Having a baby

[Chicken_Little 0]

My husband and I want to wait about a year and a half, two years before we have kids. I want to have one before I turn 30, but am not ready yet and neither is he. I need time to come to terms with how babies come out. My best friend told me in great deal the story of the birth of her daughter and the episiotomy they did on her. *ouch*.

However, if I were to get pregnant now, we'd have it no hesitation at all. It would just be far more convienient to wait. For one thing, right now we're in a small one bedroom apartment, but in a year or so intend to buy a house.

[chri'stina 190]

Some of the factors we are considering in timing for having kids are

-spending time together after being separated before marriage! But now we've been married about a year and a half. We always said we'd wait about 2 years after getting married.

-stable household finances(not perfect, just stable!)

-age!

We want to have 2 kids and I want them both born before I am 30. Sujeet is 4 years older than me and we also agree it's time very soon because he is becoming an old man!(haha just kidding!!) I am 25, turning 26 this year and if we would have been able to get married sooner in the past, I think I'd already have a baby by now. It looks like we might start trying to get pregnant during the end of this summer, God willing!

Something else really important to me, is to go to the dentist and a couple doctors I need to see, take advantage of our health insurance, and make sure I am in good enough health to try getting pregnant(just overall assessments, etc to make sure, ya never know sometimes!).

[rejane 1]

My husband and I talked about it for a while...

We weren t so sure what to do about it...

We wanted to wait a little...

And hope right now I m going through prengancy.

So I think it s good for both of us ... we really looking forward to have the baby

[AngelK96 0]

Trying now after a year of marriage! My husband recently started a new job and my job is stable one, so in that case I guess we are good to go.

[Indo_mommy 0]

Agre with the other posters, everybody have their own preferences about 'the right time'.

My husband and I are just recently TTC (trying to concieve) after we moved here and start to have a stable life and we both really wants to have baby ASAP lol.

Good luck!

Maureen

[Lexa 0]

I am following this thread with great interest, because I turned 35 yesterday and really have to make some decisions soon (although my mom had me at 39, and my sister had her first at 38, so we must have late baby genes).

I like the idea of having a family, and of having a baby with my wonderful husband who would be a great dad....but I equally like the idea of my sleep, and my ability to leave at a moment's notice, and being a couple with enough income to travel and do wonderful things like that. I am worried that I will regret it if I do have a baby, and regret it if I don't...thus I am on the fence!

Anyway, I am going to wait and see what happens on the job front and enjoy being a newlywed for awhile and maybe something will happen to help me decide in the next year or two. I hope!

Now I feel kind of bad.....so many people saying....when your are 40 is like life is over. I didn't wait for that perfect job or money.....but I was looking for somebody who would share my life with me. Seems it took me too long. I had my first baby at 38, second one at 39. They are turning 1 and 2 in couple of weeks and I'm truning 40 in September. I don't regret being a mom so late, I'm happy that I found a man who is perfect for me and prefect dad to my kids. He just turned 41 and we are far from being dead.

Edited May 13, 2006 by Lexa

[ChristinaM 0]

Lexa, I don't think people really mean that you stop living at 40! Just that it's a milestone age, and around the time that people start thinking that it's maybe too late to have a baby.

My husband will be 36 next month, and I would like to have a child before he turns 40. A big part of that is that I don't want him to be turning 70 when his child turns 18; something doesn't sit right with me about it. But there are 11 years between my parents, 12 between my husband and I, and my mother had me very young. I guess it's just what I'm used to.

Congratulations on growing your family at the right time for you - that's what really matters!

Edited May 14, 2006 by clmarsh

[iceyspots 0]

Ok guys I have a question…well questions. I am not quite sure how to word it so bear with me.

How do you know when it’s the right time to have a baby? What things did you/do you want to have in place before you decide to have a baby? Do you/did you want a certain amount of money saved up, assets, certain job wage? What are those things? Do those things need to be in place before you decide to have a baby or do you decide to have a baby and then trust that those things will fall into place?

I am asking for personal opinions and experience…no right or wrong…just what is right for you.

Also for those that have had children…how much do they really cost? Is it doable on a “regular” income?

Thanks for any input/insight! It is greatly appreciated.

Jamie

Me and Yacine have decided on some minimums.

