What would u do ?

[Ta Ta 1]

Would u fight to get him deported, stay with him/her and let them drive you crazy , or would u divorce them and chalk the whole thing up to a lesson learned ?

And keep it moving.....lol

Love to hear your thoughts.

I would divorce him and move on with my life. After all I've been through (and still have to go through) to get him here, I couldn't see myself wasting another moment of my life on the situation. Trying to deport him would just be a timely, stressful, useless attempt. Why bother? Besides, if he was so desperate for a Green Card that he had to spend all this time pretending to love me, sleep with me, have his whole family lie to my face while I stayed under their roof....etc. etc. etc.......then, I hate to say it, but I would kind of feel sorry for him. Maybe that's just my nature. Trying to send him back to the place that he so desperately wanted to get out of, just seems cruel to me. I have a feeling I'll get a lot of criticism for that, but that's just me. Anyways, I don't pray for my situation to end in a way that I'd be asking myself that question. Many marriages fail for one reason or another. Most don't seek drastic revenge on their ex. I would definately consider it to be a lesson learned, but in my grief, I would also remember the amazing experience that I had just going to Africa; something that would never have likely happened otherwise.

It is rare for someone to obsess about deportation and you are correct most don't seek revenge but focus on living their life.

I agree with your other points as well.

[forchika 4]

Boy oh Boy, If I should have hate or get back at anyone surely it should be my American Ex that I was in a relationship with for 11yrs. All I can say was he was a mess and then some.... I was able to let that go with out any problems and did not sick revenge , sometimes it's better to" LET IT GO". He so wishes that he could get back with me so, I let that hope whip his but everyday, because it will NEVER be again. I would have to be !!!!!!

Another good point AKinstacey that I did not think about the whole amazing experience that I had also, going to Africa(Nigeria).

I like ZeeNusah words also!!!!!!

[idocare 3]

Having a baby I've found is one of the ways to show that you married with intent for the marriage to last. Anybody can make a baby, then while your alien spouse is telling you how much they love u and all, they have to show their love and we all know that in relationship and marriges we display our affection towards the other by making love.

I got pregnant within the first weeks of him being here, we weren't even married yet so sure he still showed love towards me......lol

They say if something is worth having it's worth fighting for. I can't understand how so many or I'll say the majority of u will just let the alien leave and not try to alert uscis of immigration fraud after all u did to get them here. But as I see most of you would just wait on the lord to deal with them and I know God will, but don't any of you believe in Faith without works are dead.

Everyone that applied for their spouse to come here to action to achieve that benefit, had u not took action nothing would of been accomplished. Many more of you work hard calling the Congressman and Senator fighting to get him here, I just don't understand why you'd just let him walk and not try to send him back once it's clear that u have been used for visa benefits.

You throw a child in the mix and it's much more complicated. Much harder to prove that they married u for a benefit even if they tell u to your face that they don't love you and never did, they will do what's necessary to stay here, telling immigration how rotten u were to them and how much they love their child even if they never see them.

My ex put in court papers that he can't bare to me cause it brings back such bad memories of how bad I treated him.......lol He also admitted during our divorce trail telling me that one day his son will come looking for him. So I guess I'[m having trouble figuring out whyany usc would just let that alien which totally used them just walk away without trying to report them and trying to get him sent back from whatever country he came from.

Another point is that it would only encourage the alien spouse to tell his friends and family that it works and they should try meeting anyone online and get them to marry you file for your papers, buy your ticket to the USA then just wait for adjustment or pull out early by preforming actions that will satisfy a VAWA ( I-360 ) then u can try filing on your own without the USC knowing any more of your business.

Then you can file your paperwork on your own.

[BESANGIN 0]

Having a baby I've found is one of the ways to show that you married with intent for the marriage to last. Anybody can make a baby, then while your alien spouse is telling you how much they love u and all, they have to show their love and we all know that in relationship and marriges we display our affection towards the other by making love.

