Strange question I know

[chri'stina 190]

DelhiGuy,

Perhaps you need to do like I do and just tell her now and again, "ok, I need a hug now!"

Women love flattery too, usually. Tell her how it makes you feel all amazing, like you described earlier, when she hugs you, or tell her something like you dream of her just coming up an hugging you for no reason, and how it would just make your day, etc. Usually women do like to please, so she might do more if you told her how much you like it.

I think its real tuff for someone that hasnt grown up with it. My hubby is still working on random hugs, he forgets a lot and its been over a year now.

Also with women, its tough, becuz sometimes they think if they initiate anything like this, it will lead to sex, and they dont always want that to happen. So they liken any affection to this end. This is a real prob with my hubby, especially in the beginning, I think he thot every time I smiled at him he thot I "wanted" something. Good grief! I wanted some affection. Men blur these lines alot, especially in households where they grew up with no affection, so its no wonder women are scared to hug or kiss.

Hope this mite help a bit.

Good luck.

I will try making it clearer to her more often about how it will make my day and asking her for a hug when i really want one.....

About the flattery I am not really sure, I thought she liked it too, but she has categorically stated that it is weird when I am too lovey-dovey or when I talk in the way when I was explaining how amazing I feel when with her....And she didnt just say it, most of the times when I am vocal about my feelings for her, she like clams up and gets all weird, and acts like she doesnt liket alking about that stuff....so I really dunno about what to do......

But thanks for all the advice and I really hope some of this asking her to do it really works.....

But then again, she is in the US now and I am here, so I guess it will all have to wait, although a few kisses and some affectionf rom her on IM/phone wont hurt

Maybe in my "household" we have interchanged roles

I am not sure how reserved/traditonal your fiance is, but it may just be that you are not married yet so she doesn't feel comfortable with it until then? That would be understandable if she is from a very traditional family. My husband has 4 sisters. 1 is still unmarried and it would not be proper for her to be showing much affection to anyone before marriage as their family is more traditional/reserved about that. And plus in India, I didn't even feel comfortable showing any affection in public because of the stares. So we didn't, I didn't want to either. We were engaged, but not married yet. Sure we hugged and stuff but not in public in India.

We're married now for 2 years and still do not like to kiss in public in the US, we are both reserved I guess. But it grosses me out when people are all kissy in public and they just won't stop. ewwww.

[vamsi 0]

DelhiGuy,

Perhaps you need to do like I do and just tell her now and again, "ok, I need a hug now!"

Women love flattery too, usually. Tell her how it makes you feel all amazing, like you described earlier, when she hugs you, or tell her something like you dream of her just coming up an hugging you for no reason, and how it would just make your day, etc. Usually women do like to please, so she might do more if you told her how much you like it.

I think its real tuff for someone that hasnt grown up with it. My hubby is still working on random hugs, he forgets a lot and its been over a year now.

Also with women, its tough, becuz sometimes they think if they initiate anything like this, it will lead to sex, and they dont always want that to happen. So they liken any affection to this end. This is a real prob with my hubby, especially in the beginning, I think he thot every time I smiled at him he thot I "wanted" something. Good grief! I wanted some affection. Men blur these lines alot, especially in households where they grew up with no affection, so its no wonder women are scared to hug or kiss.

Hope this mite help a bit.

Good luck.

I will try making it clearer to her more often about how it will make my day and asking her for a hug when i really want one.....

About the flattery I am not really sure, I thought she liked it too, but she has categorically stated that it is weird when I am too lovey-dovey or when I talk in the way when I was explaining how amazing I feel when with her....And she didnt just say it, most of the times when I am vocal about my feelings for her, she like clams up and gets all weird, and acts like she doesnt liket alking about that stuff....so I really dunno about what to do......

But thanks for all the advice and I really hope some of this asking her to do it really works.....

But then again, she is in the US now and I am here, so I guess it will all have to wait, although a few kisses and some affectionf rom her on IM/phone wont hurt

Maybe in my "household" we have interchanged roles

Delhiguy,

I'm a little surprised to hear your fiance, who grew up in this country, is having such a hard time displaying affection. I've found the Indian girls who were brought up here are pretty comfortable with the opposite sex and a lot of them have been dating since high-school. I don't know how much time you have spent with your fiancee, but she may just need to get to know you a bit better before she feels comfortable expressing her affection in the manner you are looking for. She may also be a naturally shy and reserved person. I think you will find she will slowly grow more comfortable with you after you are married and begin sharing your life together.

I can share a little of my own experiences. I was also brought up in the US and married a girl in India. Even though she came from a fairly traditional Brahmin family, she had grown up in Dubai and had gone to college and grad school in the US, so she was a little more open-minded. We got engaged after a brief courtship and having only spent a week together. Initially, we were both a little shy with each other, but after I returned to the US we began talking over the phone and chatting online pretty frequently. As we became more comfortable with each other and our feelings grew, we began to flirt and express our affection for one another. Initially, she was a bit more shy, but I could tell she enjoyed the attention and she slowly began to reciprocate more. By the time we came together for the wedding, we felt very comfortable together and had no trouble expressing our affection physically.

Well, I hope things work out for you with your fiancee. Just continue to remind her of your love for her and encourage her to demonstrate her affection. Wish you all the best!

[ELW 5]

I’ve been going through all the old South Asia threads and just read through this one. Thanks all for the helpful hints, I’ve learned something today and some things are now on my to-do agenda!

I lived in India for 21 years, always in traditional small villages, so I learned and perfected early on, the art of an expressionless face, showing no affection, no shouting or jumping for joy, no thank you, please, sorry, excuse me (just a ‘yes’ Indian shake of the head with expressionless face). And I grew up in a household that didn’t show much affection so I'm not massively bothered by it HOWEVER my guy is very eager to adjust and fit into American lifestyle so I have been slowly, slowly training him. I started to say ‘I love you’ awhile back, infrequently, and now sometimes if I DON’T say it, he will actually say it first! Also please and thanks are now in his vocabulary. I tell him (and it’s true!) that he will HAVE to learn to be polite and even (GASP!) smile if he wants to fit in, in US.

My guy better face the facts: receiving spontaneous hugs and kisses are in his future, and they better be in mine, too!

Slow and steady wins the race!