Dear Joyce

[Mags 112]

Dearest Joyce,

Knowing that I should always look for your wisdom and innate fashion sense; I thought I would ask you something that has troubled me for the last couple of days.

On my smoke breaks, I watch the students go by, showing off their ideas of "what to wear". Needless to say, most of this generation's ladies favor natural fibers ; but I have seen 4 or 5 wearing *gasp* leg warmers.

Tell me oh Joyce: are leg warmers in again? Should I buy some to complement my Winter wardrobe? Or should I stop those students and correct their ways?

Thanks, your devoted fan, Mrs. Redhead.

Don't forget the spandex leotards - no outfit is complete without them!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dearest Joyce,

Knowing that I should always look for your wisdom and innate fashion sense; I thought I would ask you something that has troubled me for the last couple of days.

On my smoke breaks, I watch the students go by, showing off their ideas of "what to wear". Needless to say, most of this generation's ladies favor natural fibers ; but I have seen 4 or 5 wearing *gasp* leg warmers.

Tell me oh Joyce: are leg warmers in again? Should I buy some to complement my Winter wardrobe? Or should I stop those students and correct their ways?

Thanks, your devoted fan, Mrs. Redhead.

Don't forget the spandex leotards - no outfit is complete without them!

Why do you hate me so much???

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dearest Joyce,

Knowing that I should always look for your wisdom and innate fashion sense; I thought I would ask you something that has troubled me for the last couple of days.

On my smoke breaks, I watch the students go by, showing off their ideas of "what to wear". Needless to say, most of this generation's ladies favor natural fibers ; but I have seen 4 or 5 wearing *gasp* leg warmers.

Tell me oh Joyce: are leg warmers in again? Should I buy some to complement my Winter wardrobe? Or should I stop those students and correct their ways?

Thanks, your devoted fan, Mrs. Redhead.

Dear Mrs. Redhead:

Goodness! Thank you for such compliments! I'm not going to be able to fit my helmet through my bead-draped doorway!

Well, I've always thought of leg warmers as a little too post-modern. Maybe even post-post-modern. However, I went to a meeting of synthetic textile mavens not too long ago while in Wisconsin, and a very creative young woman was wearing leg warmers that she'd fashioned out of what she called "old lady pants" from Woolworth's. They were the most beautiful paisley print, and were very stiff to the touch. Perfect! My advice: Consider leg warmers only if they are constructed of wonder fabric. Your skin will thank you! And regarding this reliance on natural fibers, goodness! It's been one of my life goals to teach today's youngsters about the superiority of far-out synthetic loveliness, but sometimes they just have to rebel! I say, let these foolish young girls have their fun. After all, it is they who must look at photos years from now and think, "Goodness! What was I thinking!? I thought that was a fashion with staying power!" Of course, I've never had to deal with such regrets, as I'm sure you'll agree that my fashion sense is timeless!

Love,

Joyce

p.s. What have you been smoking on your smoke breaks? Dave "Baby" Cortez has been trying to get me to try smoking some of his "love herb," as he calls it, but I don't want smoke in my helmet! I say, put away that stuff and entertain me with your whistling organ!

[Amby 490]

Dear Joyce,

I saw a commercial on TV today and I'm very sorry to tell you that you have some major competition out there!

www.cristylane.com

I suggest coming out with a Christmas or greatest hits album pronto!

Amby

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I saw a commercial on TV today and I'm very sorry to tell you that you have some major competition out there!

www.cristylane.com

I suggest coming out with a Christmas or greatest hits album pronto!

Amby

Dear Amby:

Goodness! Thank you for your alert! And I'm sorry it took me a couple of days to reply. I've been up to my helmet in holiday tasks--perfecting a Cheez Wiz-based fondue, constructing a Christmas tree entirely out of Aqua Net cans, and finding time to play my crystal concertina for the benefit of the local tramps.

I knew Cristy back in the day--in fact, in those days, she was known as Cristy Triscuit because of her long legs (don't ask!!!!!), but at some point, she turned her back not only on maintaining her beautiful helmet but also on fuchsia! Suddenly she was too good for it all! She'd joined a cult that eschewed such earthly pleasures as Cool Whip and support hose, and I caught her winking at my then-suitor, Sir Alberto Figgins, famous for his large feet. When I confronted her about this, her friends maintained that she was getting over conjunctivitis! Have you ever heard such nonsense? Anyway, I think one of the great tragedies of the modern age was Cristy's lack of helmet upkeep. Well, that and her cotton handbags.

Speaking of bags, we can safely assume that her sense of self is in the toilet!! Under $4 for a CD! And what about offering an 8-track to her loyal listeners? (Of course, the 50-cent sticker on my album cover is clearly a joke!)

Love,

Joyce

[Chica Yeyé 41]

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I admit I get emotional when the subject of Cristy Lane comes up! I believe that letting one's helmet go is a form of violence.

But on to more groovy, positive things! The holidays are upon us! Soon I'm having some of my Jewish friends over for a little Hanukkah get-together, and my featured dish will be knishes in a fondue pot of pureed potato latkes! (No gefilte fish, thank you!!!!)

Love,

Joyce

[Amby 490]

Wow I think we need to put a hit out on Cristy Lane before Joyce commits a crime!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Wow I think we need to put a hit out on Cristy Lane before Joyce commits a crime!

It is on the works.....

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Goodness!

Amby alerted me to this crisis: Rat Propaganda.

The nefarious cotton industry will stop at nothing!

I'm so angry my helmet is starting to create its own static!

Dr. Ahmed Shafik better watch his back. Goodness!

Stay strong, everyone! A battle is upon us!

Love,

Joyce

[Amby 490]

Joyce did you see he also did the experiment on "bitches"

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dear Joyce,

Thanks for your words of encouragement in times of sorrow and *gasp* organic fabrics.

I need some advise. As you know, I have been blogging now for a couple of months (I see Big A has been keeping up with my authorial adventures ). Yet, I feel something is missing from my blog. Do you have any suggestions? I thought of interviewing you, but I know how busy you are. Although.... we could always open a "dear Joyce" section.

Yours truly, Mrs. LilBlogger

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

Thanks for your words of encouragement in times of sorrow and *gasp* organic fabrics.

I need some advise. As you know, I have been blogging now for a couple of months (I see Big A has been keeping up with my authorial adventures ). Yet, I feel something is missing from my blog. Do you have any suggestions? I thought of interviewing you, but I know how busy you are. Although.... we could always open a "dear Joyce" section.

Yours truly, Mrs. LilBlogger

Dear Mrs. LilBlogger:

Goodness! The possibilities are endless! How about soliciting donations for the upcoming Polyester Rat Pack court battle? I'm sure that your faithful readers would rally around that cause. Another idea is to have readers submit photos of their Cool Whip creations, and you can have a contest. (What could the prize be, I wonder?!) I tried this when I was on an extended tour in Germany (if I may toot my own horn, I'm quite popular there. I hope to see you again soon, Wilhelm! *WINK!!!!*). Unfortunately, my German is a bit rusty, and I ended up with a mailbox full of golden showers videos! Whoops!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Goodness! Dave "Baby" Cortez has just informed me what "golden showers" often refers to! Imagine! I must clarify that I received dozens of copies of On Golden Pond on video!

Sorry for the confusion!

Love,

Joyce

[almaty 19]

Unfortunately, my German is a bit rusty, and I ended up with a mailbox full of golden showers videos! Whoops..

whoa, i sent them.....soorry, they were for amber