I got pregnant within the first weeks of him being here, we weren't even married yet so sure he still showed love towards me......lol

They say if something is worth having it's worth fighting for. I can't understand how so many or I'll say the majority of u will just let the alien leave and not try to alert uscis of immigration fraud after all u did to get them here. But as I see most of you would just wait on the lord to deal with them and I know God will, but don't any of you believe in Faith without works are dead.

Everyone that applied for their spouse to come here to action to achieve that benefit, had u not took action nothing would of been accomplished. Many more of you work hard calling the Congressman and Senator fighting to get him here, I just don't understand why you'd just let him walk and not try to send him back once it's clear that u have been used for visa benefits.

You throw a child in the mix and it's much more complicated. Much harder to prove that they married u for a benefit even if they tell u to your face that they don't love you and never did, they will do what's necessary to stay here, telling immigration how rotten u were to them and how much they love their child even if they never see them.

My ex put in court papers that he can't bare to me cause it brings back such bad memories of how bad I treated him.......lol He also admitted during our divorce trail telling me that one day his son will come looking for him. So I guess I'[m having trouble figuring out whyany usc would just let that alien which totally used them just walk away without trying to report them and trying to get him sent back from whatever country he came from.

Another point is that it would only encourage the alien spouse to tell his friends and family that it works and they should try meeting anyone online and get them to marry you file for your papers, buy your ticket to the USA then just wait for adjustment or pull out early by preforming actions that will satisfy a VAWA ( I-360 ) then u can try filing on your own without the USC knowing any more of your business.

Then you can file your paperwork on your own.

Well for me, I was angry beyond belief with my EX, and I wanted him to suffer like I was suffering. But after getting advice from a friend who is a supervisor at MBC, there was only one way to get him deported and it would have taken me stooping to his level to accomplish that, and I was not going to do that. One thing I did know was that he was fully aware of what he had done. He felt the guilt and the shame of it, and to get through it he drinks HEAVILY to numb that guilt and shame. I have faith that God is working on behalf, and I have not had to do anything. The fact that we didn't sit still and let God work in the first place it what got us here. God doesn't need our help doing anything and that is what I learned too late. So what our stories can do for others is not teach them how to go and get their SO's deported when they start acting a fool, because we don't know how their situations will turn out, but we need to educate them on what to look for and what to avoid BEFORE they get to the level that you and I got to. Now it took time for me to realize that every ounce of thought and concern I gave to my situation and how I could make him suffer like me was only giving him control over my life and prohibiting me from moving forward to prepare myself for a real, honest and fulfilling relationship. So I had to let go for my own peace of mind and self healing. I was told by many when I couldn't figure out why I still cared and worried about him after all that he had done. They sinply said that you will know when he is out of your system when what he does, says, thinks or feels doesn't matter to you. For instance when he gets a new girlfriends or in his case girlfriends, My thought will be good for him. I hope these will work out better for him, and I keep it moving. I may think about what he's doing or how he's doing, but I don't start lamenting about why why why or what should or could of been. I just tell myself he is fine and not mine to worry about and I'm good.

Do you want to be in love or in a relationship again? If you are, you are already going into a bad situation. Because if you are taking that determination with you into that relationship, that is going to tell your man that you are still carrying something for your EX to be so engrossed with all the drama to deport him. The likelihood of you getting a good man who is going to tolerate you trying to be with him and spend so much time and resources deporting your EX is slim. HE AIN'T HAVING that! But if this is a fight you plan to take to your grave alone then I say do what you have to do, but for me I am too old and he ain't worth that kind of energy to me. Plus he's the one living with, Damn I messed up! How could I have been so stupid?! I have learned that it bothers him more that I am not pursuing him or there at his beck and call than anything else. Plus again God been spankin' that A$$ anyway! Getting him in ways I couldn't have dreamed of. I believe you are interpreting that passage faith without works to fit what you need, but God did not intend that to be for revenge. You may not see it but to all that you share with Idocare, it comes across as vengence, and it does NOT seem like you have faith that God is working on your behalf because you keep trying to help Him out which is basically saying to him, You ain't taking care of this the way I want so let me show You how to do it. Again to me that is what got us here in the first place. You and I know the pain of it and that's why I understand when and whatever you post, but I am so scared that you are not healing yourself, for you and for "Little Man". I always wish you the best on your journey. Will always be there for you too. Sonya

