Acclimatization, Philippines to USA

[Russ_M 0]

The journey of life is difficult enough let alone moving from the Philippines to the USA.

Besides leaving their family and world the American way of life, in some ways, is completely backwords to philippine customs and traditions.

Just a few obvious differences revolve around American's life style and a seemingly quest for advancement and money.

After researching other webistes I've discovered some very interesting cultural aspects about the philippines, especially concerning the philipina's way of life.

It is often-times easy to get lost in information and take anonymouse information for fact. So I'm posting my wayward finding here in the hopes others will provide their own perspectives and opions towards improving relationships between all us.

=================================================

Since my wife is a Philipina my research has focused on finding ways to make her transition as easy as possible. But the more I read it seems there will be many transitions for me too LOL!

My research,

There have been many posts/blogs from concerned individuals whos marriages are not working out and after only a few months.

Most issues seem to stem from their wives not talking as much as they expected and this worried them. Next their wives became distant and would start crying or sleeping all day. Until finally their spouse would want to go home or just disappear one day when they came home from work.

Of course there are many other dynamics concerning a relationships and I'm certain most posters leave out information they don't feel comfortable sharing. But still after reading so many posts there must be something goinging on.

And so, even though my wife still awaits the release of her visa to Delbros, I endevour to ready myself for the challeges of a new Philipina wife and soon to be mother.

To start I researched the history of the Philippines and even started studying the language especially her native dialectic; Bicol.

Here are a few pieces of information that pop out with respect to relationships with philipina women.

In general philippine's women have been treated like second class citizens for many years and as such, for the most part, they have adapted to a subservient role. Obviously there are many exceptions, the current president is a woman. However, the majority of the country struggles everyday to make in this shaking economy, where most jobs are service sector based.

It seems the women now depend on the family and especially husbands to run the family; to make the big decisions and to Ok the womens every move. But I notice at the same time many of the men are just as happy letting their wives work as they sleep all day or drink their RedHorse. However, they still play the dominant role in the family.

Personally I would like my wife to be a strong individual and know she can do as she please. I have total faith in her and would love it if she finds a position in our community that helps her feel fulfilled.

While eveyone is different and have their own lives to deal with I can't help to think "where there is smoke there is fire!" Maybe the culture difference between the Philippines and America is so great that we must contend with and accept, there will be some challenges needing to be met. And the sooner we understand root of these obstacles the sooner we can overcome them.

=============================================

Ok, someone else have input?

[Jasman0717 9]

I still struggle with the actual meaning of some of the things Claudeth says. Thank God she is understanding! Claudeth has really adjusted well to America but maybe I am lucky that she had exposure to another country (Germany) before she came here.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hey Russ,

From my experience, it helped a lot for my wife to find other Filipinas in our area and she quickly formed a social network. I cannot overemphasize how important that will be for your wife to have a smoother adjustment.

Also, the second day she was here I took her to an Asian market where she found a decent supply of Filipino foods. We continued to look and visit places that catered to Filipino's.

Introduce her to your friends and family and it will help a lot if you are sociable - unless you are marrying an introvert she's going to want social interaction often.

I let my wife organize our place to her liking... I showed her how I was doing it but left it up to her to change it.

If she's Catholic, find her a nearby church and offer to take her to Mass - better yet if you are the same religion.

My wife has been able to communicate with her family via Yahoo Msgr - she's even able to talk through the microphone so they can see and talk as often as they want for no cost. We have an international calling plan also and we spend about $30 a month on calls to the PI.

There's no way to avoid the feelings of destitute and despair that both of you will probably feel as you both adjust. It helps to talk about expectations before she arrives so there is less disappointments.

She isn't just creating a new life with you, but a new life altogether - remind yourself that...she's left an awful lot behind her, something that I am forever humbled by in my marriage.

Best wishes and I hope that helps.

[alexandra8886 0]

I feel that the above posts have already mentioned those important notes.

Anyway, I just want to share my experience when I first got out of the Phils.

My last 2 years , I was working in Bahrain (Middle East). When I arrived there Filipinos used to tell me that the first 6 months are really critical when it comes to “missing the Phils” … popularly known as “HOMESICK”.

If its first time for a Filipina/Filipino to be away with their family, out of Phils, “generally” they will feel the deepest loneliness of being away on the first six months. Crying is just a normal thing but there should be someone to lighten up things for her/him.

Passing the first 6 months was quite relief for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still thinking of

Phils after those 6 months. Although it’s not that deeply hurt as it was.

So for my first six months, I was busy with some projects after my work. I tried to insert some projects that I will be busy until late evening. So when I got home, I’m rushing to bed to sleep.

