Supporting yourself w/o working...

[tmma 467]

OK- I messed up the last 2 posts trying to get the quotes lined up---I am not such an internet expert....sorry

...but I was wondering, RJ, is there something wrong with stating that a financial plan ( or at least having an idea) BEFORE the SO immigrates is a good idea for all concerned? Really that's my advise to the OP( and not preaching at all...).

The OP pretty much stated she doesn't have a plan at the moment. Pretty typical really for a college student used to just figuring out how to buy books next semester and pay the rent next month (and I can say that because I've got one home from school right at the moment).

I took the OP's question as looking for practical tips on what the SO could do to help support himself and ultimately the couple. Maybe that's not the way the government WANTS it to be when they ask USC's to complete the I864, but it's reality. For you, that included having Mark seek work before he got here.

I interpreted the OP's post slightly differently. The OP asked " How did YOU manage?"

So I have a question for everyone out there who has gone through with a K1 Visa:

When the foreign fiance(e) moved to the USA, how did they manage to support themselves? Because I am basically assuming that my fiance is not going to get an EAD, and I am only a University Student with a part-time job, and cannot support him.

Basically, I'm wondering how everyone else got by not being able to work, and living in a foreign country.

Thanks in advance!

...When someone asks me " How did you and Mark manage?", I tell them exactly what I told the OP.

I agree with you in that it is no suprise, that as a college student, the OP's financial situation is typical. Therefore, IMO, it's also not suprising that there are some people ( myself included) that have said that it may be pertinent to wait and save. ...But at the end of the day, it's just advise. And the OP is free to take it or leave it....Everyone has their own story and what worked for them....Does not make anyone any better than anyone else. Nor does it make it a bad thing to state that for some individuals ( myself included)...the practicalities of bringing a foreigner here- and being able to manage financially to live ranked very high on our lists....It was a personal fear of mine to not have health insurance for Mark...But that was MY fear...Others may not be so concerned about that--and that's really up to them...No judgements..... There is no air of self importance-the OP asked OUR OWN way of dealing with it, and it was told......... After all OUR OWN story and circumstances ( no one else's) is all we are experts on..no?

Edited December 14, 2007 by tmma

[LaL 418]

gosh people, please stop the bickering.

[rebeccajo 14]

People who are in college get married everyday and somehow manage. It may not be ideal but they do it.

I'd say that for most people, there's a middle ground somewhere between NOT WORKING and waiting until they saved up a nestegg, found jobs, and had health insurance.

I just get tickled whenever people talk about excessively planning out any big thing in their lives. I mean, sure you need to look ahead and not wear blinders. But life is just so unpredictable and the best laid plans have a way of falling apart.

I'm all about doing whatever it takes to make me happy - not just secure. If that means taking a calculated risk, I usually do it.

[tmma 467]

People who are in college get married everyday and somehow manage. It may not be ideal but they do it.

I'd say that for most people, there's a middle ground somewhere between NOT WORKING and waiting until they saved up a nestegg, found jobs, and had health insurance.

I just get tickled whenever people talk about excessively planning out any big thing in their lives. I mean, sure you need to look ahead and not wear blinders. But life is just so unpredictable and the best laid plans have a way of falling apart.

I'm all about doing whatever it takes to make me happy - not just secure. If that means taking a calculated risk, I usually do it.

I agree with you previously that the rigours of college and the subsequent financial concerns of that are huge. Yes, some people manage through it and manage to petition, but if it were my son in college wanting to petition...I would give the same advise I gave the OP.

Calculated risks are OK-but what are you calculating a risk against...? My finace's health is not something I wanted leaving to chance....Therefore insurance was important to us.

Security was important to Mark and me.... I don't see anything wrong with that or planning a huge step like immigrating carefully.

[Mags 112]

I know that quite a few people here have gotten a sponsor and lived with the parents of the petitioner until they have become financially settled enough to move out on their own. This sometimes lasts a year or more. It isn't perfect, no, but it is a solution to housing and putting a roof over your heads for the interim.

[Fandango 1,439]

Sage words, Shele....playing fast and loose with things like medical insurance for your SO is dangerous, and could wind up financially breaking a family, let alone the added stress and worry.

What I'd like to know, in this instant gratification world we seem to be living in, what about the foreign SO? What kind of life would one be bringing him into? No money for support, no avenue for him for legal work, no security with health insurance...so what kind of life is that for that person? They give up everything to come here, then what? sit in a house all day long like a plant?

[rebeccajo 14]

Sage words, Shele....playing fast and loose with things like medical insurance for your SO is dangerous, and could wind up financially breaking a family, let alone the added stress and worry.

