all wasn't bad, but when he get's to lyin' and carryin' on I got to kick him to the curb. I can't deal with people who just lie because they have nothing else to say. I did love the man and in some ways I have a love for him because we have a past, but mostly now I pity him like you would pity a disobedient child. That keeps me at least talking to him. Efia06, The little that I have revealed in my posts is nothing compared to what you will read in my book, so on that you better believe sister girl is going to bring it. OH and for all that I told about the Ghana man who had me melting like wax, I can't have him. His sexy A$$ is MARRIED!!!!!! I should have known!!!!!! DAMN!!!

Edited December 27, 2007 by BESANGIN

[His Glory 25]

Yes you did!!!! I don't see him as evil and my conclusion also was that it was a bit of both. I try to at least be cordial with him because it all wasn't bad, but when he get's to lyin' and carryin' on I got to kick him to the curb. I can't deal with people who just lie because they have nothing else to say. I did love the man and in some ways I have a love for him because we have a past, but mostly now I pity him like you would pity a disobedient child. That keeps me at least talking to him. Efia06, The little that I have revealed in my posts is nothing compared to what you will read in my book, so on that you better believe sister girl is going to bring it. OH and for all that I told about the Ghana man who had me melting like wax, I can't have him. His sexy A$$ is MARRIED!!!!!! I should have known!!!!!! DAMN!!!

Good, Im glad I made some sense I look forward to the book.

[ForeverAmen 0]

I dont know how evil he can be but I would think he had affection for you so maybe it was a little of both. Green card and you ( based on what I see about you, he had to have affection for you). Once he was here and comfortable and his world was bigger and better it got to his head. But I think as someone mentioned before that his family and friends know him there and he is trying to save face. Like he was so stupid for messing up a good thing. He had to make you the bad guy and have you do an unexcusable thing in order for his losing everything to be justified and reasonable and for him to seen as a righteous man instead of a failure with no self control or morals.. He had it good but now he is back where he started, it must be a humiliation for him. But those that know him all his life have their doubts. Anyways that is what I see, but I only had 2 hours sleep last night so......maybe I even read it wrong or wrote it wrong. But you have triumphed, sister. You got enough material for a book that will probably net you some cash, notariaty and feeling of accomplishment and satisfication for helping others see the light or at least to know what they are getting into. Ill buy it for sure.

[typee0 0]

and this too shall pass. Only God can heal your heart and remove the hurt done to you. That knuckle head knows and will have to deal with himself. Sometimes we have to remove or let go of the things/people who may be associated with our past hurts. Do not be reluctant to tell others I want to move beyond that situation so I just do not care to discuss him. Those that love and care for Bsangin will accept and understand that. Be careful with your heart keep it guarded so that you will not miss who God has for you. I know you have heard all of this so I will not go on.

I pray Gods continued Blessings in your life. Continue to progress and grow. You Go Girl!!! We are strong and resilient people. Powerful Women

[Ta Ta 1]

Let me make the question a little less confusing. If you read the words, what would be the first thing you would think or would come to your mind? If you don't have enough info to go on then don't feel compelled to answer. There is no jackpot up for grabs for the best answer.

Reconsider the jackpot won't ya

[ebonyqueen 0]

Keepin it real.....

If u dont wanna hear the answer, dont ask the question.

[chispas 0]

And for the record, "his people" knows exactly how he is, they knew him before you even came into his life. So he can paint himself with bold colours to them if he wants to, they know that he is truly a "pastel pink" on the inside.

I agree with the above response. He is trying to save face and had to come up with an excuse for not being married. What makes me think this is that he wasn't even creative in his reasoning for the divorce. He chose and answer that he felt his family would accept and relate to. He stuffed the square peg in the round hole and I am sure they can see the splinters flying. Heck who knows, maybe some chick will use him while he's there. He now wears the scent of American dollars, and that makes him ripe for the pickins. (nany-nany boo-boo to him)

[BESANGIN 0]

Kept it real.......

Answer all you like on the question, but I didn't ask for a psychological analysis of myself. I have a highly qualified therapist that helps me do me just fine, thank you. Not recruiting for a new one. Just want to know what others unrelated to the issue would read into those two tiny lines, and they have done that for the most part.

Omoba you know we cool girl! Still ain't gettin' no jackpot, but we cool. Please don't stop commenting because your posts help me to remember that initial feeling of unconditional love that I felt in the beginning when it was untainted by trickery and deception. I do appreciate that perspective and it also reminds me to not be totally unbending if I want to have that again so thanks for that. I still got my 8 spider eyes, but I'll leave a few closed from time to time. See, I get goodies from people's posts too!