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Having a baby I've found is one of the ways to show that you married with intent for the marriage to last. Anybody can make a baby, then while your alien spouse is telling you how much they love u and all, they have to show their love and we all know that in relationship and marriges we display our affection towards the other by making love.

I got pregnant within the first weeks of him being here, we weren't even married yet so sure he still showed love towards me......lol

They say if something is worth having it's worth fighting for. I can't understand how so many or I'll say the majority of u will just let the alien leave and not try to alert uscis of immigration fraud after all u did to get them here. But as I see most of you would just wait on the lord to deal with them and I know God will, but don't any of you believe in Faith without works are dead.

Everyone that applied for their spouse to come here to action to achieve that benefit, had u not took action nothing would of been accomplished. Many more of you work hard calling the Congressman and Senator fighting to get him here, I just don't understand why you'd just let him walk and not try to send him back once it's clear that u have been used for visa benefits.

You throw a child in the mix and it's much more complicated. Much harder to prove that they married u for a benefit even if they tell u to your face that they don't love you and never did, they will do what's necessary to stay here, telling immigration how rotten u were to them and how much they love their child even if they never see them.

My ex put in court papers that he can't bare to me cause it brings back such bad memories of how bad I treated him.......lol He also admitted during our divorce trail telling me that one day his son will come looking for him. So I guess I'[m having trouble figuring out whyany usc would just let that alien which totally used them just walk away without trying to report them and trying to get him sent back from whatever country he came from.

Another point is that it would only encourage the alien spouse to tell his friends and family that it works and they should try meeting anyone online and get them to marry you file for your papers, buy your ticket to the USA then just wait for adjustment or pull out early by preforming actions that will satisfy a VAWA ( I-360 ) then u can try filing on your own without the USC knowing any more of your business.

Then you can file your paperwork on your own.

Reporting it to immigration is a necessary step. Launching what sounds like a campaign to have him deported is more than I'm willing to pursue. My relationship with my ex ended painfully after 10 years. I was very angry and often I'm still angry about the situation he left me and my daughter in and the mind games he played on us both. But I love myself and my baby sooooo much I had to take my power back from him. Once I took care of the divorce, I had to move on. And if something like that happened with Bassi (God blessings that it never occur), I would do the same. My own personal strength, growth and well-being are always going to be more important. And the fact that I have to take care of a growing new person, my baby, I have to set my priorities right. And an errant man is not that.

[Ta Ta 1]

Besanging and Zainab very well said

[We_Destiny 1]

Having a baby I've found is one of the ways to show that you married with intent for the marriage to last. Anybody can make a baby, then while your alien spouse is telling you how much they love u and all, they have to show their love and we all know that in relationship and marriges we display our affection towards the other by making love.

I got pregnant within the first weeks of him being here, we weren't even married yet so sure he still showed love towards me......lol

They say if something is worth having it's worth fighting for. I can't understand how so many or I'll say the majority of u will just let the alien leave and not try to alert uscis of immigration fraud after all u did to get them here. But as I see most of you would just wait on the lord to deal with them and I know God will, but don't any of you believe in Faith without works are dead.

Everyone that applied for their spouse to come here to action to achieve that benefit, had u not took action nothing would of been accomplished. Many more of you work hard calling the Congressman and Senator fighting to get him here, I just don't understand why you'd just let him walk and not try to send him back once it's clear that u have been used for visa benefits.

