Looking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I don't see him saying any of this is for YOUR future together, it's all about him and what you will do for him. Sure, having a fit at him doesn't solve anything, but he needs to change his attitude quick.

I'm not sure this is true about her husband, but this is the risk of venting on a public forum. You can make your situation sound like something its not.

On a random tangent - at least from my experience, a lot of ME/NA men (heck, probably all men in general) don't like having their marital issues aired out online. While it can be helpful to vent, don't forget that we can't go back and erase our words here on VJ without Ewok intervention.

[Nasturtium 500]

You know Dee-- I think you live in a fairly large area, right? Do you have a farmer's market that's free (or really cheap) to rent/set up a booth/whatever at? I'm trying to convince my husband to consider this idea because it's free here. I told him he can try out his smoothies, etc on the people there (who are the exact market of the people he would attract in a store anyway!) and go from there. There are 2 businesses here that started out of the Fm and so it's not a pipe dream, although of course still highly unlikely. The point being that it's FREE SPACE so risk is minimal. Buying a blender and some coolers and a couple of tables is do-able when you're not also plunking down the cash for space and decor.

[deemabrouk 0]

I don't see him saying any of this is for YOUR future together, it's all about him and what you will do for him. Sure, having a fit at him doesn't solve anything, but he needs to change his attitude quick.

I'm not sure this is true about her husband, but this is the risk of venting on a public forum. You can make your situation sound like something its not.

On a random tangent - at least from my experience, a lot of ME/NA men (heck, probably all men in general) don't like having their marital issues aired out online. While it can be helpful to vent, don't forget that we can't go back and erase our words here on VJ without Ewok intervention.

I'm not trying to bash anyone... especially my husband... I love him... and the really dirty laundry as Not even been aired...

But with all these work issues.. and his mentality.. I just dont get how to solve it

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Without going into too many details (as my husband is one of those who are increadibly private and isn't a big fan of having his stuff posted on VJ), we had a very very VERY (did I mentioned very?) difficult time our first month together.

How does one get through it? Patience, perserverance and prayer, if you're the deen-y type.

"Oh you who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer, for God is with those who patiently persevere." (2:153)

[♥JP♥ 5]

You know all of this is reminds me of something, I know this is kinda corny but its worth sharing.

The other day I was watching that movie "The pursuit of happiness" with my hunny. If you have not seen it, I will share with you briefly. Its about a man that can barely support his family, his current business is not so good and his wife is working double shifts to help. They are behind in their rent, their bills, and their situation is really bad.

The man is not a college grad and works for himself as a salesman. He encounters a stock broker one day as he is walking around trying to sell one of his medical gadgets. The guy is driving a nice sports car so he asks the guy, what do you do and how do you do it? He tells him he is a stock broker. The man quickly becomes discouraged because he thinks he needs a college education for that. The man tells him he doesnt and they are accepting interns.

So it gets to the part where the husband tells his wife that he is going to a brokerage to apply for an internship. She is frustrated and immediatly stomps on his dream. She eventually leaves him. The man kept following his dream, and he became a very rich stock broker and even started his own brokerage. This movie was based on a true story.

The reason I shared this is because as we were watching and the wife was not supporting her husbands dream, I saw from the outside looking in just how ugly that looks. Even though she was working her a$$ off, all of my sympathy went to the man (maybe it was just good writing, who knows) because just for a simple idea she told him he was basically a nobody. Just as I was coming to this realization, my hunny turns to me and says there is nothing worse than when someone you love stomps on your dreams no matter how big they are.

That really hit home for me.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I have to say the guy sure is showing a lot of motivation and ambition, which is really admirable. Take a deep breath and listen to his ideas with an open mind. I'm sure if you put your heads together, you can find a way to channel all that incredible energy into an endeavor that you can both live with, and which may just turn out to be a wonderful business you grow into together.

Serenity now !

-MK

[monnik 0]

how can I get a business loan? I dont know.. go ask them... No you ask them

You may already know this, but here is a link about business loans . Most banks want financial projections, outlines, graphs, etc. in order to prove that the business will be profitable and their investment will be safe. You also have to invest a sizeable amount of your own money to start a business.

It might calm him down to sit with him and say : This is what is need in order to get a business loan and we need to break it down step-by-step so that we can eventually apply for one.

Take all of the requirements and break them down into baby steps. SS# being the first thing, establishing credit, then building credit.......very small things that take months at a time to accomplish. But, make small goals for him and each time he sees hisself acheive one thing, you can move on to the next with more enthusiasm.

Also, if your credit is bad, he can establish his own credit and it won't be linked to yours just because you are married. Here are some links about credit.

establishing credit

7 steps to stellar credit

marriage and credit score

[mybackpages 0]

Without going into too many details (as my husband is one of those who are increadibly private and isn't a big fan of having his stuff posted on VJ), we had a very very VERY (did I mentioned very?) difficult time our first month together.

How does one get through it? Patience, perserverance and prayer, if you're the deen-y type.

"Oh you who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer, for God is with those who patiently persevere." (2:153)

and there is nothing wrong with having a small private group of friends you can confide in when you are feeling crazy. But everyone should be smart and choose these freinds carefully. We should all surround ourselves with strong, smart and compassionate women and not someone who feeds our craziness.

[peezey 0]

We have our own business, and it took cashing out a 401k worth nearly $100k, plus thousands each month to start the business and then it took more than a year to even see any financial benefit to any of this. I still don't know 5 years later if it's a good idea. Random one-off success stories are not the norm. Everyone isn't into having a business. You have no life if you work for yourself, no matter if you park cars or sell imports. Sometimes you just need to focus your energy on something stable, with insurance, and vacation time, and someone else doing the payroll. Big ideas are great, but they don't pay the bills, and stats show, most never will, and will in fact cost people their retirement, savings, go into major debt, etc.

