Marriage and affairs

[Nutty 2]

ORIGINALLY POSTED BY A-jeanne, October 12 on Olivianwaleed thread.

"I don't think that people should take care of their dirty laundry on the VJ website. This is a place where we can come together in support of getting our loved ones here, not a counseling service for people breaking apart and keeping people together that shouldn't be together.

You can't expect to bring someone into the US and have them automatically change - it won't happen. There are so many culture differences - what's ok in their country may not be ok here.

That's just my peace. We need to be lifted up - not brought down"

------------------------------------------

It was this post that made me bring up the subject. The comment that somehow cheating is "normal" for "their culture."

While I agree with the sentiment that people can't be expected to change "their culture," I don't think affairs or quasi-affairs are an issue of "culture."

Edited October 16, 2007 by Nutty

[MrsAmera 41]

I'm sorry but cheating is not part of their culture - many are brought up to think that they can't control themselves, and maybe they feel entitled to "sow their seeds" which IMO is ridiculous. However the multiple wife notion is bogus, it doesn't work and it's hurtful to kids (trust me my husband is still dealing with the issues of this arrangement). From day one I said there are a lot of things I can forgive but this is not one of them. And I will accept cheating in no way shape or form. I love my husband from the first time I saw him walking on the street and truly believe he is the other half of my heart, but cheating in physical or emotional form I would never ever be able to handle. It would hurt too much and I wouldn't be able to face him again. Don't make excuses for them.

[monnik 0]

And some of the girls back home will wait yearsssssssssss for their immigrant man to marry, come over and then walk out on the American wife to start a business in Florida (hope you made it ok) then he will send for her to join him here. hmmmpff.. emotional cheating is as bad as physical. (in my 'been there done that' opinion)

Jackie

True Jackie!

I have also seen WIVES in other countries wait in their home country for years while their husband goes to America, sends half of his money home to her, and he shacks up with or marries an American girl. He travels home often enough to keep her hanging on to the marriage and brings gifts and money when he returns. Maybe he sticks around long enough to get her pregnant again and then he's off to the states. All the while, his American other half thinks he's visiting his sick mom or his nieces & nephews.

There is fraud, deception, and overall nauseating behavior happening EVERY DAY in multiple countries.

I think even though everyone says there is no excuse for cheating, it gets tolerated at an astounding rate..... there is no follow through.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

And some of the girls back home will wait yearsssssssssss for their immigrant man to marry, come over and then walk out on the American wife to start a business in Florida (hope you made it ok) then he will send for her to join him here. hmmmpff.. emotional cheating is as bad as physical. (in my 'been there done that' opinion)

Jackie

Jackie I have followed your story carefully. How likely do you think it was that he was in communication with her all along? Frankly if you find this out, I would file some kind of complaint somewhere so that he cannot bring her over here. There is some kind of law that prevents a greencard holder from sponsoring a spouse if they commited fraud. I am so sad for you. You are really pretty and helpful and kind.. I want you to keep moving in your path and your journey and keep travelling and being adventurous... Its so hard when someone betrays you to this level. I am really sorry. It happened to me as well and I was devastated... But this is your path and I am thinking that there are some amazing things coming for you

[Caladan 19]

With respect, it would be very hard to show that a marriage that lasted five years was fraudulent all along without concrete proof.

And there is no law that says 'if you received your green card by fraud, you can't sponsor a spouse.' If your green card was obtained fraudulently, you lose your green card. But the trouble is with proving that, and I think Jackie is best served by not troubling herself overly with his immigration status.

[JODO 2]

Jackie we talked earlier in PM about how you are "addressing matters" and I think you are handling this brilliantly. You have my respect and my highest regards.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

With respect, it would be very hard to show that a marriage that lasted five years was fraudulent all along without concrete proof.

And there is no law that says 'if you received your green card by fraud, you can't sponsor a spouse.' If your green card was obtained fraudulently, you lose your green card. But the trouble is with proving that, and I think Jackie is best served by not troubling herself overly with his immigration status.

I guess so. I saw something in the paper work when I was filling stuff out that said something about if you obtained a greencard from marriage to a spouse or something.. Oh well.. I guess you have a point.. I just hope Jackie got something out of being with him....I am sad

[HLM 1]

in my opinion cheating (of any form) shows how coward a man is. he goes and starts something just coz he is not happy enuff in what he has and he is not man enuff to face his wife and tell her whats wrong with the marraige or if he has other needs she doesnt give and just prefers to find it somewhere else. Some men have it as a sickness too.... his marraige wd be amazing and all is going good and he wd still have the guts to go off with another woman! audhubillah.

For those women who choose to forgive their men and start over.. its good and i see that they have good hearts but the wife can never deny that the incident will haunt her back and forth in the relationship and i dont think complete peace of mind will ever happen to her:(

bottom line we all agree there is no excuse for cheating what-so-ever and i totally believe a 100% that ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

bottom line we all agree there is no excuse for cheating what-so-ever and i totally believe a 100% that ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.

i've always said that about bill clinton