My journey with a Moroccan is over

[aisha kandisha 0]

itsfinallyover....really i feel sorry for u. i hope all goes well for u and ur new baby.

for the husband....would u want your wife kissing another man? and to let u know something, in america if a wife yells at her husband she is showing she is angry....not disrespect.

Actually, some of us "in America" feel it is disrespectful to yell, not only at our husbands but at anyone.

[Donna A 4]

itsfinallyover....really i feel sorry for u. i hope all goes well for u and ur new baby.

for the husband....would u want your wife kissing another man? and to let u know something, in america if a wife yells at her husband she is showing she is angry....not disrespect.

Actually, some of us "in America" feel it is disrespectful to yell, not only at our husbands but at anyone.

oh yeah and some of us in america feel its ok to kiss another woman too while married. after all its just kissing right?

[Alhamdulillah 0]

I didnt not sleep with any other woman, I admited the kissing, But there is no sexual relation, I thought everyone know that.

But any way I apologize to everyone, just please keep looking at your husbands positive they need to talk and get support in whatever they do,

And to answer your Question Sara, I came to america after I made sure I will never fail in my marriage, but Some woman changes after the husbands start making money, and especially the mother in LAW

Ya akhi that's cheating! I am amazed at the stupidity level of some of our muslim brothers :sigh:

You don't need to be telling everyone on VJ about your sins. Make tawbah with sincere regret and intention not to do it again. Try to reconcile with your wife if you love her and want to hold your family together. If it not, or if it's not possible then move on... talk to an immigration lawyer and find out how you can get residency... you have rights to your child as well.

Don't worry about what busy-bodies on this board or elsewhere think about you or their own husbands. Many women here don't need any excuse to disrespect themselves or their husbands and for the others with common sense, they avoid letting these kind of dramatic situations affect their own relationships.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

To the OP, what's happened has happened... as they say, you can't unring a bell. However, you have many options.... I would suggest counselling with your local imam and trying to save your marriage IF you love your husband and want to salvage your marriage but, ultimately, it's up to you. A lot of children don't have fathers in their lives, some of them are fine and others are not.

To everyone else involved in this discussion.... Jesus (alayhi salaam) is quoted in the bible as saying "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". This brother is human like other men and so is his wife. No marriage is without hardships, big or small. I'd love to look in any thread in this section once and see good, honest, helpful advice instead of insults, placing blame and running the thread downhill with childish back and forth banter between rival MENA posters.

[mybackpages 0]

WOW it has taken some time to get through this thread and the only thing I can add is I am sorry for both sides n this relationship.

Most of us have been in relationships before this one and we know how difficult it can be when a relationship is going sour.

I just dont get the "oh he kissed a woman and he is sooo evil" logic. I am not going to defend this action as acceptable, but i also know we make mistakes all the time as humans. Dont give me all that "he's Muslim so he knows better" ...what is that suppose to mean anyway? Don't Chirstain men know better too? Even an athesist knows not to cheat on his wife!

I think what we see happening here is the result of many factors and more common than we ever want to admit.

This is not about the green card. This is about a marriage failing. Notice I didnt say failed. Sometimes we work through these difficulties and sometimes we dont.

I suspect that what happened here is that the USC had a certain expectation in her mind and finds herself now extreemly disappointed that her dream was nto the reality.

I also suspect that he has certan expectations in his mind and foundhimself in a situation that he did not expect and made choices which i hope he is not proud of, but we are not talkign about battering his wife. We are talkign about staying outside of the marriage committment. Straying when the marriage is already sour. Its never right, but come on, you all want to lynch him over this?

Despite Spartacus's really dopey remark about women being slaves in Morocco (YEP maybe ne of the dopiest things I have ever read) , he is right when he says take this a lessonin cultural differences.

