jealousy

[Aymerlu 3]

she sounds like a 1st class chopf##k type of friend....yeah right, the last time i heard about the walls change colors from a kid on lsd..

[Fandango 1,440]

Oh I forgot one thing: I had a best friend just like yours. Always having to one-up me. I understand that you are prolly just trying to defend yourself cos she's always tryin to put you down to make her feel more superior. But to others...and possibly your friend...you are challenging her & enabling her to continue this sick game.

In my case, when I stopped enabling her, that's when I realized how toxic she was...cos I think part of me liked defending myself...like I was standing up to the big giant, ya know? This is a girl who got engaged like 3 years after me having been dating one year before me. Why'd she wait? Her bf coiuldnt' afford to get a ring bigger than the one I had...so no ring, no engagement. How do I know this? The boyfriend told my ex.

Sick sick behavior if you ask me.

Edited April 20, 2006 by LisaD

[nina1 0]

hmm..the reason why i wrote down everything you highlighted in red is so that everyone is well informed about me AND her and how we grew up, so that they can give me a more educated and complete opinion about what i need to do with her. I didnt write everything you highlighted so i can be looked at as someone great and all, because i don't know any of you and no offense, i don't care either.

About the sex comment she made and me responding saying "well, thank god we have a house!", i just wanted to piss her off, because i want her to know that i don't like it when she acts like that. I swear, i dont talk about anything that i have, or for instance do with my husband, and i dont initiate conversations that go nowhere. I just feel like if i don't answer back, then it'll eat me up inside. I grew up preferring to hang out with boys and talk about finance and politics, exactly to be away from the sillyness some girls like to create.

As for, "and you're 'superior' cos you choose not to wear fake gear. I think this comes across as very passive aggressive competitive stuff." This is my choice and MY opinion LisaD that i don't wear something fake. I don't have the expensive purses, because I CHOOSE NOT TO. The day that i do wear the high class items is the day that i can afford it, and maybe even then, i still won't purchase them because i can put my money to better use. If anyone wants to wear fakes, go ahead, but what i have a problem with is when out of nowhere you come to me and say "You like my purse? It's a Dior...i got it for $500!" AND I KNOW that it's a fake. I have a problem with someone lying to me. Just wear the stupid purse, and ALLOW ME to compliment it about how nice it is....

I just want to understand clearly? Are you suggesting that i just say "great, good for you" everytime she tries to make me feel low?

"In my case, when I stopped enabling her, that's when I realized how toxic she was...cos I think part of me liked defending myself...like I was standing up to the big giant, ya know?"

Exactly! This is how i feel, but you made me look bad!

So how did you stop ENABLING HER...This is why i created this thread..I want to know how to deal with it

[Fandango 1,440]

hmm..the reason why i wrote down everything you highlighted in red is so that everyone is well informed about me AND her and how we grew up, so that they can give me a more educated and complete opinion about what i need to do with her. I didnt write everything you highlighted so i can be looked at as someone great and all, because i don't know any of you and no offense, i don't care either.

About the sex comment she made and me responding saying "well, thank god we have a house!", i just wanted to piss her off, because i want her to know that i don't like it when she acts like that. I swear, i dont talk about anything that i have, or for instance do with my husband, and i dont initiate conversations that go nowhere. I just feel like if i don't answer back, then it'll eat me up inside. I grew up preferring to hang out with boys and talk about finance and politics, exactly to be away from the sillyness some girls like to create.

As for, "and you're 'superior' cos you choose not to wear fake gear. I think this comes across as very passive aggressive competitive stuff." This is my choice and MY opinion LisaD that i don't wear something fake. I don't have the expensive purses, because I CHOOSE NOT TO. The day that i do wear the high class items is the day that i can afford it, and maybe even then, i still won't purchase them because i can put my money to better use. If anyone wants to wear fakes, go ahead, but what i have a problem with is when out of nowhere you come to me and say "You like my purse? It's a Dior...i got it for $500!" AND I KNOW that it's a fake. I have a problem with someone lying to me. Just wear the stupid purse, and ALLOW ME to compliment it about how nice it is....

I just want to understand clearly? Are you suggesting that i just say "great, good for you" everytime she tries to make me feel low?

Who cares if she's wearin a fake tryin to pass it off as real? Blow it off! What does it really matter to your in the grand scheme of life????

So sue me...afaic, I don't think it's relevant what house you grew up in, what you choose to wear, etc...I do understand why you prolly do it, as I was in a similar situation as described above...and my response to the is in my previous post too.

What you REALLY have to ask yourself is why you feel the need to be around someone who - according to you - makes you feel low & lies to you? Why hang around someone who does things that'll 'eat you up inside'? These are your words!

