I'm Sorry

[Traviesa 0]

First off, I want you all to know that most of the time, I am fine, doing ok, accepting of my situation for what it is....

Then, inevitably, something happens to remind me of the royal suckiness of the whole thing. The bad part is, it's usually something happy. As in this case.

I have been to two weddings since Javier and I got engaged (Feb. of 2005).

I'm about to go to another one. Yet another friend has gotten engaged and set her wedding date for sometime in July. I'm her maid of honor. To make the event even more sweet, I'll be wearing the dress I had selected for my bridesmaids, which now I'll have to un-select.

She has met, begun dating, and now become engaged all since Javier and I have been engaged. There's nothing wrong with that-but to be honest, it brings to mind how ridiculously long this whole process is taking. My mom is giving me play-by-plays of all the wonderful wedding planning. They've done their registry. They've picked who's going to make the cake. That's all great for them, but it brings to mind how easy so many people have it, and makes me wonder again why I have it so difficult.

Call it a pity party, call it what you will...but I have now gone 4 months (into the great unknown of an Advisory Opinion) with no news, and it's starting-ok, not starting, continuing-to be really frustrating and it is turning me into a person I don't like!

I'm hoping to find a sympathetic ear here...

[canadalaura 0]

That sucks. Especially about the bridesmaid dresses.

No worries - I have my own little pity party all the time about how I got "robbed" of a pretty wedding (stupid 90 day limit) and how I will probably not be a PR for another 2 years (stupid Charleston).

[CarolineM 0]

The best I can do is to say this:

At least in the long run, you and Javier will have a real, meaningful relationship where you never take a darn thing for granted becuase you have been through so much.

Your friends who are rushing into these marriages and are more intent on a wedding then a marriage will be divorced and you'll be the one giving THEM a pity party.

[Welshcookie 17]

I'm hoping to find a sympathetic ear here...

here I am!

Seriously though....I know how tough it is to wait and wait and wait.......I have been waiting since 2003 to marry my man. Yes watching weddings come go and could get me down even though I was truly happy for them, I couldn't help but feel left behind.

l

Melissa....your time will come.....and you will get out of this limbo hell.......

[hockeygal 0]

Yep. It is a long, annoying process.

On days it sucks, you are allowed to throw yourself a pity party!

I get resentful too sometimes, about people who can do things simply.

[faith 0]

Melissa... I know it's tough! But keep telling yourself that you and Javier will come out stronger because of this. You'll never take your being together for granted once this is done and he's with you. I know that doesn't help, but in the long run you'll see that it's right.

Since words can't help you feel better, just know that we're here for you, we understand how you feel!

[pax 0]

Why can't you still have the same bridesmaid dresses?

[MaryandMian 1]

Melissa sorry to hear that your still in the unknown and sad today. It is very hard to stay all the time when you are happy for your friends but you have a sadness since your still waiting for your beloved. Hang in there and we have to see the light at the end of our tunnels soon.

Mary

[Bootylicious!! 2]

Melissa, I have already told you how sorry I am this is happening to you. I believe, like everyone else here, that one day you and Javier will be married. I don't know why these things keep happening to you but I wish you the best and I hope it all comes to an end soon. I am always hoping the best for you.

[Dixie_Peach 1]

awwwwwwwwww...

ML... *hugs*

all of us understand how frustrating the whole visa process is... i would never want to kick you while you were down...

i want you to know that someone is praying for you and for javier... for you to be reunited soon...

i know that when he gets here... and ya'll are finally together... that you will love and appreciate each other alllllllllll the more... because of the difficult and horrendous process that you had to go through to be together.

i know and empathize with ya sweetie!

*hugs*

wishing you all the best!

Lynne

[Traviesa 0]

Why can't you still have the same bridesmaid dresses?

I suppose I could. The same people who go to her wedding will come to mine. It might sound a little silly, but I don't want everyone thinking I just copied her wedding. I don't know, it's just a personal preference.

And I want to say thanks for understanding everyone. I really just needed a sympathetic ear. I know one thing you all are definitely right about is not taking someone for granted. That is a lesson I have definitely learned. In fact, I hope everyone can take that away from my situation (and not have to learn it the hard way) to not just assume you'll see that person tomorrow-it may not in fact happen. Always appreciate, don't go to bed mad, never let a conversation go by where you don't let someone know how much they mean to you.

[rebeccajo 14]

Why can't you still have the same bridesmaid dresses?

Yeah. Change the color if you really wanted them that bad.

Or look at it as an opportunity to change your mind.

[pax 0]

Why can't you still have the same bridesmaid dresses?

I suppose I could. The same people who go to her wedding will come to mine. It might sound a little silly, but I don't want everyone thinking I just copied her wedding. I don't know, it's just a personal preference.

And I want to say thanks for understanding everyone. I really just needed a sympathetic ear. I know one thing you all are definitely right about is not taking someone for granted. That is a lesson I have definitely learned. In fact, I hope everyone can take that away from my situation (and not have to learn it the hard way) to not just assume you'll see that person tomorrow-it may not in fact happen. Always appreciate, don't go to bed mad, never let a conversation go by where you don't let someone know how much they mean to you.

*shrug* Time for an unsolicited personal comment...

Whenever it is that you and Javier get married, you'll have worked long and hard for that day. You'll have put more money and effort into that day than most people, more even than most VJ'ers, I'll wager. You deserve to have any damn dress you want.

For that matter, people getting fussed over bridesmaid dresses need a fcuking reality check.

Now chin up, deep breath, and stay focused on how wonderful that day will be for both of you. I know everyone here is hoping for the best for you both, and that you have it very soon.

[munchkins 0]

Melissa sorry to hear you are so down, you're turn will come, be sure of that. I know it is easy to say it, but I think everyone on here has or is, going through their own personal hell with this process.

keep going girl, lots of *****hugs***** your way

[Traviesa 0]

Why can't you still have the same bridesmaid dresses?

I suppose I could. The same people who go to her wedding will come to mine. It might sound a little silly, but I don't want everyone thinking I just copied her wedding. I don't know, it's just a personal preference.

And I want to say thanks for understanding everyone. I really just needed a sympathetic ear. I know one thing you all are definitely right about is not taking someone for granted. That is a lesson I have definitely learned. In fact, I hope everyone can take that away from my situation (and not have to learn it the hard way) to not just assume you'll see that person tomorrow-it may not in fact happen. Always appreciate, don't go to bed mad, never let a conversation go by where you don't let someone know how much they mean to you.

*shrug* Time for an unsolicited personal comment...

Whenever it is that you and Javier get married, you'll have worked long and hard for that day. You'll have put more money and effort into that day than most people, more even than most VJ'ers, I'll wager. You deserve to have any damn dress you want.

For that matter, people getting fussed over bridesmaid dresses need a fcuking reality check.

Now chin up, deep breath, and stay focused on how wonderful that day will be for both of you. I know everyone here is hoping for the best for you both, and that you have it very soon.

You're so right about the dresses! I think that my problem is...this is going to be hard to explain. This process has left me powerless-completely out of control of the situation. My bridesmaids dresses (and various other wedding details that had already been sorted out) were things that I had control over-that was the dress I picked, nothing can change that. It was like, ok this thing really can be "my way." Even if this thing is seemingly insignificant, it was meaningful because I chose it. In all reality, though, what burns me is not the dress itself, but that knowing full well I had picked that one, she decided on it. It's like, ok what else are people going to take from me? Does that make sense? Probably not.