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David-and-Mae Experienced

David-and-Mae   15

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Dear Joyce,

It's my first time to write even though I have been an avid fan/reader of your column. I never thought I'd be doing this but I guess I was just waiting for the right timing (*sigh* serious mode). I'm in a predicament and confused so please bear with me. Here's my story: Last Christmas, I receive a gift card from my husband. It is no ordinary gift card since it's from an "adult store". I must admit I blushed and was a little excited upon seeing the name of the store. He said it's New Year and I deserve to have a new "toy". Ordinarily, he'd buy a "gadget" for me, wrapped nicely and then ready to use. This time he wants me to get one on my own so that I can choose the right size, length, color, texture, etc. Now my predicament is should I really buy one or not (since I still have some unused "toys")? And also, isn't it embarrassing for a lady like me to go in "adult stores" even though I am married and an adult? Please help! I don't want to disappoint my husband from not using his gift card. What should I do?

Mrs. Confused (and a little excited)

P.S.

I heard about your column from a friend of my neighbor's cousin who's married to my grandmother's nephew's bestfriend who just died two days ago from using toy in the bath tub. She didn't realize that the toy was not water-resistant. Poor girl, she's such a sweet one. Anyway, as soon as I found out about you, I logged on and read. I got so inspired by you, Dear Joyce. I have an appointment next weekend to have triple perm **giggles** and I am so excited to have a new look. I haven't told my husband yet but I'm sure he'll be so pleased to see my nice helmet. New year, new look, yea!

P.P.S.

He loves Cool Whip on his pies... *wink*

N-400 NATURALIZATION

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08/16/2011 - Case Status Notification - Oath ceremony scheduled

09/15/2011 - Oath Taking - good riddance!

09/23/2011 - Applied for Passport

10/08/2011 - Passport in the mail

10/17/2011 - Certificate of Naturalization in the mail -- OFFICIALLY DONE!

"Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty.

The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don't become less of who you are;

you end up being complete with your loved ones."

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Empress of Groovy
Empress of Groovy

Goodness! It sounds like quite a situation there! I'm not a medical expert, so I can't offer advice regarding what may be a sort of mysterious conception, but I can offer this important information: T

one...two...tree
one...two...tree

Dear Joyce, I've read that the reason why we have pubic hair is that it helps with the concentration of pheromones that attract our mates. If that's true, why am I turned off by a thick bush?

Empress of Groovy
Empress of Groovy

Dear Mr. Fancypants: Yes, that is true. As for why you're turned off by the "natural look," perhaps your partner (or former partner, I don't mean to be presumptuous) should practice a different hygi

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David-and-Mae Experienced

David-and-Mae   15

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Philippines
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I meant to show some of my unused "toys" but I had to decide first which one I'd like to show off... LOL. :D

The first picture is the gift card that I'm still debating on if I will choose it or not... The two pictures are my prized possessions as of yet, new, never been used... LOL.

So Dear Joyce, what do you think of my problem?

Waiting...

Mrs. Not-so-confused-anymore

post-29174-1199985691_thumb.jpg

post-29174-1199985696_thumb.jpg

post-29174-1199985700_thumb.jpg

N-400 NATURALIZATION

04/04/2011 - Mailed N-400 to AZ Lockbox

04/06/2011 - Received

04/07/2011 - NOA

04/07/2011 - Check cashed

04/14/2011 - Biometrics appointment in the mail

04/21/2011 - Early Biometrics (was scheduled on May 4, 2011)

05/09/2011 - Case Status Notification - In line for interview and testing

05/10/2011 - Case Status Notification - Interview scheduled

05/14/2011 - Interview Appointment Letter in the mail

06/21/2011 - Interview Appointment Date

06/29/2011 - Case Status Notification - Placed in the oath scheduling que

08/16/2011 - Case Status Notification - Oath ceremony scheduled

09/15/2011 - Oath Taking - good riddance!

09/23/2011 - Applied for Passport

10/08/2011 - Passport in the mail

10/17/2011 - Certificate of Naturalization in the mail -- OFFICIALLY DONE!

"Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty.

The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don't become less of who you are;

you end up being complete with your loved ones."

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Empress of Groovy Experienced

Empress of Groovy   373

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Dear Mrs. Confused:

Thanks for writing! And including the pictures. Goodness, those are some hefty tools! And never be embarrassed to get yourself some large, throbbing implements. They sure make life easier! You take yourself down there and firmly declare what you'd like. You're a modern woman with modern needs!

And I'm delighted to hear about the triple perm. It will look absolutely stunning, believe me! I suggest surprising your husband with it. I bet his jaw will drop!

And you're right, keep those big tools out of the bathtub!

Love,

(F) Joyce (F)

Dear Joyce,

Why does my a$$ fall asleep when I sit in this broke a$$ chair for more than 2 mins? Will you buy me a new one?

Goodness! As the kids say, it might be time to work that booty!

