How can I make her transition easier?

[Mike and Elisa 0]

My fiancee will be joining me from the Philippines in about a month (assuming we don't run into any problems with the interview on January 3).

I know it's not going to be an easy time for her. She will be leaving behind everything that is familiar. Her support structure (family and friends) will be an entire world away. I will be all that she has here.

There are a lot of people in this forum who have already gone through this and I'm hoping you will share your experiences and offer any advice you can think of that might help to ease her transition. What problems have you run into OTHER THAN general AOS, DL, SSN and other process related things. Those have all been covered in other threads. I'm talking more about cultural issues, communication problems, finding your way around and just generally fitting into your new life here.

This topic could easily apply to a much wider audience than just Filipinos, but since my fiancee is Filipino, I was hoping for more of a Filipino perspective.

[RonMay 1]

My fiancee will be joining me from the Philippines in about a month (assuming we don't run into any problems with the interview on January 3).

I know it's not going to be an easy time for her. She will be leaving behind everything that is familiar. Her support structure (family and friends) will be an entire world away. I will be all that she has here.

There are a lot of people in this forum who have already gone through this and I'm hoping you will share your experiences and offer any advice you can think of that might help to ease her transition. What problems have you run into OTHER THAN general AOS, DL, SSN and other process related things. Those have all been covered in other threads. I'm talking more about cultural issues, communication problems, finding your way around and just generally fitting into your new life here.

This topic could easily apply to a much wider audience than just Filipinos, but since my fiancee is Filipino, I was hoping for more of a Filipino perspective.

well when i got here in the US of course it was a freakin winter during that time lol so it was a shock for me espcially that not only the weather is cold enough, it is also dry (phil is a humid place). her skin will have a major changes if not for some, but it will be dry and itchy plus i was having some nose bleeding too my husband's friends were so curious about me, asking alot of questions and what i find them so odd that they're somehow surprised that i can speak and understand english very well (i told them all of us filipino can, knowing it is our 2nd language). so its a strugle somewhat when some people will treat you as if you dont know a thing at all or they have to explain the things they're holding in their hands like this is a spoon "for example" lol (it was like hello! philippines is not a cave-man country! ) lol... but it was fun to explore like the squirells and rabbits in the backyard, going to see other places... im petite small so buying clothes here in the US like most of us filipinas is really a struggle too. small for them is somewhat medium or large for us lol... has to be junior size or petite size which is hard to find... home sickness is one thing also. i didnt get that much homesickness for the first 2 months coz im all into exploring things etc, but after that of course i started to miss my family, i cried sometimes if i recall things or read some filipino news lol... so you should be ready for that drama lol... if your fiancee is working or is in school then she's used to be outside most often and not much in the house, the thing is here in the US sometimes you cant go to places if you cant drive you'll be stuck while the husband is working... i was in school back then but im a home buddy also, but wow i get tired and bored sitting all day watching tv and do nothing except eat or cook or sleep... lol... my husband really tried his best for us to go somewhere or do fun stuff coz he knows im bored and the moment i got my GC i enrolled myself to driving school and get a license and now i can drive and try to go places when and if i want to, and dont have to call my mother in law or other family members to drive me lol... all those things and more will be experienced with your fiancee... its gona be fun though so dont worry about it too much coz we filipinos know how to adopt well in our environment... its gona be a struggle for the both party but its not really a hindrance in the relationship... i wish her well in the interview and she'll love it here in the US knowing she's with you... but phil is phil too lol...

Edited December 21, 2007 by ronmay

[Jimmy and Angela 0]

Thanks RonMay for that. I found it very insightful to read. I am also worried about my wife coming to be with me and these kinds of letters put my mind at ease.

Merry Christmas to everyone

[rjp44 1]

Thanks RonMay for that. I found it very insightful to read. I am also worried about my wife coming to be with me and these kinds of letters put my mind at ease.

Merry Christmas to everyone

You may also be able to find a group of filipio expats in your area. I'm working on that and on friends and aquaintances who know filipinos in the area. I tease my wife and tell her I don't want her to forget how to speak tagalog. i also have unlimited long distance so that she can call some family of her friends who are in the U.S. Another thing we have done is to make sure her brothers and sister have computers so that they can chat online. We have a little different circumstance because I'm retired, so she won't have to spend time alone before she starts working.

Merry Christmas to the both of you.

