Looking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

well... at this point... I will say Fraud is NOT in my mind.. And I know many cases that THAT might be the issue.. but the man is honsetly tramatised by leaving his mother.. and truely did not care to move here - and with that being said, I know that is ALOT of his stress

At this point I DO think we both love each other... BUT.. love isnt everything. IF the american-way is more than he can handle.. american style wife and kids... well.. I dont know.

I think alot of MENA men get this golden Idea of america from the TV.. and they think they can handle it all.. they can deal with the American wife... Move here.. Open a busniess.. and live the "American Dream" - BUT once they are Knee deep in the mix... they never really understood what it all entails

Honestly.. I never hid my sassiness.. and my "italian temper/ volume" has Always been present.. He knew my kids were overwhelming (yes DID come with me to Egypt.. and he got a taste of what they were like...

AND had several SEVERAL talks about how it is NOT easy.. waltzing into america and gettin this AMAZING job.. (his friends have these Glory Story's coming into the country 10+ years ago.. It's just NOT the same anymore ) Especially with the Bush ADmin.. and the terror/ immigration crack down.. And dont kill me for saying it.. BUT people would hire spanish/ mexican work ANYDAY over an arab with how things are going in the US

Just wanted to say, I don't hide my sassiness either. Arabic women are pretty high tempered and sassy too. I hope things get better for you.

Hi JP! Well, when my husband first came to America and heard how sassy I really was at times, he said he wasn't use to it and that Arabic women are not like this. I said, that's BS. They talk loud and argue too while the hands go flying.

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

This is what I know about student loans and pell grants. Pell grants can only be gotten by U.S. Citizen's or residents (green card). It's govt. money. The student loans are through banks but backed up by the govt. It's possible to get student loans for non citizens but not sure if they still have to be residents.

[Henia 11]

Dee I have 2 words for you: TOUGH LOVE

He won't appreciate it now but he will later. If he doesn't learn how to stand and walk on his own, he will crawl for the rest of his life. I think you need to sit down with him and have a good long talk. I know he will probebly just nod and it will go in one ear and out the other but the more times you do this the more it will begin to register with him.

He wants to provide but he feels like his legs have been cut off, I think many people who are used to being independent and providing for themselves go through this when they come here. My hunny went through this too, and once he started working and got a car it just made a world of difference to him. Once he didnt have to rely on me picking him up and dropping him off, his outlook on life here changed so much. The best thing is to keep doing what you are doing, DON"T BABY HIM.

Probably way too late reply but ... I completely 1000% agree with JP. Do NOT for the love all things holy BABY the man. Men want to feel like a man. Let go. Let him figure things out for himself. Let him fall. Make mistakes... but donnot baby. Its the whole male ego revolves around MAN= provider, meaning he as a man needs to feel he is providing (working, having his own car, way of doing things) JP has stated so well. Wants to be provide but feels his legs are cut off. I have seen this several times with couples. And even more so I think money isnt really the most important issue here. Buut the he feels respected. Before I am sure he had a job, where he earned an living, his family respected him for what he provided for them, etc. Now, he is sitting idle at home while you are out working. I am sure he feels lacking in the ego dept. I know it is not easy but after he gets a job, he will feel better. But everyone has already said that here...

In time he will get over the whole bad wife sydrone too.. realising in the US people, women live by a whole different set of rules. HE will realise this is not Egypt where Mama was home all at his beck and call. Life is fast in the US. And I know he will learn everything fast. I would give it about 7 m to a 1yr. I will pray for you ... good luck!

[palilover 1]

Hi JP! Well, when my husband first came to America and heard how sassy I really was at times, he said he wasn't use to it and that Arabic women are not like this. I said, that's BS. They talk loud and argue too while the hands go flying.

yes and no. From my experience with the palistinians I've met here and been with for the past year, I notice that when it comes to dealing with other women or in a group, they yell at each other, talk over each other, blabla. It gives me a big headache sometimes. What the husband probably is not usedt to is the sassiness that American women may have towards their husbands:) Not out of disrespect, mind you. but just we are louder. The pali women I know here are very submissive and sheltered when it comes to their husbands. I was in an argument with a woman and I said to her "Would you let a stranger in your house when you were not home?" It is common sense to say NO right? She could not make the decision for herself. Her husband was standing there so she had to ask HIM!!!! While I think that in most circumstances arab women make great mothers and have good maternal instinct and they are in many ways good wives (well, aren't we all in our own special way no matter the culture)....but it is beginning to kill me how they cannot think for themselves. Having her ask her husband if she should say yes or no to letting a stranger in her house when they are not ome was the last straw, lol Something so common sense to us they have to ask if it is yes or no, lol

