Hi Everyone!

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Wow. I log on and see all these new faces, and some familiar ones too. It seems I have been gone for a long time, but it's really only been two months.

So many things have been happening around my house and in my family. My husband arrived from Jordan on Oct 31. Being here was hard for him at first, adjusting to being a father, a husband, and being totally seperated from his family wasn't easy. Thank God he finally got thru the worst of it.

I think the adjustment was harder for me. Being a single woman for the past 11 years had made me so super independant, that there were a few days that I totally forgot he was even here! I was so used to just picking up and going when I wanted to, now I have to wait for him to get readry. I had posted once that I was not looking forward to shopping with him, and I still hold that thought in my mind. LOL He can spend 3 hours comparing jeans by price, weight, style, fit and comfort! Christmas shopping for his family took us many, many hours and I was exhausted by the end of it. After that day I decided to NOT ask his opinion or for his help when it came time to shop for my family.

My mom took a turn for the worse about two weeks ago. I guess all the pain and discomfort of her illness finally got to her and her mind shut down. At first there were a few moments of lucidity each day, but now she hallucinates, and talks out of her head for the most part. My sister had been caring for her in her home,(sis is an RN), but it got so hard that we put her into a rehab center, hoping that she would regain at least some of her strength back. Today we had to transfer her from the rehab center to the hospital. I would estimate that at least 30 percent of her body is covered with pressure ulcers from mismanagment of her care in the rehab center. This is a hard decision to make at the best of times, even harder it seems in the Holiday Season.

My husband goes for his biometrics appointment on January 4th, just a few days before out one year anniversary. Wow, that sounds odd to say. Soon we will be married for one year, and have been together for only 2 months of that time.

I have a bit of advice for everyone here, and Please don't think I am trying to sway anyones mind or elude that you don't know what you want.

Going thru the visa process, it can be SO challenging, so hard. It's almost like playing a game and you are determined to win at any cost.

It's important that you don't forget that this is real life.

I married my husband after only 6 months or so of knowing him online and only 4 days of having met him in the real life. After only 10 days, I came back to the US and we continued our relationship online (of course).

Since he has been here, I have learned things about him that I never new before, not because I didn't want to know, and not because he tried to hide it, it just never came up in any of our online conversations. Now, I am not saying he is a bad person, because he is not. He is a kind, gentle, sweet person. Very caring and concerned and supportive.

But! There HAVE been issues that we have had to work thru, fight about and nearly divorced over. I won't go into any details.

I guess all I am trying to say is that you should TRY to know anything and everything about your SO that you possibly can so there won't be any surprises along the way, I know, easier said than done.

LOL Anyway, off my soapbox now! Here is wishing ALL of visa journey a MERRY CHRISTMAS, A HAPPY NEW YEAR, AND BLESSINGS TO ALL THAT ARE WAITING ON NEWS FROM THE EMBASSY'S, USCIS, OR NVC! WISHING ALL OF YOU A HAPPY AND SPEEDY PROCESS! INSHALLAH, AND GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Good to see you and thx for sharing your insights into marriage!

[~~~water~~~ 0]

good to hear from you again....... Thanks for the from the heart update

[Nasturtium 500]

Tammy-- email me sometime! I'm glad things look more up.

[monnik 0]

Hey Tammy !

It's so nice to see your post.

I am so glad that you have been spending time with your husband & getting to know eachother more and more each day.

Your advice sounds so sound and reasonable. You are learning a lot from him, I can tell.

I think that it's great to take the time to get to know your husband as much as possible, too. I am so grateful and appreciative of the time that I have spent here with my husband and his family. I think our adjustment to eachother would have been about the same in either country, but I would have never been able to get the experience of knowing my in-laws this intimately in USA.

My advice to anyone would be : take advantage of every opportunity to get to know them and spend time with your spouse and their family.

Good luck Tammy on finishing your holidays with ease and have a Merry Christmas.

(F)

[doodlebugg 10]

Good to hear from you Tammy! I'm so sorry about your mom. I hope she recovers!

[~Jackie~ 30]

Hi Tammy! Good to see you here again.

Jackie

[MelindaandTarek 0]

HI Tammy, Very nice to hear from you and thanks for sharing....I hope you have a wonderful holiday w/ur husband and your family - Melinda

[Marry American 0]

Thanks for your insight. Marriage is very difficult. I find it challenging everyday.

[amal 4]

Good to see you around again. Yes, I agree that there are many "interesting" things that happen after they get here. There is no way to find out everything beforehand so there are surprises. Thanks for being honest and sharing. If you need anything, u know how to reach me hon. Have a very merry christmas!!!

amal

[♥Sora_9_Dam3a♥ 0]

thanks for the post! i hope all goes well for you!! i understand what you mean..my husband's not here yet, but i know that it will be a challenge to adjust once he does get here. if you think about it, the time that you spend with him online and even when you were together--he had a comfortable, stable job...he wasn't struggling with a new language, he had his family all around him...so once they get here and they're starting from scratch, it gets tough. so even if you knew him extremely well from the start, you haven't seen him in this situation. i'm kind of worried. my husband's working in a pretty high position with a bachelor's degree and he's very well respected, but i know when he gets over here and we go job-searching--it's going to be something completely new for him..and since i'll be spending so much more time with him..every second of everyday..i'll be the only one there when he's venting...i'm mentally preparing myself from now..haha..

i don't know if that's what you meant...but i remembered that when i read your post..hehe...

BUT..i know, we haven't spent enough time with our SOs to find out ALL their habits...but i guess that adds in a little excitement.. haha..

anyway, in the end, i feel like the distance really strengthens our relationship and it makes it a lot easier to put up with anyyyyyything...

good luck everyone!!! all the best!!

oh! and enjoy the holidays!!!!!!!

[Donna A 4]

oh boy do i remember the days of having to wait an hour for him to get ready for a 5 minute trip to the store. i used to go crazy waiting on him. believe me i do not enjoy shopping with him either. he has to try every thing on and ask...does this look ok...are u sure...do u think they are too long...are u sure. drives me crazy.

anyway hang in there everything will be ok.

donna

[sarah and hicham 3]

You would think that it wouldn't be necessary to tell someone to make sure that they spend a lot of time together with their SO before marrying, but sadly, it seems to happen a lot around here that people go visit and get married only days after getting off the plane. I personally could never marry someone that I have only spend 4 days with, but that's just me.

That is good advice on your part, especially since it applies to your own situation. I hope others take it to heart.

[Marry American 0]

You would think that it wouldn't be necessary to tell someone to make sure that they spend a lot of time together with their SO before marrying, but sadly, it seems to happen a lot around here that people go visit and get married only days after getting off the plane. I personally could never marry someone that I have only spend 4 days with, but that's just me.

That is good advice on your part, especially since it applies to your own situation. I hope others take it to heart.

How long did you spend with your husband before you married him?

[deadbird 2]

Hey Tammy! Glad to see a post from you, I was wondering how things were going.