Dear Joyce

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Dear Joyce,

I've read that the reason why we have pubic hair is that it helps with the concentration of pheromones that attract our mates. If that's true, why am I turned off by a thick bush?

Dear Mr. Fancypants:

Yes, that is true. As for why you're turned off by the "natural look," perhaps your partner (or former partner, I don't mean to be presumptuous) should practice a different hygiene regimen. Perfumed soaps, scented douches, and personal sprays make great gifts.

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

Thank you, Joyce. Neatly trimmed and aromatic is how I like it best, like your beautiful Do that you are donning in your picture. I can only imagine the pheromones emanating from you.

[almaty 19]

damn straight, brother stevie...you know if you were single..you would hit that...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

damn straight, brother stevie...you know if you were single..you would hit that...

Aye, brother. I'd like to mousse that Do.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I often find my husband spending many hours alone locked in the bathroom. When he comes out he is all flushed and sweaty and holding a picture of you. Do you think he is constipated? Should I add more fiber to his diet?

Signed,

Alone while my husband is the bathroom.

Dear Stacey:

Goodness, that sounds like a complicated problem! I'm flattered that your husband has a picture of me, and I hope that I give him inspiration.

If he is spending many hours in the bathroom, I suspect that he is constipated. I would encourage him to eat more fiber and perhaps use fiber supplements if necessary. He should also drink lots of water.

If you'd like, I can send an autographed photo of myself to your husband. When he doesn't feel like ingesting that gloopy Metamucil, perhaps having a look at my healthy physique will give him the "push" he needs.

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

damn straight, brother stevie...you know if you were single..you would hit that...

Aye, brother. I'd like to mousse that Do.

Wow, you gentlemen are making me blush.

For the record, I don't use mousse to maintain my helmet; I use a proprietary blend of synthetics. But those are details!

Love,

Joyce

[almaty 19]

dear joyce,

i notice you hold a single rose..is that for a love lost or a love gain?

[Amby 490]

Dear Joyce,

Why don't you have a TV show?

[Empress of Groovy 373]

dear joyce,

i notice you hold a single rose..is that for a love lost or a love gain?

Well, Dean, it's not as simple a question as it may seem.

For me, a rose represents many things: love, rebirth, forgiveness, loyalty.

But even I can be a bit vain, and in this case, I chose the single rose to complement my features, accentuate my shapely physique, and bring out the tones in my carefully chosen outfit.

And given your highly complimentary posts, it seems to have worked!

Love,

Joyce

[almaty 19]

sister joyce,

i am thinking of getting a new set of glasses in the new years...since, yours are so fashionable...i wonder if you have any recommendations in a mans pair...dean

[no name 1]

dear joyce,

i notice you hold a single rose..is that for a love lost or a love gain?

LMAO!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Dear Joyce,

How much man(men) can you handle? Because I imagine a pig on a spit has got nothing on you.

[Amby 490]

Dear Joyce,

How much man(men) can you handle? Because I imagine a pig on a spit has got nothing on you.

lol so wrong but so funny

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

Why don't you have a TV show?

Dear Amber&Neil:

That's a good question! I'm sure that my agent has been inundated with calls.

I'd enjoy designing the set. I do think that sequins and glitter are underused in talk show sets today, so that would be my #1 priority. Next would be seafoam green seats shaped like dolphins.

I have a couple of how-to guides that I'd nominate for Joyce's Book Club, including 1,001 Uses for Cool Whip and You Can Do It: Toss Aside Those Cotton Fabrics and Embrace the New Century!

Thank you for your interest, and stay tuned!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

How much man(men) can you handle? Because I imagine a pig on a spit has got nothing on you.

Dear Mr. Fancypants:

I had the honor of attending a luau in Hawaii last year. Although apparently not the traditional preparation method, a pig on a spit was present. I, however, was entranced by the dessert (I admit it!), which included skillfully presented Cool Whip.

Love,

Joyce

[almaty 19]

sister joyce..

when i took my prom date to a motel..i brought some whipped cream to spray and lick ( like a ravish wolf) off of her body...would cool whip have worked better?

[Empress of Groovy 373]

sister joyce,

i am thinking of getting a new set of glasses in the new years...since, yours are so fashionable...i wonder if you have any recommendations in a mans pair...dean

Dear Dean:

As you know, I'm a liberated woman and thus believe that both sexes should take pride in their appearance. I think that large, round glasses bring out the inner beauty in everyone. This photo shows a lovely girl with very flattering glasses. I bet they'd bring out the handsome devil in you too!

Love,

Joyce