What I'd like to know, in this instant gratification world we seem to be living in, what about the foreign SO? What kind of life would one be bringing him into? No money for support, no avenue for him for legal work, no security with health insurance...so what kind of life is that for that person? They give up everything to come here, then what? sit in a house all day long like a plant?

LOL.......Wes was perfectly happy to sit in the house 'like a plant' and vegetate for a few months. He'd been working twenty-some years and didn't mind the break. Plus, he HAD just moved here. A little bit of time to put down roots before going out into the working world is not a bad thing, IMO.

It's not a state secret around here that I didn't have health insurance when my asthmatic husband moved here. We managed. We found help that wasn't 'means tested'. Now, two years later, he provides health insurance FOR ME through his work. When you work together towards a common goal, things usually get better.

Most people are resourseful enough to not starve or go on the 'dole'. I had a cushy life growing up - my father was never out of work, we never ate commodity cheese or had to get medical help from the state. I learned all my 'survival skills' AFTER I got married (first time) and had life knock my 'best laid plans' out from under me.

Thus I believe we usually get enough to get by when life is less than 'financially' kind to us - and live to tell about it.

[Fandango 1,439]

Sage words, Shele....playing fast and loose with things like medical insurance for your SO is dangerous, and could wind up financially breaking a family, let alone the added stress and worry.

What I'd like to know, in this instant gratification world we seem to be living in, what about the foreign SO? What kind of life would one be bringing him into? No money for support, no avenue for him for legal work, no security with health insurance...so what kind of life is that for that person? They give up everything to come here, then what? sit in a house all day long like a plant?

LOL.......Wes was perfectly happy to sit in the house 'like a plant' and vegetate for a few months. He'd been working twenty-some years and didn't mind the break. Plus, he HAD just moved here. A little bit of time to put down roots before going out into the working world is not a bad thing, IMO.

It's not a state secret around here that I didn't have health insurance when my asthmatic husband moved here. We managed. We found help that wasn't 'means tested'. Now, two years later, he provides health insurance FOR ME through his work. When you work together towards a common goal, things usually get better.

Most people are resourseful enough to not starve or go on the 'dole'. I had a cushy life growing up - my father was never out of work, we never ate commodity cheese or had to get medical help from the state. I learned all my 'survival skills' AFTER I got married (first time) and had life knock my 'best laid plans' out from under me.

Thus I believe we usually get enough to get by when life is less than 'financially' kind to us - and live to tell about it.

Right, that's great that you guys managed to get thru it good. But that's not the same thing as advocating 'do what feels good'. Since when did planning become such a dirty word?

You are an grown adult, as is Wes. This is a college aged petitioner, with no means to support her fiance. Would you advocate throwing caution to the wind if this were your son??? Because I really don't see what's so 'self-important' about advocating to put a success plan in place. You know full well how stressful parts of this process are...add youth and a university career, no FT job in the mix ontop of normal adjustment issues, and NO EAD and you tell me how much of a 'calculated risk' that's taking. What would you tell your son if he were to come home and tell you that he was going to petition his foreign fiance and they were going to live in a stable with no cellphone, no internet, no tv. Or they were going to live in a church hostel while his fiance flogged his used goods on craigslist. Would you not want more for him?

Honestly, I've never in my life heard a grown adult advocate being 'all about doing whatever it takes to make me happy - not just secure.' Would you tell your son that? If so, fair dues. I'm not a killjoy...I love being happy too. Is there no balance between the two? I'm not 'excessively planned' as you said....but omG, if one is not going to plan a big thing in one's life, what does one plan?

There's a saying 'fail to plan, plan to fail'

[MrsAmera 41]

To the OP:

Yes it is possible - yes it is hard. When my husband came i had 4 months of school left and a 1 1/2 yr old. I worked 3/4 time (or so) and had some student loans. We got married and now live comfortably. I had help with child care otherwise we took care of ourselves. My husband worked for 3 mo with his EAD and then we waited until the green card. He came here with nothing. Everyone out here can judge all they want but we did it. It's nice to think "oooh we waited to buy a house and put 50K away but when you're young it's hard to do that for yourself (to have those kids of jobs). Realistically yes you can do it but it will be hard. Save what you can now and get use to living without starbucks and dinners out. Good luck!

[Caladan 19]

And I'm not advocating jumping into marriage while unemployed or without a plan, but the OP asked for advice on how to make a plan and was pretty much told 'wait until you're financially secure, like on your second or third spouse.'