Love,

(F) Joyce (F)

p.s. I'm sorry that I can't buy you a new chair. I've spent all my money on helmet paste!

K-1

March 7, 2005: I-129F NOA1

September 20, 2005: K-1 Interview in London. Visa received shortly thereafter.

AOS

December 30, 2005: I-485 received by USCIS

May 5, 2006: Interview at Phoenix district office. Approval pending FBI background check clearance. AOS finally approved almost two years later: February 14, 2008.

Received 10-year green card February 28, 2008

Your Humble Advice Columnist, Joyce

Come check out the most happenin' thread on VJ: Dear Joyce

Click here to see me visiting with my homebodies.

[The grooviest signature you've ever seen is under construction!]

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almaty Grand Master

almaty   19

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what kind of helmet paste you use? is it organic?

Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

Peppi_drinking_beer.jpg

my burro, bosco ..enjoying a beer in almaty

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&id=10835

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*julez* Veteran

*julez*   124

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what kind of helmet paste you use? is it organic?

Brother Dean, I have asked for the secret too....Joyce is pretty tight lipped on her helmet paste formula....which is really sad since I thought a hair helmet would be the perfect look for my upcoming wedding....I mean, I can go ahead with the triple perm, but want to ensure that I can dance the night away with my helmet under control.....sigh......

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almaty Grand Master

almaty   19

Posted
Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Kazakhstan
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what kind of helmet paste you use? is it organic?

Brother Dean, I have asked for the secret too....Joyce is pretty tight lipped on her helmet paste formula....which is really sad since I thought a hair helmet would be the perfect look for my upcoming wedding....I mean, I can go ahead with the triple perm, but want to ensure that I can dance the night away with my helmet under control.....sigh......

sister, i agree... i am fearful that is a controlled substances..like ddt or napalm gel....could be an organic substance and she is shy about saying where it comes from

Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

Peppi_drinking_beer.jpg

my burro, bosco ..enjoying a beer in almaty

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&id=10835

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MissStacey Mentor

MissStacey   1

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Canada
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what kind of helmet paste you use? is it organic?

Brother Dean, I have asked for the secret too....Joyce is pretty tight lipped on her helmet paste formula....which is really sad since I thought a hair helmet would be the perfect look for my upcoming wedding....I mean, I can go ahead with the triple perm, but want to ensure that I can dance the night away with my helmet under control.....sigh......

sister, i agree... i am fearful that is a controlled substances..like ddt or napalm gel....could be an organic substance and she is shy about saying where it comes from

Almaty- are you looking to donate some "organic substance" to Joyce's magnificent helmet?

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almaty Grand Master

almaty   19

Posted
Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Kazakhstan
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Posted
what kind of helmet paste you use? is it organic?

Brother Dean, I have asked for the secret too....Joyce is pretty tight lipped on her helmet paste formula....which is really sad since I thought a hair helmet would be the perfect look for my upcoming wedding....I mean, I can go ahead with the triple perm, but want to ensure that I can dance the night away with my helmet under control.....sigh......

sister, i agree... i am fearful that is a controlled substances..like ddt or napalm gel....could be an organic substance and she is shy about saying where it comes from

Almaty- are you looking to donate some "organic substance" to Joyce's magnificent helmet?

hey yes sister stacey, i already did...sent her a quart of my burro and almaty special hair gel

Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

Peppi_drinking_beer.jpg

my burro, bosco ..enjoying a beer in almaty

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&id=10835

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MissStacey Mentor

MissStacey   1

Posted
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Posted
what kind of helmet paste you use? is it organic?

Brother Dean, I have asked for the secret too....Joyce is pretty tight lipped on her helmet paste formula....which is really sad since I thought a hair helmet would be the perfect look for my upcoming wedding....I mean, I can go ahead with the triple perm, but want to ensure that I can dance the night away with my helmet under control.....sigh......

sister, i agree... i am fearful that is a controlled substances..like ddt or napalm gel....could be an organic substance and she is shy about saying where it comes from

Almaty- are you looking to donate some "organic substance" to Joyce's magnificent helmet?

hey yes sister stacey, i already did...sent her a quart of my burro and almaty special hair gel

:thumbs:

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David-and-Mae Experienced

David-and-Mae   15

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Philippines
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Dear Mrs. Confused:

Thanks for writing! And including the pictures. Goodness, those are some hefty tools! And never be embarrassed to get yourself some large, throbbing implements. They sure make life easier! You take yourself down there and firmly declare what you'd like. You're a modern woman with modern needs!

And I'm delighted to hear about the triple perm. It will look absolutely stunning, believe me! I suggest surprising your husband with it. I bet his jaw will drop!

And you're right, keep those big tools out of the bathtub!

Love,

(F) Joyce (F)

Dear Joyce,

Thanks for your advice... It really helped a lot. I went to the "adult store" yesterday and found the perfect "toy" for me... Hubby was so delighted and he said we should use it together while indulging Cool Whip. Sounds exciting... :blush:

The triple perm is a surprise for him and I'm sure his jaw will really drop *giggles*.