You throw a child in the mix and it's much more complicated. Much harder to prove that they married u for a benefit even if they tell u to your face that they don't love you and never did, they will do what's necessary to stay here, telling immigration how rotten u were to them and how much they love their child even if they never see them.

My ex put in court papers that he can't bare to me cause it brings back such bad memories of how bad I treated him.......lol He also admitted during our divorce trail telling me that one day his son will come looking for him. So I guess I'[m having trouble figuring out whyany usc would just let that alien which totally used them just walk away without trying to report them and trying to get him sent back from whatever country he came from.

Another point is that it would only encourage the alien spouse to tell his friends and family that it works and they should try meeting anyone online and get them to marry you file for your papers, buy your ticket to the USA then just wait for adjustment or pull out early by preforming actions that will satisfy a VAWA ( I-360 ) then u can try filing on your own without the USC knowing any more of your business.

Then you can file your paperwork on your own.

God doesn't need our help doing anything and that is what I learned too late. So what our stories can do for others is not teach them how to go and get their SO's deported when they start acting a fool, because we don't know how their situations will turn out, but we need to educate them on what to look for and what to avoid BEFORE they get to the level that you and I got to. Now it took time for me to realize that every ounce of thought and concern I gave to my situation and how I could make him suffer like me was only giving him control over my life and prohibiting me from moving forward to prepare myself for a real, honest and fulfilling relationship. So I had to let go for my own peace of mind and self healing.

Do you want to be in love or in a relationship again?

The likelihood of you getting a good man who is going to tolerate you trying to be with him and spend so much time and resources deporting your EX is slim. HE AIN'T HAVING that!

I believe you are interpreting that passage faith without works to fit what you need, but God did not intend that to be for revenge. You may not see it but to all that you share with Idocare, it comes across as vengence, and it does NOT seem like you have faith that God is working on your behalf because you keep trying to help Him out which is basically saying to him, You ain't taking care of this the way I want so let me show You how to do it. Again to me that is what got us here in the first place. You and I know the pain of it and that's why I understand when and whatever you post, but I am so scared that you are not healing yourself, for you and for "Little Man". I always wish you the best on your journey. Will always be there for you too. Sonya

I agree with a lot of your statements regarding healing, moving on and letting go and letting God. I am only quoting your post to acknowledge this fact. The rest of the post is related to idocare's posting.

I have been noticing the constant tie-in to the ex regarding most postings by idocare, at first I was sympathetic to the predicament / situation she found herself in. But, now I feel pity for her (not to say that she is seeking pity, this is just the emotion that I feel) the post have went beyond informative and are extremely sad, discouraging and malicious. In life things happen and it takes two people to have a relationship and two people to destroy it. I am not perfect and neither is anyone, we all make choices on how to handle relationship situations. So please don't take this the wrong way, I am not judging you or attempting to disparage you in any way. But sometimes tough love is needed to help us look at reality

(my history) Prior to my current relationship I have dated several African men over the course of the last 9 years from South Africa to Nigeria and a few countries in between . Since you constantly post your story (as is your right to do), I feel that I can comment on an aspect to which I have noticed regarding your post. In my experience most men, but especially, African men cannot stand constant nagging (beating a dead horse) of an issue. I can only assume based on your constant (beating of a dead horse) in this forum (which is your right to do), that it was a personality characteristics that was displayed by you in your marriage.

We-Destiny's Steps to Conflict Free Communication IMO

Address the issue and give him a little room and time to make the needed corrections of the complaint.

If none are made in a respectable time-frame give him suggestions of what would make you happy.

If nothing is done maybe having another discussion to clarify how you feel, and to confirm that he has no intention of making changes?

Is his decision to not make the change affecting the relationship in a negative way?

If not, accept it and move on and recognize that accepting is releasing the issue and letting it go.

If the issue falls in the category of non-negotiable dig deep into prayer and self-reflection, come to terms with-in yourself on what your next move should be and act on it.