Both the USC and the the nonUSC have to understand that they are choosing to marry outside of their cultural norm. Each side can have very different values regarding use of language, family and otehr social relationships, expectatins of husband and wife roles, types of food and living conditions for evert day living..etc...all of this can cause a disconnect when the couple finally moves intogether.

So many women on this board tlak only of love and how love conquers all...but that is just BS....if you do nto unertand and agree to asic common values and expectations, this is the reality of what can happen.

[doodlebug 3]

WOW it has taken some time to get through this thread and the only thing I can add is I am sorry for both sides n this relationship.

Most of us have been in relationships before this one and we know how difficult it can be when a relationship is going sour.

I just dont get the "oh he kissed a woman and he is sooo evil" logic. I am not going to defend this action as acceptable, but i also know we make mistakes all the time as humans. Dont give me all that "he's Muslim so he knows better" ...what is that suppose to mean anyway? Don't Chirstain men know better too? Even an athesist knows not to cheat on his wife!

I think what we see happening here is the result of many factors and more common than we ever want to admit.

This is not about the green card. This is about a marriage failing. Notice I didnt say failed. Sometimes we work through these difficulties and sometimes we dont.

I suspect that what happened here is that the USC had a certain expectation in her mind and finds herself now extreemly disappointed that her dream was nto the reality.

I also suspect that he has certan expectations in his mind and foundhimself in a situation that he did not expect and made choices which i hope he is not proud of, but we are not talkign about battering his wife. We are talkign about staying outside of the marriage committment. Straying when the marriage is already sour. Its never right, but come on, you all want to lynch him over this?

Despite Spartacus's really dopey remark about women being slaves in Morocco (YEP maybe ne of the dopiest things I have ever read) , he is right when he says take this a lessonin cultural differences.

Both the USC and the the nonUSC have to understand that they are choosing to marry outside of their cultural norm. Each side can have very different values regarding use of language, family and otehr social relationships, expectatins of husband and wife roles, types of food and living conditions for evert day living..etc...all of this can cause a disconnect when the couple finally moves intogether.

So many women on this board tlak only of love and how love conquers all...but that is just BS....if you do nto unertand and agree to asic common values and expectations, this is the reality of what can happen.

I think the only reason people brought up the fact that he's muslim is because he made a point of stating it as though saying it means he's a good muslim or something.

Although I think this shouldn't even be aired on vj it would be interesting to see what she was going to type out for us so that we could see more of the picture, i.e. why she has a restraining order on him, etc.

[morocco4ever 63]

Wow....what can I say???? I am sorry to hear what you are going through. God bless you.

To the husband. I want you to sit back and think about something here. If you were madly in love with a woman, and she was going through a rough time. She sought solice with a man, and she ended up kissing him, would that be okay with you?

[Cheryl & Medo 3]

To the OP, what's happened has happened... as they say, you can't unring a bell. However, you have many options.... I would suggest counselling with your local imam and trying to save your marriage IF you love your husband and want to salvage your marriage but, ultimately, it's up to you. A lot of children don't have fathers in their lives, some of them are fine and others are not.

To everyone else involved in this discussion.... Jesus (alayhi salaam) is quoted in the bible as saying "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". This brother is human like other men and so is his wife. No marriage is without hardships, big or small. I'd love to look in any thread in this section once and see good, honest, helpful advice instead of insults, placing blame and running the thread downhill with childish back and forth banter between rival MENA posters.

WOW it has taken some time to get through this thread and the only thing I can add is I am sorry for both sides n this relationship.

Most of us have been in relationships before this one and we know how difficult it can be when a relationship is going sour.

I just dont get the "oh he kissed a woman and he is sooo evil" logic. I am not going to defend this action as acceptable, but i also know we make mistakes all the time as humans. Dont give me all that "he's Muslim so he knows better" ...what is that suppose to mean anyway? Don't Chirstain men know better too? Even an athesist knows not to cheat on his wife!

I think what we see happening here is the result of many factors and more common than we ever want to admit.

