Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 5)

[*JG* 2]

yes I do believe it is has alot to do with how the women are most times. alot of them make these feel it is ok to drop off money on friday and carry one single life..as long as money coming in an him a mine har she good..until him breed a next ooman dem cuss (she and di ooman) and still shack up wid this man..unbelievable..In JA SOME men still stuck in the MI A MAN A YAAD ERA...AND U DEAR NOT SHOW U LOVE UR BABY MODDA..exactly baby modda cause most girls that's all they demand..nothing else..no body nah treat mi like beer when mi expensive champagne....so di ooman dem fi get blame partially...den again u have men that are "americanized' and up to the time on things cause it seem like parts a JA wayyyy back a time..and tend to treat their lady like u see on TV..sometimes not all bad

but can these men cope when a woman doesn't need their money??? that is the part where i keep getting stuck.

You mean your husband coping with not needing your money? First of all, I wish I was there. Even though I make twice as much as my husband between my two jobs, we ALWAYS need his money. (Did I tell you guys he got another raise? Ready for this?????? 5 cents. ####### are we supposed to do with a 5 cent raise? We've been laughing ever since!)

It's not all about money, Jengles. It's about him working hard to do his part, whether we really need it or not. I'll be damned if I am working my tail off and he's not doing the same. And, it's about him doing his part at home when I can't. Like I always say, I married a partner. I did not marry to have another child to take care of! Luckily, this is not one of our issues.

no, me not needing his money

Forgive my rambling ways today.....What you said is what I actually meant to say. Took a Tylenol 3 a couple hours ago and it's kicking in big time right now.

That is what I was responding to with what I wrote above. It's not about how much money someone makes, it's about if they are contributing to the household. Men who judge their worth on how much they make are just immature in my opinion.for to get there and if he isn't willing to because he feels everything is beneath him, well....I haven't got the time for that.

Agreed. but then again ..most of these men are JAMAICAN MEN..who r to be very proud..they r the providers..that's what they learned and no nothing else mostly.

Yes, and those men I avoid like the plague.

I need someone a little more open minded then that in my life. Cause this sure isn't the 1950's anymore!

hmm..when was the last time u went to JA..it's so not the 1950's...Here i go back to my comment about some men being "americanized"...it is the culture...my husband knows..well when he had his PT job that the money wasn't much BUT he felt so fantastic to know he went to work and can say..Kimmy I'm gonna get Kimora pampers...don't even think it's about open minded it's about adjustment to something u r not used to,,ppl can be open minded and still not adopt anothers culture....

It's what they are used to, how they were raised, and also what they are open to. You have to admit, it's a lot harder to adjust if you are not open to change. That's all I'm saying.

I personally could not handle a man who was not open to change. My life is in turmoil all the time. I follow Murphy's Law more then anything else. And, I find the need to constantly adjust to work with what I'm given. I rarely give up the fight. If Andre were rigid in his thinking, we would not make it.

[*JG* 2]

You know that they're still men (Jamaican or American or from anyweh)...still believes that a woman's place is in the kitchen. I guess if I grew up in dem times deh I would have no choice. But in 2008, I still see (some of my cousin that are in their 30s) still come home and play superwoman, because their men flat out REFUSE fi cook, clean, or look aftah pickney, but dem have time fi go sidung round domino table and drop hard. Bway mi no know...but dat is a hard pill fi mi swallow. My look pon mi aunti weh work 3-(12 hour) shifts as a ICU nurse, den afi come home and look aftah hubby and kids. When they came down for my baby shower 5 years ago, my auntie husband tell my daddy (im a do too much house work--- wah mi madda a do). My father tell im seh, u caan expect di ooman fi do everything. My auntie husband just kissteet and go hug up im red stripe...I caan tek im. Gaad know, mi no know how mi auntie tan wid im so rass lang...mi wouda avi push im baxide dung a flight a stairs.

Tre.....I rarely cook. Andre's better at it and works fewer hours around dinner time. I do all the dishes after he's messed up what seems like every single one in the kitchen. It works for us.

[brownnskinn 0]

Agreed. but then again ..most of these men are JAMAICAN MEN..who r to be very proud..they r the providers..that's what they learned and no nothing else mostly.

yeah...I don't think it's an immaturity thing at all. It's all about being that provider the head of the home and it was branded into my husband, even tho I make more money I've learned to constantly stroke his male ego. Even when I knoe what to do I play stupid so to speak. He works harder here than he did in Ja making less money if it wern't for working two jobs. I could never mek him feel like is hard money goes un-noticed. We can never have too much money. We have pickeny to put through college, ect. Yeah I could do it by myself but it sure feels good to have help., and to know if I couldn't do it he'd go out and get a third job to mek it happen.

I say immaturity thing because I've noticed the trend in the younger men to say that kind of thing.

