Dear Joyce

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Dear Joyce,

I finally had the pleasure of hearing your song, I Get All Excited.

http://joyce.ytmnd.com/

Now I can't get your, "He's coming again!" out of my head.

Kisses,

Cool Whip Pants

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I finally had the pleasure of hearing your song, I Get All Excited.

http://joyce.ytmnd.com/

Now I can't get your, "He's coming again!" out of my head.

Kisses,

Cool Whip Pants

Dear Cool Whip Pants:

Goodness! I'm glad to be able to share my passion with you! Well, now that the cat's out of the bag, I feel that I should explain the lyrics. The "Jesus" mentioned in the song is a pseudonym for a gentleman with whom I had a passionate love affair. As you've probably gathered, he was quite a force of nature (*giggle!*) and did indeed get me all excited. In a flurry, I wrote that song in about 15 minutes, fueled by--you guessed it--adrenaline and Cool Whip.

Sadly, a blinding passion of that magnitude cannot last forever, and circumstances were such that "Jesus" and I (well, this was years ago--I suppose I can reveal his real name, Clyde) had to go our separate ways: me to a wildly successful music and modeling career, and he to his destiny as a harp cleaner and shower cap designer. I still think of my Clyde days with great fondness, and I have that hit single to show for it! You know, Clyde was the only man I ever met who could shift my helmet just a little bit.

Goodness, I hope I haven't said too much. Here I talk about the importance of maintaining mystique, and I'm divulging secrets! Well, behind every song is a compelling story. And you can bet I have many more!

Love,

Joyce

[Nagishkaw 510]

Dear Joyce,

Do mothers-in-law as a group have higher than normal levels of interferon?

Signed,

Sheeza Buttinsky

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

Do mothers-in-law as a group have higher than normal levels of interferon?

Signed,

Sheeza Buttinsky

Dear Sheeza:

Yes, it is true!

And what a lovely name!

I'm off to pop the Jane Fonda workout video into the VCR to burn off my weekly Cool Whip indulgence. That lady sure knows a thing or two about leg warmers!

Love,

Joyce

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Here's to you, Joyce, and your big tub of Cool Whip!

[eric&gen 0]

I like to know about the Cool Whip thing.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Dear Joyce,

I recently purchased a new clothes dryer. My old machine bore the admonition " clean lint filter before each use" . This new machine says, " clean lint filter after each use " . What's going on here ?

Signed,

Seymore Fuzzball

[*julez* 124]

Dear Joyce,

I just listened to your song, "I Get Excited". I am rarely at a loss for words, but on this occasion I can assure you I am bereft of speech. You certainly have a unique sound. Have you released subsequent albums, or was the mold broken after you released your first gem of an album?

Yours Truly,

Hearda Nuff

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Here's to you, Joyce, and your big tub of Cool Whip!

Why, thank you for posting that, Mr. Fancypants! The gentleman in the ad sure has taste! Although he really should limit his intake, as it looks like he could be a bit more fit. Contrary to popular opinion, you can sometimes have too much Cool Whip. But the star of that ad is really the lady's dress. Now, that's style!

And they sure don't make tablecloths like that, anymore! *sigh*

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I recently purchased a new clothes dryer. My old machine bore the admonition " clean lint filter before each use" . This new machine says, " clean lint filter after each use " . What's going on here ?

Signed,

Seymore Fuzzball

Dear Seymore:

It sounds like you need a philosopher to answer that vexing question! Goodness!

One easy way to avoid lint altogether is to buy only synthetic fabrics. I haven't seen a piece of lint in my dryer since 1970!

Love,

Joyce

I like to know about the Cool Whip thing.

Cool Whip--It's not just a dessert topping, it's a Zeitgeist!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I just listened to your song, "I Get Excited". I am rarely at a loss for words, but on this occasion I can assure you I am bereft of speech. You certainly have a unique sound. Have you released subsequent albums, or was the mold broken after you released your first gem of an album?

Yours Truly,

Hearda Nuff

Dear Hearda:

Why, that's an unusual name. Are you from the Great Plains?

I'm glad that you enjoyed my hit single! I have released many albums since, although sadly, there were problems with distribution. But that's a story for another time!

Stay (all) excited!

Love,

Joyce

[Peikko 1,575]

Dear Joyce

How many egg nogs should the modern married woman consume at a seasonal party? I have always considered one quite the proper amount, but would appreciate a knowlegable lady's opinion.

Could you also advise me on table centre pieces for the holiday table. I'm not a very creative woman and any advice would be appreciated.

Yours

Mrs Holdem.

[natty bumppo 297]

Dear Joyce,

I recently purchased a new clothes dryer. My old machine bore the admonition " clean lint filter before each use" . This new machine says, " clean lint filter after each use " . What's going on here ?

Signed,

Seymore Fuzzball

Dear Seymore:

It sounds like you need a philosopher to answer that vexing question! Goodness!

One easy way to avoid lint altogether is to buy only synthetic fabrics. I haven't seen a piece of lint in my dryer since 1970!

Love,

Joyce

Joyce ... use your lint trap ... and you will also find lint from synthetics.

Almost sounds like you are a camel toe woman ...

Edited December 25, 2007 by Natty Bumppo

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce

How many egg nogs should the modern married woman consume at a seasonal party? I have always considered one quite the proper amount, but would appreciate a knowlegable lady's opinion.

Could you also advise me on table centre pieces for the holiday table. I'm not a very creative woman and any advice would be appreciated.

Yours

Mrs Holdem.

Dear Mrs. Holdem (nice to hear from you again!),

The proper amount of egg nog to consume depends on many factors. The first, how much fondue have you had? Are you driving? How many buttons are on your pantsuit? Are you wearing clogs? Once you answer these questions, you should make your decision. I admit that sometimes even I have one too many and get up on the table to shake it! (Shhh, don't tell anyone!)

I've had the same centerpiece for many years now, and it's just as beautiful and stylish as it was back in 1979: a glazed sculpture that is an exact replica of my hair helmet from when I was 22. Guests love it!

Merry Christmas, Mrs. Holdem!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Joyce ... use your lint trap ... and you will also find lint from synthetics.

Almost sounds like you are a camel toe woman ...

Goodness! Either your dryer is defective, or you don't have (*gasp*) 100% synthetic fabrics! Poly-cotton blends are a blight upon humanity! You think you're getting an easy-care, stylish shirt and realize later, after your dryer is full of lint and the shirt has shrunk to the size of a bra, that you've been conned! As you've probably guessed, this happened to me one time, and you can bet that Woolworth's got an earful!

Re: camel toe, you'd be glad to know that I quit smoking back in 1978, when I realized that it was doing damage to my helmet. Yes, I'm a modern woman and enjoyed nicotine as much as the next groovy gal, but sometimes it's worth it to make the sensible decision. I just substituted gin and tonics for cigarettes, and things were just fine! (if a bit hazy, tee hee!)

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce