Dear Joyce

[natty bumppo 297]

Joyce ... use your lint trap ... and you will also find lint from synthetics.

Almost sounds like you are a camel toe woman ...

Goodness! Either your dryer is defective, or you don't have (*gasp*) 100% synthetic fabrics! Poly-cotton blends are a blight upon humanity! You think you're getting an easy-care, stylish shirt and realize later, after your dryer is full of lint and the shirt has shrunk to the size of a bra, that you've been conned! As you've probably guessed, this happened to me one time, and you can bet that Woolworth's got an earful!

Re: camel toe, you'd be glad to know that I quit smoking back in 1978, when I realized that it was doing damage to my helmet. Yes, I'm a modern woman and enjoyed nicotine as much as the next groovy gal, but sometimes it's worth it to make the sensible decision. I just substituted gin and tonics for cigarettes, and things were just fine! (if a bit hazy, tee hee!)

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

Wow .. you must be shopping at "monkey wards" with the everlast fabric .. you know ... that clothed the "money store" guy

[Nessa 23]

Dear Joyce,

Do you think there is a logical explanation to why some people squeeze the toothpaste from the middle? I can't understand why some people do that.

Thanks,

Mrs. #######

[Nagishkaw 510]

Dear Joyce,

What is the evolutionary purpose of grocery store coupons?

Signed,

Don T. Clippitt

[almaty 19]

dear joyce...

were you naughty or nice for christmas?

[Peikko 1,575]

Dear Joyce

Thank you so much for your tips re eggnogging, the whole evening resembled a turn on a carousel, quite the excitement!

As for the table centerpiece advice, well, can you imagine the assorted gasps of admiration when I unveiled my festive spread this year? I was so uplifted I can tell you, such a thrill. If only the rest of my life could be so easy.

My question for today, how does one deal with those gifts that didn't quite meet the requirements of the modern woman? I did try to drop some hints regarding my conversion to polyester and pant suits, but I'm afraid they did somewhat fall on deaf ears. I was always taught that it's the thought that counts, but really, what to do with so much cotton?

Yours

Mrs Holdem

Edited December 26, 2007 by Purple_Hibiscus

[Amby 490]

Dear Joyce

You have answers to many questions and you seem like you're a very educated woman...could you tell me how a ####### got its name? This is something my husband and I became curious about last night as I was trying out some Christmas presents.

Yours truly,

Jane Doe

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

Do you think there is a logical explanation to why some people squeeze the toothpaste from the middle? I can't understand why some people do that.

Thanks,

Mrs. #######

Dear Mrs. #######:

Oh my Lord, you don't know someone who does that, do you? I don't mean to alarm you, but numerous studies have shown that people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle are deranged and should be separated from society.

But enough about that serious stuff! How was your Christmas? Did you have fondue? Cool Whip? Melted caramel squares?

I myself put on my most festive outfit, a bright red satin pantsuit with a big black buckle to resemble the traditional Santa outfit. I had a couple too many gin and tonics and nearly forgot the last verse as I gave an impromptu performance of "Get Your Hands Off My Polyester (I'm Not That Kind of Woman)." Fortunately, my many fans were there to sing the chorus for me! Jeepers!

Love,

Joyce

Dear Joyce,

What is the evolutionary purpose of grocery store coupons?

Signed,

Don T. Clippitt

Dear Don:

I don't think there's an evolutionary purpose, but I do think that there is some kind of conspiracy involving increasing sales of processed cheese food. Yum!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

dear joyce...

were you naughty or nice for christmas?

Goodness, hello Dean! You're making me blush.

Well, I'm glad to tell you, I was a little of both. I put on my best red satin pantsuit and clip-on cubic zirconia earrings. I also broke out my holiday helmet paste, which is like no other substance on Earth. I think it was the best helmet I'd had since about 1992. You may recall that grunge was all the rage back then, and it was a real trial to put together a potent helmet paste.

I received many nice gifts, including beautiful speakers with pastel purple fabric. I also received the Dave "Baby" Cortez boxed LP set, which nearly brought a tear to my eye! His whistling organ really gets me going!

Goodness, I've said too much!

Love,

Joyce

p.s. I hope you had a nice Christmas!

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce

Thank you so much for your tips re eggnogging, the whole evening resembled a turn on a carousel, quite the excitement!