[Heartland 0]

I laughed as I read your stories. Mine is a work-aholic at the moment and constantly tells me when he gets here he needs to find something to do right away. Well, a year ago, I purchased a second home that is a fixer upper. It needs plenty of work which I can do, if I had the time. I started it, but have not gotten far. I have had it on the market, with no luck selling it. Needless to say, we have talked and he agrees to learn how to do the things necessary to work with me to fix it up. He will be plenty busy and then some. Even though he knows nothing about carpentry, he is willing to learn. Sounds crazy, but I am hopeing this formerly unsuccessful venture will eventually pay off for both of us. Good luck ladies. Remember, this is the life they know. Ahmed thinks nothing of working 8 hours in the classroom teaching, and then going home and giving private lessons another 4 to 6 hours. Even now during his vacation, he is working the fields and then doing private lessons in the evenings. It is simply a way of life. Just go with it.

First of all i wish I had the money to get a fixer upper... my husband is an engineer who builds houses. you would THINK he would know how to do some of this stuff. He tells me today, Love, I dont work with my hands... rotflmao... ohh Macho husband of mine, when you get here, you will! I try not to hire anything done. I cant afford it. I read on the internet of how to do things and get to it!

Dh is already thinking of getting a job straight off the bat when he gets here....Ummm yes sure... How about a vacation?

[mybackpages 0]

yes and no. From my experience with the palistinians I've met here and been with for the past year, I notice that when it comes to dealing with other women or in a group, they yell at each other, talk over each other, blabla. It gives me a big headache sometimes. What the husband probably is not usedt to is the sassiness that American women may have towards their husbands:) Not out of disrespect, mind you. but just we are louder. The pali women I know here are very submissive and sheltered when it comes to their husbands. I was in an argument with a woman and I said to her "Would you let a stranger in your house when you were not home?" It is common sense to say NO right? She could not make the decision for herself. Her husband was standing there so she had to ask HIM!!!! While I think that in most circumstances arab women make great mothers and have good maternal instinct and they are in many ways good wives (well, aren't we all in our own special way no matter the culture)....but it is beginning to kill me how they cannot think for themselves. Having her ask her husband if she should say yes or no to letting a stranger in her house when they are not ome was the last straw, lol Something so common sense to us they have to ask if it is yes or no, lol

Not to pick specifically on your post Paliover because i think many have expressed similar views, but i think there is a different way of looking at this.

Why do we assume because MENA women are not as "sassy towards their husbands" as American women is a sign that they are more submissive and sheltered? To use the example of the women in your post- Why does her asking her husband signal that she is so submissive to her husband she can not speak without looking at him first when the answer is common sense? Perhaps a different interpretation is that she is valuing the harmony of the family and community over the right of individuality?

Both American and MENA women can be strong, independent women but culture defines the expression of strong and independent in different ways in the two cultures. In other words the social behavior which defines a woman as strong and independent or submissive and sheltered varies from culture to culture.

I think it is very dangerous when we try to measure another's cultural behaviors by our own standards. The expressions of values and mores are sublte and easy for an outsider to misunderstand. We run the risk of furthering stereotypes and misunderstandings.

[sarah and hicham 3]

yes and no. From my experience with the palistinians I've met here and been with for the past year, I notice that when it comes to dealing with other women or in a group, they yell at each other, talk over each other, blabla. It gives me a big headache sometimes. What the husband probably is not usedt to is the sassiness that American women may have towards their husbands:) Not out of disrespect, mind you. but just we are louder. The pali women I know here are very submissive and sheltered when it comes to their husbands. I was in an argument with a woman and I said to her "Would you let a stranger in your house when you were not home?" It is common sense to say NO right? She could not make the decision for herself. Her husband was standing there so she had to ask HIM!!!! While I think that in most circumstances arab women make great mothers and have good maternal instinct and they are in many ways good wives (well, aren't we all in our own special way no matter the culture)....but it is beginning to kill me how they cannot think for themselves. Having her ask her husband if she should say yes or no to letting a stranger in her house when they are not ome was the last straw, lol Something so common sense to us they have to ask if it is yes or no, lol

Not to pick specifically on your post Paliover because i think many have expressed similar views, but i think there is a different way of looking at this.

Why do we assume because MENA women are not as "sassy towards their husbands" as American women is a sign that they are more submissive and sheltered? To use the example of the women in your post- Why does her asking her husband signal that she is so submissive to her husband she can not speak without looking at him first when the answer is common sense? Perhaps a different interpretation is that she is valuing the harmony of the family and community over the right of individuality?

