Financial Stuff

[chispas 0]

Hola again amigos and amigas

Right before I got married, a coworker, whose husband is an immigration lawyer, to sIt's hard enough managing money alone. Throw in another person and financial sparks will fly -- but these 24 tips can help.

MSN Money staff

Thinking of marriage? Prepare to bare your financial soul. Experts agree that couples need to talk about money -- the sooner, the better.

Before you get to 'I do'

Consider a prenuptial agreement. It's not just a document detailing how to split the assets after a divorce. It can absolve you of your spouse's debts, maintain assets for children from a previous marriage, keep a family business intact and ensure that the family home stays in the family. (See "Do you need a prenup?")

Bring up the idea of a prenup as soon as the relationship gets serious. It can help clarify each other's circumstances and goals.

Allow at least three months before the wedding to work out the details. A valid prenup involves lawyers and full financial disclosure. (See "The prenup problem.")

Most prenups provide that whatever property or debts you bring to the marriage will remain yours if the marriage dissolves. They also protect what you don't have yet, including property you expect to inherit.

No state will allow you to waive child support, dictate child custody or otherwise impinge on the rights of your children.

Getting through 'I do'

With the average cost of an American wedding nearing $30,000, there's a lot to talk about. Even if your parents are paying part of the cost, you might have to let go of some dreams, including the one calling for a perfect wedding. (See "Your fantasy wedding for less cash.")

Lay down a budget and stick to it. Write it down so there's no question.

Pay for your priorities. Decide what's most important to you and do everything else on the cheap.

Take half-measures. Rather than a full reception, have a desserts-only affair. Instead of a full bar, offer beer and wine.

Do your friends and family a favor and register for gifts in multiple price ranges. Today's bridal registries include outdoor gear, jewelry, wine and home-office supplies. (See "13 thoughtful, offbeat wedding gift ideas.")

Get married in spring or fall and enjoy the lower off-season rates. Not only will venues be less expensive, but you'll score off-season travel rates for your honeymoon.

Don't let the honeymoon break your budget, either. Sign up with a honeymoon registry that lets guests buy portions of your honeymoon in increments. Consider a honeymoon close to home or bid on a trip in an online travel auction.

Weddings can be costly even if you're not the bride or groom. For members of the wedding party and guests, there are ways to stay within your budget.

Give what you can afford, based on your relationship with the couple.

For bridesmaids, the dresses alone can be a nightmare. Ask if you can rent the dress or use one you already own. (See "The bridesmaid's survival guide.")

Creativity and thoughtfulness ultimately go further than cash. The key is to personalize the gift. (See "6 ways to cut costs on wedding gifts.")

The honeymoon's over

Money and the expectations we bring with it become sources of friction for many couples. Even if you've married your financial opposite (and many of us do), you need to find a way to financially coexist. (See "Why we fight over money.")

If you didn't have the money talk before the wedding, have it now. Get down to details when you discuss your lifestyle and your goals. (See "5 steps to wedded wallets.")

Ask your mate about his or her financial upbringing -- and be willing to explore your own.

Pick a good time to talk about money -- not at meals, right before bedtime or when inebriating substances are flowing.

Once you're on the same financial wavelength, figure out where your money goes. Then set some goals, such as saving for retirement, paying off debt, preparing for children or buying a house. (See "Should newlyweds buy a house?")

Set up a budget. Even if you had one when you were single, you need a new one that includes both incomes, debts and bills. (See "Budget your way to smarter spending.")

Decide whether to use joint or separate accounts or consider having "yours," "mine" and "ours" accounts. Experts agree that if a couple can't share their money in a checking account, it's probably a signal that something's wrong in the relationship. (See "Love, honor and a shared bank account.")

If one of you brought debt into the marriage, it becomes a problem for both of you. Work together to figure out a plan to pay it off. But don't officially commingle your debt; keep existing credit card and loan accounts in the original holder's name. (See "Take control of your debt.")

Update your paperwork, including wills, 401(k) beneficiaries, life insurance policies and the withholding amount on your income taxes. (See "Marriage means updating vital papers.")