No one said anything about a 2nd or 3rd spouse. If you cut that out of what you said, the rest is very sage advice. Get a full time job, save your money...possibly wait til you're done with uni......WHY are these considered bad things? No, it's not pleasant, and instant gratification is oh so much better...but at the end of the day, if the OP can't afford to support her fiance, and the fiance isn't 'tons o bucks' where it's not an issue...I can't see any happy happy way around this...short of living off others.

You're putting words in ppl's mouths, Caladan....and when did advocating saving, getting a higher paying job, waiting, and planning become bad things?

PS - the way I read the op was 'how did the foreign fiance support him/herself?' Because the OP said she couldn't support him. That's a roadblock, for sure...and sadly not one that 'love' can fix. Cos if you have the easy answer to 'how do you live in another country with no money, no job, and no one to support you?'....you need to write a book and sell it! It'll be a bestseller, for sure

I was being a bit hyperbolic (as I figured was obvious from context), but seriously, people here are acting like the OP is horribly irresponsible for asking how to plan. Or for getting engaged without being upper middle class first. Lots of people manage being right at poverty level, by taking a second job, or by saving like crazy people to tide them through a few months. Some people, like me, did it while in school. Would we be more financially secure if we waited the seven years or so it will likely take me to get tenure? Sure. Did we make it just fine now? Yup, and I don't think I was irresponsible because we don't own our home first. Some people move in with family. Not ideal, and not what I'd want but there are plenty of relationships that I don't think are ideal that other people manage to make work.

I'm not saying 'oh love will feed you' but you know, she actually got helpful answers on her other thread. Like considering a CR-1, which takes longer, but can allow him to find a job here right away. And rough estimates of what she should budget.

right....taking another job and saving like crazy....I think I said something similar.

It's great to be young and in love, and it's great to do it all whilst in college....hell, I did that before too so I know how it feels. But couple that with all the stress of a marriage while in college, and then add the gov't ####### with AOS, and it's obviously something not to be ignored or answered with 'sell stuff on ebay' and 'disconnect your internet'. I'm sorry if you don't like that....that's the way I feel. I've expressed it in a respectful manner, as have others here....yet it's being mocked as 'preachy' and whatnot all because others disagree. The absolute snarkiness that some are dishing out here is beyond the pale, imo, and quite unnecessary.

To clarify: OP NEVER asked for help with a 'plan'. OP asked how others dealt with the issue. She hasn't filed yet, and imo, everyone's opinion here is one that should be given attention. That's why there's more than one flavor ice cream....we all have different tastes. It's not preachy to say 'hey, put a plan in place because this is going to be hard'. I personally wouldn't have peace of mind if D came over and we had no money, he didn't work, I had a v limited income that couldn't support us both, etc. Many non-USCs come over and have hard adjustment periods. How much harder is an adjustment when you add severe money issues ontop of that?

It's all well and good to be 'yay for love!' but take love to the store and try to buy food with it. That's not being snobbish, or money hungry...that's being realistic. People can ignore that and do whatever they want, but that doesn't make what I say any less true.

I interpreted 'how did you guys deal with it?' as 'I need help with a plan and some idea of the costs and risks' because otherwise, why would anyone who is preparing to file ask the question?

And no one is saying, least of all me, 'yay for love!' We used all of the time waiting on the visa to save money; I took an extra teaching assignment; and I've cautioned that your burn rate of cash is going to be higher then you expect. I'm not sure if you think you're disagreeing with me.

I just don't expect that she's going to call off her engagement because some people on the internet don't think she's ready to file for a visa and I was dismayed by pushbrk's response.

[rebeccajo 14]

Sage words, Shele....playing fast and loose with things like medical insurance for your SO is dangerous, and could wind up financially breaking a family, let alone the added stress and worry.

What I'd like to know, in this instant gratification world we seem to be living in, what about the foreign SO? What kind of life would one be bringing him into? No money for support, no avenue for him for legal work, no security with health insurance...so what kind of life is that for that person? They give up everything to come here, then what? sit in a house all day long like a plant?

LOL.......Wes was perfectly happy to sit in the house 'like a plant' and vegetate for a few months. He'd been working twenty-some years and didn't mind the break. Plus, he HAD just moved here. A little bit of time to put down roots before going out into the working world is not a bad thing, IMO.

It's not a state secret around here that I didn't have health insurance when my asthmatic husband moved here. We managed. We found help that wasn't 'means tested'. Now, two years later, he provides health insurance FOR ME through his work. When you work together towards a common goal, things usually get better.