Both American and MENA women can be strong, independent women but culture defines the expression of strong and independent in different ways in the two cultures. In other words the social behavior which defines a woman as strong and independent or submissive and sheltered varies from culture to culture.

I think it is very dangerous when we try to measure another's cultural behaviors by our own standards. The expressions of values and mores are sublte and easy for an outsider to misunderstand. We run the risk of furthering stereotypes and misunderstandings.

Some of these posts make me wonder.

[deemabrouk 0]

to be quite honest.. I 100% agree with cultural stereotypes... They dont just come out of the air... its a pattern of behavior.. watched over time to cultural groups... NOw.. is evey irish person a drunk... no.. Is every arab a wife beater??.. no... BUT at this point I wish I paid MORE attention to what EVERYBODY warned me about egyptians.. My husband as lived out EVERYTHING! people have warned me..

but in the same text.. women are woman.. and men are men..

After all the ####### that has happened with mohamed.. My family is singing the tune "I told you so.." about the Arab Muslim man and his temperment (which has sucked.. cause I was hoping my marriage would OPEN their eyes to this "False" stereotype.. and in the end.. to them... It proved them RIGHT!)

BUT in my defence to arab men with my family ... I tell them NO it is a stereotype of MEN in general.. and Sadly referr them to my First relationship.. born and raised in the US.. raised in a Catholic church.. so it is MEN in general.. not arabs...

same goes for woman too

yes and no. From my experience with the palistinians I've met here and been with for the past year, I notice that when it comes to dealing with other women or in a group, they yell at each other, talk over each other, blabla. It gives me a big headache sometimes. What the husband probably is not usedt to is the sassiness that American women may have towards their husbands:) Not out of disrespect, mind you. but just we are louder. The pali women I know here are very submissive and sheltered when it comes to their husbands. I was in an argument with a woman and I said to her "Would you let a stranger in your house when you were not home?" It is common sense to say NO right? She could not make the decision for herself. Her husband was standing there so she had to ask HIM!!!! While I think that in most circumstances arab women make great mothers and have good maternal instinct and they are in many ways good wives (well, aren't we all in our own special way no matter the culture)....but it is beginning to kill me how they cannot think for themselves. Having her ask her husband if she should say yes or no to letting a stranger in her house when they are not ome was the last straw, lol Something so common sense to us they have to ask if it is yes or no, lol

Not to pick specifically on your post Paliover because i think many have expressed similar views, but i think there is a different way of looking at this.

Why do we assume because MENA women are not as "sassy towards their husbands" as American women is a sign that they are more submissive and sheltered? To use the example of the women in your post- Why does her asking her husband signal that she is so submissive to her husband she can not speak without looking at him first when the answer is common sense? Perhaps a different interpretation is that she is valuing the harmony of the family and community over the right of individuality?

Both American and MENA women can be strong, independent women but culture defines the expression of strong and independent in different ways in the two cultures. In other words the social behavior which defines a woman as strong and independent or submissive and sheltered varies from culture to culture.

I think it is very dangerous when we try to measure another's cultural behaviors by our own standards. The expressions of values and mores are sublte and easy for an outsider to misunderstand. We run the risk of furthering stereotypes and misunderstandings.

Some of these posts make me wonder.

[sarah and hicham 3]

to be quite honest.. I 100% agree with cultural stereotypes... They dont just come out of the air... its a pattern of behavior.. watched over time to cultural groups... NOw.. is evey irish person a drunk... no.. Is every arab a wife beater??.. no... BUT at this point I wish I paid MORE attention to what EVERYBODY warned me about egyptians.. My husband as lived out EVERYTHING! people have warned me..

but in the same text.. women are woman.. and men are men..

After all the ####### that has happened with mohamed.. My family is singing the tune "I told you so.." about the Arab Muslim man and his temperment (which has sucked.. cause I was hoping my marriage would OPEN their eyes to this "False" stereotype.. and in the end.. to them... It proved them RIGHT!)