Assess your emergency fund. Every couple should have enough money to cover three to six months worth of living expenses.

Happily ever after?

Once you're cruising along on a shared plan, you'll need to pay attention to keep your financial boat afloat.

Put yourself in each person's shoes. If one person is generally responsible for the budget and the other does the purchasing, switch roles every three to six months. This way, both partners know your financial situation.

Don't begrudge your spouse small indulgences, but do agree to consult each other on big-ticket items. Put a dollar amount on what constitutes a big-ticket item now, so there's no question later.

Don't keep money secrets.

And finally, don't criticize your spouse about money in front of others. Ever.

Published Nov. 6, 2007

uggested I get a prenup and follow some simple guidelines before marriage. Of course I didn't follow it, but I read an article today which is similar to what she outlined. Hope you find it good reading.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

When talking about finances for those of you who have your spouses here now from Africa, how is it going?

I'm curious because Bassi's world is pay as you go and my world is the world of credit. When Bassi found out I have a mortgage, he said, "Well, we don't own that house yet. But we will." He built his house with cash. He bought the land, then built the house bit by bit as he got money. He doesn't understand that most americans who "own" homes have mortgages and it's how our economy works. The country would probably collapse if we didn't all have some level of debt. I'm wondering how that will balance out with us working on money issues when he arrives. I figure everything is about compromise...but if he thinks we're going to pay off this house in a year or two, puleeeese! It's going to be a big learning curve for him and a lot of compromise for me.

[Zee Bee 61]

When talking about finances for those of you who have your spouses here now from Africa, how is it going?

I'm curious because Bassi's world is pay as you go and my world is the world of credit. When Bassi found out I have a mortgage, he said, "Well, we don't own that house yet. But we will." He built his house with cash. He bought the land, then built the house bit by bit as he got money. He doesn't understand that most americans who "own" homes have mortgages and it's how our economy works. The country would probably collapse if we didn't all have some level of debt. I'm wondering how that will balance out with us working on money issues when he arrives. I figure everything is about compromise...but if he thinks we're going to pay off this house in a year or two, puleeeese! It's going to be a big learning curve for him and a lot of compromise for me.

Good question.

[chispas 0]

Without going into too many details, we joined a financial group at Church. It is called Crown Financial. After much struggles, I decided to go through this option because it was a Christian approach to finances and not a wife telling her husband what to do and how to spend the money. I live in Calfornia, and a prenup would have been great because I stand to loose 1/2 of my assets in a divorce and pick up 1/2 of the debt that I did not create. Not great, but at least my children would have been protected. I was against doing a prenup and felt that I trusted my husband 100% with everything. Also I felt the prenup would have set a negative financial tone for the relationship and I didn't want that. However, my personal friend's husband and her made one and they are both happy they did it. What they build together is theirs together and what he inherited he shares with her and vise versa.

However, going from cash and carry to a credit society can be daunting because the understanding is that if I have $50.00 in my pocket, then I have 50 to use on anything I want rather than save for car emergencies, credit cards, doctor office co-pays, etc etc.

One abstract concept is the 401k and tax returns. Try to explain that one!

[Adrians Mom 0]

I'm not the best person when dealing with money management. I'm actually counting on my fiance to help us manage our money better. There's actually this financial seminar my company is sponsoring in February. I've already signed up to volunteer, so God willing, if my SO is here, he'll attend with me. We've decided that he's not going to work until he finishes his medical exams, so we'll be on a tight tight budget until further notice. We need all the financial guidance we can get.

Thanks for posting this, Chispas.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Below are excerpts of a response I gave about a year ago to a similar post. At the end of the day, I strongly encourage everyone to be sure their SO is involved. You would be suprise at the things we believe to be common sense, but to them it's like trying to solve an Algebraic problem, with a 2nd grade education. My husband is now approaching two years of life here in the USA. His understanding of money is greatly improving. For the most part, he thinks twice before spending. However, he is a bit of a scary cat when it comes to investing in the stock market. But oh well ... overall we keep each other balanced.