Yeah, now my x..total excuses. We met very young. I remember working at a fast food place in high school and him calling me- he in college- seh he didn't have nuttin fi eat wanting me to bring it for him. mind you I'm a senior in high school at work pregnant with his child....the relationship started off all wrong from ther get...don't know why I expected anything more from him, I never demanded anything from the start.I falt myself for some of it as well. I should have known better.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

You know what I find really ironic is these men are beat to death with the idea that they are the providers of the family and the head of the household; yet, statistically, a large percentage of Jamaican households in Jamaica are run by the women.

how r they beat...in Jamaica as a young boy/man u WANT to go out and help ur mom so she doesn't have to struggle with ur siblings..u want to help, plus ur going to school...In my home in JA when i was growing up my father was the provider..everything still came by mom and nothing was done w/o her knowing but he brought in the money to make it happen cause she was home with the kids..she would work here and there but nothing much..until my father came to the US and had to get himself together...

[Jengles 0]

Jomo's girl,

yes homes in JA are run by women but they are supported by men, even if they men do not live with them, as long as they have a baby fadda, then they are straight, he is the provider, he gives her the money and she does what she has to do with it. when we say provider it doesn't mean who pays the bills, it the person who gives up the money so the bills can be paid.

[*JG* 2]

If have something to say...I am going to say it! Most of us were raised by extremely STRONG Mothers and the days when we stand by and have our man talk for us are LANG GONE!!! When women started joining the workforce in droves ...we had to start speaking up or get pushed dung!

Bless,

Gill

Ok mi cyaan resist...mi muss put inna thoughts pon dis...

I was raised to be very independent and know how to take care of myself. For the most part I raised myself in my early teenage years and beyond. I had to grow up fast and take care of my bro and sis because my parents were so messed up and weren't really around to do the parenting much. So I grew up taking care of myself and not taking any bs. Andre says that he one of the reasons that he was attracted to me in JA was because I could handle myself well and didn't put up with anything...I spoke my mind and stood up for myself. Not sure if that makes me aggressive...it is just the way I am.

I do know that Andre has said many times that he feels like sometimes I don't need him. That I can handle myself and my business and don't have to rely on him for anything. While I do rely on him for many things I guess he is intimidated by the way I take care of business and the resources I have acquired over the years and that I really don't need him to survive, know what I mean?

Same here, I watched my mother hold it down as well gowing up. While I agree It's good to know how to tek care of your self. Our mothers AND fathers should have modeled what it looks like for a husband and wife to work as a team and complement one another. I didn't see much of that growing up.

Maybe that's it........Maybe that is exactly why I feel like I do. My parents have been married forever. My mother made the money while my father owned his own shop and struggled. Yet, they are always together doing something or another and each complements the other's strengths and picks up the slack on the weaknesses.

[nannygirl82 0]

Jomo's girl,

yes homes in JA are run by women but they are supported by men, even if they men do not live with them, as long as they have a baby fadda, then they are straight, he is the provider, he gives her the money and she does what she has to do with it. when we say provider it doesn't mean who pays the bills, it the person who gives up the money so the bills can be paid.

hhhmmm....i guess i was the provider all the way around....

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

You know that they're still men (Jamaican or American or from anyweh)...still believes that a woman's place is in the kitchen. I guess if I grew up in dem times deh I would have no choice. But in 2008, I still see (some of my cousin that are in their 30s) still come home and play superwoman, because their men flat out REFUSE fi cook, clean, or look aftah pickney, but dem have time fi go sidung round domino table and drop hard. Bway mi no know...but dat is a hard pill fi mi swallow. My look pon mi aunti weh work 3-(12 hour) shifts as a ICU nurse, den afi come home and look aftah hubby and kids. When they came down for my baby shower 5 years ago, my auntie husband tell my daddy (im a do too much house work--- wah mi madda a do). My father tell im seh, u caan expect di ooman fi do everything. My auntie husband just kissteet and go hug up im red stripe...I caan tek im. Gaad know, mi no know how mi auntie tan wid im so rass lang...mi wouda avi push im baxide dung a flight a stairs.

Tre.....I rarely cook. Andre's better at it and works fewer hours around dinner time. I do all the dishes after he's messed up what seems like every single one in the kitchen. It works for us.

JG -

When my son's father and I met this was the agreement, HE COOKED and I kept the house clean and that worked for us. I have never met a Jamaica man that didn't mind cooking all the time. It wasn't until we broke up that he started cussing me about not cooking. It's not that I CAN'T cook, I just prefer not to (unless I have no other choice). I've been cook now for a year (since we break up) and he always telling me that OUR son look too skinny as if I'm not feeding him. I love to CLEAN, I can't help it don't know what it is, but mi just love fi clean house. I like for everything to me in order, so mi sorry mi MARCEL when im reach up yah...