Most people are resourseful enough to not starve or go on the 'dole'. I had a cushy life growing up - my father was never out of work, we never ate commodity cheese or had to get medical help from the state. I learned all my 'survival skills' AFTER I got married (first time) and had life knock my 'best laid plans' out from under me.

Thus I believe we usually get enough to get by when life is less than 'financially' kind to us - and live to tell about it.

Right, that's great that you guys managed to get thru it good. But that's not the same thing as advocating 'do what feels good'. Since when did planning become such a dirty word?

You are an grown adult, as is Wes. This is a college aged petitioner, with no means to support her fiance. Would you advocate throwing caution to the wind if this were your son??? Because I really don't see what's so 'self-important' about advocating to put a success plan in place. You know full well how stressful parts of this process are...add youth and a university career, no FT job in the mix ontop of normal adjustment issues, and NO EAD and you tell me how much of a 'calculated risk' that's taking. What would you tell your son if he were to come home and tell you that he was going to petition his foreign fiance and they were going to live in a stable with no cellphone, no internet, no tv. Or they were going to live in a church hostel while his fiance flogged his used goods on craigslist. Would you not want more for him?

Honestly, I've never in my life heard a grown adult advocate being 'all about doing whatever it takes to make me happy - not just secure.' Would you tell your son that? If so, fair dues. I'm not a killjoy...I love being happy too. Is there no balance between the two? I'm not 'excessively planned' as you said....but omG, if one is not going to plan a big thing in one's life, what does one plan?

There's a saying 'fail to plan, plan to fail'

A stable? Seriously, I know this is Christmas time and we've all got the nativity on our mind, but that's a little over the top don't you think?

College kids who get married live in the dorms or they get a cheap apartment. They eat ramen noodles, rice, and Franco American gravy; go to class; sit around in the evening and read; attend free artsy events; and they study - oh they probably have sex too but they'd be doing that even if they weren't married. If they don't have the internet at home they sure as hell can hook up to it at the university. They can get everyday healthcare issues resolved at the university medical facility. They join work study programs and live off Pell Grants and other financial aid.

My son HAS talked about getting married - not petitioning someone from another country but he's talked about getting married. I'm more worried about him making the correct choice of a life partner than if he's gonna starve. He's young and about ten times more resilient than an old woman like me.

Incidentally, I did say in an above post that most people find a balance between not working and 'excessive planning', so try not to get yourself too wound in proving me 'wrong'. And I'm not going to comment about whether or not the way you planned David's immigration was 'right' or 'wrong'. That's your business and not mine.

[tmma 467]

To the OP:

Yes it is possible - yes it is hard. When my husband came i had 4 months of school left and a 1 1/2 yr old. I worked 3/4 time (or so) and had some student loans. We got married and now live comfortably.

...But it was extremely difficult, wasn't it? Would you advise that for someone else?

I had help with child care otherwise we took care of ourselves. My husband worked for 3 mo with his EAD and then we waited until the green card. He came here with nothing. Everyone out here can judge all they want but we did it. It's nice to think "oooh we waited to buy a house and put 50K away but when you're young it's hard to do that for yourself (to have those kids of jobs). Realistically yes you can do it but it will be hard. Save what you can now and get use to living without starbucks and dinners out. Good luck!

...If the bolded part was in response to my comment about how Mark and me waited and saved for a house and money to get by on while he could not work.....I said nothing about 50K. I still see nothing wrong with planning a huge thing like immigrating carefully to help provide as stable/secure an environment as possible for the immigrating loved one.

Just how we did it, and my opinion...Like RJ says, people will do what makes THEM happy.

Edited December 14, 2007 by tmma

[Fandango 1,439]

Sage words, Shele....playing fast and loose with things like medical insurance for your SO is dangerous, and could wind up financially breaking a family, let alone the added stress and worry.

What I'd like to know, in this instant gratification world we seem to be living in, what about the foreign SO? What kind of life would one be bringing him into? No money for support, no avenue for him for legal work, no security with health insurance...so what kind of life is that for that person? They give up everything to come here, then what? sit in a house all day long like a plant?

LOL.......Wes was perfectly happy to sit in the house 'like a plant' and vegetate for a few months. He'd been working twenty-some years and didn't mind the break. Plus, he HAD just moved here. A little bit of time to put down roots before going out into the working world is not a bad thing, IMO.

It's not a state secret around here that I didn't have health insurance when my asthmatic husband moved here. We managed. We found help that wasn't 'means tested'. Now, two years later, he provides health insurance FOR ME through his work. When you work together towards a common goal, things usually get better.

