What would u do ?

[Ta Ta 1]

I would do the same as I stated before and get the child support rolling. If he was not abusive to my child I would be in support of

visitation for the child's benefit. The child should not suffer because the father has been dishonest.

[Ta Ta 1]

OK lets make this more difficult, you now have a child or children, now what would you do?

The same thing. I can only control me, myself and I. I have had to tell my daughter that. We didn't deal with the green card issue, but when I was going through living hell with her father, he also hurt her and said things to hurt her thinking it would make me give up. He threatened me that if I didn't stop filing for divorce he would leave our child and never see her again, and said this in front of her. I held my baby in my arms while she cried her little 3 year old heart out. Then I looked her in her eyes and told her point blank, Mommy can't control what daddy does, but mommy can keep you safe and will never leave you. She wrapped her arms around me and we never looked back. Me and her. Once I released him, he was lost. That same man, now pays child support (never once late), picks his child up for visitation every other week (never late) and hates my fiance, who he's sure will hurt me and destroy my life. "He won't be as good to you as I was." I can only hope!

Zainab that almost made me cry. You are a strong woman to be where you are and have a beautiful attitude.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

OK lets make this more difficult, you now have a child or children, now what would you do?

If the foreign spouse is just in it for the green card then children should not really be part of the equation, should they?

It only takes one time to make a child.

No shite. What I am saying is that I think a person that tries to work their way to the US via a fake marriage would not necessarily aim to have a child with their deceived spouse. That is assuming that said person has any shred of decency.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

OK lets make this more difficult, you now have a child or children, now what would you do?

If the foreign spouse is just in it for the green card then children should not really be part of the equation, should they?

It only takes one time to make a child.

No shite. What I am saying is that I think a person that tries to work their way to the US via a fake marriage would not necessarily aim to have a child with their deceived spouse. That is assuming that said person has any shred of decency.

My point is you don't have to aim (no pun intended) to have a child. I was on birth control when I conceived my daughter. Things happen.

[blah0323 0]

I definitely would divorce and let him be. I don't care whether he stays or goes, that is his issue. Peace of mind, is much better than the hold he would still have on me, if I was fighting immigration and all. I think in th long run I want to heal myself and unload the baggage so GOD can prepare me for the next stage of life he has in store for me.

[Divine Mercy 0]

I definitely would divorce and let him be. I don't care whether he stays or goes, that is his issue. Peace of mind, is much better than the hold he would still have on me, if I was fighting immigration and all. I think in th long run I want to heal myself and unload the baggage so GOD can prepare me for the next stage of life he has in store for me.

His A$$ will be on the first rat infested cargo ship back to Africa.

[chispas 0]

May I throw another monkey wrench into the question? What if the SO did use you to get a green card, but has "real" emotional issues. Not crazy like a fox or adjustment difficulties, but the kind that is on medication? What would all do then?

[Ta Ta 1]

I would have a very long talk with his psychiatrist and ask a lot of questions and do some research about the outcome of his mental / emotional illness.

If he was willing to stay on the prescribed medication and go to regular behavior modification counseling sessions, support group etc.

I would be willing to remain with him and try to have a future together if he would love me.

If he did not love me I would walk away and let him handle his illness and immigration issues by himself and move on.

I can be crazy all by myself and don't need any help.

[chispas 0]

I can be crazy all by myself and don't need any help.

This has to be the VJ Sub-Saharan quote of the day.

[HBO 0]

If Hakeem is marrying me for the "Green Card" then once he's here he need to get a job "acting". How would we know unless they tell us? I never thought about that until I started reading stories on this website. Now if that's his intention, then I wish him all the blessing in the world. I would say Good bye and say enjoy your blessing. I don't have time to fight him on any of these issues. If he can live with himself for marrying me for that reason, I can live without him for the same reason. I am going into this praying that we will be together forever but we all know that can turn around on any given day. I have to remain optimistic but not blind. So in other words I have my third eye open. Please excuse my writing skills, I am an accountant by trade.

Merry Christmas every one. :dance: :dance: :dance:

[forchika 4]

I agree with most here, that I would divorce and move on. The one thing that would be so hard would be preparing myself to be a single parent if kids were involved. I would "LET GO AND LET GOD HANDLE HIM" his punishment would be more than what I could or USCIS could ever do.

[BESANGIN 0]

I agree with most here, that I would divorce and move on. The one thing that would be so hard would be preparing myself to be a single parent if kids were involved. I would "LET GO AND LET GOD HANDLE HIM" his punishment would be more than what I could or USCIS could ever do.

Although my heart aches for children I am glad that none were born to our union. They would have deserved better, and it would have made things a lot more difficult.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Divorce!

[Zee Bee 61]

His a$$ would be on the street. What happens after he is out the door is not my problem.

Edited December 27, 2007 by ZeeNusah

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

Would u fight to get him deported, stay with him/her and let them drive you crazy , or would u divorce them and chalk the whole thing up to a lesson learned ?

And keep it moving.....lol

Love to hear your thoughts.

I would divorce him and move on with my life. After all I've been through (and still have to go through) to get him here, I couldn't see myself wasting another moment of my life on the situation. Trying to deport him would just be a timely, stressful, useless attempt. Why bother? Besides, if he was so desperate for a Green Card that he had to spend all this time pretending to love me, sleep with me, have his whole family lie to my face while I stayed under their roof....etc. etc. etc.......then, I hate to say it, but I would kind of feel sorry for him. Maybe that's just my nature. Trying to send him back to the place that he so desperately wanted to get out of, just seems cruel to me. I have a feeling I'll get a lot of criticism for that, but that's just me. Anyways, I don't pray for my situation to end in a way that I'd be asking myself that question. Many marriages fail for one reason or another. Most don't seek drastic revenge on their ex. I would definately consider it to be a lesson learned, but in my grief, I would also remember the amazing experience that I had just going to Africa; something that would never have likely happened otherwise.