Dear Joyce

[almaty 19]

dear joyce,

i have a friend..or cousin..well, a cousin friend..who hates nOobs..what can be done?

N00bs, goodness! Well, we're not all born knowing how to macrame. I say, offer instruction! It's easy to hate n00bs when you dehumanize them. For example, when someone says, "Imagine a n00b," I bet your cousin friend turns red and smoke comes out of his ears! But someone says, "Do you think the n00b would prefer cheese fondue or chocolate fondue?" just watch him change his tune!

Now, I'm off for both cheese fondue and chocolate fondue (just a taste!!!). And you can bet the fork is a real winner!

Love,

Joyce

aw sheesh, i read this and threw up in my mouth

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Head to the office supply store and ask for mucilage! That will form the foundation of your helmet paste. There are many, many other ingredients, so see what works for you! And upload some pics when you can! You can do it!

Thanks Joyce! The office supply is all out of mucilage, can you believe it? Will rubber cement or spray adhesive do? I'm so excited.

Goodness! Well, it sounds like the word is getting out about the best helmet paste! Re: mucilage, I'd stay away from anything but the real thing. While you're waiting for the new shipment, I suggest wearing an olive green shower cap and telling your friends and colleagues that your helmet is "under construction" and to stop by again soon!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

dear joyce,

i have a friend..or cousin..well, a cousin friend..who hates nOobs..what can be done?

N00bs, goodness! Well, we're not all born knowing how to macrame. I say, offer instruction! It's easy to hate n00bs when you dehumanize them. For example, when someone says, "Imagine a n00b," I bet your cousin friend turns red and smoke comes out of his ears! But someone says, "Do you think the n00b would prefer cheese fondue or chocolate fondue?" just watch him change his tune!

Now, I'm off for both cheese fondue and chocolate fondue (just a taste!!!). And you can bet the fork is a real winner!

Love,

Joyce

aw sheesh, i read this and threw up in my mouth

Goodness! I asked Dave "Baby" Cortez about your problem. He suggests a bong hit (whatever that is! is it like the Gong Show?) for nausea, followed by a trip to the Polynesian bar. Well, he said "exotic club," but that's what he meant. I've been hearing a lot about n00bs lately--I'm glad the cure is so straightforward!!!! Although the n00b does need to choose between cheese fondue and chocolate fondue, and making that decision can be agonizing, believe me!!!!

Love,

Joyce

[almaty 19]

dear joyce,

i have a friend..or cousin..well, a cousin friend..who hates nOobs..what can be done?

N00bs, goodness! Well, we're not all born knowing how to macrame. I say, offer instruction! It's easy to hate n00bs when you dehumanize them. For example, when someone says, "Imagine a n00b," I bet your cousin friend turns red and smoke comes out of his ears! But someone says, "Do you think the n00b would prefer cheese fondue or chocolate fondue?" just watch him change his tune!

Now, I'm off for both cheese fondue and chocolate fondue (just a taste!!!). And you can bet the fork is a real winner!

Love,

Joyce

aw sheesh, i read this and threw up in my mouth

Goodness! I asked Dave "Baby" Cortez about your problem. He suggests a bong hit (whatever that is! is it like the Gong Show?) for nausea, followed by a trip to the Polynesian bar. Well, he said "exotic club," but that's what he meant. I've been hearing a lot about n00bs lately--I'm glad the cure is so straightforward!!!! Although the n00b does need to choose between cheese fondue and chocolate fondue, and making that decision can be agonizing, believe me!!!!

Love,

Joyce

Brother Dave "Baby" Cortez is indeed right thinking typr of guy..i feel better alreayd...now, ehre is my fondue fork..i am suddenly hungry

[Amby 490]

Dear Joyce,

I found the most amazing book at my grandmother's house yesterday!!! It has recipes for "delicious drinks" made with Jell-O! I just wanted to share a few of these awesome cocktail recipes with you. I know how much you love some fondue, a nice drink, and cool whip after a long day. All of the recipes don't include alcohol in them, but I know you what's best to add!

Cranberry-Orange Cooler

1 package of orange jello

1c boiling water

2.5c cranberry juice

ice cubes (optional)

orange slices (optional)

Lime Party Punch

1 package of lime jello

1 package of lemon jello

2c boiling water

1ltr club soda

1c white wine

1 orange, lemon, or lime (sliced thin)

ice cubes (optional)

"Light" Gelatin Shots

1 package of jello, any flavor

1c boiling water

3/4 cold juice or soda

1/4c rum or wine

I hope you enjoy! Please don't drink and drive, your helmet may get messed up!

Amby

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Goodness! Many thanks to you, Amby! I'm glad to announce that I've sampled all three of those refreshing summer delights! In every possible combination! That's one modern cookbook your grandmother must have, considering the "light" option. Back when I was a girl, there was no such thing! People were just told to drink water! Thank goodness we live in more enlightened times.