BTW, I attached here the toys that I just bought... Fell in love with them the moment I laid my eyes on them. I can't wait to use them *wink*.

--Mrs. Delighted

post-29174-1200063530_thumb.jpg

N-400 NATURALIZATION

04/04/2011 - Mailed N-400 to AZ Lockbox

04/06/2011 - Received

04/07/2011 - NOA

04/07/2011 - Check cashed

04/14/2011 - Biometrics appointment in the mail

04/21/2011 - Early Biometrics (was scheduled on May 4, 2011)

05/09/2011 - Case Status Notification - In line for interview and testing

05/10/2011 - Case Status Notification - Interview scheduled

05/14/2011 - Interview Appointment Letter in the mail

06/21/2011 - Interview Appointment Date

06/29/2011 - Case Status Notification - Placed in the oath scheduling que

08/16/2011 - Case Status Notification - Oath ceremony scheduled

09/15/2011 - Oath Taking - good riddance!

09/23/2011 - Applied for Passport

10/08/2011 - Passport in the mail

10/17/2011 - Certificate of Naturalization in the mail -- OFFICIALLY DONE!

"Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty.

The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don't become less of who you are;

you end up being complete with your loved ones."

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Share on other sites
Empress of Groovy Experienced

Empress of Groovy   373

Posted
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: United Kingdom
 Timeline
  • Author
Posted
what kind of helmet paste you use? is it organic?

Brother Dean, I have asked for the secret too....Joyce is pretty tight lipped on her helmet paste formula....which is really sad since I thought a hair helmet would be the perfect look for my upcoming wedding....I mean, I can go ahead with the triple perm, but want to ensure that I can dance the night away with my helmet under control.....sigh......

sister, i agree... i am fearful that is a controlled substances..like ddt or napalm gel....could be an organic substance and she is shy about saying where it comes from

Almaty- are you looking to donate some "organic substance" to Joyce's magnificent helmet?

Goodness, everyone!

Sorry, I've had a few G&Ts tonight and somehow overlooked this part of the thread!

Yes, I can't divulge all my secrets--after all, I'm a woman of mystery, I'm sure you'll agree!--but Dean, the main component of my helmet paste is indeed organic. And I can't wait to receive your hair gel! Goodness! I'll be harassing the mailman all week! (And he sure is a cutie! **wink!**)

But since you're all my loyal readers, I'll dangle the carrot just a bit. My helmet paste contains no fewer than 30 ingredients, including Vaseline, unflavored gelatin, a burst of Aqua Net, and a beef buillon cube (for color).

I hope you're all having a fabulous Saturday night!

Love,

(F) Joyce (F)

K-1

March 7, 2005: I-129F NOA1

September 20, 2005: K-1 Interview in London. Visa received shortly thereafter.

AOS

December 30, 2005: I-485 received by USCIS

May 5, 2006: Interview at Phoenix district office. Approval pending FBI background check clearance. AOS finally approved almost two years later: February 14, 2008.

Received 10-year green card February 28, 2008

Your Humble Advice Columnist, Joyce

Come check out the most happenin' thread on VJ: Dear Joyce

Click here to see me visiting with my homebodies.

[The grooviest signature you've ever seen is under construction!]

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*julez* Veteran

*julez*   124

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: England
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Dear Joyce,

I've really missed your column these last few days! I just wanted to thank you for revealing some of the secret ingredients included in your helmet paste! So generous of you! I am most intrigued by the beef bouillon!!!!

Your # 1 fan,

Julez

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Empress of Groovy Experienced

Empress of Groovy   373

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Why, thank you, ladies!

Julez, beef bouillon has many more uses than just a sauce base and versatile ingredient for cooking! I've also used it as a coloring agent for shirts. I have a stunning brown jumpsuit with a yellow belt that I've kept beautifully earthtoney with a couple of cubes.

I'm still waiting for Dean's hair gel to arrive. I hope it wasn't stolen by one of my neighbors!

Love,

(F) Joyce (F)

K-1

March 7, 2005: I-129F NOA1

September 20, 2005: K-1 Interview in London. Visa received shortly thereafter.

AOS

December 30, 2005: I-485 received by USCIS

May 5, 2006: Interview at Phoenix district office. Approval pending FBI background check clearance. AOS finally approved almost two years later: February 14, 2008.

Received 10-year green card February 28, 2008

Your Humble Advice Columnist, Joyce

Come check out the most happenin' thread on VJ: Dear Joyce

Click here to see me visiting with my homebodies.

[The grooviest signature you've ever seen is under construction!]

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almaty Grand Master

almaty   19

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sister joyce,

sadly for america..you missed your calling..i am certain if you had your own tv day time talk show..you be bigger than oprah..and have better hair

Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

Peppi_drinking_beer.jpg

my burro, bosco ..enjoying a beer in almaty

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&id=10835

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