Being real about marriage!!!

[Queen Jenn 0]

Also as for #3 FRIENDS: "...Every Nigerian that has completed a post secondary education would definitely have a girl friend except he wants you to believe otherwise. " This isn't necessarily true either. My husband was planning to become a priest when I met him. He believes a priest should stay pure before and after the vows. His friends who didn't know of me until I was in Nigeria facing them were very surprised I existed at all. They were sure he was going to die a virgin, he professed that to people in an attempt to encourage them to also remain chaste. He never expected to fall in love and get married but that was God's plan.

My fiance HAD a girlfriend at one point, but didn't when I met him. And they don't all have girlfriends, and yet want you to believe otherwise. That may be true for scammers, but they ARE NOT ALL SCAMMERS!!!!!!!!!

That's really cool that your husband would encourage people to remain chaste. My SO has done so and so have I (our religion believes in complete chastity before marriage and complete fidelity after marriage). Anyway, it is possible to remain chaste.

[Theone 0]

I am a Nigeria and I speak the truth. Marrying a Nigerian man is very risky for a non-nigerian, especially if you are an american. 99.9% of Nigeria men marry American wife for the green card, that is the way it is and nothing can change that. Nigerians will do anything to come to america, even if it to sleep with a dog. Until they come here, they are very nice, some will even lick the sole of your feet, which by the way nigerian men dont do. Once they are here and they get their green card, then you will start seeing the changes. I am saying this as a warning to those that are not married yet to their nigerian boyfriends be careful, so they no what they are getting into. The devil you know is better than the saints you dont know, trust me.

For you, blah0323, I will say hang in there for as long as you can. Take care.

I decided to start this thread as a result of reading some of the other posts, concerning the good and the bad experiences.

Let me first say, I'm still married to my husband. But let me also say it has not been easy. I have learned some things from really nice seasoned married women that has helped in the relationship. Suggestions like exhibiting more patience and trying to put myself in his shoes, coming to a country with no family, no friends and learning new things to make it here in the US. Learning patience for me is still a work in progress......

With that said, I went out my way to make available everything to my husband, which included cell phone, luxuries at home, supplying a whole new wardrobe. And I believe that was a mistake, it was taken for granted!! All he had to do was just mentioned it and it was done. But then it was like he was always looking for something. I put myself on the bottom of list, if I was even on the list. I needed to take care of me more as I tried to help in his adjustment. So now I make sure I pay attention to me and not just him.

Many people have their thoughts concerning Nigerian men and I made it a point to not let family know if we were having problems. But I went through the throwing of fits (him of course), money issues (when he started to work), the checking out of single sites, the porn sites, etc. which has damaged our marriage. Right now I'm trying to heal myself to be able to continue in this marriage. So I see where the feelings of being scammed for a paper comes from, but then I have to look at the whole picture and determine, if it is about a paper or is it just how this man (my husband) is.

[Ta Ta 1]

Not again..........please make it go awayyyyyyyyyyyy.

[Theone 0]

Sorry i just saw it but it is the truth and a warning to people. it might not be useful to you but it might be useful to somebody else. cheers

Not again..........please make it go awayyyyyyyyyyyy.

[Zee Bee 61]

Beating a dead horse

Edited February 14, 2008 by ZeeNusah

[Theone 0]

LOL at Zee

Beating a dead horse

[Ta Ta 1]

Sorry i just saw it but it is the truth and a warning to people. it might not be useful to you but it might be useful to somebody else. cheers

Not again..........please make it go awayyyyyyyyyyyy.

It is ridiculous to generalize out of bitterness that ALL Nigerian men are bad. Every once in a while someone like you comes along

and the marriage falls apart and that makes all Nigerian men bad people with hidden motives ?

You are Nigerian and bad mouth all Nigerian men ? Be responsible and take ownership in who you have chosen.

What is the common denominator that makes it all bad ?

Check yourself before you claim such nonsense. The majority here has had it with generalizations like yours.

I suggest you go Nigerian bashing elsewhere, this is an immigration site where the goal is to join our loved ones.

If you have a story or warning to tell do not generalize and stick to talking about your own man.