Majority believes & experienced that the first 6 months is the battle with “HOMESICK”.

Like what Mr. Fancypants said, let her organize the place on her liking. Think of a certain project that she will be interested. & happy with for the first 6 months… as in busy bee…

If she’s into internet surfing, you can introduce her to internet blogging..Which she needs to established a blog & possibly can earn $ from this in the future.

You can play also with the Calendar, since a lot of occasions are coming, couple can set planning until summer – out of town, road trips etc. So she has something to look forward to.

Majority to Filipinas love to cook, you can buy a recipe book of American food,..maybe 30-min Meals of Rachel Ray..& let her do the experiments in the kitchen. She can also check on-line recipes, print, cook & organize her own recipes’ manual.

Ask the Filipina what are her hobbies…or something she wants to do..then create a project that can be done in 6 months (or more).

Edited November 16, 2007 by alexandra8886

[~krakatoa~ 27]

Before I got here, I have a pretty clear picture of what's life going to be like--not easy at all. I tried to prepare myself in all aspects possible, culturewise, languagewise, attitudewise, credentialwise but nothing did absolutely prepare me. It is something I can't easily put into words, but when I experienced some of these things I have to get adjusted to, what helped me most is my husband's understanding and enormous patience. It gave me the security that when everything else fails (I hope not), he is there for me, no matter what. And as days and months pass, the transition becomes easier to deal with. All the psyching up and the emotional preparation did not really help to be honest, because life here is very much different and I have to experience it to really know what to do about it and cope with these changes. It does help though to know about each other's countries, languages and everything else.

The understanding of it all is much deeper. And sometimes when these adjustments are too overwhelming for the Filipina, the best thing the husband can do is provide the sincerest reassurance. For me, that alone really help me get out of the desolation I felt especially the first few weeks, the time when I realize that I am really far way from home and I am actually feeling the "distance". Somehow I knew I have to embrace what my new life has to offer me, with the comfort of course, of a loving husband.

Social network will be helpful to your wife. I wished I had Filipino friends too (especially the first weeks since my arrival in the US), unfortunately I didn't get the chance.

Best wishes to you and your wife.

[garya505 2]

I help my wife to adjust to life here as much as I can, but I told her, sorry, we have to eat turkey for Thanksgiving!!!

[JelloShotGirl 0]

get a 20 lb bag of rice before she gets here and get ready to eat it 3x a day!

[Russ_M 0]

Thanks everyone, especially those Philipinas replies.

Yup, the first few months I expect will be very difficult;

missing friends, family and the familiar environment.

Lucky for us my job gives me some manuverability

with regards to time frame.

With a baby on the way I think that will give her something

to keep busy with too LOL.

God knows the house needs a womans touch, that

could keep her busy for years rearrainging things

to meet her desires.

I love rice, but I must say, meat and potatoes has

its appeal LOL. She has spoken of going to culinary

school and I encourage her. Says she wants to learn

about cooking american foods. However, I can't help

but think bicol express and rice is a much better diet.

By keeping busy I hope to reduce her stress

concerning "Home-Sickness". But to be honest, even

after only visiting 3 times, staying for 21 days each

I'm kind-of home-sick for the Philippines myself.

It is such a wonderful world especially in bicol where

you are only minutes from any type of habitat

you can imagine.

But she has had her whole life to see phil. I think

we will spend lots of time letting her take in the

majestic beauty of America. I might it will be

exciting for her. From the west coast to the east

coast, train, boat plane. Domestic adventures, I

hope, will keep us occupied for the first few years.

The challenges we face as a new couple, I think,

will not compare to the adventures we face

planing our future. For any couple, regardless of

nationality, life is what we make it. Maybe attitude,

of both partners, is what really determines our

destiny?

But I'm still very much interested in my wife's cultural

back ground. I love suprising her with my knowledge

of her world. It makes me smile sooooo big when

I see her eyes open wide with each new tagalog word

I learn or new current event I mention with relation

to the philippines and her surroundings.

So please, anyone with ideas or opinions about

philippine life, relationships, adventure, what-ever

give me some help?

I don't know about anyone else but I love life,

I love my wife and I love a good challenge.

Especially other Philipinas! Any insight into

making my wife smile forever everlasting makes my

day!!!

Salamat!!

[JelloShotGirl 0]

ask ur wife to cook beef kaldereta, there are chickpeas and potatoes in that. also when we cook chicken adobo we also add potatoes, i guess u can add potatoes to any kind of adobo............have u tried kare kare??? you will def like those dishes.........rice can be very filling though lol! gud luck!