Hope this helps ....

As for the Finance ... After explaining to my husband for several months the bills, when they are due, etc. I finally came up with an alternative other than a verbal explanation. Here it goes:

#1) Write out on a sheet of paper EVERY bill that you have. For example:

Name of the bill Ex: Phone Bill

The amount due: $$$

When it is due

THEN ....

For revolving accounts try this:

Name of the Bill

The minimum amount due: $$

When it is due:

Then at the bottom put in parenthesis () the total balance.

Then attach the original of every bill. Take the time to highlight the important things .... Company name, account #, due date, total balance, etc., etc. Be prepared to due this for several months cycle of bills.

That way he 'sees' what is going on. It also helps him to understand how a $100 pair of shoes can go towards paying off the balance on a card.

#2) Make a budget and stick with it. In the meantime, make him responsible for paying a bill (this works whether you have a joint account or not). And if a bill is not paid, be sure that he understands that their is a consequence. Here is a situation that we experienced shortly after my husband arrived.

I was teaching him how to write checks. His job was to write the check for the utility bill and place it in the mail. Because I have already shown him what to do, I took it that everything was done. For some odd reason my husband wrote the check (just as I told him) and DID NOT put the check in the mail! So when the next bill came, it showed that we owed the previous months bill, plus a late fee. Guess what? When my husband was getting prepared for our Friday night date to the movies I explained to him that we do not have the money to do such. Why? The late fee we had to pay (no more than $5.00) had to be taken away from our movie money. Not only did he learn a lesson, but he wants to pay the bills as soon as it arrives.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Chispas - thanks for sharing. This is good information.

Boaz

[Zee Bee 61]

Thank you for sharing Boaz. That is very helpful

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Below are excerpts of a response I gave about a year ago to a similar post. At the end of the day, I strongly encourage everyone to be sure their SO is involved. You would be suprise at the things we believe to be common sense, but to them it's like trying to solve an Algebraic problem, with a 2nd grade education. My husband is now approaching two years of life here in the USA. His understanding of money is greatly improving. For the most part, he thinks twice before spending. However, he is a bit of a scary cat when it comes to investing in the stock market. But oh well ... overall we keep each other balanced.

Hope this helps ....

As for the Finance ... After explaining to my husband for several months the bills, when they are due, etc. I finally came up with an alternative other than a verbal explanation. Here it goes:

#1) Write out on a sheet of paper EVERY bill that you have. For example:

Name of the bill Ex: Phone Bill

The amount due: $$$

When it is due

THEN ....

For revolving accounts try this:

Name of the Bill

The minimum amount due: $$

When it is due:

Then at the bottom put in parenthesis () the total balance.

Then attach the original of every bill. Take the time to highlight the important things .... Company name, account #, due date, total balance, etc., etc. Be prepared to due this for several months cycle of bills.

That way he 'sees' what is going on. It also helps him to understand how a $100 pair of shoes can go towards paying off the balance on a card.

#2) Make a budget and stick with it. In the meantime, make him responsible for paying a bill (this works whether you have a joint account or not). And if a bill is not paid, be sure that he understands that their is a consequence. Here is a situation that we experienced shortly after my husband arrived.

I was teaching him how to write checks. His job was to write the check for the utility bill and place it in the mail. Because I have already shown him what to do, I took it that everything was done. For some odd reason my husband wrote the check (just as I told him) and DID NOT put the check in the mail! So when the next bill came, it showed that we owed the previous months bill, plus a late fee. Guess what? When my husband was getting prepared for our Friday night date to the movies I explained to him that we do not have the money to do such. Why? The late fee we had to pay (no more than $5.00) had to be taken away from our movie money. Not only did he learn a lesson, but he wants to pay the bills as soon as it arrives.

Thanks for sharing this. I'm marking this post, cause I don't want to lose the information.

