MENA Abuse Poll~~Please keep in MENA

[Hassan /mony 0]

So far, it ain't lookin' too complimentary for the **non**-MENA men.

I was phsyical and verbal and mental abused by my ex and he was an american , he drank all the time and when he beat me up for the last time i left him and was put in a safe house for batter woman , with my younger girls, when we went through our processing for me to keep the kids his lawyer told him where i was, lucky he never showed up there. and right before our divorce was finalized my baby girl drown in his care. no he did not kill her . , that was the hardest thing i went throught, but his drinking did not stop nor his abuse on my son, my son was 18 at the time and the judge told him he could stay with his dad instead of letting him come with me, abuse is so common that it is scary, and when i was a the safe house there was alot of other woman there who would come in with broken bones and all kind of stuff , that after a few days would just go right back, itry to tell them they did not need to go back ,but they were scared that if they did not go back they wooul get hurt worst. it is hard for them to change or be on their own, my ex was told once you abuse one family member than you could go after the rest of them ,the judge told him that , to this day i don't like him coming over to see his kids, but now we lives 10 hours away from us. I told Hassan about the abuse i went through and he told me he would never do it ,because he just wants to love me and help me take care of my kids. I think here in the states it is starting to be so common that even the police don't want to get involved . one of my coworkers husband beat her she called the cops and they wouldn't do know thing, than she quit working and i found out two days ago she finaly left him, he had been abusing her for 7 years . i am happy she too is a surviver like me.mony

How awful to lose a child. I'm very sorry for the loss of your daughter.

Glad you are safe.

thank you

[monnik 0]

Mony: I am so sorry for your loss. My heart jumped when I read about your daughter. I wish you the best.

I can't remember my vote (don't remember if it let me choose more than one option or not). But, here is what I voted about:

I experienced all of the types of abuse above from non-MENA men. American, African-American (which were still American, but the subculture is a little different , IMO), Mexican, and Mexican-American (again, just to distinguish the cultures/backgrounds of the abusers).

I haven't experienced abuse from a MENA man, but I don't know if that's because this is my first (and last) relationship with a MENA man or if it is because of my husband's character.

I don't know what that means about me or cultures or patterns. What I do know is something that Dee said in another thread and that is MEN are MEN and WOMEN are WOMEN in every country. I think that when talking about abuse, you will get all kinds of stories from all backgrounds and countries of origin. Gentle vs Abusive, Silent vs Volatile, Meek vs Agressive .........they all exist in every culture. None of the information is conclusive. At best, it teaches us to better OURSELVES. To make up our minds not to tolerate any type of abuse from anyone in our lives. The only person you can influence, change, or control- Yourself.

Thanks for the poll. It's good to be able to open a conversation about abuse especially among a diverse group of women. And, thanks to all who shared their stories.

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[coolred38 0]

My mom married my step dad, white american, when I was 2...he spent the next 16 years making all our lives miserable with emotional and physical abuse. I escaped him and went into the military. I met my future husband there, arab, and spent the next 20 years being emotionally and physically abused by him. I got soooo damned angry with myself when a few years into my marriage I realized I had married my father and hell if I could figure out how that happened. I swore I would never allow myself to be in such a relationship....and there I was. It lasted 20 years because the laws in this country did not favour divorced foreign wives regarding children who are married to nationals. Basically I stayed married so I wouldnt lose my kids. Now I am divorced(laws changed) but am plagued with guilt that I have role modeled my daughters to believe that an abusive relationship is normal...and that my sons have learned that an abusive husband/father is normal.

The cycle of abuse must stop somewhere...I hope its not too late for my kids.

[Hassan /mony 0]

My mom married my step dad, white american, when I was 2...he spent the next 16 years making all our lives miserable with emotional and physical abuse. I escaped him and went into the military. I met my future husband there, arab, and spent the next 20 years being emotionally and physically abused by him. I got soooo damned angry with myself when a few years into my marriage I realized I had married my father and hell if I could figure out how that happened. I swore I would never allow myself to be in such a relationship....and there I was. It lasted 20 years because the laws in this country did not favour divorced foreign wives regarding children who are married to nationals. Basically I stayed married so I wouldnt lose my kids. Now I am divorced(laws changed) but am plagued with guilt that I have role modeled my daughters to believe that an abusive relationship is normal...and that my sons have learned that an abusive husband/father is normal.

The cycle of abuse must stop somewhere...I hope its not too late for my kids.

i can tell you by my experince in rasing my kids, with abrusvie father , my son keeps letting things just go in one ear and out the other now ,he used to walk around until he got calm down, my oldest daughter has had it rough , their dad played mind games on her, she was to frail from the stuff going on that she could not deal with it, my other girls are doing find except when their dad comes around, the cycle can be stop by getting them help before they start in a relationship and explaining to them why you had to stay married so long to your ex's , explain to them that it is not right . and if you have photos of the marks he left on you, it will also open up their eyes. talk to them about the abuse. mine did not start with phyiscal abuse it started with little things like bad comments about me and teasting me non stop and as the months when on i hope it would get better but it did not, until the day he beat me up and i left than went back and got my girls, today it is accpetable to be hit by a guy or the other way around. the chain can be broking, since my kids are away from their dad they are happy and making new freinds and doing ellexcent in school. my only regret was not geting out sooner. talk to them. my son is doing good too, he now is the man in my house for now and he deals with his father, mony

Edited September 14, 2007 by Hassan /mony