I gotta say Thanks to you all

[ya falaha! 0]

Stay safe, Dee

I'd be a little leary of these friends if I were you. Seems they're looking out for your husband's best interest more than yours or your childrens'.

I hope things work out for the best for you and your boys.

[♥JP♥ 5]

Wow. Dee I really want to be supportive of you so please don't take this the wrong way. What happens after one week? So he is on his best behaivior for one week because his friends convinced him that you are gonna kick his butt back to Egypt? Then what? What can he possibly prove in that short period of time?

I've been in an abusive relationship and abusive men don't change, at least not without years of therapy. It makes me sick to my stomach that those so called "friends" would convince you to go back into a home with someone who has been abusive to you. From reading your posts you don't even seem to be on board with the idea or that you even want to be there. Love is one thing and you can love him and you probebly always will, but if he is hurting you, emotionally, mentally, physically, that is not love. I know everyone here is trying to support your decision, but I am going to support your original decision to leave because honestly I am worried for you and your children.

JP

[sarah and hicham 3]

Wow. Dee I really want to be supportive of you so please don't take this the wrong way. What happens after one week? So he is on his best behaivior for one week because his friends convinced him that you are gonna kick his butt back to Egypt? Then what? What can he possibly prove in that short period of time?

I've been in an abusive relationship and abusive men don't change, at least not without years of therapy. It makes me sick to my stomach that those so called "friends" would convince you to go back into a home with someone who has been abusive to you. From reading your posts you don't even seem to be on board with the idea or that you even want to be there. Love is one thing and you can love him and you probebly always will, but if he is hurting you, emotionally, mentally, physically, that is not love. I know everyone here is trying to support your decision, but I am going to support your original decision to leave because honestly I am worried for you and your children.

JP

I agree completely with you. Things are probably not going to change, and his friends just don't want him to leave the US. They seem to have some pretty selfish intentions.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Wow. Dee I really want to be supportive of you so please don't take this the wrong way. What happens after one week? So he is on his best behaivior for one week because his friends convinced him that you are gonna kick his butt back to Egypt? Then what? What can he possibly prove in that short period of time?

I've been in an abusive relationship and abusive men don't change, at least not without years of therapy. It makes me sick to my stomach that those so called "friends" would convince you to go back into a home with someone who has been abusive to you. From reading your posts you don't even seem to be on board with the idea or that you even want to be there. Love is one thing and you can love him and you probebly always will, but if he is hurting you, emotionally, mentally, physically, that is not love. I know everyone here is trying to support your decision, but I am going to support your original decision to leave because honestly I am worried for you and your children.

JP

I agree completely with you. Things are probably not going to change, and his friends just don't want him to leave the US. They seem to have some pretty selfish intentions.

I agree. I would stay far from these people.

[peezey 0]

I want to say, personally, I don't agree with the decision to go back home with him. I really think Dee was manipulated into this choice---not because she is easily manipulated but because she had a hoard of "friends" on her back. My support lies in my open ear and willingness to help how I can, as I PMed and have passed the message on to others, if you need financial help to get his plane ticket or help with any salary loss, I, and many others, want to give that help.

Dee, I agree with JP on this one. I hope you don't feel like you MUST do this. I also think, no matter how feisty your aunt is, there is really only so much you can do when a bunch of strangers show up at your house and insist they've changed a man. I think she was put in a really hard situation, and probably would be damned any way she chose to answer the group. However, now that the dust has settled and you are going over your feelings, please be true to yourself and your kids.

And I hope you understand that my disagreement isn't meant as a judgment or a snipe at you, it's just what I see from the outside looking at this, and I don't see any positivity in it.

Edited August 13, 2007 by peezey

[deemabrouk 0]

I want to say, personally, I don't agree with the decision to go back home with him. I really think Dee was manipulated into this choice---not because she is easily manipulated but because she had a hoard of "friends" on her back. My support lies in my open ear and willingness to help how I can, as I PMed and have passed the message on to others, if you need financial help to get his plane ticket or help with any salary loss, I, and many others, want to give that help.

Dee, I agree with JP on this one. I hope you don't feel like you MUST do this. I also think, no matter how feisty your aunt is, there is really only so much you can do when a bunch of strangers show up at your house and insist they've changed a man. I think she was put in a really hard situation, and probably would be damned any way she chose to answer the group. However, now that the dust has settled and you are going over your feelings, please be true to yourself and your kids.

And I hope you understand that my disagreement isn't meant as a judgment or a snipe at you, it's just what I see from the outside looking at this, and I don't see any positivity in it.

nope... I see what you mean. And I agree. I have alot of feelings that told me NOT to do it.. BUT in the end.. I'm still not 100% why.. BUT i gave him one more shot... the LAST..

I guess I have that voice in the back of my head... "You didnt marry him for nothing.. Maybe the light bulb FINALLY went off... Bla Bla Bla.. " At this point he has NO excuses.. he didnt understand.. no language issue.. not understanding the culture.. His A$$ was offically pushed out the nest and he got on the Buses, T's and cabs.. Spoke to the Egyptian Imam... Spoke to strangers for help.. everything he refused to do before

but what gets me.. is that he waited until our marrige COMPLETELY fell apart in order to get is butt in gear

and this has left me resentful...

who knows what will happen.. I DO wish the best for us.. but also the best for us may not mean we are together

(and no way could I accept financial help from people... I dont deserve it..)

