Wednesday

[amal 4]

I'm here for ya too if you need someones shoulder and ears. Don't hesitate to contact me!!!

amal

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

dorothy, i'm right there with you! if you want to talk, you know where to find me. i hope things go better for you this holiday.

Thanks Jenn! I am hoping that things will get better. Too bad you went back to Cali

D.

I'm here for ya too if you need someones shoulder and ears. Don't hesitate to contact me!!!

amal

Hey Amal - thank you!

[doodlebugg 10]

awww Dorothy!!! ((((hugs)))))

I think my scrooge avatar and hum bug siggy pretty much sums the holidays up for me. I do love the bright lights and the hustle and bustle but it's almost like it's a very very low dimmer on my otherwise dark, black and dreary days lately, you know?

Normally it would be the icing on a very happy and beautiful cake but not this year.

I have no idea what it will be like when Usama gets here. I have heard about 50% of the people here say it was an easy adjustment and the other half saying it was hell. I do hope we lie somewhere in the middle but I guess you just don't know until it happens, especially if he's never lived anywhere else his whole life.

I do hope you take a day or two for yourself and just let all of the holiday cheer cover you and maybe make you smile a bit. Go to a dayspa, meet a friend for a drink in Rockafeller Plaza, see a play (that strike is over right???). Heck if I lived in nyc I'd definitely meet you somewhere and we'd have a BLAST!!!!! Is there anyone close to you that you can just go out with and spend a huge wad of cash on something decadent like a really nice dinner or a full day of beauty or massage? I always make a point of giving myself a nice present on my birthday and during this season 'cause I know no one else will get me anything I like. lol.

hope you feel better.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Ok one 32 page written final down and one to go and one regular old test final tomorrow at 7:30 am.

bah.

[ya falaha! 0]

I can understand that some ppl have very rough adjustments but these adjustments should not be an excuse to behave badly. I'm sorry but I'm not buying the adjustment excuse for some of these behaviors. I can dig depression, sadness, withdrawal, moodiness and the like. I can't see beating the ####### out of your wife, staying out all night drinking and getting stoned or whoring around. These guys would be abusive, philandering and just straight up dogs regardless.

[sereia 0]

I agree. I think there is a fine line between culture shock and abusive behaviour. Dorothy, I may be back soon and we can lean on each other! Hang in there girl! But you can call me anytime!

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

I can understand that some ppl have very rough adjustments but these adjustments should not be an excuse to behave badly. I'm sorry but I'm not buying the adjustment excuse for some of these behaviors. I can dig depression, sadness, withdrawal, moodiness and the like. I can't see beating the ####### out of your wife, staying out all night drinking and getting stoned or whoring around. These guys would be abusive, philandering and just straight up dogs regardless.

I agree with your point and believe me I am not making excuses for my husband - I know who he is and what is is made of and I am dealing with it one day at a time.

Thanks for the imput.

D.

[ya falaha! 0]

Take care of yourself.

I can understand that some ppl have very rough adjustments but these adjustments should not be an excuse to behave badly. I'm sorry but I'm not buying the adjustment excuse for some of these behaviors. I can dig depression, sadness, withdrawal, moodiness and the like. I can't see beating the ####### out of your wife, staying out all night drinking and getting stoned or whoring around. These guys would be abusive, philandering and just straight up dogs regardless.

I agree with your point and believe me I am not making excuses for my husband - I know who he is and what is is made of and I am dealing with it one day at a time.

Thanks for the imput.

D.

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

awww Dorothy!!! ((((hugs)))))

I think my scrooge avatar and hum bug siggy pretty much sums the holidays up for me. I do love the bright lights and the hustle and bustle but it's almost like it's a very very low dimmer on my otherwise dark, black and dreary days lately, you know?

Normally it would be the icing on a very happy and beautiful cake but not this year.

I have no idea what it will be like when Usama gets here. I have heard about 50% of the people here say it was an easy adjustment and the other half saying it was hell. I do hope we lie somewhere in the middle but I guess you just don't know until it happens, especially if he's never lived anywhere else his whole life.

I do hope you take a day or two for yourself and just let all of the holiday cheer cover you and maybe make you smile a bit. Go to a dayspa, meet a friend for a drink in Rockafeller Plaza, see a play (that strike is over right???). Heck if I lived in nyc I'd definitely meet you somewhere and we'd have a BLAST!!!!! Is there anyone close to you that you can just go out with and spend a huge wad of cash on something decadent like a really nice dinner or a full day of beauty or massage? I always make a point of giving myself a nice present on my birthday and during this season 'cause I know no one else will get me anything I like. lol.

hope you feel better.

hey bridget,

I read your response very quickly last night and just wanted to say "Thank you".

As for the adjustment it comes down to the individual - not the ethnic group or particular culture. I strongly believe that some people are just not made for the immigrant life and no matter how accommodating your try to make the transition process for them it will always be so difficult. Some just need more time than others but it all comes down to personal effort and responsibility as well as level of maturity.

I am feeling better today - at least not in physical pain and hopefully by next week I will find out what is wrong with me - my diagnosis - I am too fat but we will see what the medical board has to say on my condition.

I might be getting away from the holidays, rent a car and do a little road trip - Jackie style but with Jamal in tow - I actually would like that a lot as we do road trips well together.

Sereia (Jenn) - I like how you are thinking - hope that I will see you in NY one of these days and will give you a call one of these days.

Thanks girls for your words of support.

Love,

D.

[LaL 418]

take care Dorothy . Many can relate.

My husband is going through some really latent adjustment issues. Nothing major, and kind of seems like an early midlife crisis. Its more of not knowing where he belongs after living in 4 different countries in the last 5 years. Too many memories in totally different places if that makes any sense. Thinking he is not fulfilled in his career, still after applying 2 years ago not having his greencard, never quite feeling settled (partially also due to the constant travel of his last job). Overall just confused. I am hoping our recent move will provide him some stability and firm-footedness.

[Nasturtium 500]

Good luck Dorothy-- I am a PM away

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

take care Dorothy . Many can relate.

My husband is going through some really latent adjustment issues. Nothing major, and kind of seems like an early midlife crisis. Its more of not knowing where he belongs after living in 4 different countries in the last 5 years. Too many memories in totally different places if that makes any sense. Thinking he is not fulfilled in his career, still after applying 2 years ago not having his greencard, never quite feeling settled (partially also due to the constant travel of his last job). Overall just confused. I am hoping our recent move will provide him some stability and firm-footedness.

Thanks LAL...

I hope that Kansas will be good to both of you!

It's strange how sometimes life/past/unresolved issues have a strange way of catching up with us when we least expect them...

D.

[sara535 15]

yes Dorothy, many can relate.

My husband also has had troubles adjusting and I think your comments are very insightful. Personally I think in some cases its also a matter of expectations. I certainly think my husband had expectations that everything was going to be much easier than its been, after all this IS the land of the American Dream. He has struggled a lot with coming to terms with the REALITY of life here versus what he dreamed and hoped for and when you couple that with things like the loneliness and homesickness and just general relocating to an entire new culture I think it can be very difficult. Plus there really are just different personality types, some who can make the jump much more easily than others.

Personally I have never done anything as huge and as brave as uprooting myself into a completely new and different world so I just tried to be understanding and eventually it passed, although even now we still have our 'days'...

so hang in there and yes, taking it one day at a time is probably the best thing you can do...