Dear Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce

Alan Alda? I have to say I am a little suprised, he doesn't look like the polyester type at all.

Yours humbled and confused

Mrs Holdem

He sure had style in the 70s! In fact, I first became smitten when I saw him in 1975 wearing the grooviest polyester shirt you ever saw! He didn't acknowledge me; we connected on more of a metaphysical level.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Dear Joyce,

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. What kind of gift can I buy my sweetheart that let's her know what a schmuck I am?

~ Love Britches

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. What kind of gift can I buy my sweetheart that let's her know what a schmuck I am?

~ Love Britches

Well, hello again, Mr. Fancypants! (Love Britches!)

That's easy! A new fondue pot decorated with yellow and orange flowers! I've yet to meet a gal whose knees don't go weak when presented with such a delightful gift.

(And maybe a little Cool Whip!)

Now, I bet you're not a schmuck. My former boyfriend Ephraim, now there was a schmuck! (Don't ask!!!!!)

Love,

Joyce

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Dear Joyce,

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. What kind of gift can I buy my sweetheart that let's her know what a schmuck I am?

~ Love Britches

Well, hello again, Mr. Fancypants! (Love Britches!)

That's easy! A new fondue pot decorated with yellow and orange flowers! I've yet to meet a gal whose knees don't go weak when presented with such a delightful gift.

(And maybe a little Cool Whip!)

Now, I bet you're not a schmuck. My former boyfriend Ephraim, now there was a schmuck! (Don't ask!!!!!)

Love,

Joyce

Awww, thank you beautiful Joyce! You've renewed my self confidence. You're advice is more potent than a bottle of viagra.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. What kind of gift can I buy my sweetheart that let's her know what a schmuck I am?

~ Love Britches

Well, hello again, Mr. Fancypants! (Love Britches!)

That's easy! A new fondue pot decorated with yellow and orange flowers! I've yet to meet a gal whose knees don't go weak when presented with such a delightful gift.

(And maybe a little Cool Whip!)

Now, I bet you're not a schmuck. My former boyfriend Ephraim, now there was a schmuck! (Don't ask!!!!!)

Love,

Joyce

Awww, thank you beautiful Joyce! You've renewed my self confidence. You're advice is more potent than a bottle of viagra.

Goodness, what's viagra? Is it a dance? Get out the maracas!

I can imagine you dancing the viagra, Mr. Fancypants!

Love,

Joyce

[*julez* 124]

Dear Joyce,

I noticed that you offered some advice on Valentine gifting from a man to a woman, now how about some tips for us ladies? Any ideas as to what I can buy for my man to reinforce that loving feeling come Valentine's Day?

Thanks,

Julez

[Nessa 23]

Dear Joyce

Yesterday my husband told me that I say ''Godamnit'' a lot and I should stop saying that. And the worst part is, he is right, for once. Anyway, any sugestion on how to quit saying that? Is there a cute word I can replace that one? I've tried other words, but I don't think ####, or sh!t will do the job.

Love,

Mrs. #######

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I noticed that you offered some advice on Valentine gifting from a man to a woman, now how about some tips for us ladies? Any ideas as to what I can buy for my man to reinforce that loving feeling come Valentine's Day?

Thanks,

Julez

Dear Julez:

Thanks for writing! Well, I think that a little Cool Whip adds a bit of the festive to any occasion! But your use of the word "reinforce" suggests that maybe you're thinking of something athletic. How about a weight belt?

I've found that most guys like, in no particular order, bad American pilsner, roast beef sandwiches, and Nilla wafers.

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce

Yesterday my husband told me that I say ''Godamnit'' a lot and I should stop saying that. And the worst part is, he is right, for once. Anyway, any sugestion on how to quit saying that? Is there a cute word I can replace that one? I've tried other words, but I don't think ####, or sh!t will do the job.

Love,

Mrs. #######

Dear Mrs. #######:

Well, I often exclaim, "Goodness!" which can apply in a variety of situations. It can express surprise, disappointment, anger (although not rage), sympathy, etc. You could try substituting "Goodness!" for "Goddammit."

When I was a young Joyce, I had a brief but passionate relationship with a mostly charming gentleman who, truth be told, had a bit of a temper. One of his favorite exclamations of frustration was, "f*ckstain!" Now, I wouldn't recommend that in polite company, but it's quite effective!

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

[Nessa 23]

Dear Joyce

Yesterday my husband told me that I say ''Godamnit'' a lot and I should stop saying that. And the worst part is, he is right, for once. Anyway, any sugestion on how to quit saying that? Is there a cute word I can replace that one? I've tried other words, but I don't think ####, or sh!t will do the job.

