Wife raped

[mox 298]

At this point I think there can only be speculation about motives, etc. Those issues will not be resolved on this board. I think it's probably in the best interests of everybody here to just focus on the immigration issues, answer his immigration related questions, and let him and his wife sort out the rest.

[pushbrk 12,824]

At this point I think there can only be speculation about motives, etc. Those issues will not be resolved on this board. I think it's probably in the best interests of everybody here to just focus on the immigration issues, answer his immigration related questions, and let him and his wife sort out the rest.

I agree. I think it's clear now that the "rape" while still a rape, can be more accurately characterized as non-consensual sex between two people who are acquainted. Since the result will be a child who has a family who wants to love and raise it, I see nothing to be gained by criticizing that decision.

We have enough information to start focusing on the immigration problems at this point. Since there is no intention for the child to immigrate, the original plans can procede without a delay to get the child's immigration dealt with.

I agree that the bona fides are the greatest issue to deal with. Without multiple visits, at least one during the pregnancy, I see some big red flags for a Consular officer to overcome.

"I had a child as the result of non-consensual sex with a person I thought of as a friend. Since abortion is not an option, and the father's family wanted to adopt and care for the baby, I decided that was the best course of action." , is a viable explanation but a Consular officer still must overcome the natural reaction that the story isn't entirely true.

A full and candid explanation of the events and decision making process, backed up by strong evidence the petitioner behaved like a husband during the process, will be critical to convincing the CO, the marriage relationship is bona fide.

Your question is "Will they believe her?" The answer is nobody knows. Your best bet is to have and effectively present what a reasonable Consular officer would believe is a bona fide marriage relationship.

What's the plan? Will you visit? Have you already? When? How many times?

[luv2uallday 1]

Dave,

The $64,000 question you still haven't answered is, "Where and with whom is the child going to live?"

I'm trying to get a handle on just what immigration problems you'll be dealing with. Right now, you've not taken any action that can result in the child immigrating with its mother.

The child will stay with the parents of the guy in the Philppines ( she thought was a freind) he is in korea now back working and will support the child and hopefully take the child at a later time.

this is not going to be popular to say but it comes from my heart and anger.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR GONNA GIVE YOUR WIFE'S KID TO A RAPIST? YOU IRRESPONSABLE B@##RD!!! I GOT A BETTER IDEA GIVE THE CHILD TO A LOVING FAMILY PUT THE CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOURSELF AND THE CHILD JUST DON'T PERSECUTE THE BABY CAUSE OF THE FATHER.. OMG where is your soul???? I pitty the child cause of your stupid decision.... the rapist has no right to abuse one more life... also, its very wierd that the rapist has a concience all of a sudden to support his child never seen an honorable rapist before wow this must be a first!!..... this does sound fishy... sorry for my harshness but this picture doesn't look right and it is a blow to my gut on the immorality of it all handing a rapist a child.. maybe i'm naive but that seems sickening to me..... I just think you are taking the easy way out on things.... and this situation is the hardest of them all on you and her but it doesn't exuse both of you from doing the right thing...... I think you should think long and hard on whats in the best interest of that child WHO IS INNOCENT in all this but now you are condemning... I surely hope that loser does not hurt that child I will pray for his or her future... God protect that little angel

[pushbrk 12,824]

Dave,

The $64,000 question you still haven't answered is, "Where and with whom is the child going to live?"

I'm trying to get a handle on just what immigration problems you'll be dealing with. Right now, you've not taken any action that can result in the child immigrating with its mother.

The child will stay with the parents of the guy in the Philppines ( she thought was a freind) he is in korea now back working and will support the child and hopefully take the child at a later time.

this is not going to be popular to say but it comes from my heart and anger.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR GONNA GIVE YOUR WIFE'S KID TO A RAPIST? YOU IRRESPONSABLE B@##RD!!! I GOT A BETTER IDEA GIVE THE CHILD TO A LOVING FAMILY PUT THE CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOURSELF AND THE CHILD JUST DON'T PERSECUTE THE BABY CAUSE OF THE FATHER

snip

I can see where those thoughts would come to you and perhaps even to a Consular officer. In a way, expressing them can be helpful to the OP in achieving success because, portraying the chain of events as simply a "rape" and the father as simply a "rapist" would tend to invoke such thoughts.