One last thing, you keep posting that your husband scammed you, and I am sure in your hurting you believe that. I don't know either of you; I can only assume that just as you wanted him to change certain aspects of his personality to your liking; he more than likely had the same desires of you. So my assumption is that you both were likely disappointed by the other. With any situation that causes and emotional reaction / response be it bad or good some self-reflection has to take place. As I stated in the beginning it takes two to make a relationship and the same two to break it. We all must own up to our actions and mistakes. As a suggestion maybe if you began to recognize and or post some of the mistakes that you made in your relationship that leed to the situation you now find yourself in. Your post might become informative; and helpful to people in developing, maintaining and becoming more informed in their current relationships. And not what they have become (a continual the dooms-day is coming... look at what he did to me... I bet it will happen to you so jump ship...don't trust foreign medical doctors that were turned down for visiting visas... don't trust Nigerians... scammer alert, scammer alert self righteous pity-party. YOU "KEEP IT MOVING" I have seen this phrase used by several people not sure who to credit it to.

[Ta Ta 1]

I am glad I am not the only one seeing this.

My thoughts were the same, that perhaps an obsessive, nagging trait may have to be dealt with but didn't want to say it before.

I think one choses to remain in a victim mentality so one does not have to look within the self. We don't like ugly in ourselves.

Been there done there, have the T-shirt and sometimes wear the hat............but until the look at our own self takes place we continue to

behave like a victim spewing revenge and bitterness. Looking within is not easy to do but oh so liberating versus the burden of denial and

the finger pointing.

Anger is always used to cover pain but there comes a time for serious self reflection. Nobody is perfect and a pancake always has two sides to it.

I have addressed this issue just a few minutes ago in the "Backgroud checks " topic where again this revenge spilled out.

I advice a good counselor for all those who are unable to look within for accountability and responsibility to become emotionally well adjusted

people and to be healthy for another relationship.

[BESANGIN 0]

KEEP IT MOVIN'!!!

That's mine, girlfriend, and I live by it now. Keeps drama to a minimum!!!

[We_Destiny 1]

KEEP IT MOVIN'!!!

That's mine, girlfriend, and I live by it now. Keeps drama to a minimum!!!

I thought it might have been yours based on some of your posting lingo from previous post. But, I did not want to assume that since sooooo many people are using it. (you should start looking and or asking for royalites)

[BESANGIN 0]

KEEP IT MOVIN'!!!

That's mine, girlfriend, and I live by it now. Keeps drama to a minimum!!!

I thought it might have been yours based on some of your posting lingo from previous post. But, I did not want to assume that since sooooo many people are using it. (you should start looking and or asking for royalites)

Well I do give out freebies sometimes!!!!

[sweet_peach 0]

First i would be floored by the findings of my SO only wanting a GC. Then i would have to call the Academy Awards nominate him for an Oscar because his "roll" in our relationship is so believable that it would deserve an one.

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Having a baby I've found is one of the ways to show that you married with intent for the marriage to last. Anybody can make a baby, then while your alien spouse is telling you how much they love u and all, they have to show their love and we all know that in relationship and marriges we display our affection towards the other by making love.

I got pregnant within the first weeks of him being here, we weren't even married yet so sure he still showed love towards me......lol

They say if something is worth having it's worth fighting for. I can't understand how so many or I'll say the majority of u will just let the alien leave and not try to alert uscis of immigration fraud after all u did to get them here. But as I see most of you would just wait on the lord to deal with them and I know God will, but don't any of you believe in Faith without works are dead.

Everyone that applied for their spouse to come here to action to achieve that benefit, had u not took action nothing would of been accomplished. Many more of you work hard calling the Congressman and Senator fighting to get him here, I just don't understand why you'd just let him walk and not try to send him back once it's clear that u have been used for visa benefits.

