Favorite Pictures in Russia

[mox 298]

I love many of these photos... My wife is a artist and I want her to do more paintings of the FSU. Would anyone object if I shared these photos with her with the caveat that some might become the inspiration for a painting?

No objections here. Please, do share.

On the other hand it would be great if maybe you could share some of her works here with us. Could you?

Same here.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Ditto!

I love many of these photos... My wife is a artist and I want her to do more paintings of the FSU. Would anyone object if I shared these photos with her with the caveat that some might become the inspiration for a painting?

No objections here. Please, do share.

On the other hand it would be great if maybe you could share some of her works here with us. Could you?

Same here.

[slim 1,514]

Man, miss a day.... miss a lot!

Natalia - Thanks for disagreeing, I would expect no less! Of course there are some things that are going to be agreed upon but there are also things that will not. And that's what makes it so interesting. And as always, getting women to post here in "the boys club" makes this forum really great!

For everyone else, same thing. That's what makes this a great forum. Without differing opinions, there wouldn't be progrees. Wrigley (I believe) said "If two men in a business always share the same opinion then one of them is unnecessary."

So, the question was asked, "what do you guys expect?" Well, mox summed it up quite well but I'll agree with most and disagree with the part about her adapting to American life. That's where my personal expectations differ. I expect for her to "stay Russian" in some aspects; dress, customs, "attitude", etc., but I expect her to get on board (and get in line!) with the way things are done here. When you live in America and you want a decent life you do have to work at a crummy job that you don't like and you do have to "not" be best-of-the-best most fashionable most sophisticated gorgeous girl that everyone wants. You have to suck it up and work a $#itty job and work hard. You have to do without some stuff if you want to get stuff later. There's a way to go about doing that here and unless you have the luxury of having it already (as some of you with 40+-year-old fiances/husbands that have already "made it") then you have to develop it.

I'm not really tight with Satellite to the point that I know him and his wife personally but the one thing he and I have in common (and that Jason will soon see, Chuckles is living through now) is we are younger guys who are still trying to "make it." And not that any of the older guys on here are rich, but they're not facing the same situation financially that plays such a big part in American lifestyle. Having younger girls (not that you're "older" cause you can't say that to any woman!) that aren't used to struggling through financial hardship without a benefactor or having done it themselves only exacerbates the situation and that's the root cause of a lot of the "adapting" problems that now plague our relationships.

You will not face that to the extreme that our wives/fiancees have had to. You will see it somewhat, but it's something that has to be overcome, and it's something that has to be overcome together.

It seems hard for a lot of the (younger) Russian girls to be willing to accept this. Sure they want to because they've found "the one" they were looking for and he happened to be American, but it's definitely different than what they're accustomed to back home. And it does cause problems.

My expectation for my wife and all the girls coming here is that they will deal with the situation as "when in Rome" and not expect that this country and the system and daily life here will change to accomodate them as they see fit. That they won't fight for everyone around them to see them how they want to be seen but they will find a spot to fit in and moreover, that spot will be in line together with where their husband is currently. Not where he's going to be in ten years, not where he will be later, but where he is now.

I'm very glad you ladies are on here now, it's great to hear a (sane) Russian woman's opinion and to be able to consider all sides of every story. Hope to see you (and disagree with you!) more!

[payxibka 10,045]

I love many of these photos... My wife is a artist and I want her to do more paintings of the FSU. Would anyone object if I shared these photos with her with the caveat that some might become the inspiration for a painting?

No objections here. Please, do share.

On the other hand it would be great if maybe you could share some of her works here with us. Could you?

I am very happy to share her work... www.tagai-meyer.net

[KGSodie 0]

fwaguy: I don't think any of the photos I posted are paint-worthy, but you have my blessing nonetheless!

slim: Excellent points, slim. I'm not rich, but I do have a well-established career that affords me many more creature comforts than I had when I was but a wee lad. If you had to pick ONE thing that has been the most difficult for you and your bride, what would it be?

[payxibka 10,045]

fwaguy: I don't think any of the photos I posted are paint-worthy, but you have my blessing nonetheless!

You'd be surprised... She will take subject matter from one photo... back ground from another... an interesting sky from yet another and somehow pull it all together.....

[mox 298]

fwaguy: I don't think any of the photos I posted are paint-worthy, but you have my blessing nonetheless!

You'd be surprised... She will take subject matter from one photo... back ground from another... an interesting sky from yet another and somehow pull it all together.....