[SupportOAFJF 0]

You know that they're still men (Jamaican or American or from anyweh)...still believes that a woman's place is in the kitchen. I guess if I grew up in dem times deh I would have no choice. But in 2008, I still see (some of my cousin that are in their 30s) still come home and play superwoman, because their men flat out REFUSE fi cook, clean, or look aftah pickney, but dem have time fi go sidung round domino table and drop hard. Bway mi no know...but dat is a hard pill fi mi swallow. My look pon mi aunti weh work 3-(12 hour) shifts as a ICU nurse, den afi come home and look aftah hubby and kids. When they came down for my baby shower 5 years ago, my auntie husband tell my daddy (im a do too much house work--- wah mi madda a do). My father tell im seh, u caan expect di ooman fi do everything. My auntie husband just kissteet and go hug up im red stripe...I caan tek im. Gaad know, mi no know how mi auntie tan wid im so rass lang...mi wouda avi push im baxide dung a flight a stairs.

Tre.....I rarely cook. Andre's better at it and works fewer hours around dinner time. I do all the dishes after he's messed up what seems like every single one in the kitchen. It works for us.

my husband and I both cook..cause him love home cooked food....if him hungry and mi no get to the kitchen u best believe him nah wait pon mi..him a go do it himself..there is no rule..I HAVE TO COOK

[*JG* 2]

Jomo's girl,

yes homes in JA are run by women but they are supported by men, even if they men do not live with them, as long as they have a baby fadda, then they are straight, he is the provider, he gives her the money and she does what she has to do with it. when we say provider it doesn't mean who pays the bills, it the person who gives up the money so the bills can be paid.

I'm not going to argue this point with you today. Suffice to say, I dont' believe completely in this statement.

[Yaads 0]

i think a lot of times men have issues with us telling them how to do things and what to do....even more so when they come from another country/culture....i think a lot of times they don't know how things "work" here and would rather have someone else who has no clue about things tell them...i am/was afraid to to let mike take controld of the money....because i know how he is...when he gets a couple of bucks he feels the need to spend it rather then try and save it for a rainy day...

Exactly! Me teaching Andre about writing checks, balancing the checkbook, online banking just to name a few...I viewed that as teaching the person I love and want to spend the rest of my life with a valuable lesson so WE can manage the household and it doesn't have to be all on my shoulders. I didn't see it as him not being as smart as me or beneath me in anyway. There is a lot of things I can teach him and he can teach me. I am not really sure how he viewed it but I know it wasn't the best as he wouldn't even let me teach him. I even offered to attend a money management type of class for 6 weeks through a local church that way it wasn't me teaching him and we would do it together...no go on that either. I really wanted Andre to have the control...I wanted us to be a "we" and not a "you" and "me" but when he won't even take the time to learn how to balance the checkbook how could I honestly trust him to take control of the finances.

I think giving up control or equally sharing control is all about trust. The two go hand in hand If you don't trust them in _____ you can't give them control over _____. Fill in the blanks with anything...it will always ring true.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Jomo's girl,

yes homes in JA are run by women but they are supported by men, even if they men do not live with them, as long as they have a baby fadda, then they are straight, he is the provider, he gives her the money and she does what she has to do with it. when we say provider it doesn't mean who pays the bills, it the person who gives up the money so the bills can be paid.

hhhmmm....i guess i was the provider all the way around....

Nans, I hear you LOUD and CLEAR on that one; and baby girl, you're not ALONE.

[brownnskinn 0]

Morning!

Congrats Shauna! Wonderful news and one less stress!!!

Congrats Dee! I hope that CSC does you well

Daniel (or Mel ) Andre couldn't really find a barber here that he liked and that didn't cost an arm, leg and your first born so we went out and bought a really nice shaver that he uses at home so he does it himself most times.

Don't get me started on the whole "women are agressive" thing...don't get me started

I'll have to start growing my dreads....

Don't give up yet! Go buy an nice shaver and with some trial and error I am sure you can learn to do it yourself. Andre was very hesitant at first but now he is a pro. He only messed it up once or twice and it really wasn't that bad (although he thought so ) Maybe you can even get Mel to learn so she can trim your hair for you Just make sure she is in a good mood

My hubby didn't like the 15 bucks he has to give out for his hair cut either, but he's gotten use to it. sometimes he cuts it himself.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Jomo's girl,

yes homes in JA are run by women but they are supported by men, even if they men do not live with them, as long as they have a baby fadda, then they are straight, he is the provider, he gives her the money and she does what she has to do with it. when we say provider it doesn't mean who pays the bills, it the person who gives up the money so the bills can be paid.

hhhmmm....i guess i was the provider all the way around....

It's not impossible...we are just talking about being in JA..how many women u kow in JA bring in the money so the MAN can spend it..

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

QUESTION???????? To those it applies to (I may be the only one) or if you know anyone

Does the term BABY MOTHER offend any one? I hate to be referred to as a BABY MUMMA. I don't like it. I prefer "MY son's MOTHER"...yeah man mi mad fi true