You throw a child in the mix and it's much more complicated. Much harder to prove that they married u for a benefit even if they tell u to your face that they don't love you and never did, they will do what's necessary to stay here, telling immigration how rotten u were to them and how much they love their child even if they never see them.

My ex put in court papers that he can't bare to me cause it brings back such bad memories of how bad I treated him.......lol He also admitted during our divorce trail telling me that one day his son will come looking for him. So I guess I'[m having trouble figuring out whyany usc would just let that alien which totally used them just walk away without trying to report them and trying to get him sent back from whatever country he came from.

Another point is that it would only encourage the alien spouse to tell his friends and family that it works and they should try meeting anyone online and get them to marry you file for your papers, buy your ticket to the USA then just wait for adjustment or pull out early by preforming actions that will satisfy a VAWA ( I-360 ) then u can try filing on your own without the USC knowing any more of your business.

Then you can file your paperwork on your own.

God doesn't need our help doing anything and that is what I learned too late. So what our stories can do for others is not teach them how to go and get their SO's deported when they start acting a fool, because we don't know how their situations will turn out, but we need to educate them on what to look for and what to avoid BEFORE they get to the level that you and I got to. Now it took time for me to realize that every ounce of thought and concern I gave to my situation and how I could make him suffer like me was only giving him control over my life and prohibiting me from moving forward to prepare myself for a real, honest and fulfilling relationship. So I had to let go for my own peace of mind and self healing.

Do you want to be in love or in a relationship again?

The likelihood of you getting a good man who is going to tolerate you trying to be with him and spend so much time and resources deporting your EX is slim. HE AIN'T HAVING that!

I believe you are interpreting that passage faith without works to fit what you need, but God did not intend that to be for revenge. You may not see it but to all that you share with Idocare, it comes across as vengence, and it does NOT seem like you have faith that God is working on your behalf because you keep trying to help Him out which is basically saying to him, You ain't taking care of this the way I want so let me show You how to do it. Again to me that is what got us here in the first place. You and I know the pain of it and that's why I understand when and whatever you post, but I am so scared that you are not healing yourself, for you and for "Little Man". I always wish you the best on your journey. Will always be there for you too. Sonya

I agree with a lot of your statements regarding healing, moving on and letting go and letting God. I am only quoting your post to acknowledge this fact. The rest of the post is related to idocare's posting.

I have been noticing the constant tie-in to the ex regarding most postings by idocare, at first I was sympathetic to the predicament / situation she found herself in. But, now I feel pity for her (not to say that she is seeking pity, this is just the emotion that I feel) the post have went beyond informative and are extremely sad, discouraging and malicious. In life things happen and it takes two people to have a relationship and two people to destroy it. I am not perfect and neither is anyone, we all make choices on how to handle relationship situations. So please don't take this the wrong way, I am not judging you or attempting to disparage you in any way. But sometimes tough love is needed to help us look at reality

(my history) Prior to my current relationship I have dated several African men over the course of the last 9 years from South Africa to Nigeria and a few countries in between . Since you constantly post your story (as is your right to do), I feel that I can comment on an aspect to which I have noticed regarding your post. In my experience most men, but especially, African men cannot stand constant nagging (beating a dead horse) of an issue. I can only assume based on your constant (beating of a dead horse) in this forum (which is your right to do), that it was a personality characteristics that was displayed by you in your marriage.

We-Destiny's Steps to Conflict Free Communication IMO

Address the issue and give him a little room and time to make the needed corrections of the complaint.

If none are made in a respectable time-frame give him suggestions of what would make you happy.

If nothing is done maybe having another discussion to clarify how you feel, and to confirm that he has no intention of making changes?

Is his decision to not make the change affecting the relationship in a negative way?

If not, accept it and move on and recognize that accepting is releasing the issue and letting it go.

If the issue falls in the category of non-negotiable dig deep into prayer and self-reflection, come to terms with-in yourself on what your next move should be and act on it.