Edited July 24, 2007 by peezey

[Jenn! 918]

You know all of this is reminds me of something, I know this is kinda corny but its worth sharing.

The other day I was watching that movie "The pursuit of happiness" with my hunny. If you have not seen it, I will share with you briefly. Its about a man that can barely support his family, his current business is not so good and his wife is working double shifts to help. They are behind in their rent, their bills, and their situation is really bad.

The man is not a college grad and works for himself as a salesman. He encounters a stock broker one day as he is walking around trying to sell one of his medical gadgets. The guy is driving a nice sports car so he asks the guy, what do you do and how do you do it? He tells him he is a stock broker. The man quickly becomes discouraged because he thinks he needs a college education for that. The man tells him he doesnt and they are accepting interns.

So it gets to the part where the husband tells his wife that he is going to a brokerage to apply for an internship. She is frustrated and immediatly stomps on his dream. She eventually leaves him. The man kept following his dream, and he became a very rich stock broker and even started his own brokerage. This movie was based on a true story.

The reason I shared this is because as we were watching and the wife was not supporting her husbands dream, I saw from the outside looking in just how ugly that looks. Even though she was working her a$ off, all of my sympathy went to the man (maybe it was just good writing, who knows) because just for a simple idea she told him he was basically a nobody. Just as I was coming to this realization, my hunny turns to me and says there is nothing worse than when someone you love stomps on your dreams no matter how big they are.

That really hit home for me.

That whole exchange between the two of them really made me do a lot of thinking too. I'm glad you reminded me of it.

[♥JP♥ 5]

We have our own business, and it took cashing out a 401k worth nearly $100k, plus thousands each month to start the business and then it took more than a year to even see any financial benefit to any of this. I still don't know 5 years later if it's a good idea. Random one-off success stories are not the norm. Everyone isn't into having a business. You have no life if you work for yourself, no matter if you park cars or sell imports. Sometimes you just need to focus your energy on something stable, with insurance, and vacation time, and someone else doing the payroll. Big ideas are great, but they don't pay the bills, and stats show, most never will, and will in fact cost people their retirement, savings, go into major debt, etc.

This is so true, I can't tell you how many people I know that want to start a business because they think they will be rich and able to go to golf course at a moments notice.

I have always wanted to start a business as a wedding planner, its something I LOVE to do. It's not that I'm not motivated to do it but more so that I want to have my free time especially as I get ready to start a family.

[♥JP♥ 5]

You know all of this is reminds me of something, I know this is kinda corny but its worth sharing.

The other day I was watching that movie "The pursuit of happiness" with my hunny. If you have not seen it, I will share with you briefly. Its about a man that can barely support his family, his current business is not so good and his wife is working double shifts to help. They are behind in their rent, their bills, and their situation is really bad.

The man is not a college grad and works for himself as a salesman. He encounters a stock broker one day as he is walking around trying to sell one of his medical gadgets. The guy is driving a nice sports car so he asks the guy, what do you do and how do you do it? He tells him he is a stock broker. The man quickly becomes discouraged because he thinks he needs a college education for that. The man tells him he doesnt and they are accepting interns.

So it gets to the part where the husband tells his wife that he is going to a brokerage to apply for an internship. She is frustrated and immediatly stomps on his dream. She eventually leaves him. The man kept following his dream, and he became a very rich stock broker and even started his own brokerage. This movie was based on a true story.

The reason I shared this is because as we were watching and the wife was not supporting her husbands dream, I saw from the outside looking in just how ugly that looks. Even though she was working her a$ off, all of my sympathy went to the man (maybe it was just good writing, who knows) because just for a simple idea she told him he was basically a nobody. Just as I was coming to this realization, my hunny turns to me and says there is nothing worse than when someone you love stomps on your dreams no matter how big they are.

That really hit home for me.

That whole exchange between the two of them really made me do a lot of thinking too. I'm glad you reminded me of it.

Same here, I was really glad I saw that movie when we did. It really sent a message right to my brain because I remembered saying some of the stuff she said to her husband to mine. It was mostly out of frustration but you know he didn't come here to be a wall flower, he has dreams and I am going to let him chase them.

[Caladan 19]

Isn't it something like 90% of small business ventures fail within five years? I'm misremembering the percentages, but not by much. Not the sort of thing I'd co-sign on behalf of a immigrant who doesn't yet have his green card.

There's being supportive and there's being supportive. If he wants to open a garage, have him do the sort of homework he'd need to convince a bank to do a loan. What's his expected return? Where will he be located? What's the sort of licensing requirements that he will need?

[♥JP♥ 5]

Isn't it something like 90% of small business ventures fail within five years? I'm misremembering the percentages, but not by much. Not the sort of thing I'd co-sign on behalf of a immigrant who doesn't yet have his green card.

There's being supportive and there's being supportive. If he wants to open a garage, have him do the sort of homework he'd need to convince a bank to do a loan. What's his expected return? Where will he be located? What's the sort of licensing requirements that he will need?

I totally agree, I don't mind my husband chasing his dreams as long as he doesn't expect me to make them happen. What I have learned is that when you want something bad enough you will make it happen, so if they want it and believe in it then they will find a way to do it.

[Caladan 19]

Absolutely. You can be supportive without signing away your life on a $100,000 loan on a peabrained (pea is t3h new hare) fly-by-night scheme. First things first. Get the SSN, get the work authorization, get a job (maybe in the industry in which you hope to own a business), learn the language, get up your credit rating, find a colleague or business partner, put together a plan, then get the loan.