BUT in my defence to arab men with my family ... I tell them NO it is a stereotype of MEN in general.. and Sadly referr them to my First relationship.. born and raised in the US.. raised in a Catholic church.. so it is MEN in general.. not arabs...

same goes for woman too

yes and no. From my experience with the palistinians I've met here and been with for the past year, I notice that when it comes to dealing with other women or in a group, they yell at each other, talk over each other, blabla. It gives me a big headache sometimes. What the husband probably is not usedt to is the sassiness that American women may have towards their husbands:) Not out of disrespect, mind you. but just we are louder. The pali women I know here are very submissive and sheltered when it comes to their husbands. I was in an argument with a woman and I said to her "Would you let a stranger in your house when you were not home?" It is common sense to say NO right? She could not make the decision for herself. Her husband was standing there so she had to ask HIM!!!! While I think that in most circumstances arab women make great mothers and have good maternal instinct and they are in many ways good wives (well, aren't we all in our own special way no matter the culture)....but it is beginning to kill me how they cannot think for themselves. Having her ask her husband if she should say yes or no to letting a stranger in her house when they are not ome was the last straw, lol Something so common sense to us they have to ask if it is yes or no, lol

Not to pick specifically on your post Paliover because i think many have expressed similar views, but i think there is a different way of looking at this.

Why do we assume because MENA women are not as "sassy towards their husbands" as American women is a sign that they are more submissive and sheltered? To use the example of the women in your post- Why does her asking her husband signal that she is so submissive to her husband she can not speak without looking at him first when the answer is common sense? Perhaps a different interpretation is that she is valuing the harmony of the family and community over the right of individuality?

Both American and MENA women can be strong, independent women but culture defines the expression of strong and independent in different ways in the two cultures. In other words the social behavior which defines a woman as strong and independent or submissive and sheltered varies from culture to culture.

I think it is very dangerous when we try to measure another's cultural behaviors by our own standards. The expressions of values and mores are sublte and easy for an outsider to misunderstand. We run the risk of furthering stereotypes and misunderstandings.

Some of these posts make me wonder.

How's things going? Do you think you two are going to stay together in the end?

[deemabrouk 0]

Nope... I left again with the kids today... I think I have met my limit.. He has been very bad with my 5 year old.. Not physically hurting him... but verbally and emotionally..

I have mainly been abandoned by my muslim friends and Imam... SO it looks like my mom, aunt and me are left to do the job as peacfully as possible:(

to be quite honest.. I 100% agree with cultural stereotypes... They dont just come out of the air... its a pattern of behavior.. watched over time to cultural groups... NOw.. is evey irish person a drunk... no.. Is every arab a wife beater??.. no... BUT at this point I wish I paid MORE attention to what EVERYBODY warned me about egyptians.. My husband as lived out EVERYTHING! people have warned me..

but in the same text.. women are woman.. and men are men..

After all the ####### that has happened with mohamed.. My family is singing the tune "I told you so.." about the Arab Muslim man and his temperment (which has sucked.. cause I was hoping my marriage would OPEN their eyes to this "False" stereotype.. and in the end.. to them... It proved them RIGHT!)

BUT in my defence to arab men with my family ... I tell them NO it is a stereotype of MEN in general.. and Sadly referr them to my First relationship.. born and raised in the US.. raised in a Catholic church.. so it is MEN in general.. not arabs...

same goes for woman too

yes and no. From my experience with the palistinians I've met here and been with for the past year, I notice that when it comes to dealing with other women or in a group, they yell at each other, talk over each other, blabla. It gives me a big headache sometimes. What the husband probably is not usedt to is the sassiness that American women may have towards their husbands:) Not out of disrespect, mind you. but just we are louder. The pali women I know here are very submissive and sheltered when it comes to their husbands. I was in an argument with a woman and I said to her "Would you let a stranger in your house when you were not home?" It is common sense to say NO right? She could not make the decision for herself. Her husband was standing there so she had to ask HIM!!!! While I think that in most circumstances arab women make great mothers and have good maternal instinct and they are in many ways good wives (well, aren't we all in our own special way no matter the culture)....but it is beginning to kill me how they cannot think for themselves. Having her ask her husband if she should say yes or no to letting a stranger in her house when they are not ome was the last straw, lol Something so common sense to us they have to ask if it is yes or no, lol

Not to pick specifically on your post Paliover because i think many have expressed similar views, but i think there is a different way of looking at this.

Why do we assume because MENA women are not as "sassy towards their husbands" as American women is a sign that they are more submissive and sheltered? To use the example of the women in your post- Why does her asking her husband signal that she is so submissive to her husband she can not speak without looking at him first when the answer is common sense? Perhaps a different interpretation is that she is valuing the harmony of the family and community over the right of individuality?

Both American and MENA women can be strong, independent women but culture defines the expression of strong and independent in different ways in the two cultures. In other words the social behavior which defines a woman as strong and independent or submissive and sheltered varies from culture to culture.

I think it is very dangerous when we try to measure another's cultural behaviors by our own standards. The expressions of values and mores are sublte and easy for an outsider to misunderstand. We run the risk of furthering stereotypes and misunderstandings.