1. I must be graduated from school.

2. We must have already have an account setup for a year.

3. We must have our own place already.

4. All previous debts must be paid off already.

5. We are going to talk to a marriage counselor and decide if its the right time.

6. We will see a doctor to decide how having a baby would affect current physical status.. have a medical exam and screening... etc.

7. I must have my own medical insurance already.

And from then we can prepare as much as possible and hope

[kc456 0]

Being pregnant is tough! You need to be in a reasonably good shape/health to go through even a normal pregnancy, let alone any complications.

[Artegal 1]

We knew it was the right time when the EPT showed positive (+) oops!

Oh well no rewind!

[rob&ana 0]

I was reading this post yesterday and today on msnbc.com I found this...

Babies on Your Brain?

Before you get started, make sure you've taken these 12 precautions.

Most couples don't just wake up one day and think, "Let's start a family now!" As much as some might wish their partners were that impulsive and enthusiastic, it's better to put some thought into this baby thing than to blindly jump into it. Preconception planning is just as important as prenatal care. We're not trying to make extra work and anxiety for you, but the whole process can be made more exciting, less stressful, and more fun with a little strategy.

1. Talk

You might know a dozen women who are pregnant, but that doesn't mean it's the right timing for you guys. Make sure you are reasonably settled, financially stable, getting along well (a kid will not cement a weak relationship), and 100 percent (not 99 percent) certain you both want this change in your life.

2. Get ready physically

If you haven't had an annual exam in years, schedule one. Then book a pelvic exam. Let your doctors know your pregnancy plans are on the horizon. Talk about any meds you take for chronic conditions (like diabetes or hypothyroid disease), update your immunizations, and find out what medications are safe to use while pregnant. Then ask what types of vitamins and supplements (folic acid) you should be taking, and what dietary changes you should make before you're eating for two. The sooner you start these positive habits, the easier your pregnancy will be.

3. Uncover your genes

Depending on your background, your doc may refer you to a genetic counselor, who will run a battery of tests to see if you carry untreatable and devastating genetic disorders like Tay-Sachs, cystic fibrosis, or sickle cell anemia. If you're in the clear, no need for your hubby to get tested unless it will make you feel better. Both parents need to be carriers to affect a child.

4. Tune up your teeth

Even those who floss and brush daily and see the dentist every six months might have teeth issues during pregnancy. All of the extra blood flow and estrogen in the body can lead to more plaque production and bleeding gums. Get a cleaning before you get pregnant and make sure your smile is in its optimal condition.

5. See a financial planner

Or give yourself a financial checkup. According to a 2002 report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, it costs about $250,000 to raise a child to age 18. Decide on a weekly or monthly amount to save, and have it transferred right into a special savings account to prevent temptation.

[Nest Note] There's no need to open a 529 -- a special tax-saving account for money for college -- until the baby is born, since it needs to be in his or her name. But that doesn't mean you can't set money aside if you want.

6. Learn your cycle

Women typically ovulate midcycle. This is your most fertile time, when you have the best chance of conceiving. But the timing of it differs from woman to woman -- and possibly from month to month. The first day of your cycle (day 1) is the first day of your period. If you have a 28-day cycle, you would most likely ovulate on day 14. Track your body for a few months to get the best idea of the ideal time to try.

[Nest Note] If you want a little help, try an OTC ovulation predictor kit, but don't agonize over it. Extreme stress can alter your cycle.

7. Make a baby budget

And a prebaby budget. It's expensive to raise a baby, and also to be pregnant. Think of the new clothes, doctor visits, vitamins, and childbirth classes. If you plan for these costs in advance, you'll save yourself a lot of stress and feel less strapped after the baby is actually born. Examine the big picture: Save and cut back as needed, instead of just buying things as you go along. Remember, the cash you spend on all of those Saturday night dinners (splurges) could probably end up paying for diapers and formula.

8. Look into disability and life insurance

Disability must be purchased before you become pregnant if you want it to cover your birth and postpartum time. Because most policies build in several months before you're actually eligible, you'd need to buy it in advance. Meet with a few agencies to find a good rate on life insurance (your car and health insurance companies might give you the best deal). And have a will drawn up - just remember to update it when the baby is born. [Nest Note] Consider a health-care directive or health-care proxy that will make your wishes clear if any kind of medical situation arises. A power of attorney is also important so you and your spouse can take care of each other's financial or business affairs should one of you become unable to.

