americans fiances and wives and Exs issues

[ebonyqueen 0]

I would like to kno if the OP has these feelings because it is part of the Muslim religion. If so, I would like to hear more. Because everyone has beliefs set forth by the religion they practice. And there are also varying degrees of devotion to that religion based on the individual. Whenever we marry outside our religion, just as outside our culture or race, we have to respect the beliefs, experiences and lifestyles of our spouse. And that goes both ways. Understanding, communication, compromise and love should be what gets us thru difficult times.

[Aymerlu 3]

Hi visa journey people...

i am here today not to ask for some help regarding the process or anything ,buto to try to know what people think regarding Exs boyfreinds issues and husband etc i mean old affairs before they get involved in a relationship with a MENA man...we all know that mentalities and cultures and civilizations are different and that is what make the world beautiful and not boring in my opinion but some points can be an issues ,if you are engaged to a MENA man do you still talk to your Ex if u'd meet him somewhere ,by accident ,if you had any freinds which is called in US "friend with benefits" do you talk to him is there any kind of communication and contact still ,especially if u live in same town ,city as they do ..im asking this because there is no MENA man ,or a muslim would accept this from his woman ,its abosolutely unacceptable and actually for me too since im from MENA...we talk alot abt this issues me and my Fiancé and she actually never talk to any one from past ,there was some stuff going on of course before i come along into her life but its past ,the only issue that i have is her child ....she had a child from a previous relationship and i have issues with ehr meeting the dad every weekend to take child to him or him coming by the house topick child up ,and at the same time i so wnat the child to have the dad around and i no wanna be a reason for drama ,i told her u better find a way with making an arrangement withs chool or something it doenst make me happy the dad is close to our space and life ,so i no wanna sound crazy or selfish or narrowminded ,i know she has no feelings for him nothing and its all me ,but still want him away from us ,not jealousy as much as it has to do with my pride and dignity and principles ,thats me and maybe im wrong i dont know ...i so want to know how do you handle stuff with ur kids dad and what ur man say about it .its a hot topic for women involved with MENA men actuallt ,i mean muslims ....i have read an article here before i even get an acct here about a lady here has issues abt her past with he current husband ,i dont emember the thread really ,but i soo undrstand whats going on with them ,the best solution to work stuff out is to try as much as u can to make ur man he is you everything now and if u did somethings crazy like having a "freind with benifit" or anything maybe he needs to hear from u that u realize what ya did was wrong and crazy ..actually i have issues swallow that term "freind with benifit" and how it goes goodness ...anywya i will look forward to hear from any one live the situation or similar ones ,or has something to say about this

First of all, your fiance has a child with her ex. You need to put on your be the bigger person and face the fact that her ex will always still be a part of her life somehow even if you or her don't like it. They have a past together and a child together. Nothing you can do about this. You both really need to talk about this issue and get things worked out before you come here because if you don't talk about it now, it could get really ugly when you get here.

I guess I'm a bit confused about the "friends with benefits" comment. Are you saying your fiance has this type of friend?

Edited December 28, 2007 by Aymerlu

[morocco4ever 63]

Interesting subject, and I have to agree 100% with everyones opinion here. When a child is involved it is much healthier for the child if she can see that her parents can discuss issues that involve the child. It is also her responsibility to ensure that her child is given to him, whether she meets him or he comes to her house. Basically this means that you have to accept this if you choose to marry this woman. This does not mean that they she needs to agree with any type of extended time together with him however. The drunken phone calls are unacceptable of course. One thing I haven't seen addressed her, and perhaps I skimmed through it too quickly and missed it. This is the responsibility of your fiance to tell him that it is unacepptable. She can politely ask him "do you have anything to discuss with me about our child?". If he can't she can simply hang up the phone. If he calls back she can turn off the phone until he gets sober again. You shouldn't make any demands on her because this is her responsibility to handle.

Basically what I am saying is to trust her and stay out of the middle of it. The only thing that you will create if you make demands is problems between you and her.

[caybee 21]

Interesting subject, and I have to agree 100% with everyones opinion here. When a child is involved it is much healthier for the child if she can see that her parents can discuss issues that involve the child. It is also her responsibility to ensure that her child is given to him, whether she meets him or he comes to her house. Basically this means that you have to accept this if you choose to marry this woman. This does not mean that they she needs to agree with any type of extended time together with him however. The drunken phone calls are unacceptable of course. One thing I haven't seen addressed her, and perhaps I skimmed through it too quickly and missed it. This is the responsibility of your fiance to tell him that it is unacepptable. She can politely ask him "do you have anything to discuss with me about our child?". If he can't she can simply hang up the phone. If he calls back she can turn off the phone until he gets sober again. You shouldn't make any demands on her because this is her responsibility to handle.

Basically what I am saying is to trust her and stay out of the middle of it. The only thing that you will create if you make demands is problems between you and her.

All very sound advice.