MENA sensitive poll regarding Do or Don't Tell

[peezey 0]

The questions are not hypothetical, we'd really like to know because we are torn.

Consider if your SO, to whom you are now engaged, and with whom you've been carrying on a relationship with for a couple years actually had other women he was talking to, inviting home, and accepting gifts from, during your relationship, would you want to know?

If you know this about someone's MENA SO on VJ (or elsewhere), would you tell them what you know?

And we are not talking about "in the beginning" when probably both parties were chatting with a few people.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I definitely think that you should tell the person. She might not like to hear it but in the end I think she will be thankful whether the relationship stops now, or in 5 years.

[JODO 2]

Names. She needs to know.

[RAKASA 0]

Heck yeah, I'd want to know, but I think I would believe it from someone I felt was trustworthy. There are a few people out there that I don't trust as far as I could spit on them and might be inclined to believe it was an attempt at sabotage. I'm not saying anyone *would* try to sabotage, but many mean & hateful things have been said around here and I would be leery of who I would believe. I know the sources that *I* personally trust and would take heart to what they might say to me. Just saying.....

[peezey 0]

Please post your reasoning.

There is no way the person would know who is or isn't trustworthy based on VJ or anything else.

The scenario is very real, first hand information about the man, and has nothing to do with sabotage. They are not on VJ.

Edited August 20, 2007 by peezey

[RAKASA 0]

Please post your reasoning.

There is no way the person would know who is or isn't trustworthy based on VJ or anything else.

The scenario is very real, first hand information about the man, and has nothing to do with sabotage. They are not on VJ.

This is based on personal interaction w/ people. The people I trust or distrust may not be the same people you would trust or distrust. Every person on this site or any other, if they've been on long enough, have probably developed relationships w/ people and have witnessed daily/weekly interactions w/ other members of any particular group that would lead to reading their character and knowing how they might feel about an individual. All I'm saying is: if it were me, I'd recieve it differently from someone I didn't trust or was known to "stir the pot" than I would if I heard it from someone who's opinion I valued and respected. Perhaps this person in question hasn't been around long enough to develop a sense of certain characters?

Either way, I guess, I'd want to know. Perhaps it should just be taken into consideration *who* breaks this news to said person.

[doodlebug 3]

Definitely would want to know and I would absolutely tell. I don't care maybe they'd hate me for telling them 'cause they'd think I was just making it up or something but my side of the street would be clean and they could make their decision from there.

[peezey 0]

Please post your reasoning.

There is no way the person would know who is or isn't trustworthy based on VJ or anything else.

The scenario is very real, first hand information about the man, and has nothing to do with sabotage. They are not on VJ.

This is based on personal interaction w/ people. The people I trust or distrust may not be the same people you would trust or distrust. Every person on this site or any other, if they've been on long enough, have probably developed relationships w/ people and have witnessed daily/weekly interactions w/ other members of any particular group that would lead to reading their character and knowing how they might feel about an individual. All I'm saying is: if it were me, I'd recieve it differently from someone I didn't trust or was known to "stir the pot" than I would if I heard it from someone who's opinion I valued and respected. Perhaps this person in question hasn't been around long enough to develop a sense of certain characters?

Either way, I guess, I'd want to know. Perhaps it should just be taken into consideration *who* breaks this news to said person.

I said the person isn't on VJ, all this is irrelevant to the situation.

[lion_lioness 0]

I voted yes to all the questions. A hard cookie to swallow and I may even be too "embarrassed" to speak to the person that told me, but I'd thank him/her later at some point for sure! Good friend, acquaintance, whomever I would definitely hear them out.

[RAKASA 0]

Please post your reasoning.

There is no way the person would know who is or isn't trustworthy based on VJ or anything else.

The scenario is very real, first hand information about the man, and has nothing to do with sabotage. They are not on VJ.

This is based on personal interaction w/ people. The people I trust or distrust may not be the same people you would trust or distrust. Every person on this site or any other, if they've been on long enough, have probably developed relationships w/ people and have witnessed daily/weekly interactions w/ other members of any particular group that would lead to reading their character and knowing how they might feel about an individual. All I'm saying is: if it were me, I'd recieve it differently from someone I didn't trust or was known to "stir the pot" than I would if I heard it from someone who's opinion I valued and respected. Perhaps this person in question hasn't been around long enough to develop a sense of certain characters?

Either way, I guess, I'd want to know. Perhaps it should just be taken into consideration *who* breaks this news to said person.

I said the person isn't on VJ, all this is irrelevant to the situation.

Irrelevant or not, you asked, I answered. It is my understanding she *is* in some common group - otherwise how would you know and why would you care?

[Becky&Sam 0]

I would definitely tell. It will come out eventually and giving the person this information will allow them to come to a decision of what to do sooner rather than later. Also, I would want to know that I did not keep this information from that person when I could tell and maybe create heartache now, but ultimately give them the choice of what to do with the information.

[un_known 0]

I am not sure of the story behind this poll but I feel that telling the truth is the best way in this situation - I answered yes to all three questions.

[peezey 0]

Please post your reasoning.

There is no way the person would know who is or isn't trustworthy based on VJ or anything else.

The scenario is very real, first hand information about the man, and has nothing to do with sabotage. They are not on VJ.

This is based on personal interaction w/ people. The people I trust or distrust may not be the same people you would trust or distrust. Every person on this site or any other, if they've been on long enough, have probably developed relationships w/ people and have witnessed daily/weekly interactions w/ other members of any particular group that would lead to reading their character and knowing how they might feel about an individual. All I'm saying is: if it were me, I'd recieve it differently from someone I didn't trust or was known to "stir the pot" than I would if I heard it from someone who's opinion I valued and respected. Perhaps this person in question hasn't been around long enough to develop a sense of certain characters?

Either way, I guess, I'd want to know. Perhaps it should just be taken into consideration *who* breaks this news to said person.

I said the person isn't on VJ, all this is irrelevant to the situation.

Irrelevant or not, you asked, I answered. It is my understanding she *is* in some common group - otherwise how would you know and why would you care?

She **isn't** in some common group. Everyone doesn't know about VJ and/or use it. There are dozens of ways any one of us could be put in touch with someone who has filed for a foreign fiance/spouse. Our families, friends, etc, know we have this experience and put people in touch, for instance.

Edited August 20, 2007 by peezey

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

i'd say yes but the individual telling the person better have good rapport and proof otherwise it will probably result in problems.

[monnik 0]

I answered yes to the first two questions and although I was debating on answering no to the third, I chose yes. It would be hard for me to make up my mind to tell or not. I think that if it was a good friend of mine, I would be scared to put our relationship in jeopardy. Most of those scenarios result in the guy smooth talking his way out of trouble or convincing the girl that her so-called friends are just jealous and/or making up lies to tear them apart.

I would feel disappointed if I told someone the truth and they didn't accept it. Also, it is possible she would forgive him even for being a "cyber troll". That would be completely up to her. But, I would have the feeling that their continued relationship would probably be lacking in trust, and I would feel partly responsible.

Is it better to live in the dark? It depends on the girl's boundaries and her deal breakers. If cheating and lying are high on her list of things that she will not tolerate, she would probably want to know. I would want to know.