speaking of breakups...

[Jenn! 918]

wow...thanks to everyone for all the warm support and great advice! i thought long and hard about it after i posted (and after a fight with my mom, brother, and sis-in-law), and we decided to get married anyway! it was a sad day full of crying and runny makeup. i never imagined my wedding day would be like that. i never imagined we'd be going to the courthouse alone and the only one congratulating us was the people who performed the ceremony. but we did it, and we can have a real wedding down the line someday and i hope people will be with us to celebrate our love.

abdou really wanted to return to morocco to be in the comforts of a family who accepted him, not because he wanted to leave me. we chatted with his family on webcam and they welcomed us back with their open arms. it really touched me and made me cry. i wish my family would be so accepting like that! my family just talks behind my back and then threatens me with money the day of our wedding. i really believe my family will eventually come around. maybe i'm fooling myself? but definitely not until we've been married, he has his green card, and he is settled in a better career.

and we must move out. and asap. my mom is manipulative and destructive to our lives. yesterday she called me while we were on our way to the wedding and she congratulated us and said "god bless you"! huh?! then this morning i walk by her whispering on the phone to god knows who about our wedding. she is always stirring up the pot...............from now on i'm not going to share my feelings with her and we'll move out and live our lives together. i think going back to nyc might be the best option for now. no cars/licenses needed, i have a support system of friends, and jobs are easy to come by. who knows why i ever left!!! i won't let her manipulate me again into easy living. easy on the pocket, not easy on our hearts. i wanted to move back to california so i could be close to them if my parents got sick, to be there for my nephew, and share quality time together not on the phone. but i guess that can't happen right now. *sigh*

thanks again to all that responded. you don't know how much i appreciate your advice!

we're married!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you made the right decision, Jen. And you're right about keeping your feelings to yourself. Maybe it's a bit manipulative in itself, but holding out on details of your life really does wonders as far as the judgmentalism goes. She will learn to bite her tongue if she wants to know anything about what you're doing. Unfortunately you'll never be able to control what she says behind your back.

Congrats to you and Abdou on your wedding!

[Ban Hammer 13,111]

might i also suggest this book, it's a good read

[LaL 418]

Congrats Jen!

[Alhamdulillah 0]

Congrats Sereia! I'm glad you decided to go ahead with the marriage. Good luck getting out and on your own

[doodlebug 3]

congratulations jen and abdou!!!!

I have to comment..............I don't know you in person but from what I've seen your post you were MUCH happier living in NYC!!!

[ya falaha! 0]

Congratulations Jen and Abdou!

[chaishai 1]

might i also suggest this book, it's a good read

charles, i bought that book when I was going through most of my mothers ####### - she gave me a really hard time when i was pregnant at 30, oh the horror- i should have lived more of my life first? #######?!!!! you think she would be happy to be a grandmother, its not like i was 20!!! anyway the book helped.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Congratulations, Jen & Abdou !!!

I'm so glad to read your wonderful news -- wishing you a lifetime of happiness together !

(F)

-MK

[lion_lioness 0]

CONGRATS JEN

I agree with Doodle and our offer still stands...you guys can come any day. Just give us the word. My husband could probably even get Abdou a job with him.

Glad you went through with it!!!

[*Maureen* 0]

I'm glad you went with your heart! I hope your family comes around and accepts your marriage too. Best Wishes to you both!

[deadbird 2]

Congratulations to you and Abdou! I'm so happy you went through with it. I wish you the best of luck in your new life together!

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

Congratulations Jenn on the wedding. I am glad to see that you have come to a decision that is making you happy.

NY is the place to be - you know how great it is for new immigrants ooe even people moving here from other states. It may not be the cheapest place to live but there are many benefits. You know it well and Doodle is right - you sounded so much happier when you were on your own.

Once again huge congratulations and wishing you many years of happiness!

D.

[caybee 21]

Congratulations. I agree with everyone else -- you made the right decision, based on what you shared here. You've got the legal stuff out of the way, so now you can get started on the next step in the process and move on with your new life together. I'm glad to see that you are moving out. The situation you have been in may be cheaper, but it is certainly not healthy. Lean on each other and you will be fine. I hope your family does come around in time, but even if they do not, may your next wedding ceremony be full of joy and laughter and mascara that stays put. Best wishes to you both.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Great, best wishes to both of you now go make your life together, years fr now you can tell your gkids...back in my day ...ha

[sara535 15]

CONGRATULATIONS JEN AND ABDOU!!!!!!!!