Looking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

[ya falaha! 0]

Boy do you have a stubborn one on your hands! Tell him if he doesn't stop you'll set up a tent in the back yard for him to sleep in.

all he talks about it what EVERYBODY ELSE DOES!!!!!!!!!!! what this person did... what That person did...

so and so in Italy rents a garage and make tons of money.. Ayman came here (remind you 7 - 10 years ago) and bought a car (without licence, without work papers) started working at a supermarket delivering... blablablaa..

I tell him.. he needs to learn the American way better... the legal system.. he need to talk to more Brothers... and NO his wife cant come with him to ask about Jobs!!!!

"Thank you Dee.. Thank you SO much!!!! "

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Would pointing out that loans have excessive riba be helpful at all? Maybe an it's haraam line would work

If everybody's doing it, tell him lots of ME/NA husbands of VJ posters take ESL classes. Peer pressure.

[peezey 0]

all he talks about it what EVERYBODY ELSE DOES!!!!!!!!!!! what this person did... what That person did...

so and so in Italy rents a garage and make tons of money.. Ayman came here (remind you 7 - 10 years ago) and bought a car (without licence, without work papers) started working at a supermarket delivering... blablablaa..

I tell him.. he needs to learn the American way better... the legal system.. he need to talk to more Brothers... and NO his wife cant come with him to ask about Jobs!!!!

"Thank you Dee.. Thank you SO much!!!! "

It's not fair he's treating you this way. I just looked at your profile and saw all your quotes about wanting your husband here. You worked hard for him to get here, and now he is blaming you and giving you guilt trips about not helping him enough? I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but sounds like he needs to be schooled on how things are really going to go down in your household from now on.

[deemabrouk 0]

Sorry, but I just have to

It will get better, I promise!

Ever seen the Honeymooners movie with Cedric the Entertainer? I think you should watch it now, you'll get a kick out of it.

I agree Dee. I know it's trying on your patience. I think many of the guys come here with these grand ideas. Omar did the same thing, talked about various business ventures. I just let him talk out his ideas, asking details about he thought his shop might look like or how he would set it up. IT made good converstion. Seems they are like kids in a candy store. If nothing else it gives you something to talk about and a tool to get to know him more, if you look beyond the wild words. He will settle down after awhile, I think.

I can let him talk about EVERYTHING...

but what is getting me right now.. is he doesnt want to TALK... he expects me to stop what I am doing and go inquire about a business loan... DO NOT go home and cook dinner for the kids - no.. I have to drive him around to places for him to ask about a job.. After I work 9-5 and get the kids at 6pm..

He is getting pissed off cause I wont cater to every stupid thought he has At that VERY MOMENT!!!!!!

[Nasturtium 500]

all he talks about it what EVERYBODY ELSE DOES!!!!!!!!!!! what this person did... what That person did...

"My friend Bilal moved to CHicago 4 years ago and he owns a business now and he makes lots of money!"

"how much does he make?"

"I didn't ask but he has a house and a car! And a wife and a daughter! And a cat!"

"Are they paid for outright? is he renting? Did his wife take out all the loans for him?"

"I don't know but all we need to do is set up a fried chicken place with fries!"

Sound familiar? Yeah. We had this conversation 3 days ago. I told him to ask his friend all of his financials or don't come off saying it can be done with ease. You don't know from outward appearances. I know he thinks I am a killjoy, and right now he's giving me the death-stare for whatever reason (I made him go to the bank by himself and hunt up a checking deposit slip by himself, fill it out, and deposit our checks.). But The girls are right-- he HAS to learn. I am thinking about bringing Ammar over to the bank tomorrow and making him joint on my account. And making HIM do it (read and sign).

[mybackpages 0]

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

VEry interesting point. I think Idir nodded about geting some classes once he came here like english classes. We talked about speciality taining programs too before he came. But it wasn't until he was here and working - seeing other pepople work at an entry level job, a job without higher education- that he could really grasp the importance of education in getting a good job in the US. I think there was a small part of him that "believed" some of the myths about coming to the US working hard and making money. BUT don;t we even have some americans wo believe this myth?

It has to be a myth since most poor people in this country work hard at full time jobs and yet they remain poor.

[peezey 0]

Student loans are usually really easy to get and you don't have to pay them back until you've been out of school for 6 months, and you can always request extensions. Also, the rates are tiny, like 2% right now, below prime, and the pay back monthly amounts are low, usually just what you can afford to pay, so this might be just $50/month and the interest is tax deductible. Oh, and they don't approve you based on credit, either. And depending on the time of year, there are Pell Grants, etc. You just fill out the FAFSA (federal student loan app) and you submit it, and you get back a list of what you qualify for. Grants normally you don't pay back. Of all my debt, my student loans are the least of my worries, plus I get a tax deduction on the interest every year. Plus, you aren't just approved for school fees, you can potentially get enough for living expenses, too.

Edited July 24, 2007 by peezey

[mybackpages 0]

Sorry, but I just have to

It will get better, I promise!

Ever seen the Honeymooners movie with Cedric the Entertainer? I think you should watch it now, you'll get a kick out of it.

I agree Dee. I know it's trying on your patience. I think many of the guys come here with these grand ideas. Omar did the same thing, talked about various business ventures. I just let him talk out his ideas, asking details about he thought his shop might look like or how he would set it up. IT made good converstion. Seems they are like kids in a candy store. If nothing else it gives you something to talk about and a tool to get to know him more, if you look beyond the wild words. He will settle down after awhile, I think.

I can let him talk about EVERYTHING...

but what is getting me right now.. is he doesnt want to TALK... he expects me to stop what I am doing and go inquire about a business loan... DO NOT go home and cook dinner for the kids - no.. I have to drive him around to places for him to ask about a job.. After I work 9-5 and get the kids at 6pm..

