I may have to go back to Canada and refile as a K3

[Ban Hammer 13,112]

We are living together until I started working, his family told my son and I for 2 years that we could come and live here while we found a home that was in a good school district and everything.

I have talked to my husband, I have talked to my mother back home.

My husbands brother told my son he "had a knife and could stab him" on Sunday. This is when it all really began. There's so much more. I stand by my son more than I stand by my husband. I have to keep my son in our room until my husbands brother leaves the house. Last night my son heard the entire fight. This morning he's telling me it's all his fault. I don't like seeing him blame himself for everything.

I didn't realize that it was going to be like this here.

We're looking at our options, either me coming back down later or him coming up to live in Canada.

We'll be alright.

####### is wrong with that 23 year old?

[Melyssa 0]

My son is just very busy. Apparently he's been driving everyone "nuts" for the past few months. He is just busy, he sings himself to sleep. My husbands brother doesn't like the fact that he sings himself to sleep. There's just a hole bunch of stuff. I find this family very nice for everything they have done for me. But at the same time it isn't happy here, there's a lot of conflict going on and people are very controlling. I am not a controlling mom, I like to let him get out and make noise and be a child.

I just see it as more harm then good keeping him here.

I doubt my husband alone could get us a place. The plan was for me to get a job and we could save up for a place. New Jersey homes/apartments are expensive.

Where in New Jersey do you live??

[Lona.C. 16]

My name is Tony and I am Lona's future husband,I would just like to comment on the situation

with the 23 yr old and the 9 yr old:

He said "he wished he could stab him", that constitutes a "terroristic threat" in the

state of new jersey,I am a former resident of the state and the last time I checked,

he could be charged with terroristic threats towards a minor,so the big mouth should

shut his trap......immediately.

Next,My advice to the mother of the child,you and your husband should find a different

place to reside,not all apartments in n.j. are expensive,especially 1 bedrooms, you just

need to know where to look,your husband should know the areas,if he is from jersey,

look online,you should find something affordable.

Don't go back to Canada..think it over..If you are here already,why go through the hassle

of a K-3?? The K-1 was hard enough,this is your family,let NO ONE get in the way of breaking

you up,talk to your husband and immediately make plans to move out...living with in laws is a

no-no..you have no freedom and you live under their rules,not a good way to live..I suggest

for the sake of your child and your relationship...MOVE OUT A.S.A.P

Thanks for your Time

TonyC.

[coco's daddy 0]

Sprailenes, I am sorry about your present predicament.

Unfortnately, this 23yr old is too stupid to realize that his utterances may have a lasting impression on the little boy. That said, his threats are not to be taken lightly. Hopefully, you will be able to remove your son from this potentially harmful environment.

Child rearing styles are an extremely sensitive matter. Parents raise their kids the best way they know. I agree that we have to allow kids to be kids. However, we also have to be willing to make concessions, especially if those kids have to share space with others.....be it at home, daycare, school or the grocery store.

[Melyssa 0]

Well tonight was a really hard night. But my husband got into a huge fight with his brother and my mother in-law said some things to him. There's just a lot of conflict right now. Apparently my son is driving everyone crazy. I have decided it's probably best to get myself and my son out of here and go back to Canada and work and save up more so we can move out the next time I come down.

Oww this hurts. We were so close...but the EAD would probably take a while and this house basically turned upside down tonight.

All I know is what I've read online in this thread but if you were to pack up and go back to Canada, that would seem like a rash decision to me. And who is to say that it might not be even worse if you were to go back to Canada and then return on a K3? Things could change overnight in any situation, and it sounds like things were going well, and that you should be able to work things out. I'm sorry to here about the turmoil but I'm thinking there's got to be another way besides just returning to Canada.

Going to send you a PM...

[Sprailenes 47]

My husband may have found an apartment in Vorhees. Hopefully we can get it.

I'd like to thank you all for listening.

If we can't get a place though, I will have to go back. I can't stay in this house with my son. I am not thinking about going through the process again, nor am I thinking about being away from my husband, I am thinking about my son being in harms way.