[Pineapple 0]

For the filipino's we are the ambasador very easily to adopt and adjust we are flexible person in nature and culture in a diffrent countries. The reason with that millions in a differenet places in the country there is and there is a filipino its either they are holding a working our profession and holding a working visa or an immigrant visa those are very common scenario almost in each one of the family whose working overseas and you can see that by your neighbors and with our friends or relative here in the philippines ,and anyware you can heared about how the way the filipino socialized with there same nationality espicially if shes come and worked outside the counntry and you are dealing and working with a diffrent nationatilies .Filipino's in nature we are friendly type and we knew how to show our hospitality and respect to other nationality espicially if we are new to the other country .Just like if you go to college and get a boarding house thats one of your training to be away with a family and relatives and best friends just like anybody else whose doing that we always believe what is family values and family ties .We are always working and seeking for the best future of our love ones in the philippines ...

[JelloShotGirl 0]

i would say get a big bag of rice (20 lbs) LOL ! yes really! we eat rice 3x a day now! anyhow, on the serious note.....................In my experience u cant really generalize Filipinas, it is MORE about the individual person......I would say ..................I would suggest be prepared to help her family back home a little bit financially , be open to that, and also make sure ur wife will have access to communication with her family and friends back home(ie computer, webcam, chatting, digicam to share pictures. If she likes church try to find one that has tagalog , even if they only have it one sunday a month, go out together to new places in your area and meet up with your friends. Again , it has a lot to do with individuality. If you have some family nearby when she is home alone and your working hopefully she can spend time with your family, bonding and stuff. Good luck on ur journey!

[Psoas10 17]

It all depends where you live in the US. I live in Hawaii, and well there alot of Filipinos here. Hmm somtimes I feel she is at home more than me, esp where I work. Most of my friends are filipino, so she has fun meeting them too. Also she has some family here as well. But try and see if there are Filipinos around she can chat with, and get TFC for sure.

[Sheriff Uling 3]

Please review Section 7.1 of the Manila Embassy K1 Visa Guide. The second bullet has a link to some suggestions on "Preparation for Adjusting to Life in the United States."

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

[David-and-Mae 15]

Make sure to be there always during her first weeks because that's when she might get so homesick. Being left alone because the husband works all day is a horrible, horrible situation for a Filipina like me because we're used to being around our family and friends. I'm lucky though that my husband is retired and we're always together. The only time that I feel homesickness is in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and everything is so quiet. I'd wake up my husband and make him talk to me until I fall asleep. When I first came here, it was summertime so the weather wasn't an issue for me. By the time it's winter time (presently), my body has acclimated and I find it easier to deal with the changing seasons. Introduce her to your friends and be sure to save her whenever she'll be lost for words if people will make conversations with her. It will be overwhelming for her and she might feel intimidated too being around people who speaks English (even though if she can speak and understand it really well) all the time, so try to make her feel comfortable about it. The transitions will be hard but as long as you're there to help her with that, she will fit and adjust well. Take one step at a time and be patient and understanding. If ever she will get homesick, it will help you understand what she's going through by way of thinking about if you're in her situation. That's what my husband does and he understands it easily. Open communication will be one of the major keys to a successful relationship. She needs to be open with you about her feelings so that you can help her deal with it and at the same time, you need to let her know that you're there to listen and care for her and love her. Nothing is easy being in a new world but I can assure you, it will get better and better each day. Tell her now too to set her mind about the moving and all and leaving everything behind. It will help her...

Good luck!

--Mae

[Mike and Elisa 0]

Thanks everyone for a lot of really great suggestions.

I love her, I know she loves me. I know that she will fit in and make the transition just fine. That doesn't mean it will be a simple process or that there won't be bumps along the way. I just want to do everything I can to make it as easy for her as possible.

Can anyone offer any suggestions on finding a local Filipino community or even a few nearby Filipino families? I've been to the local Asian grocery and asked there. Most of their customers are Chinese and they couldn't offer any help on finding Filipino families.

[eau_xplain 2]

Thanks everyone for a lot of really great suggestions.

I love her, I know she loves me. I know that she will fit in and make the transition just fine. That doesn't mean it will be a simple process or that there won't be bumps along the way. I just want to do everything I can to make it as easy for her as possible.

Can anyone offer any suggestions on finding a local Filipino community or even a few nearby Filipino families? I've been to the local Asian grocery and asked there. Most of their customers are Chinese and they couldn't offer any help on finding Filipino families.

Is there a Filipino store near where you are? That would be a good place to initiate contact with other Filipinos. You can also check out churches, especially a Catholic church. I remember when I was on a short trip to Sweden a long time ago, we attended mass at a Catholic church and managed to hook up with several Filipinos who reside in the area.