She's welcome to use any from the URL I posted earlier too.

[eekee 182]

Welcome to all the ladies! It's nice to see some more female voices on this forum.

[Bobalouie 0]

Ladies, it might benefit you to create your own profiles. Then we will all know immediately when the woman is speaking and when the man is speaking.

Whenever Jason posts I think it is Sasha anyway. It is her picture in his avatar!

[mox 298]

Ladies, it might benefit you to create your own profiles. Then we will all know immediately when the woman is speaking and when the man is speaking.

Whenever Jason posts I think it is Sasha anyway. It is her picture in his avatar!

Same here.

[slim 1,514]

slim: Excellent points, slim. I'm not rich, but I do have a well-established career that affords me many more creature comforts than I had when I was but a wee lad. If you had to pick ONE thing that has been the most difficult for you and your bride, what would it be?

Wow! What a great (and loaded) question. And just ONE? Come on, there's like a million!

There's obviously going to be the difference between men and women and how we're not going to communicate everything the same way and not see things the same way so that causes some difficulties, but the MAJOR source of difficulties for us is her unwillingness to adapt to the daily grind here in the U.S.

We have a lot of fun together when we're going somewhere or doing something but it's the dull, boring, everyday life that really gets her down, and that, in turn, causes problems for both of us. As a young man, I work ALL THE TIME trying to pay our bills and get us a little something extra. She works a lot too so during the week, we really don't have the chance to do things or go places. Just having dinner together is a stretch as I'm usually sleeping during that time. (3rd shift worker.) And all that not seeing each other and having fun together turns into "it sucks here and you not show me attention" when in reality it's "I'm busting my @$$ so we can have a decent future."

As a more seasoned guy, you probably won't face this to the degree that some of the younger guys on here are. However, I think the majority of our problems now wouldn't be present if I would've taken a more active part in getting her going on things early. She hasn't really developed any hobbies, interests or activities here and that's "my fault" for not getting her out there. What I should've done is ensured we had the money for a car and got her driving pretty quickly and also introduced her to several groups; ESL classes, a dance/exercise class, and some other stuff to occupy her time. She sat here for about eight months with nothing to do (couldn't work) and then once she started working, that's all she does now. Go to work and come home. Go to work and come home.

Americans are used to it because that's what has to happen to make it here in America. However, she has the expectation that we should have hobbies and activities to take up our time in the evenings. (None of which applies to me because, as said above, I work 3rd shift.) Since I don't take her where she needs to go, it now becomes my fault that she's bored and unhappy and that she works all the time for nothing more than survival in our crappy little apartment and this horrible boring city. Nevermind the fact that we live in the city, on the bus route, and next to the university.

I've asked myself several times if maybe I've been too hard on her, but for me, it seems like she's done absolutely nothing to advance her own situation and relied on me for everything. I'm the one that's supposed to find things for her to do and people for her to hang out with. (I'm also supposed to provide the money for all of it!) Everyone I've introduced her to, my small circle of friends, she doesn't care to hang out with so I pretty much left it up to her to find her own friends. She's been here about a year-and-a-half and the only people she's really hung out with socially are one girl from her job (once) and two Russian girls she's met through the internet (a couple of times.) Other than that, it's work and come home to look for things to b!tch about.

When I have the opportunity to take her out somwhere she's generally happy. However, the places we go are often not nice enough or fashionable enough so we don't go out very much.

So, to sum up, I guess the ONE thing that has been most difficult for me and my bride would be trying to have fun during the week while also working our @$$es off.

There have been many many things that have been brought up here on VJ that people have been concerned about that have been non-issues for us. Language barrier, cultural differences, food, etc., (all have been "interesting experiences" but never really difficult to compromise on) but the biggest deal definitely seems to be the difference between the daily life here and the daily life in Russia.

That said, every time I ask her if she wants to go back she says no, so I don't think the grass was that much greener. It's just that a young single woman can get by with not working so much when she has rich boyfriends to support her and take her to nice places. A married woman (that's not cheating on her husband) can't. I understand that it's a different lifestyle and things aren't always nice, but getting her to see the "big picture" or "our future together" is sometimes a tough sell.

Try to eliminate the need for her to "struggle" for a nice life and you'll probably fare better than me in that department. The general concensus that I've gotten is because you are man you must pay for everything and provide everything, their job is to only be beautiful and take care about home. (With your help, of course.) Give her everything she wants and desires and you should have no problems. Except for all the new problems that come with giving a woman everything she wants and desires.....

