Green Card, now what?

[kontumdiary 0]

I spent months and months worrying if my K-1 fiance, now my wife, only wanted to get to the US for a GC so she could go to work and make money. On some of the web sites I read about too many Chinese girls who were just like that. So I asked her about that and she said, "That's not me." I should have believed her and maybe I did a little but nonetheless I continued to worry. Now that she's here and living in the US and the GC has arrived, she told me there was no way she was going to work. Ah, shucks, what's a poor guy like me supposed to do? All that worrying for nothing!

Happy Holidays everyone ...............

[ELW 5]

She's not going to work?! Well maybe that is OK if there are kids to take care of but if not, won't she get bored?

[kontumdiary 0]

Hi ELW -

There are no kids and none expected any time soon. So far she hasn't gotten bored, well a few times I think, but since I work on the computer at home we're almost always together. In only one month we will have been together for a year. In that year we have partied, traveled, partied, visited friends, partied, oops, did I mention partied? Well, we are having fun so it's hard for someone to get bored. I really feel sorry for some of the spouses who come to a new land, only to be left at home by their spouse while he/she works. Gosh, that has got to be a hard thing to overcome - at least it would be for me. You have a great week and upcoming weekend. Thanks for your post.

Kontumdiary

She's not going to work?! Well maybe that is OK if there are kids to take care of but if not, won't she get bored?

[Melyssa 0]

I spent months and months worrying if my K-1 fiance, now my wife, only wanted to get to the US for a GC so she could go to work and make money. On some of the web sites I read about too many Chinese girls who were just like that. So I asked her about that and she said, "That's not me." I should have believed her and maybe I did a little but nonetheless I continued to worry. Now that she's here and living in the US and the GC has arrived, she told me there was no way she was going to work. Ah, shucks, what's a poor guy like me supposed to do? All that worrying for nothing!

Happy Holidays everyone ...............

LOL Aww.

She's not going to work?! Well maybe that is OK if there are kids to take care of but if not, won't she get bored?

That's how I feel! Sort of! We have no children to take care of yet and the place is insanely quiet when my husband is at work... I am SO used to having children in my life and now there are none! Yet... Of course we are enjoying the time we do have together now but we definitely look forward to having children!

Hi ELW -

There are no kids and none expected any time soon. So far she hasn't gotten bored, well a few times I think, but since I work on the computer at home we're almost always together. In only one month we will have been together for a year. In that year we have partied, traveled, partied, visited friends, partied, oops, did I mention partied? Well, we are having fun so it's hard for someone to get bored. I really feel sorry for some of the spouses who come to a new land, only to be left at home by their spouse while he/she works. Gosh, that has got to be a hard thing to overcome - at least it would be for me. You have a great week and upcoming weekend. Thanks for your post.

Kontumdiary

She's not going to work?! Well maybe that is OK if there are kids to take care of but if not, won't she get bored?

That's nice that you can always be together since you work from home

Edited December 12, 2007 by Melyssa

[Sprailenes 47]

I am a workaholic, as soon as I get my green card I will be out the door working my butt off! I have already looked up area event planners and have my resumes ready to go. I couldn't NOT work for a living. I love working. Omg I don't know what I'd do if my husband didn't want me to work.

Why is it such an issue that she worked? What if she wants to get a job in the future? What are you going to do then?

[ELW 5]

You are lucky that you work at home, like you said, and she has the freedom not to need to work! It is also harder for men to accept not working, than women, I think. My husband was out doing volunteer work a week after arriving in USA, till he got a paying job. I would probably only work part time if we didn't need the money so badly. Financially it is simply impossible if we both were not working.

[spirochete 0]

If I did that no work thing my husband would kill me! We're very lucky in that he's here on a J-1 visa and making good money. I don't think he would have came here until he could work so again, very lucky.

[kontumdiary 0]

Hi Sprailenes,

Good questions, glad you asked. I can't ever imagine not working b/c I've always worked and worked HARD. It's my understanding my wife hasn't had it all that easy in China either. We are not rich or wealthy in any sort, I'm just a saver and managed to get ahead while being divorced for over 20 years, that made it possible for her to not have to work if she didn't want to. But the choice is hers, she has the freedom to make that choice herself. If she does want to work, there will be no problems from me. Probably, she'll want to work after the newness of our marriage wears off. Uh oh, did I say that? Well, from the looks of things now that is going to be a long, long time. She did ask, however, if she worked would all the money she earned be hers - you know, and not be required to help make car, house and all the other payments we gotta make. What do you think I should tell her?

Kontumdiary

I am a workaholic, as soon as I get my green card I will be out the door working my butt off! I have already looked up area event planners and have my resumes ready to go. I couldn't NOT work for a living. I love working. Omg I don't know what I'd do if my husband didn't want me to work.

Why is it such an issue that she worked? What if she wants to get a job in the future? What are you going to do then?

[Sprailenes 47]

She asked that?

I find that an odd question to ask. So she just wants to work so she can have some spending money?

I think married couples should help each other pay the bills. I think that's a small part of what a marriage is, helping each other financially.

But if you are able to handle everything on your own and don't mind her working and not putting any money in, then I guess that's strictly up to you. Though her asking such a question baffles me.

