Having a baby

[KarenCee 3]

I just hope Joel and I can have one together. I have a daughter already, that he loves as if she were his own. But...I want to give Joel a child of his own...but with diabetes and PCOS it makes it very hard. We've discussed it and we both agree, if my life would be in danger then we won't. I also have a twin gene (having already had twins - stillborn) and they run in my family and his. I don't care when it happens either...

[Ladylethal 12]

Well, we want to be stable in our work and living decently, and we also want to have at least 2 years to enjoy ourselves. At the same time I am 26 and I want to have my first kid before I turn 30. On a personal side my clock is ticking for like 2 years now, so I can´t wait to have one, but my rational side is gonna do all that waiting.

[meddykomp 0]

We really want to have another child .. probably soon after he is living here in the US.

[Satisfaction 1]

I agree with other posts. I think you'll know and feel when it is the right time, it's probably not something anyone not knowing you can advise. Things don't always work out as planned, but things find their ways (to work out) somehow. I would only advise you to make it a mutual decision. Only your husband and you can make that decision together.

I waited until I was 28 to have children. I wanted to finish college. Sometimes I still think that I/we should have waited a little more. But, why? I adore both my daughter and son. My children and my husband are the joy of my life.

Wishing you the best

[Kajikit 65]

There is no 'right time'... ideally you should have a house and a job and not a lot of debt and HEALTH INSURANCE, but if you sit around waiting for things to be perfect one day you'll be 40 and the time will never have arrived and it'll be too late...

To be practical, it's best to wait till you've been married for a year or two because that way you have some time to yourselves to settle in before you add in the stress of a baby. But a lot of women get pregnant right away and they seem to manage.

And personally, as somebody who can't have children I'm very conscious of the 'fertile years' and I'd say don't wait too long to try for your first baby because that way your chances of success are higher and if there were any problems you'd have a lot more years to try and deal with it. But most of the population doesn't have any problems conceiving - the pregnant women on VJ far outnumber the ones who're less fertile... so it's not something to worry about.

[ariel_2005 0]

i think i had our baby at good time i was 20 i got preggo and now our girl will be 2 next year in january .... i definetely want to have another little fella when our girl will be 3 and half or close to there ....

[Reba 2]

Ok guys I have a question…well questions. I am not quite sure how to word it so bear with me.

How do you know when it’s the right time to have a baby? What things did you/do you want to have in place before you decide to have a baby? Do you/did you want a certain amount of money saved up, assets, certain job wage? What are those things? Do those things need to be in place before you decide to have a baby or do you decide to have a baby and then trust that those things will fall into place?

I am asking for personal opinions and experience…no right or wrong…just what is right for you.

Also for those that have had children…how much do they really cost? Is it doable on a “regular” income?

Thanks for any input/insight! It is greatly appreciated.

Jamie

as others have pointed out, there's no real "right" time, its up to both of you, and/or fate.

Cost will depend on where you live and cost of living there, and if the child has any health issues. There's no "fixed" cost. Even the basic hospital costs will vary from hospital to hospital and city etc etc etc. If its something you abslutely *need* to know, ask around at local hospitals and ob/gyn offices or female friends in the area who have recently had a baby.

Age also has a lot to do with it. I'll second Kajikit's infertility issues. The older you get, the more difficult it may be to conceive, and even if you haven't yet tried, there may be issues you don't even know about. Most infertile couples don't know they're infertile til they try. Fertility treatments can be extremely costly! adding thousands and thousands of dollars to your "baby budget".

Honestly, most parents I know don't regret having children, but regret having them when they did. They'll say either "I wish I had waited a few years so I was more mature and settled" or "I wish I had had them earlier in life so I had more energy for them".

[m_and_m20 0]

Honestly, most parents I know don't regret having children, but regret having them when they did. They'll say either "I wish I had waited a few years so I was more mature and settled" or "I wish I had had them earlier in life so I had more energy for them".

I'll second that! I would have loved to have waited another year or so. Its just that the first year of our marriage was really rocky so we didnt get to enjoy that honeymoon period when we should have. Its only been in the last year or so that have been having a great marriage, and i really wanted to be selfish about that a little bit longer. Im only 23 (24 once baby is born) so I know that i have many years of baby-making left and i just feel so young to be having one myself.

I still feel like a kid - and im having one!

[Inlove_tx 0]

My husband and I have been together for six years now, but we just recently reached the "stability" we wanted before even trying to have a baby.

All these years of long-distance relationship we've desired one, but it was absolutely not the best time. We also lived together in my home country for about a year, but I was still in college and it wasn't the best time either.

Now that we're finally settled, we've been married for a few months and I have my green card, we feel it's the right time...but we still keep putting it off.

We might try in the next few months, though...I guess we just want some more "alone time" before it happens!

Plus, I'm definitely not craving to travel across the ocean with a baby!

I would definitely say the "right time" is totally subjective and individual, there is no general path for anybody.

Wish you the best!

[Torontonian 0]

I am following this thread with great interest, because I turned 35 yesterday and really have to make some decisions soon (although my mom had me at 39, and my sister had her first at 38, so we must have late baby genes).

I like the idea of having a family, and of having a baby with my wonderful husband who would be a great dad....but I equally like the idea of my sleep, and my ability to leave at a moment's notice, and being a couple with enough income to travel and do wonderful things like that. I am worried that I will regret it if I do have a baby, and regret it if I don't...thus I am on the fence!

Anyway, I am going to wait and see what happens on the job front and enjoy being a newlywed for awhile and maybe something will happen to help me decide in the next year or two. I hope!

[Jasman0717 9]

No babies!

[kygeographer 0]

We've discussed it at length before, and we've both decided that we'd like to be married for at least 7-8 years before attempting to have a baby. We'd like to travel the world first, and get to know each other more before trying to add that stress to our lives. We're also talking about maybe moving back to Australia to start a family, as the healthcare costs are lower, and the education system seems to be better.

However, the idea of not having kids at all has also come up. She loves kids, she's just not sure if she'd want to have them

Edited April 21, 2006 by kygeographer

[BETTI29 0]

There is no right timing for having a baby.. everybody is different.

For us I got pregnant 3 months after our wedding and she was born in dec .. close to our first wedding anniversary. She changed everything in our lives as I was planning to start working. Now I am taking a year off to take care of her. On the money side yes it is a big cost also but worth it.

Good luck

Betti

[ChristinaM 0]

How much does it really cost to have a baby? On a weekly basis?

I know that if you wait for the "right" time financially it'll never happen, but I have a feeling that when only one of you is working (and it happens to be the woman) and you're living paycheque to paycheque in a one-bed apartment REALLY isn't a good time!

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

How much does it really cost to have a baby? On a weekly basis?

I know that if you wait for the "right" time financially it'll never happen, but I have a feeling that when only one of you is working (and it happens to be the woman) and you're living paycheque to paycheque in a one-bed apartment REALLY isn't a good time!

Yeah, agree with that.

If it happens, it happens. We're not planning on having one soon. I am only 24 and although I don't think I'd make a bad mother (I am the oldest of 6 and practially raised the last 3 sibs ). I just don't feel I'm ready for it. We've only been actually living together for a little over a year now. I'd like some "us" time for now. Considering moving back to Belgium once I have my citizenship here and I still want to go to school and stuff.

Waiting for the right time might take alot longer than you think heh, you know, there will always be things you'd like to improve. Your living space, your job, etc. But I agree with Clmarsh, if you're barely making it from one cheque to the other and living in an apartment, that might be bad timing. >.>