[BESANGIN 0]

So now let me throw one of Chispas monkey wrenches in this. Well really just asking another "what would you" question. Several months back, my Ex asked if he could have his wedding band back. At the time he had been lying and trying to fight things in the divorce decree. I knew that he was going home around Christmas time so this is where my mind went. Either he wants to go pawn it because he was broke or he wanted to have it when he went home to make his family think that we were still married. Because he didn't want to help pay the bill that bought it, I told him NO! If the ring was going to get pawned it was going to get pawned by ME to pay off the debt. He didn't want back the mood band he gave me that mostly kept my finger in GREEN mode..................... What would you have done? Kept it or gave it, and why?

Edited December 28, 2007 by BESANGIN

[Zee Bee 61]

Hello All,

I guess its now my turn to get feedback on something I heard today. Its about my EX. I have always had mixed emotions about his true intentions and our marriage. I have gone back and forth about did he really love me and it just went bad or did he do it all for the mighty green card. Well he is currently in Nigeria. I was chatting with my maid of honor for my wedding and I was saying to her that I wished I could be a fly on the wall to hear what he is telling his family about me. He was scared to tell them that we broke up so I did, so he lied and told them that I put him out and that I was the one who wanted a divorce because I was cheating. Anyway, She said that she had heard that he awas saying only good things about me. then she said he gave this reason and I quote, "he didnt wanna be hooked to anybody's string. he wanted to be his own man and do his own things his own way,". So how am I supposed to process this? To me that is saying, I got my green card so now I needed my freedom. Oh, here is the first part of what she had heard from her brother and parents. "Was told he said, he did waht he did for his freedom." I told her If he were a smart and sincere man he would have weighed all of that before he committed to a marriage. He knew that Americans don't shun divorce as much as Nigerians so if he didn't like his situation he could easily get out of it. Otherwise why lie to your family about it? Anyway what do you think?

Here is my $0.02.

Maybe the fact that he did not tell his family about your divorce and that he is only saying good things about you may have to do with the way his family would react if he told them that he was the cause of it all. I don't know what your relationship was with his family but either way, he does not want to trash you in front of them, at the same time, he does not have the courage to stand up and say "I made a mistake".

And all the talk about wanting his freedom yada yada is an excuse. I think it is the way he justifies his actions so that he can live with himself.

So now let me throw one of Chispas monkey wrenches in this. Well really just asking another "what would you" question. Several months back, my Ex asked if he could have his wedding band back. At the time he had been lying and trying to fight things in the divorce decree. I knew that he was going home around Christmas time so this is where my mind went. Either he wants to go pawn it because he was broke or he wanted to have it when he went home to make his family think that we were still married. Because he didn't want to help pay the bill that bought it, I told him NO! If the ring was going to get pawned it was going to get pawned by ME to pay off the debt. He didn't want back the mood band he gave me that mostly kept my finger in GREEN mode..................... What would you have done? Kept it or gave it, and why?

I would keep it to help pay that bill you have. Why should he get it free and clear?

[ForeverAmen 0]

So now let me throw one of Chispas monkey wrenches in this. Well really just asking another "what would you" question. Several months back, my Ex asked if he could have his wedding band back. At the time he had been lying and trying to fight things in the divorce decree. I knew that he was going home around Christmas time so this is where my mind went. Either he wants to go pawn it because he was broke or he wanted to have it when he went home to make his family think that we were still married. Because he didn't want to help pay the bill that bought it, I told him NO! If the ring was going to get pawned it was going to get pawned by ME to pay off the debt. He didn't want back the mood band he gave me that mostly kept my finger in GREEN mode..................... What would you have done? Kept it or gave it, and why?

Keep it! Why? YOU paid for it.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

If you have it, it's yours. He should've asked for it in the divorce if it was important to him. I told my ex that. I don't want him to keep coming back to me asking me for things. So, I cut the strings.

[chispas 0]

Bensa.....

If he wanted the ring to "pretend" he was still married, he could have gone to Zales and bought one for little or nothing. I am sure they have some for $29 on sale. So this leads me to think that he saw it as a financial gain in some way.

On another note, just wanted to let my fellow VJers know that my cursor jumps around my laptop screen when I type causing my messages to appear "funky" at times. Dell comes out today to change my motherboard so we'll see if this helps. Sorry for the illegible posts sometimes.

[His Glory 25]

Well, guys arent really sentimental and its during the time when he was not in the state of mind to be able to reflect and lament over his mistakes. So there was an ulterior motive. So it sounds like it was for the reasons that you originally thought. Maybe telling his family he is still trying to "forgive" you for what you have done and hopefully work it out. Probably didnt want to hear lectures and rumors flying. Also without the ring its as if he was stripped of his dignity and came back home naked.

[rgb404 0]

Well Besagin all I can say is as hard as it is just let it go. Don't harbor any ill feelings towards him or his family. Blood is thicker than water and not worth your fight at this point. Ask God to forgive them and bless you as well. If you continue to let it bother you it will just cause you stress and illness...trust me this is coming from a medical professional. Go have some fun and occupy your mind in better ways. Time heals all wounds.

Take care