And there's no chance of me drinking and driving! Years ago, when I used to wear pantyhose w/ different colored legs--can you say "cutting edge?"--I was courted by a gentleman known only as Ziph (pronounced "Zip"--he liked the silent H). For a time, he drove me from party to party in a gigantic car shaped like a banana. I'd bellow "peel out!" as we were leaving each party. Hee hee!

I hope you're enjoying your summer and not letting the humidity affect the structural integrity of your helmet!

Love,

Joyce

[~*Maria*~ 1]

Dear Joyce,

I have a serious problem, you see, i've just found out that my husband is a n00b. I'm deeply traumatised by this, to the point of having nightmares. I don't know what to do or how to correct him. It's almost driving me to want to just smack him. Please Help me. What should i do?

Depressed Wife.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

[almaty 19]

Dear Joyce,

I have a serious problem, you see, i've just found out that my husband is a n00b. I'm deeply traumatised by this, to the point of having nightmares. I don't know what to do or how to correct him. It's almost driving me to want to just smack him. Please Help me. What should i do?

Depressed Wife.

pwn him good! and yes, smacking a nOOb is allowed in most states..

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I have a serious problem, you see, i've just found out that my husband is a n00b. I'm deeply traumatised by this, to the point of having nightmares. I don't know what to do or how to correct him. It's almost driving me to want to just smack him. Please Help me. What should i do?

Depressed Wife.

Dear Depressed Wife:

There now, no need to be upset! The latest research (a la Joyce & Dave "Baby" Cortez") is to offer the n00b cheese fondue and chocolate fondue, watch The Bong Show, and head out to the Polynesian bar for a little tiki dance! (I suggest gin too!)

Love,

Joyce

p.s. I don't generally encourage smacking, but perhaps it could be incorporated into your--er--evening activities?

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dear Joyce,

I am happy to let you know me and the redhead are moving into a new place. I am already going crazy knitting more and more macrame plant holders; always so en vogue. He is busy collecting new lava lamps and bead curtains

VJ friends have asked if they could have a pool party at our new place; and I of course would love to be a fantabulous hostess. Any ideas to make this pool party a season hit?

Mrs. Vegans Svck

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I am happy to let you know me and the redhead are moving into a new place. I am already going crazy knitting more and more macrame plant holders; always so en vogue. He is busy collecting new lava lamps and bead curtains

VJ friends have asked if they could have a pool party at our new place; and I of course would love to be a fantabulous hostess. Any ideas to make this pool party a season hit?

Mrs. Vegans Svck

Goodness! It sounds like you're off to a good start! You can never have too much macrame. Might I suggest burnt orange as a color scheme for every room in the house?

And a pool party! Wow! I used to go to lots of pool parties. I had NASA design me a super high-tech helmet covering so I could swim without worry. Only two were made: One is in my underground safe, and the other is at the Smithsonian. The person who made it was a regular at my fondue parties. I won't divulge his name because his job is top secret!!!!

Anyway, do you have a flattering bathing suit with a supportive front panel? I suggest wearing a lightweight shawl in earth tones while serving cocktail weenies, because you never know when a chill might set in! Speaking of chill, there is a great divide in intellectual circles about whether to put Cool Whip in the freezer for about a half hour before summertime serving. I think the cold temperatures affect its integrity, but others think it's a refreshing seasonal variation. As you know, I'm open-minded, so why not try freezing it for 15 minutes? (I should be a diplomat!!!)

And how about serving cottage cheese in one of these? Your dieting guests will thank you!

Love,

Joyce

p.s. Vegans Svck is an unusual name! Is your husband from Eastern Europe?

[almaty 19]

wow, what about dolly's old hair style...

[Empress of Groovy 373]

wow, what about dolly's old hair style...

Goodness! Not a bad start, Dolly! That looks like an excellent foundation for a triple perm!

I've always admired Dolly's avoidance of the natural look!

Love,

Joyce

[~*Maria*~ 1]

Dear Joyce,

I have a serious problem, you see, i've just found out that my husband is a n00b. I'm deeply traumatised by this, to the point of having nightmares. I don't know what to do or how to correct him. It's almost driving me to want to just smack him. Please Help me. What should i do?

Depressed Wife.

Dear Depressed Wife:

There now, no need to be upset! The latest research (a la Joyce & Dave "Baby" Cortez") is to offer the n00b cheese fondue and chocolate fondue, watch The Bong Show, and head out to the Polynesian bar for a little tiki dance! (I suggest gin too!)

Love,

Joyce

p.s. I don't generally encourage smacking, but perhaps it could be incorporated into your--er--evening activities?

Evening Activites? hmm you mean elbowing hubs in the face, groin, ribs in ma sleep etc? Sad to say my err -other extra activities are since i've been sick!! A few peaceful nights sleep without having to listen to a freight train (hubby snoring) in ma ear is required before this can resume!!