Thursday

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Got sent home early from work today bc of total emotional break down

I think I'm gonna try to stay off the boards for awhile until I know if my fiance is coming or not... this is really making me a basket case

PB let's hope he will be coming very soon!! Could be he wants to spend the EID with his family and will be there soon after. Take a little break but don't forget to come back as we will miss you!! Just take care of yourself.

[morocco4ever 63]

PB, I don't know what's going on and why the delay but I'll assume that it has something to do with him building the apartment. I can understand your stress and panic. Just remember it's very normal to have last minute delays, jitters, doubts, worries, etc. This is a life changing event! So he's delayed a few days, weeks even a month or two. I know you want him here ASAP and that you had all of these plans but remember, he's got his visa and he can come at any time in that respect. Try to be calm and patient. He'll be here when he gets here and not a moment sooner. Everything happens in its own time. Try to find ways to keep your mind off of things. Don't let this cause problems in your relationship. I'm speaking from experience here. I can't tell you how many arguments and fights I had with my husband the last three weeks before he got here. I was a basketcase some days because of the stress. Thinking about how my life was going to completely change was unnerving. I can imagine you're going through much of the same. Believe me, once he's here this will all be a fast and distant memory.

Take care of yourself and don't be too hard on your fiance. Remember, he's moving to another country and leaving behind all of the comforts of home and family. Take it easy.

~Kara

When my hubby got the visa his mom asked him to stay for Eid, which would have made it an additional month until I saw him. I admit I went balistic. Afterall I had waited so long for this. After I calmed down I told him that he should stay with his mom since I wasn't sure when we would be able to go back again. He chose to come ASAP. Now that I look back I wish I had handled it differently. I have him forever, and 1 month to be with his mom was nothing. I felt pretty selfish for that.

[sereia 0]

my husband chose to come ASAP after he got his visa but i now look back and wished he would have waited until after ramadan because he was soooo depressed and missed morocco at this time. i'm sure he wishes he waited too! i think it might be a good idea for your man to wait until after eid...as difficult as it may be for both of you... hang in there girl!!!!

[MrsAmera 41]

Yup I have to admit I'm on the same wavelength as everyone else. My husband came a week after I had left Morocco (2 weeks after visa) and I was angry he didn't come with me at the end of one week. We were so surprised he got the visa so fast and I don't think he was prepared. It was a year before he went back and I think had I not thrown such a fit about him coming it would have been a bit easier for him.

[kerewin21 2]

I agree, don't rush it. I wish we had waited another month or so to have a better financial situation. You'll be together for years and hopefully a lifetime, don't begrudge a few more months with family.

[polarbear 0]

Thanks for the support

When originally I asked him how much time he needed and he said 1 month, I said okay. I knew he wanted to be with his family for Eid and I'm okay with that, I'm trying to be understanding. He was supposed to come the next weekend. He reserved the ticket and gave me a date and a dead line... twice.... Well the reserve date on the ticket expired, and still no ticket, so I asked what was up. His response was that he did have six months on the visa and he wanted to make sure his family was going to be okay and he was worried about his brother being angry with him. The apartment thing is taking longer, of course .... I asked again how much time he was thinking, and he was thinking a few more months with no additional info and no approx. week/day.

I flipped out a little, but lucky not while on the phone with him It has been 1 1/2 years of waiting and he seems unable to commit to any plan of action. I had just asked my boss to change my schedule next week for when he gets here, and just generally arranged to have time off and be able to spend time with him. My family knew he was supposed to be here and told me just to spend the holidays with him and they will come 1st week of january to meet him. I figured that was safe, it gave him an extra 1-2 weeks in case he couldn't get a plane ticket for the holidays. Looks like he won't be here for any of it... I really am not looking forward to spending the holidays alone and explaining to my family why they won't get to meet him My boss has also informed me that if he comes after the first week of January, I will not even get 1 day off more than normal. He did say that I could come in late 1 day so I could go to the court to get married in the morning ... I just makes everything that much more difficult for me. I'm not too good at the unknown, it's hard for me to wait when there is no deadline to shoot for, I almost feel like I'm still waiting for him to get the visa and there is nothing I can do

Sorry to be so dramatic, but I'm really begining to question his intentions and if I am really important to him at all...

[JeanneVictoria 55]

PB I am just so sorry for you being so down and knowing how much you wanted him to be here with you for the holidays. I guess we can only wait until he has everything arranged with his family and brother.

One thing I definately have learned here in Egypt is how much difference our culture is when it comes to arranging times and dates!! We as Americans have always had timelines and set dates for everything, while MOST Egyptians work with TIMEFRAMES which means within a day, within a week, within a month etc..... NEVER A SET TIME!!

This is sooooo common for them, but unusual for us and drives us crazy!

