Dear Joyce

[peejay 327]

Dear Joyce,

What does it take for a chick to be a modern, liberated woman in the 21st century? Enquiring minds want to know. Just wondering if my wife makes the grade or has some work to do.

Peejay

Dear Peejay:

Thanks for writing! Well, I'm sure that your wife is a lovely gal on the go. How do you determine whether she's a modern, liberated woman? Can your wife answer Yes to at least four of these questions? If so, then she's a modern woman! Kudos to her! (and to you!)

(1) Is her wardrobe at least 85% synthetic? Cottons are acceptable for undergarments. Even I, great proponent of polyester, prefer underwear with a cotton crotch.

(2) Does she own at least four pantsuits and two jumpsuits? Is at least one paisley? (bonus for paisley)

(3) Has she ever beaten a man at tennis or tetherball?

(4) Does she own a megaphone?

(5) Can she whip up a delicious fondue while in a purple leotard, doing stretches?

That reminds me, I haven't seen my leotard in a while. I better get cracking!

Love,

Joyce

p.s. Happy new year!

She has already met many of the examples you provided, but there is still some work to be done. However, I love her anyway. She is already well on her way to being a liberated and modern American woman. Thanks for the advice and input. Here is a recent pic of my Siberian sweetie.

We make quite a couple...especially when I'm sporting my wardrobe of loud Hawaiian shirts and coordinated Bermuda shorts. I prefer to wear them along with white mid-calf socks and brown penny loafers. We turn a lot of heads and get a lot of stares. Especially when we head to the beach...me changing into my speedo and she into her thong bikini. We look really hip and groovy together. Many people are dumbfounded when we tell them that we are actually middle aged.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I am so inspired by your holiday attire suggestions. Do you have any suggestions for formal wear for a big New Year's bash tomorrow? I want to look fabulous and to sparkle under the disco ball. Cause you know I'll be ringing in the New Year on that dance floor!

sincerely,

Disco Dreaming

Dear Disco Dreaming:

You're come to the right place! And who wouldn't want to sparkle under the disco ball? You know, I admit that I was never into disco all that much--I'm more a xylophone kinda gal--but I really do love the outfits!

Why not something a little different, such as this flattering dress?

I know it's a bit different--some may even say shapeless--but I say, strap on those dancing shoes and show them who's the queen of the disco ball!

And go easy on the gin and tonics, at least until midnight. After that, it's a free-for-all!

Happy 2008!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

She has already met many of the examples you provided, but there is still some work to be done. However, I love her anyway. She is already well on her way to being a liberated and modern American woman. Thanks for the advice and input. Here is a recent pic of my Siberian sweetie.

We make quite a couple...especially when I'm sporting my wardrobe of loud Hawaiian shirts and coordinated Bermuda shorts. I prefer to wear them along with white mid-calf socks and brown penny loafers. We turn a lot of heads and get a lot of stares. Especially when we head to the beach...me changing into my speedo and she into her thong bikini. We look really hip and groovy together. Many people are dumbfounded when we tell them that we are actually middle aged.

Dear Peejay:

What a lovely gal! She definitely has potential. I very much like the headwear (is it rayon?), but I couldn't help but rumple my forehead when I saw the shirt and pants fabrics. Please tell me I'm wrong, but they look like they could be cotton! Goodness! But people aren't born knowing everything, are they?

Now, your description of your attire sounds impressive. I've always liked the midcalf socks look on a man. I think it's very flattering for many men--especially men with translucent white legs and black socks pulled up. Hoo-ee! Sometimes when I'm feeling down, I imagine Alan Alda in nothing but a speedo and black socks on the beach, sipping a pina colada out of a coconut and beckoning me.

You and your Siberian sweetie have a wonderful 2008! Perhaps you can treat her to a new pantsuit for the new year. You can bet she'd shine in it!

Love,

Joyce

[Nessa 23]

Dear Joyce

Happy New Year!

Mrs. #######

[Nagishkaw 510]

Dear Joyce,

They say there is filth in our food ranging from insect fragments to rodent hairs. Apart from burning our food beyond recognition, would you suggest boiling it in Chlorox? I mean, one would have to think that eating Minnie Mouse's yeast infection could have a detrimental affect on one's health.

Signed,

Mr. E. Coli

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce

Happy New Year!

Mrs. #######

Why, thank you, Mrs. #######! Happy new year to you as well! I hope that you had a fabulous evening. I myself wore my favorite fuchsia jumpsuit, which has a sequined belt sewn right into it! I felt like the belle of the ball! As has become customary, I drank sensibly until midnight, after which point I dramatically accelerated my gin and tonic consumption. Goodness! According to some witnesses, I had the whole party (about 50 people) singing the refrain to my lesser known ditty, "Don't Show Your Face at My Door (Unless You Have Cool Whip)." You may have noticed that I like song titles with parenthetical elements.

I was a bit the worse for wear yesterday but am back in action today!

Love,

Joyce

[almaty 19]

dear joyce,

i decided my last new years resolution may have been wrong...

myself and my mistress..decide only to smoke after sex..i still have the same pack all year..she now, smokes a carton a week..

what do you think?

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

They say there is filth in our food ranging from insect fragments to rodent hairs. Apart from burning our food beyond recognition, would you suggest boiling it in Chlorox? I mean, one would have to think that eating Minnie Mouse's yeast infection could have a detrimental affect on one's health.

Signed,

Mr. E. Coli

Dear Mr. E. Coli:

You are right, we are living in uncertain times.

Personally, I don't eat anything that hasn't first been blanched in a fondue pot. An exception is Cool Whip, because I place full trust in Kraft that it is a pure substance.

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

dear joyce,

i decided my last new years resolution may have been wrong...

myself and my mistress..decide only to smoke after sex..i still have the same pack all year..she now, smokes a carton a week..

what do you think?

Goodness! A carton a week, now that's an expense! Has your mistress considered rolling her own cigarettes? Significant savings!

Good for you for having the same pack all year. Now, that's the financial responsibility that seems to be absent in today's society!

I hope that you had a very happy new year!

Love,

Joyce

[Amby 490]

Dear Joyce,

I want to have a threesome with another woman but my husband doesn't seem into it. What should I do to convince him? What would you do in my situation? Please help me!

All my love,

Frisky Kitty

[almaty 19]

frisky kitty..does your spouse go by the avator ..charile brown on this site

Edited January 2, 2008 by almaty

[Amby 490]

lol what? no my husband never comes on here unless I tell him to look at something. he's into some forum called world of spectrum...he's obsessed

[MissStacey 1]

frisky kitty..does your spouse go by the avator ..charile brown on this site

[Ban Hammer 13,340]

frisky kitty..does your spouse go by the avator ..charile brown on this site

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I want to have a threesome with another woman but my husband doesn't seem into it. What should I do to convince him? What would you do in my situation? Please help me!

All my love,

Frisky Kitty

Dear Frisky Kitty:

Goodness! Another question about cookies! By all means. My favorite is the sandwich, especially if Cool Whip is involved. You be straight with your man and tell him what you want! How can he say no? You're a modern woman and a force to be reckoned with.

You don't want to overdo it with the cookies, though. It's a new year, and you want to keep your figure svelte for the new line of 2008 jumpsuits!

Love,

Joyce