I understand about having him understand the people around him, and he has been trying. But it seems every little thing he does gets on the nerves of my husbands brother.

I feel like everything we worked for is literally falling apart.

[BH45 0]

I feel very badly for you right now. Even though we don't truly know each other, I wish I was close enough to give you a hug. It won't fix anything but it might just be the thing you need.

In my situation, I'll be moving my daughter who is 13 into a home with 2 boys, 16 and 24. We spent a month living with them to see how everyone reacted to each other. It went well but for the 16 yo being a pest, which I remember my brothers being the same. It's not the same scenario as you are currently in, but I do concern myself with how things will work out in the long run.

I hope that everything works out for you and your hubby finding a place of your own. I would dislike having to see you start this process again.

I'll keep you all in my prayers that God will help you to find a solution that fits everyone.

Kelly

[Sprailenes 47]

I just wanted every one to get along.

I know kids can get under peoples skin, I am the childs mother, I know he can be a little crazy sometimes. But there's a way to deal with a child. Since being here my husband raised his voice at Ethan ONCE. ONCE. And the MIL came up and yelled at him for yelling at Ethan. Yet his brother can threaten him. And when we tried to tell his MIL about the knife incident last night she said: "Your son blows everything out of proportion" and then took his brothers side and said: "THAT KID gets up early every morning!"

Most kids do. My son could hear all of this.

My husband was there and saw the knife threatening incident. And unless we didn't see it happen, it didn't happen, because Ethan complained of being hit by Mike's brother the other day, and I told her that lastnight and she said: "Well did you see it??"

Of course not! His brother isn't stupid, he does all of this stuff when no one is around!

[Mephys 2]

I hope you can get that apartment, but please don't go back

Look around for other apartments too, there is not only one out there. Is there any friends of you husband that could help you while you are looking for a place? Maybe just for a couple of weeks?

[trailmix 77]

I REALLY hope you get the apartment!

I completely understand your wanting to move back if another solution can't be found - it's a pain, it means going through the process again etc etc - however you know what is best.

If it were me I would do the same thing you are, find a small apartment, if that doesn't work out I would be on the next transport out of the place.

[G&A 1]

Good luck to you and I hope you get your apartment. Just try your best NOT TO COME BACK. K3 is not so great...

[Sprailenes 47]

Nah, they all live in Philadelphia, and my son still has to attend school.

I have to think about schools too.

Right now our options are:

-Get an apartment asap...doesn't have to be fancy, we can move again once we're out and we've saved more.

-Send my son back to Canada to stay with my mother until we get out and on our own and then apply for him to come down.

-I go back to Canada with my son and apply for a K3 and come back when he has his own place.

-I go back to Canada and my husband immigrates to Canada.

[desert_fox 32]

Time for your adult husband (I assume he is) to leave Mommy and little adult brother, and become a man and be on his own and take care of responsibility for a change. Like take care of his wife.

Going back to Canada would be the last thing to consider, unless your husband refuses to leave Mommy.

[Marilyn. 340]

Time for your adult husband (I assume he is) to leave Mommy and little adult brother, and become a man and be on his own and take care of responsibility for a change. Like take care of his wife.

Going back to Canada would be the last thing to consider, unless your husband refuses to leave Mommy.

umm, I don't think the problem is that he doesn't want to leave but the finances to be able to afford to leave

i hope everything works out for you, Sprailenes

[Melyssa 0]

My husband may have found an apartment in Vorhees. Hopefully we can get it.

I'd like to thank you all for listening.

If we can't get a place though, I will have to go back. I can't stay in this house with my son. I am not thinking about going through the process again, nor am I thinking about being away from my husband, I am thinking about my son being in harms way.

I understand about having him understand the people around him, and he has been trying. But it seems every little thing he does gets on the nerves of my husbands brother.

I feel like everything we worked for is literally falling apart.

That is really sad about the brother.

I hope the situation with the apartment works out!

Will answer your PM when I have more time but I will be thinking of you guys =) you shouldn't have to go back to Canada due to the... bad attitude of the 23 yr old toward your son