One last thing, you keep posting that your husband scammed you, and I am sure in your hurting you believe that. I don't know either of you; I can only assume that just as you wanted him to change certain aspects of his personality to your liking; he more than likely had the same desires of you. So my assumption is that you both were likely disappointed by the other. With any situation that causes and emotional reaction / response be it bad or good some self-reflection has to take place. As I stated in the beginning it takes two to make a relationship and the same two to break it. We all must own up to our actions and mistakes. As a suggestion maybe if you began to recognize and or post some of the mistakes that you made in your relationship that leed to the situation you now find yourself in. Your post might become informative; and helpful to people in developing, maintaining and becoming more informed in their current relationships. And not what they have become (a continual the dooms-day is coming... look at what he did to me... I bet it will happen to you so jump ship...don't trust foreign medical doctors that were turned down for visiting visas... don't trust Nigerians... scammer alert, scammer alert self righteous pity-party. YOU "KEEP IT MOVING" I have seen this phrase used by several people not sure who to credit it to.

Well said............

[ForeverAmen 0]

Having a baby I've found is one of the ways to show that you married with intent for the marriage to last. Anybody can make a baby, then while your alien spouse is telling you how much they love u and all, they have to show their love and we all know that in relationship and marriges we display our affection towards the other by making love.

I got pregnant within the first weeks of him being here, we weren't even married yet so sure he still showed love towards me......lol

They say if something is worth having it's worth fighting for. I can't understand how so many or I'll say the majority of u will just let the alien leave and not try to alert uscis of immigration fraud after all u did to get them here. But as I see most of you would just wait on the lord to deal with them and I know God will, but don't any of you believe in Faith without works are dead.

Everyone that applied for their spouse to come here to action to achieve that benefit, had u not took action nothing would of been accomplished. Many more of you work hard calling the Congressman and Senator fighting to get him here, I just don't understand why you'd just let him walk and not try to send him back once it's clear that u have been used for visa benefits.

You throw a child in the mix and it's much more complicated. Much harder to prove that they married u for a benefit even if they tell u to your face that they don't love you and never did, they will do what's necessary to stay here, telling immigration how rotten u were to them and how much they love their child even if they never see them.

My ex put in court papers that he can't bare to me cause it brings back such bad memories of how bad I treated him.......lol He also admitted during our divorce trail telling me that one day his son will come looking for him. So I guess I'[m having trouble figuring out whyany usc would just let that alien which totally used them just walk away without trying to report them and trying to get him sent back from whatever country he came from.

Another point is that it would only encourage the alien spouse to tell his friends and family that it works and they should try meeting anyone online and get them to marry you file for your papers, buy your ticket to the USA then just wait for adjustment or pull out early by preforming actions that will satisfy a VAWA ( I-360 ) then u can try filing on your own without the USC knowing any more of your business.

Then you can file your paperwork on your own.

I pondered whether or not I should send you a PM, or simply reply for all to view. I chose to make my comments visible to all, with hopes that someone else may benefit.

Idocare - As my sister in Christ I love you. When you hurt I hurt, when you rejoice I rejoice. I've sent you a PM in the past in which I shared with you the fact that I have a 1st cousin who has gone through is very similar situation as your own. In my PM I even shared with you the fact that I enjoy your unselfish act of boldness in an effort to prevent others from walking the same path. Today as I write this message, I want to again publicly let you know that I appreciate you not backing away from sharing your truth.

In addition to my thoughts of appreciation, I wish to strongly encourage you to seek forgiveness for what Victor has put you through. How it happened, and who did what is none of my business. But out of love it is my duty to make you aware that vengence is the Lord's, and the battle if NOT yours. Don't let anything, or anyone occupy space in your mind if it does not pay you rent.