Good luck!!!

And remember, this is a post about the difficulties. There are a lot of "easy" things too and the meter is still more on the positive side than the negative side. It's closer to the middle than the far right, but my hope is, over time, it will start to drift more and more to the "easy" side.

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Difficult...........................Easy

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Good point!

Ladies, it might benefit you to create your own profiles. Then we will all know immediately when the woman is speaking and when the man is speaking.

Whenever Jason posts I think it is Sasha anyway. It is her picture in his avatar!

Same here.

[Satellite 1]

I'm not really tight with Satellite to the point that I know him and his wife personally but the one thing he and I have in common (and that Jason will soon see, Chuckles is living through now) is we are younger guys who are still trying to "make it." And not that any of the older guys on here are rich, but they're not facing the same situation financially that plays such a big part in American lifestyle. Having younger girls (not that you're "older" cause you can't say that to any woman!) that aren't used to struggling through financial hardship without a benefactor or having done it themselves only exacerbates the situation and that's the root cause of a lot of the "adapting" problems that now plague our relationships.

The struggle continues, quit both my jobs at the start of this year to study for the bar. Living as two working students doesn't help in the adjustment part but it sure does "Americanize" you faster. Actually I think income wise you are still ahead of us. I don't think we broke 30k this year. But we spent at least 30k on education and borrowed another 30k in student loans. And Ohio real estate is still affordable to the average person out there, right? Although the foreclosure auctions are starting to look more and more attractive in California. Prices have fallen as much 200k in many areas. But our VJ and financial struggle journey is coming to an end soon. Got NOA1 for citizenship this month. Bar exam on the 26-28 of this month. And then if I pass, I can go get that crummy job slaving away for some RICH senior partner

[slim 1,514]

I'm not really tight with Satellite to the point that I know him and his wife personally but the one thing he and I have in common (and that Jason will soon see, Chuckles is living through now) is we are younger guys who are still trying to "make it." And not that any of the older guys on here are rich, but they're not facing the same situation financially that plays such a big part in American lifestyle. Having younger girls (not that you're "older" cause you can't say that to any woman!) that aren't used to struggling through financial hardship without a benefactor or having done it themselves only exacerbates the situation and that's the root cause of a lot of the "adapting" problems that now plague our relationships.

The struggle continues, quit both my jobs at the start of this year to study for the bar. Living as two working students doesn't help in the adjustment part but it sure does "Americanize" you faster. Actually I think income wise you are still ahead of us. I don't think we broke 30k this year. But we spent at least 30k on education and borrowed another 30k in student loans. And Ohio real estate is still affordable to the average person out there, right? Although the foreclosure auctions are starting to look more and more attractive in California. Prices have fallen as much 200k in many areas. But our VJ and financial struggle journey is coming to an end soon. Got NOA1 for citizenship this month. Bar exam on the 26-28 of this month. And then if I pass, I can go get that crummy job slaving away for some RICH senior partner

And the really sad part is, by American standards, we're not doing bad at all. We almost doubled your incomes and have only $400/month rent. And that was with her working less than half the year at a little restaraunt! For two young people without college degrees, we bring home a lot of cash. But, that wasn't enough for her I guess. Of course, we have a lot of bills too, but that's part of living in America. I'm just wondering how I get her to be patient enough to make it work, and the bigger question is if over $60K (maybe even 70 this year and next) isn't going to be enough, then what is?

You guys are on the verge, just a few short years and you're "livin the Dream." I hope it's working for you, but here, it seems to be that attaining that Dream just isn't going to cut it.

[KGSodie 0]

Thanks so much slim and satellite for your insights. I only asked for ONE thing, slim, because I didn't want to impose too much upon your time, but given the fullness of your response - feel free to name as many things as you want! Heck, throw in some 'easy' things too! It sucks that your schedules don't line up so that you two could have more time together. All things come to those who wait (and strive valiantly!). I have a great job and Natasha will be coming to work with me (and using my laptop for internet access) until she feels comfortable being at home alone, while we wait for AOS/EAD. One of the perks of being the senior guy on the team.

I'm sure you don't need my advice, but I'll give it anyway. Working hard in order to better the life for your family is a very good thing, a very honorable thing, and something for which you will eventually be rewarded. But don't lose sight of why you work so hard, or life can slip away from you before you realize it is happening. I speak from personal, painful experience on this one.