However, as the facts have come out, as despicable as we might want to think the father's behavior, the circumstances are not that simple. In fact, we don't know much about the actual circumstances except that the child's mother and father were "friends" at least as recently as the day or even hour before the non-consensual sexual intercourse took place. Given that, other relationships may well come into play. Since natural grandparents are available and wish to care for the child, such a decision may well be a good one, or even actually in the best interest of the Child. This is not for us to decide or opine about really, except that the Consular Officer will need to go through a similar thought process, to decide whether the picture being painted by the parties is true and that approving a visa is reasonable. The issue of the child will impact the judgment of bona fides. As such the evidence of bona fides must be solid overall and particularly as it relates to the events surrounding the birth of a child conceived during the marriage but not fathered by the petitioner.

At interview, the circumstances and resulting actions and decisions need to be explained truthfully and plausibly enough to be judged reasonable by a reasonable person.

Edited October 1, 2007 by pushbrk

[*JG* 2]

When did you find out about the rape? After it happened?

I don't want to sound mean here; but this question kind of made me giggle. Was she supposed to call him before or during?

[*JG* 2]

Dave,

The $64,000 question you still haven't answered is, "Where and with whom is the child going to live?"

I'm trying to get a handle on just what immigration problems you'll be dealing with. Right now, you've not taken any action that can result in the child immigrating with its mother.

The child will stay with the parents of the guy in the Philppines ( she thought was a freind) he is in korea now back working and will support the child and hopefully take the child at a later time.

My problem with this is that it is also her child. Even if she wants no physical responsibility (which I don't blame her one bit), what kind of ramifications will follow her to the US? I forsee him demanding support in the future.

I would immediately go to the authorities and report the rape so you have a record of it. Then, I would consult a lawyer to whip up some kind of legal document stating the facts and exactly what is happening with the child and future issues that may arise. Then, yes, I agree she should tell the truth at the medical and at the embassy.

I am very sorry for you. I hope it all works out for you both.

[bwaller78 0]

Hello all,

This situation is very simular to mine and what is going on with my wife and I. I first went to Philippines in 1998 and married my wife, and of course files the I-130, and she had forced sex with he former boyfriend she broke up with to be with me, and the result was that she was pregnant. In short she was denied the visa, not necesarily because she had a child, but had contact with the supposed rapist( for financial support for the child). That being said I was only 19 at the time and decided that we should just go our own ways. I know that I could of done something about it but I had too much on my plate at the time, and felt that it would be best if we just go our seperate ways. Then after several yrs and several failed relationships in the u.s. I decided to give it one more try with my wife and went back over to the Philippines in 2004 and refiled, she again was denied at the interview last september(didnt have enough evidence to proof relationship bonafide), now case is back at USCIS for review and possible denial or revocation. I have just returned from the Philippines for the 3rd time last week. This time I have substantial evidence I can submit, over 1 inch thick of papers, but only hoping for a RFE prior to denying the case to prove our relationship. My wife and I have been through alot and have not even been able to live with each other as of yet. As we have instituted "plan b" of being together if she cant come here. But as far as the whole "rape" situation, our situation is going on 9 yrs, I honestly don't wish this kind of punishment of even my worst enemies, but feel that this whole thing has made our relationship even stronger and near unbrakeable, and made us appreciate each other.

[kim-786 0]

my thoughts to you is that if you really love your wife, you should go to your country as soon as possible. Console her and then, if you have decided that you do not wanna tell this to police, your only option is abortion. You have to do that. Adn then, everthing will be ok after a while. You need to console your wife and do this right away.

