Sending Money Home

[peteandrepete 0]

I am getting ready to file all my papers for a K1. I have been doing reasearch on the net and thats how I found this site. I've been to the Philippines now to meet my beloved; however I am concerned and I wanted to ask the group their opinions on this. We were talking last week before I came back to america and she mentioned that once she was here she wanted to go to work to send money back to her mother and younger sister. Right now I am westernunioning them about $700 a month for all three of them. None of them work much and they say jobs are hard to find there. I can believe that now that I have seen the place. But I got to thinking that she wants me to keep sending the money and she wants to send what she makes too. She has said its traditional that we do this, and that when she comes here, her family will expect this of us. I do love her and I want for her to have a good life there, especially while we wait. She just doesnt seem to be able to tell me what the money goes for. When I press on this subject noone will talk to me.

How much do others send? what is "traditional?" and how do you talk (or get them) to talk to you about money?

[hmmm... 0]

I am getting ready to file all my papers for a K1. I have been doing reasearch on the net and thats how I found this site. I've been to the Philippines now to meet my beloved; however I am concerned and I wanted to ask the group their opinions on this. We were talking last week before I came back to america and she mentioned that once she was here she wanted to go to work to send money back to her mother and younger sister. Right now I am westernunioning them about $700 a month for all three of them. None of them work much and they say jobs are hard to find there. I can believe that now that I have seen the place. But I got to thinking that she wants me to keep sending the money and she wants to send what she makes too. She has said its traditional that we do this, and that when she comes here, her family will expect this of us. I do love her and I want for her to have a good life there, especially while we wait. She just doesnt seem to be able to tell me what the money goes for. When I press on this subject noone will talk to me.

How much do others send? what is "traditional?" and how do you talk (or get them) to talk to you about money?

I dont think that proper or right to send money as part of PHilippines tradition or culture.. But based on my case once i have my own family its not my responsibility to send or give money to my parents . But am planning send money to my parents not regular basis, just anytime id like and it will be come from my own pocket not my husband pocket, coz am plannin to work once i move there..

[JoanBill 0]

I am getting ready to file all my papers for a K1. I have been doing reasearch on the net and thats how I found this site. I've been to the Philippines now to meet my beloved; however I am concerned and I wanted to ask the group their opinions on this. We were talking last week before I came back to america and she mentioned that once she was here she wanted to go to work to send money back to her mother and younger sister. Right now I am westernunioning them about $700 a month for all three of them. None of them work much and they say jobs are hard to find there. I can believe that now that I have seen the place. But I got to thinking that she wants me to keep sending the money and she wants to send what she makes too. She has said its traditional that we do this, and that when she comes here, her family will expect this of us. I do love her and I want for her to have a good life there, especially while we wait. She just doesnt seem to be able to tell me what the money goes for. When I press on this subject noone will talk to me.

How much do others send? what is "traditional?" and how do you talk (or get them) to talk to you about money?

Aloha,

I realize everybody is different and everybody's situation is unique. But if I were you and I was in your situation, I would not be feeling many warm fuzzies. $700 is alot of pesos, and to expect this even before you're married, and even before you file the damn paperwork?? I think that is totally unreasonable. I see plenty red flags, and I think you do too. It doesn't feel right at all.

My best to you,

Bill

[Psoas10 17]

700 dollars a month? Wow that is a good salary for 2 people with college degrees working in PI, or one very good job. My fiance used to work for the HR dept at 5 star hotel and only made 200 dollars a month. She has a bachelors degree, too. Also if she cant say where to money is going then that is another red flag to me. Everybody situation is different, and mine is not very common, where most of her family works at good jobs. I would have a very good discussion with her, and try and dig around these forums for posts on this topic.

[Dakine 26]

Opo! Most of the time when you marry a pinay part of the "deal" is you/she help out her family.

One of the main reasons she wants to marry you is to better her life and help the family back home.

You get a maganda LOVING lady [most of the time] in return which you probably didn't have a chance of getting in the US.

$700 a month is a LOT of money to give when you consider most Filipinos live on less than 250P a day.

We send $100 a month to feed Mamang and Papang. Plus pay the electric and DSL bill which isn't much.

"We" also own 4 "houses" there and Mamang, Papang, Bro in law and family, Sis in Law and family live in rent free.

They all work tho and and NEVER ask for a peso.

Some posted "red flags" are flying and they are correct!

[beng_and_carl 0]

well, $700 is a lot!!! it's not reasonable to send that much to a fiance/e every month. my thoughts to you is that you ask her why she asks that much from you. and i truly believe that she should work hard and earn money to support herself and/or family and dont take advantage from the kindness of others.

you know, there are a lot of jobs available in the market. where on earth is she located? she can apply in a call center or even a saleslady in a mall. she can even start a small business with the money you're sending to her.

for me, i never asked any amount of money from my fiance to support myself since i can support myself and lifestyle coz i know, you guys there in the US are also working hard to earn those dollars.

you better talk to your fiancee before you process your docs and ending up in tears and regrets..

i am also a filipina but i cannot tolerate that kind of attitude. being dependent to somebody for you to live is such a bad attitude!

[jom 4]

$700 is a lot of money. From the time I met my fiance and up until now I have not sent her a single dollar. I will though very soon for her medical and interview expenses which I MUST shoulder and of course her plane ticket coming here.

There is something wrong with your situation. I believe you should start demanding answers to your questions.