Edited August 13, 2007 by deemabrouk

[♥JP♥ 5]

Dee, does he know you cancelled the AOS checks? That might be a good way to test the waters, tell him you don't plan of reapplying for some time.

[peezey 0]

(and no way could I accept financial help from people... I dont deserve it..)

Everyone deserves help when they need it. Just remember the offer is on the table.

[deemabrouk 0]

Dee, does he know you cancelled the AOS checks? That might be a good way to test the waters, tell him you don't plan of reapplying for some time.

nope I didnt tell him that... and I feel for the moment that wouldnt be the best idea

that def. would be a trigger..

I know half his problem is NOT working.. and if he knew I fudged that up.. he would not be a happy camper.

PLus I dont even know if that means his papers are actually cancelled.. or if I'm just gonna get a notice my checks "bounced"??

[ya falaha! 0]

It saddens me that you have to walk on eggshells around your own husband. He should be the one on eggshells now after all he's put you through.

Dee, does he know you cancelled the AOS checks? That might be a good way to test the waters, tell him you don't plan of reapplying for some time.

nope I didnt tell him that... and I feel for the moment that wouldnt be the best idea

that def. would be a trigger..

I know half his problem is NOT working.. and if he knew I fudged that up.. he would not be a happy camper.

PLus I dont even know if that means his papers are actually cancelled.. or if I'm just gonna get a notice my checks "bounced"??

[LaL 418]

PLus I dont even know if that means his papers are actually cancelled.. or if I'm just gonna get a notice my checks "bounced"??

they should simply return your entire package to you.

[mybackpages 0]

they all got in their car and followed me to my aunts house (mom would of stabbed him.. plus she is away)

SO Mohamed apologised to Her over what had happened... and my friends too tried to convice her and me again to give him one last chance... then they PERSONALLY would escort him out the house and drive him to the airport..

IN the end my Aunt accepted the apology.. and the terms to the next week. We all were there until 10 pm talking about this..

He left without me.. I returned home yesterday after noon...... Under STRICT terms

i still dont know how i feel about this.... i dont have a positive outlook

but given what had happened...... and especially my families approval.....

i dont know..... who knows

Dee,

I think it is wonderful, nobel, Islamic etc..to want to make this marriage work before going the route of divorce, BUT and this is the important part... an apology, giving him a week..its not goign to change things.

The only thing that is going to change anything is lots of hard work, lots of counseling, he alone, you alone, the two of you together. .... and even with all this hard work most marriages are nto going to survive.

Like others have said, it sounds as if you are conflicted between your feelings for him, your hopes for a happy marriage and being pissed off that you were cornered into giving it one more chance.

It's good to surround yourself with support and a community of people who are looking out for your safety. Are you sure these "freinds" can do this for you? How about your family?

[allousa 1]

Deema - First let me say that I'm SO SORRY about all of this. I'm late in the game on offering support as I am just now reading all of this today. My heartfelt thoughts are with you and your children.

I agree with JP, Sara, MK and Peezy. Things may get better for a week or a month, but the odds that he will go back to his old ways are pretty high. First and foremost is the safety of you and your children. I have spent many years as a public speaker for a non-profit for the city's Rape Crisis and Domestic Violence Services. It is my experience and training that the abuse will progressively get worse. Unless he agrees to agressive therapy and IMO, you would need to live apart from him for a length of time during his therapy. And even then....

If you have fear in your heart or a "bad feeling" about it...TRUST THAT! I honestly believe that God gave us those feelings for a reason. If your heart tells you to get out...then you do just that.

My heart truly aches for you and being a mother and having your children involved as well...I swear I wish that I could do something right this moment to help you. Through your posts, you have shown that you really are a strong woman and a SURVIVOR! Don't dare forget that!

So many of us here support you and lift you up. I hope that when you don't have those strong moments, our thoughts will lift you up and carry you to the next strong moment.

[deemabrouk 0]

Wow. Dee I really want to be supportive of you so please don't take this the wrong way. What happens after one week? So he is on his best behaivior for one week because his friends convinced him that you are gonna kick his butt back to Egypt? Then what? What can he possibly prove in that short period of time?

I've been in an abusive relationship and abusive men don't change, at least not without years of therapy. It makes me sick to my stomach that those so called "friends" would convince you to go back into a home with someone who has been abusive to you. From reading your posts you don't even seem to be on board with the idea or that you even want to be there. Love is one thing and you can love him and you probebly always will, but if he is hurting you, emotionally, mentally, physically, that is not love. I know everyone here is trying to support your decision, but I am going to support your original decision to leave because honestly I am worried for you and your children.

JP

I agree completely with you. Things are probably not going to change, and his friends just don't want him to leave the US. They seem to have some pretty selfish intentions.

well honestly these were MY FRIENDS... they had never met him before!!!!!!!! and I guess they did it for me?? for Hasana (blessings) ?? they didnt want what i worked so hard for.. for the past year to end within a month..

BUT i also yelled at them.. IF they were TRUELY my friends.. they would NOT encourage me to stay with someone abusive!!!!!!

my other "friend" who introduced us lives far away... and believe me.. it's done between us after that email I got from her

[Nasturtium 500]

HI Dee! I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you I also motion for feeling uneasy about this last chance.. please keep your cell with you and if possible, consider having someone else stay with you as well... like your aunt?