Most people are resourseful enough to not starve or go on the 'dole'. I had a cushy life growing up - my father was never out of work, we never ate commodity cheese or had to get medical help from the state. I learned all my 'survival skills' AFTER I got married (first time) and had life knock my 'best laid plans' out from under me.

Thus I believe we usually get enough to get by when life is less than 'financially' kind to us - and live to tell about it.

Right, that's great that you guys managed to get thru it good. But that's not the same thing as advocating 'do what feels good'. Since when did planning become such a dirty word?

You are an grown adult, as is Wes. This is a college aged petitioner, with no means to support her fiance. Would you advocate throwing caution to the wind if this were your son??? Because I really don't see what's so 'self-important' about advocating to put a success plan in place. You know full well how stressful parts of this process are...add youth and a university career, no FT job in the mix ontop of normal adjustment issues, and NO EAD and you tell me how much of a 'calculated risk' that's taking. What would you tell your son if he were to come home and tell you that he was going to petition his foreign fiance and they were going to live in a stable with no cellphone, no internet, no tv. Or they were going to live in a church hostel while his fiance flogged his used goods on craigslist. Would you not want more for him?

Honestly, I've never in my life heard a grown adult advocate being 'all about doing whatever it takes to make me happy - not just secure.' Would you tell your son that? If so, fair dues. I'm not a killjoy...I love being happy too. Is there no balance between the two? I'm not 'excessively planned' as you said....but omG, if one is not going to plan a big thing in one's life, what does one plan?

There's a saying 'fail to plan, plan to fail'

A stable? Seriously, I know this is Christmas time and we've all got the nativity on our mind, but that's a little over the top don't you think?

College kids who get married live in the dorms or they get a cheap apartment. They eat ramen noodles, rice, and Franco American gravy; go to class; sit around in the evening and read; attend free artsy events; and they study - oh they probably have sex too but they'd be doing that even if they weren't married. If they don't have the internet at home they sure as hell can hook up to it at the university. They can get everyday healthcare issues resolved at the university medical facility. They join work study programs and live off Pell Grants and other financial aid.

My son HAS talked about getting married - not petitioning someone from another country but he's talked about getting married. I'm more worried about him making the correct choice of a life partner than if he's gonna starve. He's young and about ten times more resilient than an old woman like me.

Incidentally, I did say in an above post that most people find a balance between not working and 'excessive planning', so try not to get yourself too wound in proving me 'wrong'. And I'm not going to comment about whether or not the way you planned David's immigration was 'right' or 'wrong'. That's your business and not mine.

I'm not wound up in 'proving you wrong'...for me, this isn't a pizzing contest and I'm not throwing insults at you like you've done to me here. And I don't need anyone to validate my choices as D and I are perfectly happy with the way we've chosen to proceed. It wasn't the easiest, but then again the foundation that we've built by choosing this path has given us what we feel a great footing to at least have one problem dealt with that we don't have to worry about after he gets here.

I mentioned a stable because someone here advocated it. You then told them it was 'real problem solving instead of preaching'. Here:

You could ask for a room in exchange for work. Often times you can get it at horse stables. Your fiance could babysit in exchange for a room for two of you. Excellent experience for handling your future children, LOL.

Aaahmmm...

On a second thought, I should write a book and sell it!

:lol:

Very nice - I liked it. Real problem solving instead of preaching. Excellent.

Obviously, we're on different ends of the spectrum, and that's fine really. Different perspectives are great for the OP to read all POV. I have continued to speak up because I'm a bit surprised that planning is seen as such a bad thing.

Just callin it like I see it

I interpreted 'how did you guys deal with it?' as 'I need help with a plan and some idea of the costs and risks' because otherwise, why would anyone who is preparing to file ask the question?

And no one is saying, least of all me, 'yay for love!' We used all of the time waiting on the visa to save money; I took an extra teaching assignment; and I've cautioned that your burn rate of cash is going to be higher then you expect. I'm not sure if you think you're disagreeing with me.

I just don't expect that she's going to call off her engagement because some people on the internet don't think she's ready to file for a visa and I was dismayed by pushbrk's response.

Who advocated calling off an enagement?

[Caladan 19]

pushbrk did. And I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that anyone is saying 'don't plan!'

[Fandango 1,439]

pushbrk did. And I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that anyone is saying 'don't plan!'

Ahh right, I missed that bit....my apols. Because you were replying to me, I thought you were saying I implied that.

I get the impression that many are anti-planning to the extent of waiting until there's a little more financial stability. I got that impression from many of the responses here. Yours included, I must say.

Am I reading them wrong?