He is getting pissed off cause I wont cater to every stupid thought he has At that VERY MOMENT!!!!!!

There is no way I will ever defend this kind of behavior from a man towards his wife, BUT I will say maybe his geting pissed off is not anger, but frustration. don;t feed it by falling into the trap of being reasonable with him. Tell him reasonably and with nice supportive words. I can;t talk to you when you are disrecting me. Afte ryou calm down we will talk and then walk away. Not in anger, not with body language that judges him. Just take the moment to cool off the situation. He can't fight alone.

[ya falaha! 0]

I'm talking about commercials on TV about student loans, not gov't student loans. I don't trust the ones on TV.

Student loans are usually really easy to get and you don't have to pay them back until you've been out of school for 6 months, and you can always request extensions. Also, the rates are tiny, like 2% right now, below prime, and the pay back monthly amounts are low, usually just what you can afford to pay, so this might be just $50/month and the interest is tax deductible. Oh, and they don't approve you based on credit, either. And depending on the time of year, there are Pell Grants, etc. You just fill out the FAFSA (federal student loan app) and you submit it, and you get back a list of what you qualify for. Grants normally you don't pay back. Of all my debt, my student loans are the least of my worries, plus I get a tax deduction on the interest every year.

[Nasturtium 500]

but what is getting me right now.. is he doesnt want to TALK... he expects me to stop what I am doing and go inquire about a business loan... DO NOT go home and cook dinner for the kids - no.. I have to drive him around to places for him to ask about a job.. After I work 9-5 and get the kids at 6pm..

He is getting pissed off cause I wont cater to every stupid thought he has At that VERY MOMENT!!!!!!

I 100% get what your saying. And I think he does need a kick in the behind. Either he has to accept that YOU are not his MOM and not there to do everything for him like you would your own children (and even chidlren are forced to act on their own!) Or! he has to have a dose of forced reality. I would be sorely tempted to say "no!" in a very stern voice and when he sarts to go on and on, tell him until he learns some manners and respect for you and your family, he can fend for himself! he can learn the American way without having a safety-net: you! Mine tries to get me to do things under the guise of "it's just at first" or "if we were in Jordan I would do it for you." Well NO. in Jordan I did my own things, thankyouverymuch. If I needed Arabic, I asked him for help. And only then. He speaks English and shouldn't need my help. Also? Not going to work for him here if he keeps trying to make me do the whole job thing for him. There? If I tried for a job i would do it myself!!!

Have you stopped to asking him if he'd like your children to find him a job?

[peezey 0]

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

VEry interesting point. I think Idir nodded about geting some classes once he came here like english classes. We talked about speciality taining programs too before he came. But it wasn't until he was here and working - seeing other pepople work at an entry level job, a job without higher education- that he could really grasp the importance of education in getting a good job in the US. I think there was a small part of him that "believed" some of the myths about coming to the US working hard and making money. BUT don;t we even have some americans wo believe this myth?

It has to be a myth since most poor people in this country work hard at full time jobs and yet they remain poor.

It's true experiencing it really drives it home.

[peezey 0]

I'm talking about commercials on TV about student loans, not gov't student loans. I don't trust the ones on TV.

Student loans are usually really easy to get and you don't have to pay them back until you've been out of school for 6 months, and you can always request extensions. Also, the rates are tiny, like 2% right now, below prime, and the pay back monthly amounts are low, usually just what you can afford to pay, so this might be just $50/month and the interest is tax deductible. Oh, and they don't approve you based on credit, either. And depending on the time of year, there are Pell Grants, etc. You just fill out the FAFSA (federal student loan app) and you submit it, and you get back a list of what you qualify for. Grants normally you don't pay back. Of all my debt, my student loans are the least of my worries, plus I get a tax deduction on the interest every year.

Oh, right, the TV stuff is never to be trusted (except Tae Bo, of course..ha!). But in general I wanted to explain the process because I never knew before I went through it and always assumed it was too hard, or too messy, but really it's not bad once you fill in the app online.

[deemabrouk 0]

HOnestly.. I know he was HEAVILY catered to by the people in his family.. and is a GIANT momma's boy..

and I have told him for the past One and a half years.. I am NOT a egyptian woman.. I was not raised in that culture.. YOU married an Italian- American woman that has 2 young kids.. I yell... I dont have alot of patience.. and I am complete Nut BAG..

He seems to get Pissed at Everything I say... sometimes he stops and appologises.. But this is normally when I am taken to the BRINK for loosing all my self control and feel I am a hair away from just cracking..

I honestly dont think I can survive living like this..

everyone says it will get better....... but.. *deep breath*

In his own element I could handle him... but now.. him being out of his norm.. it is out of control...

[deemabrouk 0]

Would pointing out that loans have excessive riba be helpful at all? Maybe an it's haraam line would work

If everybody's doing it, tell him lots of ME/NA husbands of VJ posters take ESL classes. Peer pressure.

Actually this is Another issue... Cause Some Grand Sheik in Egypt Declared that Loans and Morgages are NOT HARAAM so now this is another issue..

[peezey 0]

Would pointing out that loans have excessive riba be helpful at all? Maybe an it's haraam line would work

If everybody's doing it, tell him lots of ME/NA husbands of VJ posters take ESL classes. Peer pressure.

Actually this is Another issue... Cause Some Grand Sheik in Egypt Declared that Loans and Morgages are NOT HARAAM so now this is another issue..

But what did this Grand Sheik say about expecting the wife to carry the burden of debt!?!? This would be a no-way-jose in Egypt I'm sure.