Off topic - Wedding officiant is a jerk - must vent

[Udella&Wiz 325]

So we found a guy who seemed to fit the bill, is flexible with allowing us to write the service etc....since we're not being married in a church and the affair is small and intimate in our own home.

We registered online, sent the $100 deposit and have emailed back an forth a bit. Yesterday morning, we finally got around to having a conference call. Conversation started out great and we were all online so that we could look at what we'd written together.

We are not first timers and have some definite preferences to how the wording of certain things should be. The conversation started to go wrong when he asked who was going to hold onto the rings...we assumed either Don would have theme in a pocket or we'd hand them over to the officiant before the ceremony started.....he obviously had decided that the kids should be involved, in fact he practically insisted that we have the kids hold them....we tried to tactly steer him away from that by saying that all our kids have asked not to be involved in the ceremony itself, but rather just be guests...which is fine by us. He then suggested councelling for them! Well...by the Jeebus...he wouldn't shut-up after that. We compromised by deciding on having our mothers hold them (trust me - neither of them cares)

The next issue was how to honour the mothers.....and here I'm thinking..'Are we supposed to have something involving them too???'. We put our foot down and came across sounding awful because we said 'We don't want to have that in our service'.....his response was' you don't want to honour your mothers?'...oh zip it you jerk. He provided a sample of what he could say....something to do with we know we are sinners and can never repay the debt to you and how they'd laid down their lives for us.......Holy freaking Fire and Brimstone...slay me down now right at the marriage alter for pete's sake.

Additional random comments included:

" I can so tell you are IT people, you're trying to manage this like a project" ...strike 1

" Just relax honey (to me)....why can't you just let things flow out as they should and let me do my job" ...strike 2 - I'll HONEY you

" I've been doing this for 20 years, 800 mariages...blah blah blah" ....strike 3 - and yet you've nvr developed a sense of tactfulness huh?

Also - seemed to have a beef about not being allowed to practice in Canada and said 'I don't know what is wrong with you guys up there'....That I can explain....WE DON'T LIKE JERKS LIKE YOU

So folks - moral of this long winded story is...If the convesation isn't going well initially in any situation, stop it then. We wasted 1.5 hours with him when we knew in the first 15 that he didn't sound like what we wanted. We felt obligated because we'd paid $100 already and we were compromising on things we had already decided weren't for us.

By yesterday afternoon, we found out that a former coworker of Don's is now an ordained minister and it's someone we already know and like....perhaps this was meant to happen anyway In between though, we were pretty upset

Cheers

PS his name was LANCE

Edited November 7, 2007 by Udella&Wiz

[Emancipation 2]

Wow... he was a jerk

It's YOUR money and YOUR ceremony.. I don't understand why he'd even care which components are in the ceremony.. YIKERS..

I'm glad you found someone who will do the service the way you want it done!!

[Udella&Wiz 325]

He was definitely not a "good fit" for us. OK, he was really an ### and was demeaning and condescending to us like we had the IQ of an African Swallow trying to carry a coconut from Africa to Britain. The line wich really got me and was after trying to talk us into several things that we didn't want was:

My god, if this is the way you are going to be why didn't you just go to the justice of the peace.

I almost said right there that we should just forget it. Oh well lesson learned. ALWAYS talk with the person first before giving any money. Now I know why he wanted a deposit before having the conversation.

Wiz

[Doug n Amanda 0]

PS his name was LANCE

Well, there you go.....don't trust a minister named LANCE !

Seriously, that's TERRIBLE. We have an officiant in FL lined up who has helped us with everything from a mini-wedding cake (too cute for words, BTW) and flowers to writing the ceremony; I truly feel blessed.

This was meant to be.....go with it Wiz!

[Jasman0717 9]

Wow, glad we just went to the courthouse

[trailmix 77]

You sinners tsk tsk not honoring your Mothers

Whoa! What a quack, I'm glad you did get a chance to speak to him beforehand, although I think it would be interesting to watch one of his marriage ceremonies!

[Autumnchik 6]

Unbelievable!!! At least you found out what an azz he is before the ceremony.

[Krikit 1,163]

WOW. Is the deposit non-refundable? Tell him you'd rather go to the Justice of the Peace, since he offered. It's obvious he thinks this is HIS wedding. Sheesh. Some people.

[Misty1979 0]

WOW! Sorry the guy ended up being such a nut-case.

Is there anyway you can get your money back and find someone else? I'm having terrible images of the guy sacrificing a chicken or something during your ceremony to pay for your "sins."

Hopefully it all works out for you!

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Is there anyway you can get your money back and find someone else? I'm having terrible images of the guy sacrificing a chicken or something during your ceremony to pay for your "sins."

Funny, Someone else said almost the exactly the same thing. We found someone else. Turns out some one I used to work with has become an ordained minister and is going to do the ceremony for us so in the end it worked out for the better although we are out the 100 bucks.

Wiz

[MissStacey 1]

Personally, I would fight to get the $100 back. He was a total jerk.

[Krikit 1,163]

Personally, I would fight to get the $100 back. He was a total jerk.

I would too. Even if you can get him to meet you halfway it's $50 back in your pocket. But maybe that's his scam. He pulls people in, gets them to leave a deposit, then ticks them off so much that they drop him and he doesn't have to do anything other than play with them on the phone. What's the URL? I'm curious to see how someone like this advertises.

Loved the sacrificial chicken comment, Misty. LOL

[bradcanuck 1]

It took Sara and I forever to find a guy who would do things our way. I was VERY VERY picky with the text since I am an Atheist and she is Christian. So I wanted to remove any reference of God or Jesus or praising or heaven all that jazz. There was one line that we kept in "in the bible it says that marriage is..." and it went on to say something about a holy union. I don't have a problem with that sort of thing... it says it in the bible. It doesn't mean I agree with the religion. In star wars it says the emperor is evil. Just a fact. Anyway you see my point.

We as people know what we want. You know what you want. There's NO reason you need to waste your time with someone. Or put up with his stupid comments and jabs. If someone made a comment like "oh whats wrong with you canucks" or something of that nature I'd reply with "the same thing that is wrong with you yanks". I no longer put up with arrogance and stupidity - I can't handle it! lol

In the end it is your wedding. So make it happen the way YOU want it. No compromise, no give and take. Just the way you want to remember it.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

#######?!?!? Skip the jerk indeeed.... He can go HONEY his mamma: it's your wedding for freaksake. ARGH!!!!!

[SonoranSongbird 3]

Ugh, we are going to have to find an officiant where my parents live and the ALL say the same thing on their websites (more or less "Your big day is important to me and I will incorporate your wishes into your vows" and so on). I'm stressing about this a bit. Have no idea how to even go about it.

How many guests is too many to bring along to just get married at the county court house?