how far can you go?

[Divine Mercy 0]

I was reading different things in Nairaland just to amuse myself and I came across something an Irish lady wrote about being married to a Nigerian. She was giving advice on how to make a marriage work between a Nigerian and a white lady.

There have been similar discussions in here about things of this nature, nothing quite this extreme, thought i'd get your opinions on it. I don't think it has to pertain to a Nigerian man being married to a white woman per se, but an African man married to a Western woman.

There is some good in it but there's some things in here I just can't tolerate.

"tell you how to make it work I am an irish lady married to a nigerian man for four years now. I say learn about his culture, don't get impregnated before marrige, ask of his families and hope they are all well, respect him, cook his food for him and hand it to him, make sure the place is very clean at all times, give him sex when he wants it, don't ask him lots of questions about his whereabouts, don't let him catch you looking in his phone, don't nag him, treat him like a king and you will have a marriage made in heaven."

".. my dear they are not known to be romantic (thats not to say he doesn't love you though) they are macho a bit like some south american men also. Therefore they are not 'soft' men like the white man who believe in candle lit dinners and caressing and hugging and kissing in public. Nigerian men are raised to be very strong men unlike white men who will jump to the white womans beck and call. Thats not to say they are not good men. They have difficulty in being romantic (unless they really have to be) becasue being romantic might damage their strong male super ego. They like to be the head of the family also and are raised to be the breadwinners of the family but plenty of nigeiran ladies work also nowawdays. If I were you I would not question him about the romance bit. You must have a religion and take all of your children to place of worship keep em interested, dress up, stay slim, change your hairstyle, don't raise your voice higher than your husbands. Don't disrespect him by 'jeering' him in front of his friends, don't comment on the size of his manhood or belly or speak openly about sex, Don't drink, don't smoke becuase he won't like that either. Don't challenge his decisions, goals, ambitions etc. Do not tell him 'no youre not going away on holidays without me' - let him go he knows were his matrimonal home is Grin. Do not reiterate I AM YOUR WIFE your darling baby knows that. Do not ask him to change diapers. Do not ask him to wash dishes, esp in front of other men. Do NOT be domineering. Do not talk too much. make sure the hallway is clear for him when he enters home .."

[devils_advocate 0]

What a huge load of SH*T

Why not say bow down to your Nigerian Husband and kiss his #######!

[Divine Mercy 0]

What a huge load of SH*T

Why not say bow down to your Nigerian Husband and kiss his #######!

LMAO

[devils_advocate 0]

Really I mean it, I have a Nigerian Husband and I do things for him but I am not going to hold his hand and wipe his ####### he is a grown man. That woman needs help. Poor thing. She needs to put her big girl panties on and stop being so rediculous. Really she acts like he is some kind of GOD. No woman should have to behave like that for any man...king or not. Nigerian Men have BIG egos and like to think they are kings. I am not going to inflate the ego of my husband. Why would someone fan the flames of an already out of control fire???

[Destiny'sJourney 0]

Paging Dr. Phil.....we've got a live one here. You're right DA, this woman does need help. It sounds like she is in an abusive relationship; whether it be physically, mentally, or both. How can a marriage be "made in heaven" when only one spouse is benefitting from the relationship?! Marriage is a partnership.

[devils_advocate 0]

Paging Dr. Phil.....we've got a live one here. You're right DA, this woman does need help. It sounds like she is in an abusive relationship; whether it be physically, mentally, or both. How can a marriage be "made in heaven" when only one spouse is benefitting from the relationship?! Marriage is a partnership.

You said it sister someone needs to get on that website and give her a giant clue!

[JJWashington 0]

wow

[SqdnGuns 21]

Paging Dr. Phil.....we've got a live one here. You're right DA, this woman does need help. It sounds like she is in an abusive relationship; whether it be physically, mentally, or both. How can a marriage be "made in heaven" when only one spouse is benefitting from the relationship?! Marriage is a partnership.

You said it sister someone needs to get on that website and give her a giant clue!