As for the table centerpiece advice, well, can you imagine the assorted gasps of admiration when I unveiled my festive spread this year? I was so uplifted I can tell you, such a thrill. If only the rest of my life could be so easy.

My question for today, how does one deal with those gifts that didn't quite meet the requirements of the modern woman? I did try to drop some hints regarding my conversion to polyester and pant suits, but I'm afraid they did somewhat fall on deaf ears. I was always taught that it's the thought that counts, but really, what to do with so much cotton?

Yours

Mrs Holdem

Dear Mrs. Holdem:

I admire your gracious attitude. I recommend taking the cottons to Goodwill, and then spending the good karma on pantsuits. The rewards will be a thousand times over! I've noticed that Goodwill often has a good assortment of synthetic fabrics, which I believe are really at the core of womanhood.

I'm glad that your centerpiece was a hit! You really can't lose when it's from the heart--or indeed the helmet.

Keep that forward-thinking attitude, Mrs. Holdem!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce

You have answers to many questions and you seem like you're a very educated woman...could you tell me how a ####### got its name? This is something my husband and I became curious about last night as I was trying out some Christmas presents.

Yours truly,

Jane Doe

Dear Jane:

Yes, a ####### is named after the town in Newfoundland. I believe that Shannon Tweed is somehow involved.

Er....

Off to the gin & tonics!

Love,

Joyce

p.s. Cool Whip?

Edited December 27, 2007 by AOS despair

[Nessa 23]

Dear Joyce,

Do you think there is a logical explanation to why some people squeeze the toothpaste from the middle? I can't understand why some people do that.

Thanks,

Mrs. #######

Dear Mrs. #######:

Oh my Lord, you don't know someone who does that, do you? I don't mean to alarm you, but numerous studies have shown that people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle are deranged and should be separated from society.

But enough about that serious stuff! How was your Christmas? Did you have fondue? Cool Whip? Melted caramel squares?

I myself put on my most festive outfit, a bright red satin pantsuit with a big black buckle to resemble the traditional Santa outfit. I had a couple too many gin and tonics and nearly forgot the last verse as I gave an impromptu performance of "Get Your Hands Off My Polyester (I'm Not That Kind of Woman)." Fortunately, my many fans were there to sing the chorus for me! Jeepers!

Love,

Joyce

Christmas was ok. It's difficult sometimes to cook for someone from a different culture, cuz what is natural to have in Brazil is not in here.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Christmas was ok. It's difficult sometimes to cook for someone from a different culture, cuz what is natural to have in Brazil is not in here.

Dear Mrs. #######:

Did you serve Cool Whip? It's the great unifier. All cultures appreciate its nondairy goodness, even if they claim that they've never heard of it!

What are traditional Brazilian Christmas dishes?

Love,

Joyce

[Nessa 23]

What are traditional Brazilian Christmas dishes?

Love,

Joyce

We have turkey; ham (usually with fruits, like peaches, plums, pineapple) and we stick cloves all around it, but I tried that last year and he didn't like it; potato salad, mashed potatoes; white rice; arroz a grega (translation would be greek rice, it has bell pepper, carrots, raisins) but hubby didn't like it; panetone (it's a sweet bread with raisins, dried fruits, but I can't find it here and I don't know how to cook); honey bread; salad; fruit salad; lentil soup; christmas cookies (they are like sugar cookies in shape of christmas trees, santa claus, etc), etc

Of course I wouldn't cook all that. That would be for a big family.

[almaty 19]

sister joyce...

speaking of cool whip.....i know it goes great on pies and about everything.

but i am sure as a prom queen and cheerleader..you had many tubs licked off you...

[Amby 490]

What are traditional Brazilian Christmas dishes?

Love,

Joyce

We have turkey; ham (usually with fruits, like peaches, plums, pineapple) and we stick cloves all around it, but I tried that last year and he didn't like it; potato salad, mashed potatoes; white rice; arroz a grega (translation would be greek rice, it has bell pepper, carrots, raisins) but hubby didn't like it; panetone (it's a sweet bread with raisins, dried fruits, but I can't find it here and I don't know how to cook); honey bread; salad; fruit salad; lentil soup; christmas cookies (they are like sugar cookies in shape of christmas trees, santa claus, etc), etc

Of course I wouldn't cook all that. That would be for a big family.

for the future nessa you can get panetone from GFS or Sams Club