Yallah Middle East 2.0

[kerewin21 2]

Amal, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't really. That just sucks. I'm sending you lots of hugs... Hang in there!

Sharon

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

rajul = man

rajli = my man

mara = woman

mrati/marati = my woman

Amal.... there's nothing wrong with your feelings about this situation.... I would feel upset too. Hope you can express this to your husband and insha'allah he can understand.

-MK

[jordanianprincess 0]

Hey Amal,

Hang in there girl, I'm sure he didn't take this trip to hurt your feelings. He probebly just wants to get out there and explore being in a new country with so many things to see. I would'nt say its completly selfish although it could be percieved that way. If he is a good husband over all then I would overlook this, otherwise it could create a big problem between you. I totally understand how you feel because my ex-husband used to do this kind of stuff to me and I would go through the same feelings you are having now. With my fiance now, I know I would be completely okay with him going away for a week because I'm 100% sure of how much he loves me and I'm sure Noor loves you too.

Everybody deals with stress differently, he also made a big adjustment by moving away from the only life he knew. Thats what I always try to remind myself when I get upset with my fiance. Although I am making HUGE sacrifices for him, he also make big sacrifices for me as well which I often overlook. My fiance is also Jordanian and I know that in our culture its quite common for a man to do whatever he wants without asking his wife, he may need to adjust to the fact that in America decisions are usually made by a husband and wife and not just one person.

I often lose my patience and temper with my fiance and he is completly the opposite of that, he is extremly patient with me. He always tells me in arabic to be patient when he can see that i'm getting annoyed. So the best advice I could give you about this and your marriage is to be patient. The first couple of years are a roller coaster and adding in a spouse that immigrated from another country doesn't make it any easier.

Jordanian Princess

[Aymerlu 3]

Amal,

Your feelings are completely normal. If Khallid tries to do that after he's been here a few months he will have a cute little shoe up his backside!

This has been one CRAZY weekend! Three...yes 3 tornados hit me here in less than 24 hours. The last one yesterday, I went to my parents because they have a basement and I don't. The weather reporters were telling everyone that it was going to be worse than the one that hit us Saturday. So since I'm at there house I was not able to put my car in a garage. Seems someones trampoline from somewhere in the neighborhood and my car got in a fight during the tornado. My car in completely trashed! No windows, beat up and it literally had 3-4 inches of golf ball and larger size hail in it!!! EVERYONE has the siding torn off their houses too. Insurance companies will be busy here for a while! I will find out in a couple days if I get a new car or not.

[noura 0]

Amy! how bizarre about your car, I'm so sorry and do pray that you will get a new car. I know w/ Katrina having hit here, most ppl I know got taken care of pretty well w/ insurance (if you have *good* insurance). I wish you much luck w/ that.

Noura

[amal 4]

we had a nice discussion on the phone and I explained a lot of things and hopefully he understood them as I need him to. Everything is fine between us its just that I was feeling a bit slided by the whole thing. I'm better now (for the most part) .

I really appreciate all of your help in this matter.. you all are the best!!!!!

amal

[AngelK96 0]

we had a nice discussion on the phone and I explained a lot of things and hopefully he understood them as I need him to. Everything is fine between us its just that I was feeling a bit slided by the whole thing. I'm better now (for the most part) .

I really appreciate all of your help in this matter.. you all are the best!!!!!

amal

Hi Amal,

I am glad you are feeling better about the situation. It's a whole different story once they get here. Kind of /almost makes waiting all that time for an interview date seem like a piece of cake.

Keep posting and updating it's always nice to hear from you!! Oh yeah Kelly/Dollface's interview is coming up pretty quick!!! Cheering her on

Farah glad you posted ur experiences on adjusting here we never hear a woman's experience.

Amy sorry about your car hopefully you get a new one!! I have a crawl space under my house but no basement. That's one thing i hate are tornadoes especially living in the midwest during summer! I cant wait for Anmar to experience severe weather since all it does is just rain in jordan during the winter and sometimes very rarely snows.