9. Find out about family leave

Have you been at your current job long enough to be covered by the Federal Family Leave Act? Every employer has its own policies on top of the law regarding how much maternity leave is paid (or partially subsidized). Get the dad-to-be in on the act and find out about paternity leave too.

10. Stop being dumb

We're talking about smoking, heavy drinking, and taking illegal substances. Just two drinks a day could negatively affect your baby (a sip of wine here and there is considered safe by some docs). Imagine what heavy drugs would do.

11. Go to Jamaica!

Fly to France! Sail into the sunset! Really enjoy being a married couple -- a family of two. Travel becomes tricky (if not limiting) with a newborn, so get to as many sites now as you can (within your budget, of course). You can always plan a "babymoon," but you might not be so happy to frolic in a two-piece or walk through the Louvre with a big belly to lug around. Even if it's just a day trip or a weekend "vacation" spent at home doing nothing, the point is to get some QT -- just the two of you -- until your addition comes along.

12. Relax

This should not feel like work. Have fun! And don't get freaked out if you don't make a baby on the first shot. If you're in your mid-30s and don't conceive after six months, check in with your ob-gyn (three months if it makes you feel better). There are many variables that decide your fertility. In fact, half of all issues couples have lie with the men.

[Fandango 1,439]

We've been having fun for years now...I've lived back and forth in England with him for years. During that time we have traveled extensively all over the world, had our crazy late night party days, gotten our impulsive stuff out of our system, drank like alcoholic fish, etc...For years it's just been about nothing but being together & having fun. We're kinda like kids! Even tho we're in our 30s (I just turned 32 last month)

we have both always talked about having kids, but more along the 'when I grow up' attitude (hah! at least on my part!)....now that we have finally made the decision to get married & make more permanant arrangements, well now we're seriously talking about it.

I am starting to prepare my body this year. I take terrible care of myself...drink wayyyy too much coffee, used to smoke like a fiend (2 mos quit on the 26th), drink on the weekends, never eat til like 5 pm (sometimes I actually forget), stay up til all hours of the night, work too much, etc. I have stopped the drinking, cut down the coffee, started eating healthily, and I quit smoking! This is all in preparation of having a baby. I figure once I'm pregnant, there will already been damage done to a babty from my lifestyle, so might as well stop it before the possibility. You all know what I mean: the woman who quits smoking after she finds out she's 5 weeks pregnant? Well I don't want x weeks of damage. So It was sadly time to end my love affair with my unhealthy ways.

I have taken vitamins with folic acid in them for years, so that's at least one good thing I've done.

I dunno, it feels so RIGHT kinda...like 'ok you're not a kid anymore, Lisa...time to take some responsibility'

We have decided that once he's here & settled down, after a few mos we'll start TTC (cool term Maureen!)

Edited May 17, 2006 by LisaD

[Indo_mommy 0]

We've been having fun for years now...I've lived back and forth in England with him for years. During that time we have traveled extensively all over the world, had our crazy late night party days, gotten our impulsive stuff out of our system, drank like alcoholic fish, etc...For years it's just been about nothing but being together & having fun. We're kinda like kids! Even tho we're in our 30s (I just turned 32 last month)

we have both always talked about having kids, but more along the 'when I grow up' attitude (hah! at least on my part!)....now that we have finally made the decision to get married & make more permanant arrangements, well now we're seriously talking about it.

I am starting to prepare my body this year. I take terrible care of myself...drink wayyyy too much coffee, used to smoke like a fiend (2 mos quit on the 26th), drink on the weekends, never eat til like 5 pm (sometimes I actually forget), stay up til all hours of the night, work too much, etc. I have stopped the drinking, cut down the coffee, started eating healthily, and I quit smoking! This is all in preparation of having a baby. I figure once I'm pregnant, there will already been damage done to a babty from my lifestyle, so might as well stop it before the possibility. You all know what I mean: the woman who quits smoking after she finds out she's 5 weeks pregnant? Well I don't want x weeks of damage. So It was sadly time to end my love affair with my unhealthy ways.

I have taken vitamins with folic acid in them for years, so that's at least one good thing I've done.

I dunno, it feels so RIGHT kinda...like 'ok you're not a kid anymore, Lisa...time to take some responsibility'

We have decided that once he's here & settled down, after a few mos we'll start TTC (cool term Maureen!)

I've been taking that multi vitamin with Folic Acid too Lisa but I still have to quit smoking, which is the hardest . So bravo for your 2 months free of ciggy girl!