Don't shoot the messenger cos you don't like the message. You're the one who opened this thread....you may not like what I have to say, but I hope you appreciate the fact that I'm taking the time to make it - and it's based out of nothing but sincerity, believe it or not

[nina1 0]

I dont think you understand, even though you keep saying that you've been thru something similar. I am not shooting the messenger, but i would like for the messanger to explain exactly how she made it stop bothering her. This is once more why i posted. Don't tell me that you don't understand why i feel the need to be around someone who lies to me and makes me feel low, bcz you've been thru the same. Now maybe u were able to put it aside quicker and more efficiently than i have, but that doesn't give you the right to judge me. I dont want this to go any further, but why is it okay for you to post a picture of your ring online, and it's not okay for me to say that i had a nice home when living with my family?!?!

You called it sick that your ex friend or whatever didn't get engaged, only until she got a nice ring. Why can i not find my friend's behavior annoying too?

Again, the house business, i only brought it up, so that people who read it know that what i have/had might not be as much as what she has/had and yet again, she is still jealous. Lisad, someone who has a bigger ring than urs, had a bigger home than urs, and so on and so forth normally doesn't get jealous of you! But for some reason, she is!

I also dont understand why you put emphasis on my home and the way i choose to dress. It's my choice! Don't shoot me now bcz i don't want to carry an expensive purse! I do not like to flaunt things. I do not need a big ring or anythign materialistic to make me happy. But if you lie to me or try to make me feel low BECAUSE I CHOOSE NOT TO WALK AROUND WITH PRADA, then we have a problem.

Don't go off topic... I was just asking HOW TO DEAL with such a person..

Thanks to you, and thank you to everyone else who took the time to reply! I really appreciate it

[Fandango 1,440]

I dont think you understand, even though you keep saying that you've been thru something similar. I am not shooting the messenger, but i would like for the messanger to explain exactly how she made it stop bothering her. This is once more why i posted. Don't tell me that you don't understand why i feel the need to be around someone who lies to me and makes me feel low, bcz you've been thru the same. Now maybe u were able to put it aside quicker and more efficiently than i have, but that doesn't give you the right to judge me. I dont want this to go any further, but why is it okay for you to post a picture of your ring online, and it's not okay for me to say that i had a nice home when living with my family?!?!

You called it sick that your ex friend or whatever didn't get engaged, only until she got a nice ring. Why can i not find my friend's behavior annoying too?

Again, the house business, i only brought it up, so that people who read it know that what i have/had might not be as much as what she has/had and yet again, she is still jealous. Lisad, someone who has a bigger ring than urs, had a bigger home than urs, and so on and so forth normally doesn't get jealous of you! But for some reason, she is!

I also dont understand why you put emphasis on my home and the way i choose to dress. It's my choice! Don't shoot me now bcz i don't want to carry an expensive purse! I do not like to flaunt things. I do not need a big ring or anythign materialistic to make me happy. But if you lie to me or try to make me feel low BECAUSE I CHOOSE NOT TO WALK AROUND WITH PRADA, then we have a problem.

Don't go off topic... I was just asking HOW TO DEAL with such a person..

Thanks to you, and thank you to everyone else who took the time to reply! I really appreciate it

First of all I only posted the ring pic cos it was BROKEN and bent & I thought it was completely wild & not something that you usually see. (well it was the first time for me!)

I think you're missing my point: I'm not saying you don't have a right to talk about your nice home...that's GREAT that you had a nice home...really, I'm so happy for you....all I was trying to illustrate by that is that your comment was competitive in nature & you might not even notice it. 'Mine was slightly smaller'....why in the world are you judging your own home in relation to hers? Who cares what hers looks like...that's my point. Yours I'm sure is beautiful and lovely on it's own....your father's salary is great on his own....not just as measured against the barometer that is your 'friend' and her possessions/etc

I'm sorry if you don't get this...but I really cannot think of another way to put it.

When it dawned on me that my friend was toxic, I stopped hanging with her. Once I realized she had to put me down to feel better about herself....I stopped hanging out with her. I didn't fight myself to stay in a friendship that wasn't a friendship...at first, I stopped my 'defending' of myself....the little snarky comments, etc...the passive aggressive ####### too. I took her ####### & just let her comments roll off my back. That worked for a while, but as things went on, and saw that she wasn't going to change, I stopped hanging out with her. I have an idea that while friendship cannot always be sh#ts and giggles....if you feel more crappy than good around someone...well that's not good. That's a frenemy (shamelessly stolen name from sex & the city)

I live by a saying 'resolve or remove'.....resolve the problem or remove yourself from it. As far as how you should deal with her??? only YOU know that! Many times you've been asked 'why is she a friend' and you have yet to answer.....

Edited April 20, 2006 by LisaD