This is not about the green card. This is about a marriage failing. Notice I didnt say failed. Sometimes we work through these difficulties and sometimes we dont.

I suspect that what happened here is that the USC had a certain expectation in her mind and finds herself now extreemly disappointed that her dream was nto the reality.

I also suspect that he has certan expectations in his mind and foundhimself in a situation that he did not expect and made choices which i hope he is not proud of, but we are not talkign about battering his wife. We are talkign about staying outside of the marriage committment. Straying when the marriage is already sour. Its never right, but come on, you all want to lynch him over this?

Despite Spartacus's really dopey remark about women being slaves in Morocco (YEP maybe ne of the dopiest things I have ever read) , he is right when he says take this a lessonin cultural differences.

Both the USC and the the nonUSC have to understand that they are choosing to marry outside of their cultural norm. Each side can have very different values regarding use of language, family and otehr social relationships, expectatins of husband and wife roles, types of food and living conditions for evert day living..etc...all of this can cause a disconnect when the couple finally moves intogether.

So many women on this board tlak only of love and how love conquers all...but that is just BS....if you do nto unertand and agree to asic common values and expectations, this is the reality of what can happen.

I agree with both of you. And over and over again I see people on this site bashing befor they have heard both sides of the story. And I do think alot of women on here think it is all love and fairy tails here. Marriage is a full time job that requires 100% from both husband and wife.

And not just on this site but in my day to day relationship with friends I see the woman always getting there mothers involved in there relationships. Every time there is a problem they will talk to there mothers, about marriage problems when really they should be talking to there husbands. And keeping others out of there marriage. The kiss was worng.. But its not a reason to end a marriage. Its not a reason for a child to not end up with his or her father around. There is a problem in this marriage I really think befor you end it. You owe it to yourselfs and your child to try to fix it. Devorce in America is just to damn E-Z

[PetraPerson101 0]

[Ya akhi that's cheating! I am amazed at the stupidity level of some of our muslim brothers :sigh:

But wait a second here, the stupiditiy of some of them?

Let's put it this way - my Brothers in law in Jordan - I've got the town toughguy (baker by trade runs his own place) - and a local retired Police Captain (Let me put it this way - you know the checkpoints all over the place - and those cops on the side of the road? They wave at THEIR OLD BOSS every time he passes by.)

If you did that to their niece - they'd have every man in the family come and teach you a lesson.

If you did that to their sister ... God help you.

Consider things that would offend your own people - some of them are offensive to us here in the west as well - and more or less - all over the world.

Doing nasty things to someone's sister or daughter - that counts as something offensive to all.

Edited October 25, 2007 by KyanWan

[♥JP♥ 5]

[Ya akhi that's cheating! I am amazed at the stupidity level of some of our muslim brothers :sigh:

But wait a second here, the stupiditiy of some of them?

Let's put it this way - my Brothers in law in Jordan - I've got the town toughguy (baker by trade runs his own place) - and a local retired Police Captain (Let me put it this way - you know the checkpoints all over the place - and those cops on the side of the road? They wave at THEIR OLD BOSS every time he passes by.)

If you did that to their niece - they'd have every man in the family come and teach you a lesson.

If you did that to their sister ... God help you.

And on the flip side of this, many women are expected to accept and forgive their husbands regardless of what they do. In Jordan especially people make tons of excuses for men. When I was there, my cousin and her fiance broke off their engagment due to the fact that he was a complete bafoon. However everyone was defending his actions saying he did them out of love. Now he did some downright stupid shyt. Men are held up on a much higher pedestal overthere.

[ohiobuck 0]

My prayers are with you both. I pray both of you work this out the best way God see it should be. That means if you divorce, then so be it. Or if it means you both realize mistakes and make your relationship stronger so it goes on. I do not know either of you or your relationship so none of us can really advice you. But we can listen, support you, prayer for you and wish the best for you. I just hope you can come out of this a much wiser and happier person than you are now.