Just hang in there as I know he will be there before you even know it!!

[doodlebugg 10]

Is he the oldest son or is his brother? Also, I think the visa is good for two years, not just six months right?

[polarbear 0]

Is he the oldest son or is his brother? Also, I think the visa is good for two years, not just six months right?

He's the middle, but the oldest hasn't been home in 10yrs... they seem to trade off and take at least 6 years btwn visits

You have 9 months to activate the visa and then it's good for 90 days. It's a fiance visa, not CR-1 or K-3

[doodlebugg 10]

Is he the oldest son or is his brother? Also, I think the visa is good for two years, not just six months right?

He's the middle, but the oldest hasn't been home in 10yrs... they seem to trade off and take at least 6 years btwn visits

You have 9 months to activate the visa and then it's good for 90 days. It's a fiance visa, not CR-1 or K-3

So is the brother who he is afraid of ticking off the oldest or the youngest? Either way by his leaving he is leaving one of them in the most responsible position. The older one would now feel more pressure to come home and the younger one would feel more pressure to stay if the older one doesn't come home. I can see the dilemma and perhaps he thought he'd have more time to cushion the blow.

My husband is the only son, his parents are both dead and he has two younger sisters for whom he is responsible. It's different in that culture...the women are not as independent. When he first told me this last year I was like, so? (to myself of course lol) I mean here sure it would be sad for him to go but obviously women are able to do anything, make decisions for themselves, support themselves financially, etc. Over there it's a totally different story. Truth be told he shouldn't be leaving them at all until they are married but they have allowed him to go so it is ok but it's still going to be crushing to all three of them.

Give him some time and vent to us or to some other friends that you have. He will make the decision but it will be difficult and he needs your support and love through this time in his life. The pressure on the men there is incredible and it's hard for us to comprehend it I think.

Edited December 15, 2007 by bridget

[~~~water~~~ 0]

Is he the oldest son or is his brother? Also, I think the visa is good for two years, not just six months right?

He's the middle, but the oldest hasn't been home in 10yrs... they seem to trade off and take at least 6 years btwn visits

You have 9 months to activate the visa and then it's good for 90 days. It's a fiance visa, not CR-1 or K-3

I know its hard, but I don't think its personal against you , its a big step to come here and he will be limited in returning for a while , so I can understand him wanting to help out now while he can. And alls I can say is thank God your waiting on an answer from him not Cairo... At least you know he will talk to you.... Im sure it will work out and just rest assured he will soon be with you.

[polarbear 0]

Is he the oldest son or is his brother? Also, I think the visa is good for two years, not just six months right?

He's the middle, but the oldest hasn't been home in 10yrs... they seem to trade off and take at least 6 years btwn visits

You have 9 months to activate the visa and then it's good for 90 days. It's a fiance visa, not CR-1 or K-3

So is the brother who he is afraid of ticking off the oldest or the youngest? Either way by his leaving he is leaving one of them in the most responsible position. The older one would now feel more pressure to come home and the younger one would feel more pressure to stay if the older one doesn't come home. I can see the dilemma and perhaps he thought he'd have more time to cushion the blow.

My husband is the only son, his parents are both dead and he has two younger sisters for whom he is responsible. It's different in that culture...the women are not as independent. When he first told me this last year I was like, so? (to myself of course lol) I mean here sure it would be sad for him to go but obviously women are able to do anything, make decisions for themselves, support themselves financially, etc. Over there it's a totally different story. Truth be told he shouldn't be leaving them at all until they are married but they have allowed him to go so it is ok but it's still going to be crushing to all three of them.

Give him some time and vent to us or to some other friends that you have. He will make the decision but it will be difficult and he needs your support and love through this time in his life. The pressure on the men there is incredible and it's hard for us to comprehend it I think.

It's the oldest he doesn't want to anger I think, I really didn't ask. Neither of the other two send money home, and he's always been financially responsible for the family. His father has been paralized for the past year, with lots of expenses and doctor's bills. He has a sister divorced with 3 children. His family owns a farm and has several other families working land they own. He has been taking care of all of this for the past 1 1/2 years. I have known this and it is the reason I try very hard not to put any guilt on him when talking on the phone and be very supportive, it's just hard. He has made the decision to leave and they know about it, but they are worried. He is trying to take care of everything and leave nothing to chance, and I have to respect that. We also plan on sending them the money for his father's medical bills every month once he gets here, and I support it.

I'm trying not to let him know how stressed I am about it This is a big and risky move for both of us.

Thanks for letting me rant

[LaL 418]

You have 9 months to activate the visa and then it's good for 90 days. It's a fiance visa, not CR-1 or K-3

K1's generally have 6 months to activate the visa once issued. I do know of one couple who had a mere 7 weeks prior to expiration, but that surely was a mistake.