[Russ_M 0]

JellowShotGirl,

I don't recognize "Kare Kare"??? What is that?

But I enjoy Kaldereta and adobo.

My wife's brother in law, and dad and aunts and uncles LOL, are all the best cooks ever. You should have seen our wedding! It was fantastic! The spent 2 days preparing enought food for about 100 people and it was all gone in 1 night! LOL

[Psoas10 17]

I expect no culture shock at all. She will think she is in PI still, esp Laoag,hehe.

[pinktulips 0]

The journey of life is difficult enough let alone moving from the Philippines to the USA.

Besides leaving their family and world the American way of life, in some ways, is completely backwords to philippine customs and traditions.

Just a few obvious differences revolve around American's life style and a seemingly quest for advancement and money.

After researching other webistes I've discovered some very interesting cultural aspects about the philippines, especially concerning the philipina's way of life.

It is often-times easy to get lost in information and take anonymouse information for fact. So I'm posting my wayward finding here in the hopes others will provide their own perspectives and opions towards improving relationships between all us.

=================================================

Since my wife is a Philipina my research has focused on finding ways to make her transition as easy as possible. But the more I read it seems there will be many transitions for me too LOL!

My research,

There have been many posts/blogs from concerned individuals whos marriages are not working out and after only a few months.

Most issues seem to stem from their wives not talking as much as they expected and this worried them. Next their wives became distant and would start crying or sleeping all day. Until finally their spouse would want to go home or just disappear one day when they came home from work.

Of course there are many other dynamics concerning a relationships and I'm certain most posters leave out information they don't feel comfortable sharing. But still after reading so many posts there must be something goinging on.

And so, even though my wife still awaits the release of her visa to Delbros, I endevour to ready myself for the challeges of a new Philipina wife and soon to be mother.

To start I researched the history of the Philippines and even started studying the language especially her native dialectic; Bicol.

Here are a few pieces of information that pop out with respect to relationships with philipina women.

In general philippine's women have been treated like second class citizens for many years and as such, for the most part, they have adapted to a subservient role. Obviously there are many exceptions, the current president is a woman. However, the majority of the country struggles everyday to make in this shaking economy, where most jobs are service sector based.

It seems the women now depend on the family and especially husbands to run the family; to make the big decisions and to Ok the womens every move. But I notice at the same time many of the men are just as happy letting their wives work as they sleep all day or drink their RedHorse. However, they still play the dominant role in the family.

Personally I would like my wife to be a strong individual and know she can do as she please. I have total faith in her and would love it if she finds a position in our community that helps her feel fulfilled.

While eveyone is different and have their own lives to deal with I can't help to think "where there is smoke there is fire!" Maybe the culture difference between the Philippines and America is so great that we must contend with and accept, there will be some challenges needing to be met. And the sooner we understand root of these obstacles the sooner we can overcome them.

=============================================

Ok, someone else have input?

I'm so impressed with what you wrote on finding things to make your wife "at home" in America. Here's what my fiancee and i did...since he knew most filipinas love to sing especially the karaoke, he asked me to buy a Magic Sing (karaoke microphone) with more than 2000 songs and bring it with me to America. This may be a little expensive but i guess he figured it out that i still need a couple of months perhaps to adjust and look for a job in America (applying for US RN) and this piece of entertainment will help perk me up. Also sir, this would be fun as you could both sing your fav song together...be it on high or low notes

[rjp44 1]

I expect no culture shock at all. She will think she is in PI still, esp Laoag,hehe.

I think my wife will adjust fairly easily since she works in the office of a British company in Manila. I have found out that there are Filipinos who meet socially in the area, and my son's next door neighbors are from the Philippines. I've also made sure that each of her siblings has a computer so that they can e-mail and chat. I think the most important thing I can do is spend time talking with her, explaining what she doesn't understand, showing her places here and just letting her know I'm there for any problem. Lots of romance won't hurt either. : )

[Russ_M 0]

The karaoke idea seems very interesting. It has been a tradition for my family to sing at hollidays, especially Christmas, and so this might go over well.

I remember our wedding was filled through out the night with many people single constantly--in key or out LOL. And everyone enjoyed it very much.

A local recording studio on every block, that would go over well in the philippines LOL!

[Psoas10 17]

Yeah alam ko that filipinos like to sing. We had a demo magic sing mike at the wal-mart here. We had to take it down cos all the workers would sing and nothing would get done. I thought I was back at theSM mall back in PI. I guess when the workforce is 90% Filipino, that would happen. The only real big difference here, is the cost of living and the prices. Other than that I expect she will miss her parents, but she has family here.