God Bless,

Paula

[Fandango 1,439]

WOW it has taken some time to get through this thread and the only thing I can add is I am sorry for both sides n this relationship.

Most of us have been in relationships before this one and we know how difficult it can be when a relationship is going sour.

I just dont get the "oh he kissed a woman and he is sooo evil" logic. I am not going to defend this action as acceptable, but i also know we make mistakes all the time as humans. Dont give me all that "he's Muslim so he knows better" ...what is that suppose to mean anyway? Don't Chirstain men know better too? Even an athesist knows not to cheat on his wife!

I think what we see happening here is the result of many factors and more common than we ever want to admit.

This is not about the green card. This is about a marriage failing. Notice I didnt say failed. Sometimes we work through these difficulties and sometimes we dont.

I suspect that what happened here is that the USC had a certain expectation in her mind and finds herself now extreemly disappointed that her dream was nto the reality.

I also suspect that he has certan expectations in his mind and foundhimself in a situation that he did not expect and made choices which i hope he is not proud of, but we are not talkign about battering his wife. We are talkign about staying outside of the marriage committment. Straying when the marriage is already sour. Its never right, but come on, you all want to lynch him over this?

Despite Spartacus's really dopey remark about women being slaves in Morocco (YEP maybe ne of the dopiest things I have ever read) , he is right when he says take this a lessonin cultural differences.

Both the USC and the the nonUSC have to understand that they are choosing to marry outside of their cultural norm. Each side can have very different values regarding use of language, family and otehr social relationships, expectatins of husband and wife roles, types of food and living conditions for evert day living..etc...all of this can cause a disconnect when the couple finally moves intogether.

So many women on this board tlak only of love and how love conquers all...but that is just BS....if you do nto unertand and agree to asic common values and expectations, this is the reality of what can happen.

QFT

Edited October 25, 2007 by LisaD

[PetraPerson101 0]

And on the flip side of this, many women are expected to accept and forgive their husbands regardless of what they do. In Jordan especially people make tons of excuses for men. When I was there, my cousin and her fiance broke off their engagment due to the fact that he was a complete bafoon. However everyone was defending his actions saying he did them out of love. Now he did some downright stupid shyt. Men are held up on a much higher pedestal overthere.

You don't need to tell me that. I've seen a few of them myself. I tell you, it's usually a trashy family who would defend that kind of person.

There's garbage here, there's garbage there, there's garbage everywhere. It doesn't matter where you look - you're going to find trash people. There's no such thing as a "bad American", a "bad Moroccan", a "bad Norwegian", or a "bad Peruvian". There are only "bad people". Every nation has them, every nation will always have them.

[♥JP♥ 5]

And on the flip side of this, many women are expected to accept and forgive their husbands regardless of what they do. In Jordan especially people make tons of excuses for men. When I was there, my cousin and her fiance broke off their engagment due to the fact that he was a complete bafoon. However everyone was defending his actions saying he did them out of love. Now he did some downright stupid shyt. Men are held up on a much higher pedestal overthere.

You don't need to tell me that. I've seen a few of them myself. I tell you, it's usually a trashy family who would defend that kind of person.

There's garbage here, there's garbage there, there's garbage everywhere. It doesn't matter where you look - you're going to find trash people. There's no such thing as a "bad American", a "bad Moroccan", a "bad Norwegian", or a "bad Peruvian". There are only "bad people". Every nation has them, every nation will always have them.

Uh thanks, but my family isnt trashy and they were the ones defending him. You know its not uncommon to marry someone within your own family and this guy just happened to be our cousin (3rd or 4th).

The fact that a family would defend someone like that doesnt make them trashy at all. The culture however allows men to be pardoned for many mistakes.

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Im sorry you have had to deal with this heart ache. I hope that you will find a way to stay strong for the baby that you have on the way. May God protect you both during this moment of torment for you. Mom always tells me its bettter to be alone than with bad company.