Dear Joyce

[almaty 19]

wow..thanks i got allot time on my ahnds and some of the people's $$ in my pocket..i call kristen and buy a tub...

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

Do you thionk it would be OK to mix Metamucil with Cool Whip, just to enhance the flavor a bit? You know, make it a bit easier to stomach? I want to be more "regular" but Metamucil on its own...yuck!

Sincerely,

Connie S. Tipated

Dear Connie:

Goodness! That sounds like an interesting mixture. As I've mentioned one or twice, I'm something of a Cool Whip purist. Sometimes I sneak a spoonful straight out of the tub! (shhh!)

Have you tried mixing Metamucil with water?

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

sister joyce.

i attmepted to use the chocolate cool whip on a $4300 call girl, and she was appalled, saying only a tramp let you put chocolate cool whip there>>.

i guess, i need advice is the classic white cool whip the way to go with call girls?

singed

elliot in nyc

Dear Elliot,

Goodness! Well, who am I to pass judgment, but I didn't even make $4300 on my entire Canadian tour! Unless your call girl's objection to chocolate Cool Whip was part of some kind of role-play (is that possible? if so, kudos to her for a job well done!), I'd say that she needs an attitude adjustment regarding her customer service orientation! By the way, did she have a triple perm? If not, you may want to request it for next time. She may charge you extra, because it means she'll need to spend a full day in the salon.

As you may have guessed, I'm not a big fan of chocolate Cool Whip, but to each his own!

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

wow..thanks i got allot time on my ahnds and some of the people's $$ in my pocket..i call kristen and buy a tub...

Don't forget to ask about the triple perm!

Love,

Joyce

[almaty 19]

sister joyce.

i attmepted to use the chocolate cool whip on a $4300 call girl, and she was appalled, saying only a tramp let you put chocolate cool whip there>>.

i guess, i need advice is the classic white cool whip the way to go with call girls?

singed

elliot in nyc

Dear Elliot,

Goodness! Well, who am I to pass judgment, but I didn't even make $4300 on my entire Canadian tour! Unless your call girl's objection to chocolate Cool Whip was part of some kind of role-play (is that possible? if so, kudos to her for a job well done!), I'd say that she needs an attitude adjustment regarding her customer service orientation! By the way, did she have a triple perm? If not, you may want to request it for next time. She may charge you extra, because it means she'll need to spend a full day in the salon.

As you may have guessed, I'm not a big fan of chocolate Cool Whip, but to each his own!

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

thanks sister joyce,

i am going to spank her next week..of course that cost me another $500..oh well, and also make her wear a joyce wig...

[Empress of Groovy 373]

sister joyce.

i attmepted to use the chocolate cool whip on a $4300 call girl, and she was appalled, saying only a tramp let you put chocolate cool whip there>>.

i guess, i need advice is the classic white cool whip the way to go with call girls?

singed

elliot in nyc

Dear Elliot,

Goodness! Well, who am I to pass judgment, but I didn't even make $4300 on my entire Canadian tour! Unless your call girl's objection to chocolate Cool Whip was part of some kind of role-play (is that possible? if so, kudos to her for a job well done!), I'd say that she needs an attitude adjustment regarding her customer service orientation! By the way, did she have a triple perm? If not, you may want to request it for next time. She may charge you extra, because it means she'll need to spend a full day in the salon.

As you may have guessed, I'm not a big fan of chocolate Cool Whip, but to each his own!

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

thanks sister joyce,

i am going to spank her next week..of course that cost me another $500..oh well, and also make her wear a joyce wig...

Goodness! For that kind of money, you really should insist on the triple perm rather than the wig. You wouldn't want the wig to fly off in a moment of passion! What a mood breaker that would be!

Love,

Joyce

[almaty 19]

lol..yes, she getting the triple perm and i help whip up the mix for it

[Empress of Groovy 373]

lol..yes, she getting the triple perm and i help whip up the mix for it

That sounds like great fun, Brother Dean! I'm glad to hear that she's come around, so to speak.

(Hint: Mucilage!)

Love,

Joyce

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dear Joyce,

I wanted to renew my vows with my husband once my parents come to visit this month. Unfortunately, as you can see in my sad post: my husband has refused....

