Dear Joyce

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Dear Joyce,

Do you sometimes just dip your face into the Cool Whip and then lick it off? Also, what are you wearing underneath that Technicolor dress of yours?

[GabachaYucateca 0]

I thought you were a one-trick pony, Fancypants. I had imagined that you dropped off after the image of Joyce at the luau. Now you want to know what she's got on under her dress?

Thanks, Joyce. I LOVE cookies and Cool Whip. But can I have more than three?

Also, any advice for choosing my first pantsuit?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I thought you were a one-trick pony, Fancypants. I had imagined that you dropped off after the image of Joyce at the luau. Now you want to know what she's got on under her dress?

After about an hour or two, my batteries are fully charged.

[GabachaYucateca 0]

And it seems that Joyce is scintillating enough to decrease that recovery time!

You frickin' weirdo.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

And it seems that Joyce is scintillating enough to decrease that recovery time!

You frickin' weirdo.

She'd fit right in any 80's adult film.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Dear Joyce,

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I have another matter weighing heavily on my mind. I learned today that the highway for salvation is in fact....Highway I-35 (connecting southern Texas to northern Minnesota). How can I make up for 26 years of ignorance of this very important piece of information? Or am I doomed forever? Does salvation apply only to the vehicle driver, or to all passengers? What happens if you are driving on the highway to salvation but are not wearing a seatbelt?

Also...do you know the meaning of life?

Thank you,

Newlywed I just realized that the reason the kitty is purring is because the husky is asleep

[mRx 16]

Dearest Joyce,

First let me say that you a sexual tyrannosaurus of a woman.

Now that's out of the way. My buddy is having a birthday soon. He's never experienced a REAL woman like yourself, and would be most honored for you to jump out of his cake. Is this at all possible?

[Krikit 1,164]

Dear Joyce,

I've got the TV tuned to the 80's music channel. I'd forgotten what ####### they put out in the 80's. Whoever does the mixing on the digital channel network should be fired. Why is your stuff not being played?

Signed,

Frustrated in Florida

[Ban Hammer 13,429]

i'll give this a try.......

dear joyce:

i ran across the following picture:

what i'm confused about is this: is she looking longingly in the direction of #######, maybe anticipating a trip there, or did she just come from there and is reminiscing about her trip?

signed

#######

Edited December 20, 2007 by charlesandnessa

[Krikit 1,164]

i'll give this a try.......

dear joyce:

i ran across the following picture:

what i'm confused about is this: is she looking longingly in the direction of #######, maybe anticipating a trip there, or did she just come from there and is reminiscing about her trip?

signed

#######

Just like a man to interpret the signals wrong. That woman is PISSED. I think her name's Lorena and she's off to find a Christmas present for her husband, John. Or is it her ex-husband?

[Peikko 1,575]

Dear Joyce

I have a serious problem with my drains and need some expert help.

The problem first came to the surface when a nasty smell started to emanate from that general area. I did the usual plunging and irrigation that one normally performs with such odours but to no avail.

At first it was barely noticeable and only my husband seemed aware of it. However, more recently it seems that it has become significantly stronger and I am very worried the neighbours will start complaining.

Please, please help me!

Yours

Nose Holding.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Dear Joyce,

How many trees does it take to make all the occupant mail? And also, can you tell me why do meteors fall down instead of up?

Signed,

Occupant

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

Do you sometimes just dip your face into the Cool Whip and then lick it off? Also, what are you wearing underneath that Technicolor dress of yours?

Dear Mr. Fancypants:

I'd be glad to explain in more detail my technique for using Cool Whip as an exfoliant. Rather than dipping my face into the Cool Whip (imagine the waste!), I apply it to my face with cotton rounds. I use a very thin film (waste not want not, I always say!), which I let dry before wiping it off gently with witch hazel. Voila! Beautiful skin!

Now, Mr. Fancypants, because you're a loyal reader, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I know that I told another loyal reader, Dean, that what he sees in the picture is 100% Joyce. Now, that is true, but I get a little help from a polyester bodysuit that I wear underneath the striped dress. It accentuates my figure in all the right places, I'm sure you'll agree!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Thanks, Joyce. I LOVE cookies and Cool Whip. But can I have more than three?

Also, any advice for choosing my first pantsuit?

Dear La Gabacha:

You're welcome, I'm glad to help! I know it's hard, but I suggest limiting yourself to three cookies a day, otherwise you may find yourself unable to fit into that pantsuit!

And choosing her first pantsuit is among the most memorable experiences in a woman's life. Should you choose lime green, harvest gold, or chestnut brown? Vertical stripes or horizontal? How thick should the belt be, and should it be the same color as the suit? Tie or clasp? Or should you go for a bold statement and try a belt with its own pattern? Goodness, it's enough to send you into a tizzy!

Stay true to yourself, but don't be afraid to take your pantsuit style to the next level. By that I mean, who's to say that you can't add a festive pin? Or even unbutton the top button? (Racy, I know!) As the modern women like to say, blaze your own trail!

Love,

Joyce

[*julez* 124]

Dear Joyce,

I've noticed there tends to be a lot of drama in VJ's Off Topic forum and yet somehow you always manage to remain cool during these flare ups. What is your secret?

Julez