It shows ignorance making prejudiced generalizations. The part about licking the soles of feet for a green card is demeaning.

It is not wanted here.

[Zee Bee 61]

LOL at Zee

Beating a dead horse

Its true.

Digging up these old posts does no good to no one. It is going to be the same cycle of "Nigerians are scammers. They are only in it for the green card. Be warned. Don't ever go there. Divorce them." bladdy bladdy yada yada.

While everyone's experience is different I think the generalizations need to stop. I am so freaking sick and tired of reading this BS. Yes, it is BS. I am not Nigerian, but I am pretty sure that there are successful Nigerian/American marriges out there. Everyone's situation is different. Feel free to speak of your own experiences, they are more than welcome. But the generalizations are not necessary.

[Theone 0]

Sorry my dear, i tot we share everything but i see people like you want to be blind to the truth. dont get me wrong i didn't say all nigerian men, i said 99.9%. I am talking about nigerian men becos i know them. you dont hear my talking about other african men, do you? If an american is married to a nigerian man and it is going well count yourself lucky. the truth is that not everyone is lucky and we have to face it. i dont intend to break anybody relationship, i dont have anything to gain, trust me. omoba, u make me laugh.

Sorry i just saw it but it is the truth and a warning to people. it might not be useful to you but it might be useful to somebody else. cheers

Not again..........please make it go awayyyyyyyyyyyy.

It is ridiculous to generalize out of bitterness that ALL Nigerian men are bad. Every once in a while someone like you comes along

and the marriage falls apart and that makes all Nigerian men bad people with hidden motives ?

You are Nigerian and bad mouth all Nigerian men ? Be responsible and take ownership in who you have chosen.

What is the common denominator that makes it all bad ?

Check yourself before you claim such nonsense. The majority here has had it with generalizations like yours.

I suggest you go Nigerian bashing elsewhere, this is an immigration site where the goal is to join our loved ones.

If you have a story or warning to tell do not generalize and stick to talking about your own man.

It shows ignorance making prejudiced generalizations. The part about licking the soles of feet for a green card is demeaning.

It is not wanted here.

[Ta Ta 1]

Glad I could deliver a laugh your way but being a prejudice person is not a laughing matter but quiet sad. I feel sorry for your

mentality. 99.9% ..... again you are showing your ignorance.

I am not your dear, my name is Omoba to you.

Edited February 14, 2008 by Omoba

[Theone 0]

I see you have problems, big ones, my dear. so I am going to leave you alone to go handle them instead of taking it out on me. Bye

Glad I could deliver a laugh your way but being a prejudice person is not a laughing matter but quiet sad. I feel sorry for your

mentality. 99.9% ..... again you are showing your ignorance.

I am not your dear, my name is Omoba to you.

[Ta Ta 1]

I am telling you to stop disrespecting people with Nigerian husbands and fiances here on this immigration board.

Which one of us has a problem here is obvious.

[Theone 0]

I didn't start the topic. I just commented on what others said. I am not being disrespectful. I dont go and call a thing red when it is not becos i am trying to be nice. When people with Nigerian husband and boyfriends see my posting I want to be careful, there are good nigerian men but the bad ones are more and american women are their targets.

I am telling you to stop disrespecting people with Nigerian husbands and fiances here on this immigration board.

Which one of us has a problem here is obvious.

[Ta Ta 1]

I am a Nigeria and I speak the truth. Marrying a Nigerian man is very risky for a non-nigerian, especially if you are an american. 99.9% of Nigeria men marry American wife for the green card, that is the way it is and nothing can change that. Nigerians will do anything to come to america, even if it to sleep with a dog. Until they come here, they are very nice, some will even lick the sole of your feet, which by the way nigerian men dont do. Once they are here and they get their green card, then you will start seeing the changes. I am saying this as a warning to those that are not married yet to their nigerian boyfriends be careful, so they no what they are getting into. The devil you know is better than the saints you dont know, trust me.

Sleep with a dog and lick the soles of feet for a green card is what 99.9% do.......................that is what you have said and you can't back paddle yourself out of it. That statement disgusts me.

[Theone 0]

Sorry, I meant no disrespect.