I am afraid I will never recover from this. what is your advise for this Joyce? Please respond either here in your column where you reach so many, or within the Canada forum; where you have a lot of followers.

Heartbroken,

Mrs. Wanna Be a Lutheran Girl.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I wanted to renew my vows with my husband once my parents come to visit this month. Unfortunately, as you can see in my sad post: my husband has refused....

I am afraid I will never recover from this. what is your advise for this Joyce? Please respond either here in your column where you reach so many, or within the Canada forum; where you have a lot of followers.

Heartbroken,

Mrs. Wanna Be a Lutheran Girl.

Dear Mrs. Wanna Be a Lutheran Girl:

Goodness! Well, I just read your other post so that I can give a well-informed response. What is the Lutheran, by the way? Is it a dance? Well, I think that you should put on your dancing shoes and groove to the Lutheran!

As for the dress, is it polyester? Does it show off your curves in all the right places? If so, you should wear it no matter what anyone says! Don't let anyone dictate your style!

Will there be a party afterwards? I bet you don't need me to remind you to heat up that fondue pot, chill the Cool Whip, and get that party started!

Love,

Joyce

p.s. What do you plan to do with your hair?

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dear Joyce,

The dress I am certain would have your approval, since it would allow for me to attempt -though never, never equal- a helmet style; perhaps with some faux fleurs on the helmet for class.

I had already reserved full fondue service of all kinds (cheese, shrimp, and chocolate), plus ice carvings of Alan Alda and Dear Joyce to bless our union... and for mementos I had special ordered little cans of coolwhip with our names on it....

I am so sad...

p.s. Lutheran is, they tell me, a religion of those chosen by God and favor polyester gowns.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Hi, everyone!

Greetings from the land of Joyce! I've been up to my armpits in Cool Whip (not literally, unfortunately) and lounge singing dates across the prairie provinces, but I wanted to remind you all that I'm at your service!

Ready or not, summer is on the way, and you know what that means: Break out your polyester culottes and show everyone your groovy seasonal prints! The season is upon us to bring the fondue pot outside (don't forget the indoor/outdoor extension cord!) and give that Waldorf salad a real boost by serving it in a bright orange Tupperware bowl. For some real variation, try a different colored serving spoon! Your guests will admire your creativity!

I'm disappointed to announce that Dave "Baby" Cortez has started smoking again! Shame on him! And with the cost of cigarettes these days, he's not going to be able to afford to have his organ polished! I may need to stage an intervention. He's always had a weakness for menthols. I say, why not just brush your teeth? Goodness!

Love,

Joyce

[Marilyn. 340]

Dear Joyce,

I am wondering if I should get my husband this cool outfit I found. what do you think?

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I am wondering if I should get my husband this cool outfit I found. what do you think?

Goodness! Be still my heart!

If you get your husband those groovy threads, you'd better keep him inside! Or at least away from Joyce! (just kidding!!!)

I'm concerned about the cotton content (50%). I wouldn't go above 5%, but the cut is truly unbeatable. Rowr!!!! I say go for it!

For those of you who have been waiting for an update on Dave "Baby" Cortez's nicotine habit, he's put down the cigs but replaced them with peanut butter sandwiches! Now, I'm all for protein--after all, my helmet is 47% protein--but sheesh! He's not going to be able to fit into the loungewear I bought him for his birthday!

I tell you, Joyce's work is never done!

Love,

Joyce

[SteveLaura 0]

Dear Joyce,

During a 'M*AS*H' marathon on TV, I happened to spot a commercial endorsement for Cool Whip. It seems that scientific boffins have managed to think the unthinkable and have crammed the pseudo-dairy goodness of Cool Whip into a spray can. However, the imagery and wordplay of the advertisement confused me somewhat. It appeared to me that they were advocating some sort of playfulness with Cool Whip, with lots of scantily-clad young ladies frollicking with their menfolk. Indeed, the 'tagline' suggested that consumers should 'Press Play'. I fear I have led a sheltered life and perhaps am a tad naiive in these matters, but I wondered whether you wished to comment on what you feel the creators of Cool Whip had in mind for this new and novel applicator.

I remain your most humble and obedient servant.

SteveLaura