Maybe you can give me a little advice on what Bassi and I have talked about. I happen to hate doing bills and have a major aversion to it. My mother did it for the longest after I divorced my first husband, because she was an accountant. But she's gone blind now, so I have to be a grown up and do it myself. Bassi and I have discussed sitting down every two weeks and doing our budget and paying our bills together. I only picked every two weeks because I get paid every two weeks. So that we share the responsibility and we both know what is going on. I figure at those sessions we'll have basic bill paying to do, but we'll also have to eventually discuss things like retirement accounts (I have two but he has none cause he isn't here yet.) and college savings and emergency savings and stuff like that. Chispas mentioned crown financial and I know there are other God centered programs like that that could serve as a guide for us (anyone know of any muslim financial management programs?) and I also have a couple of Suze Orman books to serve as a compass. I think it's at least a start and a structure for us to work within. We haven't talked much about bank accounts and stuff like that. I could put him on my account or we could open a new account together. He doesn't have one in Ghana.

What do ya'll think?

[chispas 0]

Below are excerpts of a response I gave about a year ago to a similar post. At the end of the day, I strongly encourage everyone to be sure their SO is involved. You would be suprise at the things we believe to be common sense, but to them it's like trying to solve an Algebraic problem, with a 2nd grade education. My husband is now approaching two years of life here in the USA. His understanding of money is greatly improving. For the most part, he thinks twice before spending. However, he is a bit of a scary cat when it comes to investing in the stock market. But oh well ... overall we keep each other balanced.

Hope this helps ....

As for the Finance ... After explaining to my husband for several months the bills, when they are due, etc. I finally came up with an alternative other than a verbal explanation. Here it goes:

#1) Write out on a sheet of paper EVERY bill that you have. For example:

Name of the bill Ex: Phone Bill

The amount due: $$$

When it is due

THEN ....

For revolving accounts try this:

Name of the Bill

The minimum amount due: $$

When it is due:

Then at the bottom put in parenthesis () the total balance.

Then attach the original of every bill. Take the time to highlight the important things .... Company name, account #, due date, total balance, etc., etc. Be prepared to due this for several months cycle of bills.

That way he 'sees' what is going on. It also helps him to understand how a $100 pair of shoes can go towards paying off the balance on a card.

#2) Make a budget and stick with it. In the meantime, make him responsible for paying a bill (this works whether you have a joint account or not). And if a bill is not paid, be sure that he understands that their is a consequence. Here is a situation that we experienced shortly after my husband arrived.

I was teaching him how to write checks. His job was to write the check for the utility bill and place it in the mail. Because I have already shown him what to do, I took it that everything was done. For some odd reason my husband wrote the check (just as I told him) and DID NOT put the check in the mail! So when the next bill came, it showed that we owed the previous months bill, plus a late fee. Guess what? When my husband was getting prepared for our Friday night date to the movies I explained to him that we do not have the money to do such. Why? The late fee we had to pay (no more than $5.00) had to be taken away from our movie money. Not only did he learn a lesson, but he wants to pay the bills as soon as it arrives.

Thanks for sharing this. I'm marking this post, cause I don't want to lose the information.

Maybe you can give me a little advice on what Bassi and I have talked about. I happen to hate doing bills and have a major aversion to it. My mother did it for the longest after I divorced my first husband, because she was an accountant. But she's gone blind now, so I have to be a grown up and do it myself. Bassi and I have discussed sitting down every two weeks and doing our budget and paying our bills together. I only picked every two weeks because I get paid every two weeks. So that we share the responsibility and we both know what is going on. I figure at those sessions we'll have basic bill paying to do, but we'll also have to eventually discuss things like retirement accounts (I have two but he has none cause he isn't here yet.) and college savings and emergency savings and stuff like that. Chispas mentioned crown financial and I know there are other God centered programs like that that could serve as a guide for us (anyone know of any muslim financial management programs?) and I also have a couple of Suze Orman books to serve as a compass. I think it's at least a start and a structure for us to work within. We haven't talked much about bank accounts and stuff like that. I could put him on my account or we could open a new account together. He doesn't have one in Ghana.

What do ya'll think?