Please note that I am not telling you to fight, or not fight for his deportation. That decision must be made by you. The reason I am so strong in my belief is because I too was once made an absolute fool out of by a guy I thought was my true love. After getting to know him for his true colors, I used every possible opportunity I could get to let others know the lack of character this man held. Anyone that would listen .... I told my story. In the midst of all of this, I received feedback from others encouraging me to 'let it go'. But like yourself, my mentality was Hell NO! I want EVERYBODY to know what he did to me. As a matter of fact, I contacted his now ex-wife (at the time he told me he was divorced), and offered to be a witness in his divorce hearing regarding his infidelity. I was on a war path!! And like I mentioned, everybody and there momma were trying to tell me to let it go; vengence is the Lord; he ain't worth it; you name it - I've heard it. And I could never quite understand 'whose side "they" were on'.

As the Lord would have it - years after the relationship was over I had the opportunity to see the movie "The Diary of a Mad Black Woman". Idocare, when I heard the words of Cissy Tice advising the scorn wife (I can't remember her name) how she can't truely move on in life until she forgives her ex husband .... all of a sudden I had a light bulb moment. FINALLY - I was starting to understand why forgiveness was so important. If you've already seen this movie, may I suggest that you please see it again. It really made a difference in how I started to view things.

Your hurt is your hurt. Your desire to help others not experience your hurt is great. I do agree with others that sometimes your desire to share your story does pop up in posts that are a bit off the subject. But like I said - your hurt is your hurt. Only you can own it. But in the midst of it all - please remember what I said earlier - Don't let anything, or anyone occupy space in your mind if it does not pay you rent.

I don't know who you are. But I am sincerely concerned about all that your going through. Handle things however you may choose, just please .... forgive him. Not for his benefit, but for yours.

Sincerely,

Boaz

[HBO 0]

Wow!!! Very interesting responses. Idocare I can't imagine what you are going through and maybe I can. Let's put it like this my EX spent time in prison for attempted murder. Get the picture.

I am here only by the Grace of God I couldn't get past the thought that someone hated me so much that they wanted to end my life. It wasn't me he hated it was himself that he hated. It was hard for me to trust anyone and I still have problems with the "trust issue". For three years I avoided men at all cost. I didn't hate them, I just didn't want to be around them. I cried for those three years, even with my sons at home they never knew my pain, I too am a good actress. I prayed, I cried, and I tried to think of ways to hurt him. Then I went to see him in prison. He couldn't touch me but I had to forgive him and let it go. So you will know, I visited him the day before our divorce (4/15/02) because I needed closure. He cried and I told him, don't cry you will be free to love again. Well he was free after three years, remarried and tried to kill her. Let me guess, he's back in prison. I am one year from completing my BS in Accounting and I am working as an Accountant. God gave me strength to "Keep it moving" and focus on his blessing, his forgive and his love. And to for me to realize that he loves me no matter what and I love me no matter what.

Steps I took. I wrote letters to him but never mailed them. That was not my intention to mail them but to let go of the anger and the pain. That was one way of healing for me. You really need to find a way to let it go. Write letters to Victor, (don't mailed them) cry your eyes out, pray, pray, and pray. Forgive him, forgive him and forgive him. Go to Marshall, TJ Maxx, etc. I know that it is hard for you. You can't imagine someone saying they love you and hurt you. No one can but it happens.

I still write to myself. I have more journals than Books A Million. I am not a writer but when it come to venting I am the best writer ever. Please try it.

I know you are probably venting here but also do it alone. I promise you it will work. One of my dear friend who is no longer with us, gave me a book. The title: What you think of me is none of my business. I love this book for two reason, one it's a great book for healing and my best friend gave it me. It is next to the bible on my bookcase. Read the bible (the best book on earth) it is so relaxing and informative. You must forgive him girl and go on with your life.

Another good book: One Day My Soul Just Opened Up = Iyanla Vanzant

How's your son? I have three sons. My precious gifts from God.

Take care of your self and your gift from God. Hold your head up girl, "this too shall pass."

Please excuse any errors.

Constance

Edited January 3, 2008 by HakeemConstance