Love,

Mrs. #######

Dear Mrs. #######:

Well, I often exclaim, "Goodness!" which can apply in a variety of situations. It can express surprise, disappointment, anger (although not rage), sympathy, etc. You could try substituting "Goodness!" for "Goddammit."

When I was a young Joyce, I had a brief but passionate relationship with a mostly charming gentleman who, truth be told, had a bit of a temper. One of his favorite exclamations of frustration was, "f*ckstain!" Now, I wouldn't recommend that in polite company, but it's quite effective!

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

thanks for your wise advice. you're amazing and a life saver oh goodness!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dear Joyce,

You have been such an inspiration to me. I have followed your whippity whipped advise and my life is much better thanks to you.

Now, some of my VJ friends are all bent over backwards about Valentine's Day. I tell them that we do not celebrate any man-made 'holidays' (including religious ones); and they look at me in awe - I am afraid of loosing my friends and maybe suffering from Non-Celebration-Discrimination..... you know how tempers flare in VJ's boards

Do you think I should send them all a copy of your latest album and a fondue set with hearts to make them like me??? Or should I tell them to, err, well, you know, hm.... go eff off???

With admiration, Mrs. Redhead.

[Amby 490]

Dear Joyce,

I was just curious how you feel about Hillary Clinton's choice of pant suits? I know they're not as stylish as yours but do you have any tips for her on choosing the perfect one?

Longing for a Pansuit

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce

Yesterday my husband told me that I say ''Godamnit'' a lot and I should stop saying that. And the worst part is, he is right, for once. Anyway, any sugestion on how to quit saying that? Is there a cute word I can replace that one? I've tried other words, but I don't think ####, or sh!t will do the job.

Love,

Mrs. #######

Dear Mrs. #######:

Well, I often exclaim, "Goodness!" which can apply in a variety of situations. It can express surprise, disappointment, anger (although not rage), sympathy, etc. You could try substituting "Goodness!" for "Goddammit."

When I was a young Joyce, I had a brief but passionate relationship with a mostly charming gentleman who, truth be told, had a bit of a temper. One of his favorite exclamations of frustration was, "f*ckstain!" Now, I wouldn't recommend that in polite company, but it's quite effective!

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

thanks for your wise advice. you're amazing and a life saver oh goodness!

Goodness, Mrs. #######! You sound like Joyce already!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

You have been such an inspiration to me. I have followed your whippity whipped advise and my life is much better thanks to you.

Now, some of my VJ friends are all bent over backwards about Valentine's Day. I tell them that we do not celebrate any man-made 'holidays' (including religious ones); and they look at me in awe - I am afraid of loosing my friends and maybe suffering from Non-Celebration-Discrimination..... you know how tempers flare in VJ's boards

Do you think I should send them all a copy of your latest album and a fondue set with hearts to make them like me??? Or should I tell them to, err, well, you know, hm.... go eff off???

With admiration, Mrs. Redhead.

Dear Mrs. Redhead:

Thanks for writing!

First off, you must remember that you are your own woman, and if your friends can't accept that, well, they're not really your friends, are they? Although I'd be honored if you sent your friends my latest album and a fondue pot, it really shouldn't be necessary. I'm with you on the Valentine's Day thing. It's so silly! You know, I like roses as much as the next person (like I have to tell you that! goodness!), but a specific day to show your special someone that you care? That's just silly!

I went off Valentine's Day completely a few years ago. I was spending time with a charming gentleman who had a groovy pad with mustard-yellow shag carpeting! Wow! On Valentine's Day, he surprised me by filling up a kiddie pool with Meister Brau in my backyard and sitting in it naked waiting for me! Goodness! As I got closer to the beer pool, he yanked me in and ruined my brand-new lime-green pantsuit! Although I appreciated his creativity, beer is not my thing (gin & tonics, anyone?), and I've been mourning the loss of that pantsuit ever since!

Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck!

Love,

Joyce

Dear Joyce,

I was just curious how you feel about Hillary Clinton's choice of pant suits? I know they're not as stylish as yours but do you have any tips for her on choosing the perfect one?

Longing for a Pansuit

Dear Longing for a Pantsuit:

Go out there and get yourself a pantsuit! Stop the longing, it's not becoming!

I think Hillary Clinton would suit a jumpsuit. I've told her this in numerous letters, but I get no reply! If she doesn't get elected, she'll get no sympathy from me!

Love,

Joyce

[sj5 4]

sister joyce..

when i took my prom date to a motel..i brought some whipped cream to spray and lick ( like a ravish wolf) off of her body...would cool whip have worked better?