Suze Ormon is great. One thing you may want to consider is spoon feeding him the information so that he does not feel overwhelmed by everything. Like Boaz indicated, highlight the important things. Also try and make it fun. (snicker snicker sneaky look)

[ForeverAmen 0]

Thanks for sharing this. I'm marking this post, cause I don't want to lose the information.

Maybe you can give me a little advice on what Bassi and I have talked about. I happen to hate doing bills and have a major aversion to it. My mother did it for the longest after I divorced my first husband, because she was an accountant. But she's gone blind now, so I have to be a grown up and do it myself. Bassi and I have discussed sitting down every two weeks and doing our budget and paying our bills together. I only picked every two weeks because I get paid every two weeks. So that we share the responsibility and we both know what is going on. I figure at those sessions we'll have basic bill paying to do, but we'll also have to eventually discuss things like retirement accounts (I have two but he has none cause he isn't here yet.) and college savings and emergency savings and stuff like that. Chispas mentioned crown financial and I know there are other God centered programs like that that could serve as a guide for us (anyone know of any muslim financial management programs?) and I also have a couple of Suze Orman books to serve as a compass. I think it's at least a start and a structure for us to work within. We haven't talked much about bank accounts and stuff like that. I could put him on my account or we could open a new account together. He doesn't have one in Ghana.

What do ya'll think?

Sorry it's taking me so long to reply, I've been out of town.

IMO I think the approach you are suggesting (ie., discussing the budget every two weeks) is a good start. Be open to the fact that over time one of you may end up being the 'more natural fit' when it comes to the bills. I don't know of any Muslim financial programs. However, I do think that Suze Orman is a great start.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

When talking about finances for those of you who have your spouses here now from Africa, how is it going?

I'm curious because Bassi's world is pay as you go and my world is the world of credit.

We have a mortgage but other than that, we're a pay as you go couple. Neither one of us believes in racking up credit card debt or somesuch. We're looking to buy another car soon - we have already saved up for it. My philosophy is that if we can afford monthly payments, then we may as well start making those payments into the savings account until we have the balance to buy a car with cash. we're just waiting for the consumer spending to take a nose-dive once people get the Christmas credit card bills. When the dealers get desperate to sell anything at all, then we'll go hunt.

[chispas 0]

When talking about finances for those of you who have your spouses here now from Africa, how is it going?

I'm curious because Bassi's world is pay as you go and my world is the world of credit.

We have a mortgage but other than that, we're a pay as you go couple. Neither one of us believes in racking up credit card debt or somesuch. We're looking to buy another car soon - we have already saved up for it. My philosophy is that if we can afford monthly payments, then we may as well start making those payments into the savings account until we have the balance to buy a car with cash. we're just waiting for the consumer spending to take a nose-dive once people get the Christmas credit card bills. When the dealers get desperate to sell anything at all, then we'll go hunt.

Great strategy and cudos to you both for sticking to it.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

That's a great strategy and one that I am moving toward. I'm doing it now, but have "leftover" debt. Mostly my mortgages and student loans. In the divorce, we had to split the bills; my ex-husband had a significant medical issue that hospitalized him for just over a year. So, those bills were high despite having health insurance. Those are my main bills. Everything is cash payments but those big payments linger.

Abass is aware of them, but I'm not sure he can really conceptualize a $100,000 mortgage. It could be overwhelming to him. It took him a long while to understand my salary. The "number" just didn't make sense to him. And when I converted it to cedis, well, he literally gasped. He said, does everyone there make that kind of money? I told him that our economy is different. So, I guess we'll have to see. I mostly worry because he can be a bit protective of me and I'm afraid that if he becomes overwhelmed he may not easily share it with me. Especially with all the transitioning when he gets here, it could be hard for him to adjust to a new way of thinking, so to speak.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

That's a great strategy and one that I am moving toward. I'm doing it now, but have "leftover" debt.

It's never too late to get out of debt. The mortgage, I wouldn't worry about too much. Pay it off as planned or, if you can, make additional payments towards your principal with every payment to work it down faster. It's the credit card debt and the equity drawing from the home that many people do that is the major problem in this country.