[sj5 4]

Congratulations Kotumdiary, some people are just very busy...

I think..I'm lucky to have my spouse...we always eat out...meeting old friends and meeting new friends.....and visiting vegas to have fun there (stay at my mother inlaw house)

[kontumdiary 0]

Hi Sprailenes -

It is cool you caught that, I mean that question of hers. Indeed, I thought it odd at first too and also worried a bit, ugh. There isn't any way for me to speculate on that except that she wanted to know what kind of person I was/am. I think my answer to her, that she could do whatever she pleased with her money, answered the question of 'who' not 'what' her husband was - she seemed very pleased. It also meant she had or was going to have the freedom most of us all search for in life. Anyway, I do know one thing for sure. She does not want to work hard like she had to in China and I can't fault her for that. Over time it's come out that she is more than willing to work and work hard should the need ever arise and share all the financial burdens with me, and this attitude I like very much. Indeed, I am a fortunate man to have such a wonderful woman by my side.

kontumdiary

She asked that?

I find that an odd question to ask. So she just wants to work so she can have some spending money?

I think married couples should help each other pay the bills. I think that's a small part of what a marriage is, helping each other financially.

But if you are able to handle everything on your own and don't mind her working and not putting any money in, then I guess that's strictly up to you. Though her asking such a question baffles me.

[ELW 5]

I agree with Sprailenes, if she works she should at least contribute a little to the household expenses, that will strengthen her self-worth too. Marriage is about give and take and helping each other as a team. Being handed everything on a free platter where no effort is necessary, makes one spoiled and eventually discontent too. Giving of ourselves to others, makes us the most self satisfied. Well she must be helping by taking care of the house, cooking etc., right? That would give her a dose of contentment and household teamwork.

[sj5 4]

Hi Sprailenes -

It is cool you caught that, I mean that question of hers. Indeed, I thought it odd at first too and also worried a bit, ugh. There isn't any way for me to speculate on that except that she wanted to know what kind of person I was/am. I think my answer to her, that she could do whatever she pleased with her money, answered the question of 'who' not 'what' her husband was - she seemed very pleased. It also meant she had or was going to have the freedom most of us all search for in life. Anyway, I do know one thing for sure. She does not want to work hard like she had to in China and I can't fault her for that. Over time it's come out that she is more than willing to work and work hard should the need ever arise and share all the financial burdens with me, and this attitude I like very much. Indeed, I am a fortunate man to have such a wonderful woman by my side.

kontumdiary

She asked that?

I find that an odd question to ask. So she just wants to work so she can have some spending money?

I think married couples should help each other pay the bills. I think that's a small part of what a marriage is, helping each other financially.

But if you are able to handle everything on your own and don't mind her working and not putting any money in, then I guess that's strictly up to you. Though her asking such a question baffles me.

Kontumdiary,

alot guys like that.. they do not care about their wife $$$$$$.

[kontumdiary 0]

Hi ELW,

Yes, you are correct, she contributes by taking excellent care of me, our home and everything in the home. She does almost all the cooking, washing clothes, making up the bed and most things relating to housework - she loves it so that is her contribution. BTW, she is going back for a visit to China in the early part of 08 and I'm going to miss her sorely - I have become spoiled to her good care and spoiled to her presence, don't know how I'm going to make it without her. She tells all of my friends she is perfectly content taking care of her house and being a homemaker, so that's her very large and very appreciated contribution. I agree with you, they must have some ownership in the marriage and must feel a part of the marriage or sadly, IMHO, it won't work. Thanks always for your great comments.

kontumdiary

I agree with Sprailenes, if she works she should at least contribute a little to the household expenses, that will strengthen her self-worth too. Marriage is about give and take and helping each other as a team. Being handed everything on a free platter where no effort is necessary, makes one spoiled and eventually discontent too. Giving of ourselves to others, makes us the most self satisfied. Well she must be helping by taking care of the house, cooking etc., right? That would give her a dose of contentment and household teamwork.

[kontumdiary 0]

Well, it's the American way - right? Doesn't the culture of the world say the guys should bear the burden of supporting the family?

Kontumdiary

Hi Sprailenes -

It is cool you caught that, I mean that question of hers. Indeed, I thought it odd at first too and also worried a bit, ugh. There isn't any way for me to speculate on that except that she wanted to know what kind of person I was/am. I think my answer to her, that she could do whatever she pleased with her money, answered the question of 'who' not 'what' her husband was - she seemed very pleased. It also meant she had or was going to have the freedom most of us all search for in life. Anyway, I do know one thing for sure. She does not want to work hard like she had to in China and I can't fault her for that. Over time it's come out that she is more than willing to work and work hard should the need ever arise and share all the financial burdens with me, and this attitude I like very much. Indeed, I am a fortunate man to have such a wonderful woman by my side.

kontumdiary

She asked that?

I find that an odd question to ask. So she just wants to work so she can have some spending money?

I think married couples should help each other pay the bills. I think that's a small part of what a marriage is, helping each other financially.

But if you are able to handle everything on your own and don't mind her working and not putting any money in, then I guess that's strictly up to you. Though her asking such a question baffles me.

Kontumdiary,

alot guys like that.. they do not care about their wife $$$$$$.