Angel

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Hey everyone. My husband left a few hours ago to take a week vacation from my town. I'm really sad about that. After all the hard and tireless work I did to get him here...he's been here 3 months and already going away for a week. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy he has such a good friend to take him accross the country whenever they decide to go.. but I don't think it's fair, ya know?? It's not even for a job..it is just for fun. Just to get away. I want to get away too but I can't!! I have a son and a home and work to tend to! I'm not mad at him.. just upset with the situation. Maybe I'm just jealous?? Jealous that I can't do those things.... But then.. he is part of this family too and shouldn't he be here working and supporting the family too?? I can't sleep when he's gone.. I don't feel safe in my house... Things just aren't right....Sorry to rant and whine but I'm just really having a hard time with this.

amal

amal... when i read your post... i just had tears in my eyes!!! it reminded me of my ex... he was from Iraq, and it was just so easy for him to pick up and go at a moment's notice... when I had all of the responsiblity, house, work, etc... it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you... or that he doesn't care...

anyways, i am wishing you the best... *hugs*... be honest with him... tell him how you feel... that you want him to have that freedom and to have friends... but, that his support means a lot to you, even when/if he isn't working himself...

maybe i am just rambling... but still, i send you my best regards... and i'll be praying for ya!

*hugs*

Blessings,

Lynne

[kerewin21 2]

we had a nice discussion on the phone and I explained a lot of things and hopefully he understood them as I need him to. Everything is fine between us its just that I was feeling a bit slided by the whole thing. I'm better now (for the most part) .

I really appreciate all of your help in this matter.. you all are the best!!!!!

amal

Amal, I'm glad things are feeling better. It's SO important to communicate how we feel, especially with our men because they're from a different culture and have such a different set of expectations than we do.

Amy, sorry about your car! Thank goodness you weren't *in* it!!!! I can't imagine living somewhere that there are tornadoes, it seems so Wizard of Oz.

Angel, you are so right about how after they get here it's a whole different story. It was really hard to wait to get Majid here, but honestly that was the easy part in many ways. It's wonderful to be together, but it definitely has its own challenges.

Take care,

Sharon

[MaryandMian 1]

Just popped in to check up on how everyone is doing today.

Amal glad to hear your talked to your husband and are feeling some better.

Amy what a nightmare with the weather and your car and house. Take care and hope all goes well with the insurance company this week.

Keep the stories coming about living adjustments. I think it benefits all of us in the long run.

Mary

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

Amy, I live in the Midwest and I know exactly what you are talking about with the tornados and storms. Springfield, Illinois has had it hard today also. I have relatives down there. My brother was living there but has passed away a few years ago and I spend my younger years there, so I know how scarey this is. Hope all goes well and good luck with the insurance companies.

Amal, glad to hear your husband might understand.

Hi Angel, come chat with me occasionally.

Big adjustment, from one country to another for both our husbands and ourselves.

Im watching the time bottle. 6th week and still no interview date.

Kelly, time is going and soon your husband will be in his interview. I bet you feel over-joyed u finally got to this moment.

[dollface41601 0]

Kelly, time is going and soon your husband will be in his interview. I bet you feel over-joyed u finally got to this moment.

sure do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tonight is coming to an end which means we have a week to go!!!!!!!! I cant believe it...were soo busy trying to get the small things done...but its helping the time pass oh so quick!!! ALL the family will be back again thursday, so it should be real nice.....

on another note....we had to give our beautiful Cat Sara away the other night (another part of leaving this house was leaving her) and i was crying so bad...as was sofyan...we gave her to a nice family...but it was like she knew what was going on as we were taking her to the mans car to leave...it was honestly one of the hardest things to do...she looked so upset....gosh we loved her so much...but i guess it was for the best...ill never get another pet in fear of becoming attached like that!!!!

well.......cheer US on.............7 DAYS 7 DAYS!

[windancer 0]

Good to see some of the same people that were here before.And yup i am still waiting like the rest.The thing that has me upset it that our papers are at the embassy now and it's been a month and no dam packet yet.I keep getting e-mails from them saying they sent it and the days they did.I am thinking this is all bull.Thank god i will be going back to jordan on the 29th can't stand to be away from him any longer.as each week passes it feels so does my strength as i know it's the same for many.Ashraf and i try to keep eachother going but dam this is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life oh well besides give birth with not drugs lol now nothing beats that lol.Well just wantewd to say yup still here like the rest.I hope all are well

[honeyblonde 0]

Wow, so many people I want to respond to. If I forget you it isn't deliberate, just too many to remember.

