Concerns and Trust

[UmmSqueakster 54]

McGonagall kicks behind in every book, so all is well I have a ton that are spoiler oriented, and I'm trying hard to restrain myself *sits on fingers*

This one should be ok

Edited July 23, 2007 by rahma

[monnik 0]

Very interesting on so many levels... Thanks, Rahma (oh and I meant to say... I am so glad to see The Queen Of Links back up in here ! Always fascinating, always thought-provoking... or just fun to look at Keep 'em coming.... )

Thanks for the link, Rahma. That article was very interesting.

I wrote a post about an intercultural marriage gone wrong that has been making news in england a while back (and no, this is not a shameless promotion of my blog ). It may be of interest to posters here in the ME/NA subforum.

I read the article and thought it was very interesting, too! I think that the writers did a great job of bringing you into their marriage and understanding both sides' perceptions. I would definitely like to read more stories like that. I agree. Rahma should post more links.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I have been thinking about this over the weekend quite a bit and its really bugging me. People often use the term "third world" to describe the countires in the Middle East and North Africa. I don't think that the term is really appropriate.

How can it be a third world country when:

Everyone has a cell phone

There have a Starbucks, McDonalds, Burger King, etc...you get the point.

Museums all over

5 star hotels everywhere you look

Intenet cafes on every corner not to mention the growing number of familys who have computers in their homes

Fashionable apparel

Lots of shopping malls

Many American high tech companies

Ability to make long distance phone calls

Many people driving nice cars

And so much more I can't even think of. The way some people talk about the Middle East being full of 3rd world countries just isnt fair IMO, I know things are not at the level we have them here in the US but sheesh its not 3rd world either.

[sandinista! 1,816]

I have been thinking about this over the weekend quite a bit and its really bugging me. People often use the term "third world" to describe the countires in the Middle East and North Africa. I don't think that the term is really appropriate.

How can it be a third world country when:

Everyone has a cell phone

There have a Starbucks, McDonalds, Burger King, etc...you get the point.

Museums all over

5 star hotels everywhere you look

Intenet cafes on every corner not to mention the growing number of familys who have computers in their homes

Fashionable apparel

Lots of shopping malls

Many American high tech companies

Ability to make long distance phone calls

Many people driving nice cars

And so much more I can't even think of. The way some people talk about the Middle East being full of 3rd world countries just isnt fair IMO, I know things are not at the level we have them here in the US but sheesh its not 3rd world either.

Well, yeah. The term originated to distinguish countries in South America, Asia, Africa, etc. who were not part of the capitalist or communist entities involved in the Cold War. It later evolved, and doesn't really have any coherent meaning anymore. But the Middle East and North Africa are certainly still developing. It'd be ridiculous to compare them to like Germany or Japan or the like. Economic policies and styles of government are what mainly distinguish them from the EU, or North America. The prevalence of 5 star hotels or McDonald's says a lot about their economic policies (mainly because these and most of the other things you mention are completely out of reach for the majority of MENA inhabitants), but I'm sure that's NOT what most people mean when they throw the term around here anyways. I guess it depends on who you blame for the reason the area is still developing. Outside interference, post colonialism issues, etc. all play a part. But you see so many TV pundits and the like blame the citizens themselves for the ####### that happens there. "It's dumb lazy Africans/Arabs/Indians/South Americans' fault they're so poor". Whatever, most of those people are idiots.

[Ahmed & Sue 0]

I read all your posts with interest. When people tell me my fiancee is using me for a green card, I tell them that might be, who knows. I also tell them that I have MANY friends here in the USA that were married to Americans, and are divorced after just a few years of marriage, and are raising kids by themselves because the American father has no interest in the children. It is like this to me...my fiancee treats me like I am the most precious thing in the world to him. He makes me feel good about me and who I am. Reguardless of whatever happens, this could never be a bad thing. If I get a few years of happiness out of this, great. If I get a lifetime of happiness out of this, fantastic. For 20 years I was married to a fantastic American man who thought the world of me. I worked, I cooked, I cleaned, I raised his kids. I am ready to do it again. He passed away 22 months ago. Life is way too short, and it is only what you make it. Let it drag you down and it will. Look for the positive in things, and you win. Use your experiences to learn and move on.

Now, I am not putting anyone down. My statement here simply is my observation. When I first considered applying for a fiancee visa, my pastor told me, "Sue, put your seatbelt on and get ready for the ride of your life. And remember, it is only starting, when he gets here it will be more intense." Words of wisdom. My seatbelt is on.

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

Good point about American men leaving their wives coz they don't want to take care of children or they want another woman, etc. Happens all the time. I think that all of it's humiliating, green card or american man leaving wife, either way, the woman gets hurt. Now there are also women who do the same, and the men get hurt. I think life is a gamble, no matter which way you go.

[peezey 0]

Reguardless of whatever happens, this could never be a bad thing. If I get a few years of happiness out of this, great.

There are a few women here who used to say this and now things have changed for the worse and I'm certain they no longer have this outlook now that they are up to their eyeballs in grief.

[Caladan 19]

Plus, with a failed international relationship, there's a matter of the I-864. Definitely stay positive, but, you know, eyes open.

[monnik 0]

Life is way too short, and it is only what you make it.

Let it drag you down and it will.

Look for the positive in things, and you win.

Use your experiences to learn and move on.

I think these statements are very wise and very true. Bravo for having a positive and reasonable outlook!!! I wish you a lot of happiness!

[chri'stina 190]

Plus, with a failed international relationship, there's a matter of the I-864. Definitely stay positive, but, you know, eyes open.

I agree.

As for some comments in this thread-

I know there is a lot of divorce in the US but it's usually not because of purposely fraudulent marriages, but instead it's failed marriages, marriages where both might have been in love at the beginning but parted ways somehow or the other. So saying marriages fail does not mean the same as someone purposely marrying for a GC and then bailing. There is a difference between "Oh well, he might use me for a GC" and marriages ending in divorce that have nothing to do with fraud. However, I don't think every woman has to panic when marrying someone from overseas, but should keep eyes open like said above. You have to find out as much as you can about that person as possible and then trust it, and try not to ignore any bad signs.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Reguardless of whatever happens, this could never be a bad thing. If I get a few years of happiness out of this, great.

There are a few women here who used to say this and now things have changed for the worse and I'm certain they no longer have this outlook now that they are up to their eyeballs in grief.

Ok, wow.

[~Jackie~ 30]

just wow indeed.

Jackie

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Anyone who enters into a realtionship takes a chance that it won't work out in the end. I can't think you can walk out of any relationship without a certain amount of sadness, even if it's for the loss of the dreams you had for that relationship. I would think that ANYONE who enters into a relationship where immigration is involved, would at one point wonder if it were a green card based relationship. One never can be 100% sure of what is in another persons mind. So if some of us choose to take our happiness where we find it, for as long as it lasts, why condemn us? Everything that happens is a learning process, some of them hard lessons to take, but such is life.

[Caladan 19]

I think the worry is that if a relationship is fraudulent, the pain, heartbreak, and consequences are a lot worse than a typical divorce that went sour or just the loss of some important dreams. I can't imagine the pain of some people in the "major changes" forum, who went through months or years of being alone and having a relationship by computer or telephone only for the person to jet as soon as they got here.

No one's condemning anyone, but personally, at least, needing to immigrate someone made us wait to be absolutely certain. It sucks, but the stakes are higher.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

There are some good points being made here.

Just an update on the OP -- since being "outed" as an internet troll, "she" has changed her screen name and all the information in her profile, switching from female to male, radically revising her age, location, etc.

This particular account has now been disabled.