Here you go, clue her in..........LOL

http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-98635.0.html

[chispas 0]

I would normally laugh at this thread, but about 6 months ago my Ghanaian friend whom I've known for 24 years said almost the same things. I was shocked to hear her say that, as she was around when I was married to an "American" man. This time she said, sista, "I asked you if you were sure you wanted to get into your marriage. She then read me a list of must and must not which read like I f***** for life. I was shocked because after 24 years I am finally hearing this from her. She said every African woman knew this and lived with it. American women don't tolerate much. I don't believe that for a minute, because she is wealthy, independent, educated and quite Americanized. What the hell was tolerate anyway?

However, she said she is strong for her girls and the rest doesn't matter. Not sure if she was talking in extremes or just trying to scare me. However, I felt ill to my stomach and thought I was doomed for life. Her final statement was that she owned three houses in Ghana and people respect her. She doesn't want to lose her respect letting her family know her life in the United States. My own big sister gave me that shock.

Peace VJers

Chispas

"

[ose_n_me 0]

OMG...I AM EMBARRASSED FOR THIS WOMAN! SURE THERE ARE CULTURAL NORMS FOR NIGERIANS, BUT IT STILL BOILS DOWN TO HOW YOU WERE RAISED AND INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY. EVERY MAN IS UNIQUE NO MATTER WHERE HE IS FROM. I AM SORRY TO HEAR SHE THAT SHE ACCEPTS THESE CONDITIONS FROM HER MAN, AND THINKS ALL NIGERIAN MEN ARE THIS WAY, AND ALL WOMEN SHOULD BOW DOWN TO THEM!

[Osakeme 0]

Actually I believe the irish woman is actually correct...... everything she stated is not far from the truth in most relationships. I know that God has blessed me with the type of may that I have. my closest friend (a nigerian female) is in a similar relationship to what is mentioned in the first post, but she wants her marriage as is, so who am I too judge.

There is some good in it but there's some things in here I just can't tolerate.

Many times we have to pray the Serenity Prayer and know that God will handle everything. So to end this I say...... If anyone can not completely respect and submit to their man before marrage, maybe they need more time.

For those who are curious my naija man is comparable to the white man in the earlier post( and a king all the way) and I respect him just the way he is.

[*JG* 2]

Really I mean it, I have a Nigerian Husband and I do things for him but I am not going to hold his hand and wipe his ####### he is a grown man. That woman needs help. Poor thing. She needs to put her big girl panties on and stop being so rediculous. Really she acts like he is some kind of GOD. No woman should have to behave like that for any man...king or not. Nigerian Men have BIG egos and like to think they are kings. I am not going to inflate the ego of my husband. Why would someone fan the flames of an already out of control fire???

Right on, girl.

I hear this same kind of ####### about my Jamaican husband all the time. I swear when I read stuff in this forum sometimes, it's like deja vu.

I have been in enough relationships to know mine with my husband is normal. We have very very few of the issues people want to inflate into big deals. I'm his wife, not his mother, nor his maid.

I think what was written above is ####### too.

[Zee Bee 61]

#######?

That is not a normal relationship by any standard. If the woman wants it that way then she is missing out on a real loving relationship. She obviously has some self esteem issues if she is willing to be treated like that. What woman wants to be told what, when, how, why, where?

Unfortunately I have heard all of this before, not about Nigerian men, but about African men in general and from what I have seen, not only on this board but from my own observations, there are those that would fit this stereotype and those that do not. Why is it the negative stereotype that gets attention?

[chispas 0]

#######?

Unfortunately I have heard all of this before, not about Nigerian men, but about African men in general and from what I have seen, not only on this board but from my own observations, there are those that would fit this stereotype and those that do not. Why is it the negative stereotype that gets attention?

I wondered the same thing about why the negative stereotypes got so much attention. However while I was working in Africa, I found that many people in the villages lived traditional male-female roles and some actually had more than one wife. A man I befriended, used to help out his wife while she studied in the city and my other friends would say he helped out because he was a "preacher man". Even the women I knew found excuses as to why he helped his wife instead of saying that he was being a partner to his wife.

A question for the husbands When you and your spouse go to Africa, will you or have you assumed the traditional role, or did/will you continue to help out?

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Well, it's not all or nothing. I like to make my sweetie happy. I don't mind serving him or catering to his needs. He does the same for me at times too. I guess our love makes us want to make the other person happy, no matter what. We have a mutual respect and love for each other.