Some of these posts make me wonder.

How's things going? Do you think you two are going to stay together in the end?

[sara535 15]

Well, Dee, at this point you have given it your best shot and attempted to work it out. I dont see what else you could do. if he is not willing or able to get his sh** together then at least you can walk away knowing YOU tried.

good luck.

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Have thought carefully at what I want to say and this is no offense to you...It all comes down to how ANY man is raised...it doesn't matter what country or what universe!! My husband is from Egypt and I have spent many months with him and his family and I see no abuse of any kind, shape or form. I know we tend to classify people with their cultural groups which of course is so wrong to do. I, like you, am an Italian American and people have always thought that our "cultural" heritage was always waving our hands in the air and yelling and screaming instead of talking. Of course we know this is untrue, however it is still a part of our life.

I do hope you and your husband can still work things out, but not at the expense of your children. I wish you luck and will keep you in our prayers for guidance.

[amal 4]

dee, keep ur head high, no other woman would have been as generous as you have been. You did everything in your power to do what you could and he only hurt himself. Kudos to you girl. Don't forget what I told you the other day. my home is as good as yours if you ever need it.

[deemabrouk 0]

Have thought carefully at what I want to say and this is no offense to you...It all comes down to how ANY man is raised...it doesn't matter what country or what universe!! My husband is from Egypt and I have spent many months with him and his family and I see no abuse of any kind, shape or form. I know we tend to classify people with their cultural groups which of course is so wrong to do. I, like you, am an Italian American and people have always thought that our "cultural" heritage was always waving our hands in the air and yelling and screaming instead of talking. Of course we know this is untrue, however it is still a part of our life.

I do hope you and your husband can still work things out, but not at the expense of your children. I wish you luck and will keep you in our prayers for guidance.

well to be honest.. I do talk with my hands.. although a lot less within the past few years.. and when my family gets together.. it does sound like we are all fighting... but its normal conversation fo us.. I have been told I am a stereotypical italian woman

Its hard cause my husband seems to be the Only one in the family that is aggressive/ cant control his temper... his mom and dad (dad especially is overly passive) and out of the 6 siblings mohamed is the only one that seems to have the lack of control issue

When things were on a up... we actually had a long talk about this behavior with him and where it stemmed from.

Personally I think alot of it goes to Over spoiling.. catering to their emotions and out bursts.. NO one ever stood up to him.. or made him be accountable for his own actions..

I first fell into this EXACT situation with my kids dad... came from a good family... religious.. parents still together.. No abuse issues growing up.. but yet their son was out of contol..

[mybackpages 0]

to be quite honest.. I 100% agree with cultural stereotypes... They dont just come out of the air... its a pattern of behavior.. watched over time to cultural groups... NOw.. is evey irish person a drunk... no.. Is every arab a wife beater??.. no... BUT at this point I wish I paid MORE attention to what EVERYBODY warned me about egyptians.. My husband as lived out EVERYTHING! people have warned me..

but in the same text.. women are woman.. and men are men..

After all the ####### that has happened with mohamed.. My family is singing the tune "I told you so.." about the Arab Muslim man and his temperment (which has sucked.. cause I was hoping my marriage would OPEN their eyes to this "False" stereotype.. and in the end.. to them... It proved them RIGHT!)

BUT in my defence to arab men with my family ... I tell them NO it is a stereotype of MEN in general.. and Sadly referr them to my First relationship.. born and raised in the US.. raised in a Catholic church.. so it is MEN in general.. not arabs...

same goes for woman too

I don't think Dee and I are necessarily disagreeing on this issue.

I believe in stereotypes too, but perfer to call them cultural traits. Every culture and sub-culture has them.(not just racial or national groups, but all kinds of groups with in groups) Some are more valid than others and we all know there are exceptions- that not every fits those traits. some are outright ethnocentric.

My point was not that they do not exisit but that sometimes we misunderstand them. We see a behavior in one group and make the wrong assumption about what that trait means because e are viewing it through our own personal experiences and culture.

I've mentioned this example before- I bet many women in here are married to MENA men who ahead of them rather than along side of them at given times. Our reaction might be that is due to the dominate male culture where women figuatively or literally follow, but ask let them ask their husband why he walks ahead of her. I bet they are suprised by the answer. There is a great deal of segregation of men and women in these countries- an outsider might assume women are considered inferior as a result, but it is often quite the opposite.

My point is simply we risk denegrating whole cultures when we assume certain patterns of behaviors mean certain things based on our interpretation.