Farah, I tried this weekend to remember a time in my life when I might have been able to relate to your situation. I actually found one! When I was 18 I married my sons' father and became pregnant immediately. I was a long way from home, away at college, and went from being a full-time student living in the dorm to being a pregnant housewife with no car. Like you, I didn't dare go out much on my own (we lived across the street from the boys dorm at the university!) Although I was never really in love with my ex, he was my very best friend, so we were pretty happy. I was also expecting my son, so I had him inside of me to share my life with. However, with no car, and almost no money, I really had nothing to do. We didn't have even a TV and there was no money to buy craft supplies. All my friends were too busy with school to have time for me, so I was alone whenever my husband was at work. To make it worse, he worked the night shift so I was home all alone at night. I tried to stay awake so I could sleep when he did, but that was so scary. Every little sound made me go nuts. Do you know what I did a lot of? Crying. Sure I was happy, but that was a huge adjustment to have to make.

The point of what I'm saying here is, it's ok for you to feel lonely and to cry and be sad. Whenever we go through a huge adjustment in life, that is normal. It doesn't mean you don't love your husband or that you aren't a good wife. It is normal. Please come talk to us whenever you can and we will be here for you. As you go through this time, remember, "this too shall pass." Ironically, now I am having a hard time, after years of being single, adjusting to sharing my time with someone else. After about 4 months Abdel and I have finally started to fall into a routine that works for both of us, but it has taken tons of compromising on both our parts.

Amal, Abdel and I were talking about your situation again last night and he asked if you guys got to go away when he got here. I told him I didn't think so, but wasn't sure. He said that if you didn't, then he could understand your husband wanting to get away to see some of the country. We didn't get to go far for our honeymoon, but I guess it was enough to satisfy some of the curiosity Abdel had about his new country. He seems to think that your husband's vacation may be prompted at least in part by that curiosity, as well of course, as the desire to be with a friend he can be himself with.

Amy, Wow, what a time you're having. I sure hope that turns into a new car for you. By the way, I noticed your new pictures this weekend. Very nice.

Kelly, You couldn't bring the cat? I saw threads on here about what was needed to do that. I know it must be expensive though. You reminded me of when my father died and when his sister and her husband were flying home from the funeral. We were in Ohio, they were going back to Texas. We gave my uncle a hamster and he took it back with him on the plane in his shirt pocket. Of course that was in 1981 so the security wasn't near what it is now at the airport. My aunt told us it was quite a trip because of course the hamster didn't want to be still for that long. Too bad the cat is too big to fit in a pocket. They do make softside carriers though that can be carried on the plane.

Windancer, welcome back. We're waiting for AOS now so we'll be around for a while. This place can be addictive though, since this group is so understanding and supportive.

Edited March 13, 2006 by honeyblonde

[LRA 0]

Wow ladies, I know where you are coming from. But also you should try to understand where these men are coming from. I have been in the US for 99% of my life and still am drawn to extended family in that "Arabic way" (I think both men and women have this and it is just not from ME cultures). The way my mom explained this phenomenon to me: I think you should be happy that they are visiting and are family oriented and you should be supportive of that. If they ignore their family or forget about them so easily, then what would you expect when it comes to you. In other words if you expect them to ignore their families who have been there for them their whole lives, then what's to say they won't find it easy to do the same to you. Just food for thought and a different point of view. And honestly no ill will intended. so please don't take it that way I think you need to give them their space. maybe they just need a break...yes even us mama's boys. Maybe they need to ask questions to those who are immigrants and want to learn from those people how survive or make it here. I know you've worked so hard and so long to get them here and want to spend every second with them, but they also have other family as well that they feel obligated to or need. I just think you need to be supportive of that and not add to their dilema. Don't make them choose between you or their family. That is a receipe for disaster.

Anyways, from reading all your posts over the past year, I only have one thing to say: I wish W could dream to be 1/2 the woman each of you are. You all are wonderful women and I respect and admire each and every one of you. I sincerely wish you all the best of life with your husbands/fiances and a life filled with happiness and days of growing old with one another.

As for me, here goes: The sun is begining to set and the shadows are getting longer on the ground. It's almost dark outside and the cold of night is slowly creeping in. The train is pulling into the final station on this line where I will get off......alone. It left the previous station with W on the platform. I hope that tomorrow I will rise to find a gorgeous sunrise with a new love that accepts all the challanges life throws in the way...where outside factors can't interfere and where the future is that of a fairy tale.