Edited October 1, 2007 by kim-786

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I will only stick my nose in one more time where it probably doesn't belong.....As you said, what happens to the child is a prime concern, which is another red flag for me. Giving the child to the parents of the "rapist" so that he can support the child and hopefully take care of it? Why not adoption so the child has a chance away from this "RAPIST" as he is called. I wonder what the CO would have to say about that in the interview?

Would that be a cultural norm in the Phils? For a child to be 'given' to a true rapist to be raised?

It just smells to high heaven.

Amen to that. #######?

[almaty 19]

. She did not report the rape because of threats made from the guy, and she was very scared.

i agree...the rapist supports the child..but intimidates the lady..........it makes no sense.....

[pushbrk 12,824]

. She did not report the rape because of threats made from the guy, and she was very scared.

i agree...the rapist supports the child..but intimidates the lady..........it makes no sense.....

We don't have to like it and it doesn't have to match what we would do. It's actually pretty easy to understand how this would come about.

Keep questioning the motives and facts all you want but the OP, has made his decision to continue his marriage and immigration process regardless. It seems a better use of time to focus on that.

The bona fides problem explained this morning by another poster in a similar situation is exactly what the couple is up against and needs to prepare for. Visits are not the sole evidence needed to overcome such a potential problem but they would be the most important, IMO. It might take two or three more visits but the petitioner between now and the interview to help convince a Consular officer that in spite of the circumstances, the relationship is real. Visits do not, however prove much about the beneficiary. She's going to need to convince the CO, she's for real too. I'm fresh out of suggestions for that end of the problem. The suspicion is still that she and the father intend to end up together with their child in the US. It's a tough one to overcome.

[almaty 19]

i think the petitioner is against the wall..the PIs are not the easiest consul to get a visa in.....

The suspicion is still that she and the father intend to end up together with their child in the US. It's a tough one to overcome.

i agree with you

Edited October 1, 2007 by almaty

[Mags 112]

Dave,

The $64,000 question you still haven't answered is, "Where and with whom is the child going to live?"

I'm trying to get a handle on just what immigration problems you'll be dealing with. Right now, you've not taken any action that can result in the child immigrating with its mother.

The child will stay with the parents of the guy in the Philppines ( she thought was a freind) he is in korea now back working and will support the child and hopefully take the child at a later time.

this is not going to be popular to say but it comes from my heart and anger.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR GONNA GIVE YOUR WIFE'S KID TO A RAPIST? YOU IRRESPONSABLE B@##RD!!! I GOT A BETTER IDEA GIVE THE CHILD TO A LOVING FAMILY PUT THE CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOURSELF AND THE CHILD JUST DON'T PERSECUTE THE BABY CAUSE OF THE FATHER.. OMG where is your soul???? I pitty the child cause of your stupid decision.... the rapist has no right to abuse one more life... also, its very wierd that the rapist has a concience all of a sudden to support his child never seen an honorable rapist before wow this must be a first!!..... this does sound fishy... sorry for my harshness but this picture doesn't look right and it is a blow to my gut on the immorality of it all handing a rapist a child.. maybe i'm naive but that seems sickening to me..... I just think you are taking the easy way out on things.... and this situation is the hardest of them all on you and her but it doesn't exuse both of you from doing the right thing...... I think you should think long and hard on whats in the best interest of that child WHO IS INNOCENT in all this but now you are condemning... I surely hope that loser does not hurt that child I will pray for his or her future... God protect that little angel

We'll have less of these sorts of posts, thank you very much.

[desert_fox 32]

I can see a petition some day for this "rapist". It wouldnt be the first time. But what the hell, Im a cynic.

[rebeccajo 14]

When did you find out about the rape? After it happened?

I don't want to sound mean here; but this question kind of made me giggle. Was she supposed to call him before or during?

It's not mean - I was trying to be delicate.

The real question is when did the OP learn of the rape? After it happened - or after the pregnancy came to light?

We can wax on all we want about not standing in moral judgment. That's not what I am doing.

I am asking daveg and NOT the Consular Officer to decide if this is a bonafide marriage relationship.

Edited October 1, 2007 by rebeccajo