[hmmm... 0]

well, $700 is a lot!!! it's not reasonable to send that much to a fiance/e every month. my thoughts to you is that you ask her why she asks that much from you. and i truly believe that she should work hard and earn money to support herself and/or family and dont take advantage from the kindness of others.

you know, there are a lot of jobs available in the market. where on earth is she located? she can apply in a call center or even a saleslady in a mall. she can even start a small business with the money you're sending to her.

for me, i never asked any amount of money from my fiance to support myself since i can support myself and lifestyle coz i know, you guys there in the US are also working hard to earn those dollars.

you better talk to your fiancee before you process your docs and ending up in tears and regrets..

i am also a filipina but i cannot tolerate that kind of attitude. being dependent to somebody for you to live is such a bad attitude!

yeah right!! same here $700 is alot, But i guess ur fiancee is the breadwinner of the family??? My fiance gave me monthly allowances too, actually he sent me a lot more than id needed in a month thats why i asked him to sent me the exact amount i will be needed in a month. Am not working right now but i can only spend $200 a month. But i just dont know what kind of lifestyle she have. Coz for me 200 was enough

[Arrta 1]

well, $700 is a lot!!! it's not reasonable to send that much to a fiance/e every month. my thoughts to you is that you ask her why she asks that much from you. and i truly believe that she should work hard and earn money to support herself and/or family and dont take advantage from the kindness of others.

you know, there are a lot of jobs available in the market. where on earth is she located? she can apply in a call center or even a saleslady in a mall. she can even start a small business with the money you're sending to her.

for me, i never asked any amount of money from my fiance to support myself since i can support myself and lifestyle coz i know, you guys there in the US are also working hard to earn those dollars.

you better talk to your fiancee before you process your docs and ending up in tears and regrets..

i am also a filipina but i cannot tolerate that kind of attitude. being dependent to somebody for you to live is such a bad attitude!

I offered to send my fiancee money, she didn't ask. I sent her $150 the first time so she could open a bank account which I could deposite directly into. after that I have only sent $50 every 2 weeks.

When I asked how she is using it she says she hasen't, it is all still in the bank. She has asked to use some of it on occasion, like when she had to send some of the visa paperwork to me fast.

[jom 4]

I want to ask if I should have offered my fiancee to send her money ? I really didnt think about this and she never asked.

[hmmm... 0]

I want to ask if I should have offered my fiancee to send her money ? I really didnt think about this and she never asked.

well my opinion. if she have work its ok not to ask, but if she's jobless right now. I guess thats the time u need to help her in her monthly expenses.. Based on my exp. my fiancee support me right now its bcoz am jobless but when i was working i managed my expenses by myself.

[jom 4]

I want to ask if I should have offered my fiancee to send her money ? I really didnt think about this and she never asked.

well my opinion. if she have work its ok not to ask, but if she's jobless right now. I guess thats the time u need to help her in her monthly expenses.. Based on my exp. my fiancee support me right now its bcoz am jobless but when i was working i managed my expenses by myself.

I guess the reason why i never asked her if i should send her money is because she has a job, and a very good one too. My thoughts were that if i ask her if she needs money, she might get insulted. Thanks for the words.

[KansasDragon 1]

"But I got to thinking that she wants me to keep sending the money and she wants to send what she makes too. She has said its traditional that we do this, and that when she comes here, her family will expect this of us."

So, in other words, you're thinking this, not confirming this?

#1 - Where do they live in the Philippines? If in Manila, then $700 for 3 households, would not be a lot of money. But, How were they making it before you arrived on the scene?

#2 - I'm guessing she means, "My family is my burden, I want to work and send them money, your money is our money."

#3 - Big WARNING - You're establishing the RICH AMERICAN concept in the entire family. You need to clarify this issue gently with her, and establish what you would like to sponsor. Always know excactly what your money is intended for. If you don't establish control, your fame will spread to all the uncles and aunts and your requests for money will grow and grow. (My fiancee's extended family have made lots of requests, we both choose to ignore.)

Examples: I have elected to sponsor my future nephew in his high school expenses, and his future college expenses. (about $50/month now, $100/month later) With the understanding that this only happens with good grades, and with progress shown to me. I also paid for 1/2 of a generator for her parents, who live on an island with no electricity. Ann and her sisters paid for the other 1/2. Otherwise, my main contributions at this time are the occassional Pizza Blowout for Ann, her sisters, and cousins who live together.

#4 - Don't get to worried about this. Start talking to her about family and how they are using money, how you two will help, and about your future together. Just define things with her, gently, and you'll soon have an answer.

I'm betting it will all work out, that you're just having a lot of miscommunication, and need to get things cleared up between you two.

[jom 4]

#3 - Big WARNING - You're establishing the RICH AMERICAN concept in the entire family. You need to clarify this issue gently with her, and establish what you would like to sponsor. Always know excactly what your money is intended for. If you don't establish control, your fame will spread to all the uncles and aunts and your requests for money will grow and grow. (My fiancee's extended family have made lots of requests, we both choose to ignore.)

I agree. I know of someone who sends money to his fiancee , even gifts to nieces. . now she will be interviewed by september and he is already complaining to me he is financially hard up. He is renting a room and missed his last car payment. I guess he wants to impress her too much and the family he is not thinking about the time she will finally get to america. Not smart at all.

[Jasman0717 9]

Western Union charges a lot just to send the money and then kills you on the conversion rate too, like a peso or two per dollar.

I belong to a credit union so opened up a savings account that I linked to my checking/savings. I also received an ATM card for this new account. I gave the ATM card to my fiancee and when she would need money I would transfer it from my checking to that savings account. That account was charged $1.50 per withdrawl. It sure beat Western Union and the other money transfer companies.

When Claudeth came here she gave the card to her parents and now sends them money every month by a simple deposit to that savings account. She also has a checking account that is linked to the savings account so she can even transfer the money electronically.

Check into it, It might save you some bucks.